Kahleena MacCarthy ~ To Meet a Highlander (12 page)

             
“I can take her, Tor.” Zarik said, his voice filled with ice.

             
“Nay, brother, ye have yer training to get to. Remember the fate of the MacKinnon rest on yer ability to wage war. I’ll train in the afternoon session today and see her safely to and from the loch this morning.” Tor’s smile didn’t fade, though it seemed to make Zarik absolutely furious.

             
Through clenched teeth Zarik managed to grit out his reply. “Fine, Tor. Enjoy yer morning. Should I send for the bairns as well? Mayhap ye’d like to watch over them as well.” Zarik’s look would have terrified almost anyone, but Tor stood his ground as Zarik pushed further. “Da, let’s have the ladies make a fitting dress for Tor’s next trip to the loch.”

             
“Brother, ye push yerself. Ye be not amusing.” Tor, with a nod to Niall and Argus, left the room and headed up stairs so that Tsarina could grab a cloak.

****

              Zarik stomped back to the training field and took out, not so gently, anyone who approached him to practice. Before he felt better, he was out of partners to spar with. They’d all had enough of being knocked on their asses and let him be.

             
Then it happened. Zarik caught side of Tsarina and Tor walking back to the keep, arm in arm, with a smile on her face that should have only been for him. While still trying to stamp down his anger at what he saw, Caelan, one of the MacKinnon warriors, smacked him on the back.

             
“Zarik, have ye heard the good news? The wee lassie will be getting married soon.” Caelan asked, excited that she had finally found someone to look after her. He would have offered himself, but few can compare to being the son of a chief. His offer may have been found as insulting. He was truly happy for her though. So many of the women, his sister included, had been gossiping terribly about her.

             
“Married? She turned me down, Caelan. This ye’re idea of fun at my expense?” Zarik raised his eyebrow and his practice sword.

             
“Nay, Zarik.” Caelan shook his head and took several steps back, now knowing Zarik had no clue as to what was going on. He may have to remind him that he was only the messenger. “I thought ye knew. Have ye not seen Niall?”

             
Zarik crossed his arms over his chest, leaning his sword against his leg.

             
Seeing he wasn’t getting anything out of their soon to be chief, he swallowed hard and spit out the news. “Tor has asked Niall for permission to marry Tsarina. Niall granted that permission, so long as Tsarina tells yer da that she is willing and wants to be married to yer brother.”

             
Caelan watched as Zarik’s face went through a string of emotions – disbelief, shock, anger, murder. He watched as Zarik’s jaw clenched and unclenched along with his fists that were now attached to rigid arms, down at his sides. The veins in the sides of his neck stood out and pulsed.

             
His Laird’s son was about to explode into a fit of rage.

Chapter Six

              Tsarina was walking into the keep, arm in arm with Tor. As they laughed, they barely noticed that a very sweaty, very angry Zarik was descending upon them. They also didn’t realize that he’d plowed over at least a dozen MacKinnon men on his way to get to the keep.

             
“Marry me lass, will ye, ye fookin’ whoreson!” Zarik had no sooner let the words flow like venom from his lips than he swung at Tor. His fist catching him off guard and on the chin. It easily knocked Tor to the ground. Zarik left no room for discussion as he started taking boots to body. He wasn’t fully aware of the men that grabbed at his arms to pull him away from Tor. He shrugged them off or hit them too. Nor did he hear Niall and Argus making demands that he stop. But then, he heard.

             
“Zarik, stop it. You’ll kill him. He’s your brother.” Tsarina pleaded with tears streaming down her face. She’d never been one for violence and hated it even more when it was two brothers. Especially when the fault was on her.

             
Zarik looked down at her, the rage in his eyes beginning to fade. He felt his muscles relax as he heard and saw her plead for his brother.

             
Niall and Argus both heaved a loud sigh of relief as Tor coughed and sat up, holding his side, then holding his jaw.

             
“Zarik, why did ye attack him. It was no a fair fight.” Drostan asked, as he made his way through the circle that had formed, only to be ignored.

             
“What is wrong with you, Zarik. What was that all about?” Tsarina asked as she looked from brother to brother.

             
Zarik felt all the anger and rage coming back. She was going to marry his brother. “Tsarina, ye should know.” It was almost a sneer as he continued to try to remain calm with her. She was a woman and rage should never be near her. Even if she were the cause of it.

             
“I know?” Tsarina looked puzzled. “I don’t think I do, Zarik. Let’s talk about it. Sit with me by the fire?”

             
The pleading look in her eyes took over and he allowed her to take his arm and lead him over to the far side of the hall. Besides, he'd gotten a small victory. She had left his brother sitting on the ground and walked off with concern for him instead.

             
Once they had sat, she motioned one of the serving girls to bring them a drink. “Now, tell me, Zarik. Was has you so angry?”

             
He shook his head once, then again in an attempt to push her from his thoughts. It was as though she made him daft. Her voice was calming and it soothed him more than it should. And now he was hear considering answering to a wee woman. Zarik knew he had every right to be pissed. His brother was betraying him and the woman that Argus swore was sent here just for him was marrying another after refusing his proposal. “Yer marrying me brother.” Zarik gritted and forced the words from his clenched jaw. Images of her beneath his brother, begging for his touch, further pushed his fury. “Has he touched ye? Is it out of honor he makes his offer?”

             
“Nay.”

             
“No.” Both Tor and Tsarina spoke at the same time.

             
Tor eyed Tsarina and then continued. “I’ve not touched her, Zarik other than to assist her on her walks. I look out for her, just as every other MacKinnon warrior does. And she’s not yet agreed to marry me.”

             
“But ye’ve asked her to marry ye, Aye?” Zarik tried hard to remain in control of his rage. He’d never been so angry in his entire life. Anger was a bad thing, caused bad decisions, caused you to lose focus. He had to focus.

             
“Aye, I have asked her. I wanted her to think about it. Ye made a fool of her when ye refused Da’s announcement of the two of ye being wed. Tsarina’s had to suffer that and more and more gossip. Have ye saved her suffering? Nay! Ye have not. So, be it. I’ll do it fer ye.” Tor was quickly finding himself losing control of his temper. He watched the anger flair in his brother yet again. “Do ye wish to hit me again? Mayhap it'll not go so well for ye since it's not from behind this time.”

             
“Damn, I’ve asked her since. I’ve even apologized. No one thinks of that. Do any of ye? It’s always Zarik the arsehole. Tsarina refused me!” Zarik took several deep breaths, again trying to reign in his temper. “Why don’t each of ye ask her why she told me nay?” He looked pointedly at Tsarina.

             
Niall, Argus, and Tor also looked at her. None had been aware that he’d tried to make amends. It was something Zarik didn’t do. Even when he was wrong, he rarely admitted it. And to allow for an apology? It was unheard of.

             
“I…well…” Tsarina wasn’t really certain what to say. She felt she had a good reason for turning him down. But would they?

             
“Go ahead, Tsarina. What are ye waiting for?” Zarik pushed further.

             
She felt on display all over again. It was the night he refused her in front of most of his clan. The feeling made her feel as if the walls were closing in on her. “He did ask me. Zarik did try, in his way, to apologize.”

             
The three men looked again from Tsarina to Zarik, waiting for them to say more of what happened.

             
“What could be the reason ye would say nay, lass?” Argus asked, looking confused.

             
“I was…well, kind of not recovered from the embarrassment from the hall that night that he dismissed me like I was an animal. Actually, I’ve seen the way he treats Rage. I felt treated way worse than his animal. That’s when the initial gossip got worse. I try to ignore it, but everyone wonders what is going on with me. Why I’m here. What my purpose is freeloading on MacKinnon wealth.” Tsarina sighed. She felt worthless. If she were the lady of the keep, it would be different. They’d have to accept her because of Zarik.

             
“I told her I’d protect her with my life, Da. I told her all the MacKinnon men would. I told her she’d never be hungry or in need of clothing or coin. I’d see her warm. It wasn’t enough.” Zarik’s temper was rising yet again as he felt he was admitting weakness. “And if any of the others hear or know about this, I’ll gut each one of ye. What’s said here stays in this room and goes to the grave with each of us.”

             
Each man nodded. While Tsarina was feeling tears burn her eyes. She fought to keep them from flowing.

             
“Zarik, I want love. I don’t care about coin or the other stuff. I’d definitely not want anyone to sacrifice their life for mine. I don’t think I could live with the guilt.” Tsarina knew she’d never be okay with anyone dying for her.

             
“I cannae give ye that, lassie. And I ken ye say ye dunnae want coin and the other stuff. But go a few months without it and ye’ll be singing a different tune.” Zarik thought, for a moment, his heart would break with the look Tsarina gave him.

             
“Why do you not want anyone to love? To love and be loved in return is the greatest feeling. To have someone to share the good and the bad with. Someone you know will be there no matter what you’ve done or not done. Acceptance and love, Zarik. Why do you fear it?” Tsarina felt overly dramatic after she spoke, but she couldn’t stop herself. She knew she cared greatly for Zarik, even with the amount of time he avoided her. Somewhere, deep inside of her, she knew she was to be with him. Zarik was her one. She'd never believed in that before, but so much had changed with her new life.

             
“Tsarina, don’t.” Zarik warned her. He didn’t discuss love and feelings. Emotions were terrible things that twisted and confused your thoughts. He wouldn’t start wearing a skirt now and crying in his ale. “Argus, she wanted me on my knees, begging for her hand in marriage.”

             
Tsarina’s gasp was loud enough to easily be heard. “I didn’t ask you to beg.”

             
“Nay, perhaps not, but ye wished me to get on my knees and ask ye to marry me. Ye may as well included begging in there as well, lass. Neither will ever happen.”

             
“I just wanted a fairy tale wedding. I watched all my friends marry while I focused on college and sick parents. Then finding a job and trying to pay off medical bills. For once, just once, I wanted to be the princess with the knight in shining armor.” Tsarina was convinced she sounded pathetic. When she looked up from the floor, which she’d been staring at for quite some time, she saw the sad faces looking back at her. Even Zarik. It was as much emotion, well emotion that wasn’t anger, she’d seen from him in the last year.

             
Now she’d really never be able to show her face. Tsarina wanted to go home.

             
“Argus, is there no way you can just help me get back to my real home? My real time?” Tsarina pleaded with the old man. “Please. I'm beginning to cause trouble here and am becoming miserable.”

             
“Nay, lass. Ye belong here. We’ll get it all figured out.” Argus looked confident.

             
Tsarina knew she didn’t look anywhere near as convinced. Generally she tried to put on her happy face, but today, she just couldn’t do it. “Zarik, you don’t want to be married. You want battle and blood and power. There’s no room in your life for love. Only duty. I don’t want to spend my life like that. I understand I can't be first, but I refuse to be last. Maybe the best thing, since Argus won’t send me home,” Tsarina looked sternly at Argus who looked at his shoes, “is for me to marry Tor. He doesn’t seem to see me as an impediment to his battles.”

             
“I’d still be happy to marry ye, lass.” Tor spoke bravely after the pummeling he just got from his brother.

             
“Like hell ye will!” Zarik exploded and went to lunge at Tor.

             
Tsarina jumped in front of Zarik. He had to stop and grab her by the shoulders to keep from knocking her over.  “No, we won’t be doing this again. Not everything is about you Zarik. You’ve refused me in front of your clan. How would you fix that? How would you explain marrying me? No one would ever believe you wanted me after refusing. They’d think you were forced to suffer a life married to me. I don’t want to feel that way or to have the gossips act as though I’m some horrible person. I’ll marry Tor and we’ll be happy.”

****

              As Tsarina put her arm in Tor’s to allow him to lead her upstairs, Zarik felt as though someone had stepped on his chest and sucked the breath, and quite possibly life, right out of him. Although he blamed Tor, he knew it was slightly ill placed. The fault was his own. He'd denied her in front of his clan. That was no easy thing to live down, yet she'd managed it well. Zarik knew it would be questioned as to why he suddenly wanted her. They'd think he'd gotten her with child and had no option other than to marry.

             
No matte the outcome, someone was going to be unhappy.

****

              Tsarina sat in the chair in front of her fire place for at least a week. She tried to wrap her thoughts around marrying Tor instead of Zarik. She went down to meals to eat, but tasted nothing. She didn’t go to the loch or to the stables.

             
In a few weeks she would marry Tor. Tsarina cared for him, of course. And she’d learned he could be a lot of fun. He laughed freely and played and teased her. When he wasn’t training or hunting or off to battle, he was with her as much as he could be. She didn't feel like a burden. Tsarina also didn't feel quite right. The spark was missing. Her skin didn't ignite each time Tor brushed a hand against her.

             
Tor gave Tsarina all the attention Zarik never did.

             
So why was she so miserable?

             
Tsarina hadn’t seen Zarik at any of the meals, even though she’d not missed one. She couldn’t manage her cheery face, but she still ate and talked politely as was expected of her.

             
Why was Zarik nowhere to be found? Avoiding one another wouldn’t help matters. After all, he didn’t really want a wife. She was doing him a favor.

****

              Drostan and Caelan went into the pub they were almost positive Zarik would be at. It had the cleanest whores, so it only made sense. They each sat at a table in the far corner to search for their friend. He’d not been himself for over a week now. He gave excuse after excuse for training less and not being at the keep. He’d not been at a meal since Tsarina had accepted Tor’s proposal.

             
“Where do ye think the dumb arsehole is?” Caelan asked as he took a long drink.

             
“Oh, I’d say he’s here. I just dinnae ken where.” Drostan took the refilled mug from the woman and pulled out a few extra coins. “Ye wouldn’t know where my friend is, would ye? He’s about this tall.” Drostan stood up and put his hand slightly above his head. “And he’s blond hair and blue eyes. Verra well built from years of battle. Ye’d remember him.”