Kaleidoscope (Faylinn Series) (28 page)

When her eyes met mine, when I didn’t speak, she filled the silence. “What?”

I took a deep breath. “You remember the part where I mentioned that I’m sort of the next in line to rule Faylinn?”

I didn’t need to explain. It clicked before I could even say it. “You’re going to leave, aren’t you?”

“Faylinn is where I belong now.”

Her gaze softened, her eyes tilted down, forlorn. “When do you leave?”

“Friday.”

“What?” Her cheeks flushed red. “That soon? What about the rest of the school year? And graduation? And your family? Can’t you wait a little longer?”

I shook my head. “I can’t. It’s important that I leave soon.”

“Matt will be home for New Year’s,” she said hastily. “He’ll want to see you. You have to at least say goodbye to him. Wait until January to go.”

“Lia, I can’t. I have to go now. There’s a. . .situation in Faylinn with the king there now. I have to go and help fix it.”

“What kind of situation? It can’t possibly be something that can’t wait if you’ve already waited this long.”

“It’s not that simple, Lia.”

“So simplify it,” she pressed, troubled.

“Lia. . .”

She took a deep breath, calming herself down. “I’m sorry. I just can’t stand the thought of you missing everything.”

I clenched my jaw, fighting back the tears. “I know.”

She was silent for a moment and her lip quivered. “Will I ever see you again?”

Declan and Kai’s most recent revelation echoed through my thoughts.
Humans tend to eventually forget us for our protection.
“I hope so,” I said, fighting the urge to cry.

Water built up inside her eyes. “Have you told Cameron yet?”

I could only shake my head. I couldn’t think about saying goodbye to him yet. Two days. I still had two days to think about how to tell him. Plus it
was
Thanksgiving. I couldn’t possibly bother him and his dad during the holiday. I imagine they’d probably end up at his grandparents anyway. His dad could barely make macaroni and cheese.

“What are you going to do about Cameron?” Lia looked at me sympathetically now and began to shake her head. “He’s going to have a hard time with this, Callie.” Her words told me what I already knew.

“He’ll be fine,” I amended. He had Isla now. I wasn’t someone he relied on anymore. If anything, I relied on him. This would be harder for me than him.

She shook her head resolutely. “Calliope, you’ve been denying he would come around for so long that you’ve grown blind. This will tear him apart. Is he not a factor in your decision at all?”

“Of course he is,” I insisted, bringing my fingertips to my forehead. “I’m not taking this decision lightly, Lia. I’ve been debating this for weeks. Aside from my family he’s the one thing holding me back, but I can’t let him dictate my life anymore. I have more important things at stake now than my love life.”

“Losing you will kill him,” she said softly, as if she was trying to hurt me.

I squeezed my eyes shut, tears streamed down my cheeks. “Thanks for that.”

“He’s already lost him mom. You’re the closest thing he has to family aside from his workaholic dad. Did you ever think of that?”

I shook my head stubbornly and covered my ears. “Why are you being so cruel, Lia? Please stop.”

Lia reached over and took my hands. “I’m just preparing you, Callie,” she said. “I want you think thoroughly about every possible aspect. You think you don’t matter to us. I see in your eyes the duty you already feel for this Faylinn place, but we, humans, will feel a part of us missing for the rest of our lives.”

If you even remember me when I’m gone.

I
hadn’t gone back to the clearing since I told Kai and Declan I would go with them. Since it had been a couple of days, the pulsing had crawled back into my body as a reminder of the forest.
As if I could forget
. It felt weird not seeing them, but I would be with them regularly soon enough. I needed the human time. It wasn’t enough time, but I would accept what I could get.

I sat looking down at my overflowing plate of Thanksgiving dinner. My mom’s family crowded around the table, laughing and enjoying being around our extended family. Though every family member I had ever known in my whole life surrounded me, I felt more alone than ever.

“Calliope, you’re not eating,” Mom murmured across the table.

“Huh?” I looked up to my mom, her words just registering. “Oh.” I took a big bite of mashed potatoes and smiled half-heartedly.

“How’s that case of yours, Melody?” Grandma asked.

“Rodgers will get what’s coming to him. I’m going to make sure of that.”

“How much longer do you have to be in that courtroom with him?” Aunt Audrey asked, wiping food from my younger cousin, Lucy’s, messy mouth.

“A few more weeks.”

Maybe three days was too long. I needed the trees and the open air. The noise level suffocated me. Aunt Audrey’s kids screamed and giggled as they poked one another and spoke gibberish. My grandpa guffawed while listening to Uncle Griggs tell a story about a rooster and a tennis racket. At least that’s what I think it was about. My cousin Kelli curled up in her chair with a cell phone, a smirk playing on her lips, unaware of the ruckus around her. Was she even old enough to have a cell phone? I wanted to be her, off in my own little world, happy and oblivious to the real world.

All of the voices were garbling together. I couldn’t make out one voice from another. My throat was closing in. The pulse in my heart was sprinting. It registered to me that my body was being pulled. It had never felt this strong before, like an anchor had thrown me overboard and tugged me to the bottom of the ocean.

“Calliope,” Dad mumbled at my left. “Calliope,” he repeated. I finally met his eyes, unsure how long he had been calling my name. “Honey, go get some air,” he whispered, trying not to draw attention.

I was grateful for the release and excused myself. Mom watched me with a worried stare. I tried reassuring her with my eyes that I was okay, but I wasn’t.

The relief didn’t start until I passed the line of trees and even then it only brought it to a dull ache. It didn’t release me completely. Maybe it was that I had waited so long to come back or that the pull was getting stronger. Maybe it was that Faylinn knew my decision had been made and was ready for me. I wasn’t sure, but though I would miss this life, I was suddenly grateful I only had one day left. I couldn’t handle this feeling any longer.

“You don’t have to go,” Dad’s voice sounded over my shoulder. He obviously misunderstood my breakdown.

I took a few breaths before answering. If I could just catch my breath I could think straight again. “It’s not that.”

“You’ve been so quiet since yesterday morning. I thought maybe you had changed your mind,” he said.

I shook my head. “It’s weird.” I swallowed. “I feel so many mixed emotions that it’s almost as if I wish they had already taken me. I feel like I’m dragging out the inevitable and Faylinn is upset with me. But then the other half of me wants to stake claim on my human life, a life that doesn’t really exist anymore.” It was so confusing.

He came up beside me, wrapping his arm around my waist and took a breath. “I lied before.”

“About what?” I peered up at him. He watched the woodlands longingly. I wondered if he ever came into these trees just to remember what it was like, but I doubted he’d torture himself like that. Seeing the look in his eyes now, I knew simply being here now was tearing him in a million directions.

“When I said that I was no longer tied to Faylinn,” he said. “I did feel more for your mother than Faylinn, but it wasn’t an easy decision. I nearly stayed.”

“But you didn’t.”

He looked down at me, a mist of moisture coating his eyes. “There’s a separate love and pride that comes with running more than just a family. I didn’t just leave behind my home, my parents or my brother. I left behind thousands of family members and faeries who I’d grown to know and love over centuries of time.”

His mouth twitched as he fought his emotions. “I loved Faylinn. I still do. And although this is a lot for you to take on, I know you are going to grow a love for Faylinn you didn’t know could exist inside of you. My soul is still linked to it. It is the most magical place you could ever imagine.” The watery mist glazing over his eyes escaped down his cheeks.

My heart was full, eager. I wanted to understand what he felt when he talked so fondly of Faylinn. I wanted to make a difference for those faeries he left behind. I wanted to know the love he felt for them. It was my responsibility to pick up the pieces now.

“You make me so proud, Calliope. No matter what happens. I will always be so proud of you.”

I smiled meekly. “I’m going to need you every step of the way and you won’t be there.”

“I won’t be far,” he assured, pulling me tighter in his arms. “I won’t be far,” he murmured again.

• • •

After the farewells to my mom’s family, my parents and I stayed up late talking, taking in every last waking moment we had. We didn’t talk about faeries or Faylinn. We didn’t even mention me leaving. We didn’t want to taint the only time we had left. It was simply time for us to be us as it always was before everything changed.

I rolled over in bed that night, unable to sleep. Cameron’s face lingered behind my eyes. We were leaving the next evening and I still hadn’t told him. I doubted he was going to be happy with me, but I couldn’t handle doing this any other way. I had given him up to Isla, but he was still my best friend. How was I supposed to live without him? I couldn’t even touch the thought lurking in the back of my mind. What if after I was gone he forgot about me? Could I say I wouldn’t regret going to Faylinn if it cost me the people I cared most about?

I knew that was why I really kept this from him until the last minute, for selfish reasons. He was the only one who had the power to change my mind. He was the only one who could convince me to stay. I had to wait until it was too late to change my mind.

• • •

I was supposed to meet the Keepers at sundown. The sun had just started to set. The orange streaked the horizon and I was still putting my things together. I had called Cameron and asked him to come over about fifteen minutes before so I was expecting him any minute. I wanted to keep it short and sweet. It was easier this way. The goodbye didn’t need to be dragged out. I told myself he would appreciate me for cutting the ties at the last minute rather than carrying out the inevitable goodbye for days, but deep down I knew that was a lie I told to make myself feel better for omitting the truth.

There was a knock on my bedroom door as I hovered over my empty duffle bag. Could I really not think of one thing to pack?

“Come in.”

Cam peeked around the door. “Your mom let me in. She told me to come straight—” His voice stopped. “What. . .what are you packing for?”

“I’m going away.”

“Going away? Like on vacation or. . .?” He saw the anxious look in my eyes when I turned around. “You’re going to Faylinn,” he tried to clarify. I nodded. “Why? I thought you decided you could do this here? I thought it was decided you were going to stay here?”

“Things change. This makes more sense,” I said and spun back to my duffle. I didn’t know what I was going to pack in it. What would I possibly need? My cell phone wouldn’t work and neither would my iPod. “And I don’t know why you care so much anyway. You really don’t need me anymore.”

I decided to stuff it with my favorite clothes. I knew I would probably never wear them in Faylinn. They had their own clothes, clothes better suited for the woods, but I needed them. I just did.

“Do you even realize what you are doing?” Cameron took hold of my shoulders, stopping me from packing, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

“Yeah, I do. Don’t act like you know better than I do. I’m not naïve.”

“That’s not what I meant.” He sighed, aggravated with me. “I’m just worried about you. This is a big decision.”

“Please, Cam, in case you haven’t noticed I’m all grown up now. I can dress and feed myself and everything now.”

“Don’t do that,” he said, dropping his hands and turning away in frustration.

“What. Don’t do what? Make decisions for myself? Grow up? Get over you?”

There it was. I said it.
Why did I say it?
I hadn’t meant to confess, but it was too late to take it back now. Cameron’s face instantly twisted back to me and looked as if I slapped him. Maybe it was that he couldn’t believe I actually said it out loud or that he couldn’t believe I could get over him. He was hurt nonetheless, but I didn’t take it back.

We stood in silence for what felt like an eternity until he broke it. “Get. . .over me? When. . .when did you ever. . .I hadn’t realized you ever. . .” He couldn’t get out a complete sentence, which only seemed to enrage me more. Add the fact that he was such a guy. That he hadn’t even suspected my feelings sent me over the edge. I bit down on my tongue and turned my head away.

Humiliated was just the tip of the iceberg. It didn’t even touch the feeling consuming me. Cameron moved closer to me, but I stepped away, red dusting my cheeks. He took another step towards me, cornering me against the edge of my bed, so I couldn’t get away. I felt his soft palm on my cheek as he lifted my chin to face him, his face only inches from mine.
Please don’t make me look at your face.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I clenched my teeth, desperately not wanting to have this conversation and yet determined to stand my ground. I brought this on myself. “When was I supposed to tell you? In between make out sessions with Isla? Or maybe I should have done it before Jillian and Blair or maybe after Lia. There was that week right after Dana, before Myra.”
Why couldn’t I shut up?

His eyes fell and he shook his head. “Don’t do this, Calliope.”

I wrenched my face from his fingers. “Take your pick. Tell me when you think would have been a good time.” I bit my lips. I don’t know what had come over me, but the faucet wouldn’t shut off.
Where was the water source?