Kate's Song (14 page)

Nathaniel looked around his workshop, sure he would see all eyes upon him. No one but Luke and Zeke paid him any heed. “Is that what they think?”

“Some,” Zeke said. “You should guard yourself more carefully, or you will look like a fool when she leaves in September.”

Nathaniel’s heart sank to his shoes. He threw up his arms in resignation. “What can I do? I cannot be anything less than honest with my feelings. In private or in public.”

“The world is alluring to our young people,” Luke said, sounding like a bishop now. “Some think the Plain life dull compared to what is out there.” Luke sat on Nathaniel’s gray metal desk, arms folded, one foot resting on the floor. “My Edna ran off to Chicago with an Englischer during the rumschpringe. Told me she was confused and asked me to wait for her. He was a handsome boy, that Englischer.”

“Yet she chose you in the end,” Nathaniel said.

“I was not content to leave her in Chicago. If she was to reject me, she would do it once and for all.”

“You were not so confident then as you sound now,” Zeke said.

“I was confident that the Lord’s will would be done,” Luke said. He frowned. “But not confident she would choose me. I told her I would wait no longer and forced her hand. She loved me enough to surrender her life in Chicago.”

Nathaniel closed his eyes. He was not so confident. Kate held all the control in the relationship. Did that make him less of a man? A slobbering puppy? And if he made demands on Kate when she was not ready, could he bear the thought of losing her because he’d pushed too hard?

Did she see him as a pleasant summer diversion before she went back to the academy in the fall? He wanted to believe in her sincerity, but wiser men than he made him doubt himself.

Could he be sure of anything?

Was it time to force Kate’s hand?

* * * * *

Several hours later, Nathaniel strolled down the street toward his wagon with five two-by-fours draped across his shoulders.

Whistling.

He couldn’t help it, and Luke Miller wasn’t within earshot. His little trips to the lumber store were some of the few times he could tweet like a bird without being scolded. And why shouldn’t he whistle when he thought of Kate?

Trouble was, he spent so much time thinking of her that he had little time to think of what to do about her.

He had parked his wagon in the vacant lot next to the Methodist church so it would be close to load the wood. Squinting against the bright white of the small church building, he saw two Englisch ladies standing motionless beneath one of the windows. Did they need help?

He moved closer until he heard the strains of heavenly singing floating from the open window. The singer released the notes with energy and passion as the melody went higher and higher, spinning out of the church like birds taking flight. Nathaniel would recognize that voice in his sleep.

He stepped deliberately until he joined the women under the window, being careful not to knock anyone with his long pieces of wood.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” whispered one of the women. “I’ve been standing here for twenty minutes.”

“That accompanist is marvelous,” the other woman said. “Is it Hilda?”

Her friend shrugged her shoulders.

Nathaniel listened intently to the technical pieces he couldn’t begin to recognize. The music’s difficulty surpassed anything ever sung at a simple gathering. The pianist kept up with Kate’s enthusiasm, not missing a note for all Nathaniel could tell.

Kate had found someone to practice with her so that come September, she’d be ready for school again.

Ready to leave him.

Taking care with his load, which seemed heavier by the minute, Nathaniel nodded good day to the women and wandered down the street to his wagon.

He wasn’t whistling anymore.

Dear Kate
,

Jared’s family is arguing about whether to take him off life support. His mom is hopeful for a recovery, but the doctors are not holding out much hope
.

His mother accused me of luring her son to my apartment with the intention of hurting him. I know she is grieving for her son, and I will try to have compassion. She has come to my apartment late at night and screamed at me, so I moved in with Carlos for a few weeks. He is a good brother. Jared’s mother doesn’t know where Carlos lives
.

Would I be selfish to say I miss you and hope for a visit soon? I need your calming influence in my life. You would know what to say to make Jared’s mother feel better. I only make her angrier. Carlos says he will pick you up and bring you back when you are ready to come. He would do anything for you. Do not stay away too long
.

Love, Maria

* * * * *

Kate and Nathaniel walked hand in hand around the edge of the pond, their way lit by the brilliantly white moon directly overhead. Kate no longer needed a shawl in the evenings. The late June weather had turned decidedly warm. With its remote location and heavy growth of birch trees, Barker’s Pond was fast becoming their favorite spot when they wanted to be isolated from curious eyes.

Kate looked with wonder at the transformation of the scenery since spring. Branches grew lush with new leaves, birds seemed to occupy every tree in the woods, and wildflowers bloomed on the ground like stars in the sky. She marveled that she had been getting to know Nathaniel for fewer than three months and already he was the best and brightest thing in her life. How had she even been able to smile before knowing him?

“You are very quiet tonight,” Nathaniel said, pulling her away from her muddled thoughts.

“I am? I’m sorry.”

“Do not apologize. Are you feeling well?”

“Jah, no cause to worry about that. I suppose I’m thinking deep things,” Kate said, trying to act more like herself. Two letters had arrived from Milwaukee today. Both equally as troubling, but for completely different reasons. The one from Maria made Kate fret more than ever.

I should be there with her
, she thought.

The other letter had brought “good news” that would not be good news to Nathaniel. Should she tell him?

“Deep things, huh?” Nathaniel said.

“Sometimes anger bubbles to the surface. And a desire for retribution. For my friend Maria and the baby. Things are not going well for her in Milwaukee.”

“Is her boyfriend bothering her again?” Nathaniel asked.

“No,” said Kate, evading his eyes. Nathaniel knew most everything about that horrible night, but she was afraid he would be ashamed of her if he knew she had hurt Jared badly enough to put him in a coma. “Maria has other problems. I wonder if I should…”

“Be there with her?” Nathaniel finished her sentence.

Clearly reluctant to take the conversation where it was pulling them, Nathaniel cleared his throat and ambled along the edge of the pond. “The cinnamon rolls were wonderful-gute tonight,” he said, patting his stomach. “I wish I had more of them.”

“Nathaniel,” Kate scolded, “you are lucky they didn’t have to roll you out of that house.” But looking at him out of the corner of her eyes, with his flat stomach and muscular chest, she couldn’t imagine there was an ounce of fat on his entire body.

“I eat and eat and still I am so hungry. My stomach is like Jacob Newswenger’s well, deep and empty.” He bent over, scooped a pebble from the ground, and flung it into the pond. Kate watched as it skipped twice before disappearing into the water.

“How do you do that?” she asked.

“It’s all in the wrist,” Nathaniel said. “I will show you.”

He instructed her on how to pick a good rock and explained the correct technique for making it skip across the water. To no avail, Kate tried lobbing rocks lightly at the surface. She tried a sideways casting technique. Finally she attempted to slap a pebble down in the shallowest part of the pond in hopes that it would bounce back at her. She was a lost cause. A complete waste of a throwing arm.

Nathaniel, unable to hide his amusement, laughed harder with every attempt. In exasperation she threw down all the rocks she held in her fist. Nathaniel picked one up and hurled it at the water, skipping it three times.

Kate turned up her nose. “Of course you can do it. You’ve got all those muscles and arms made of iron and massive shoulders and such. But who needs all that power when I can move the water with my voice?”

Nathaniel, smiling widely, looked at her with skepticism. “With your voice?”

“It’s a well-known fact that sound vibrations can move objects.”

He folded his arms across his chest. “All right, Miss Scientist. Show me.”

Kate started with a comfortable high note, letting it spin out the top of her head and holding it for a few seconds before falling silent. Nathaniel studied the water attentively, watching for any sign of vibration. Nothing.

She tried again. This time she didn’t mess around. She trilled a note toward the top of her range, something above a high C, and watched as the pond seemed determined to hold perfectly still.

Nathaniel chuckled quietly. Kate caught a laugh in her throat, took a deep breath, and let out an impossibly high note that surely only dogs and small woodland animals could hear. The water, heedless of her struggle, calmly held its ground, echoing only the reflection of the bright moon in its clear depths. Not even the tiniest bubble.

Now both Nathaniel and Kate laughed hysterically, Kate in turns trying to scream a ripple out of the water or moan a note low enough to create a wave.

“I promise,” Kate said through her uncontrollable giggles, “I saw it done once with a crystal goblet.” They laughed so hard that they had to hold each other up or risk falling on the muddy bank.

Someone came crashing through the trees to their left. Elmer and a tall, plump girl appeared from the undergrowth, gazing wide-eyed at Kate and Nathaniel.

“Kate,” Elmer said, “what are you doing? We thought something was dying over here.”

Surprised but still laughing, Kate took a small step away from Nathaniel. “We didn’t expect to see anyone.”

Elmer motioned toward the girl. “This is Priscilla Bender from La Crosse.”

“I’m staying with my cousin,” Priscilla said, gazing moony-eyed at Elmer.

Kate couldn’t blame her. Elmer was quite a good-looking fellow.

“Why were you making all that noise?” Elmer said. “Were you preparing for your—what’s the word, Kate? For the academy?”

Kate felt heat creep up the back of her neck. “Role,” she said, almost under her breath.

“Jah,
role
in the opera.”

Nathaniel released Kate’s hand.

“You need practice,” Elmer said. “You sounded like two badgers fighting.”

“It was nothing,” Kate said, still trying to gain her composure. “We were playing around.”

“Ach, be quiet about it, then. And stay on this side of the pond. I’ll take Priscilla to the far side.”

“We promise not to trespass on your half,” Kate said.

“Thanks,” Elmer said dryly. “Come on, Priscilla.” Elmer and Priscilla turned and walked back through the trees the way they had come.

Kate sensed a sudden change of mood from Nathaniel and, guessing his thoughts, resolved to put him at ease. “It is not anything I have agreed to. I might not even get the part. The professor wrote me a letter and said I am one of three girls being considered, that’s all.”

“An important role?” he said quietly.

“Yes, Juliette in
Romeo et Juliette
.” She couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice. “Most girls would do anything for such a chance. It’s a difficult role. To even be considered for it when I am so young is…” She lost her train of thought when she saw a shadow cross Nathaniel’s face.

“This is a great honor for you,” he said, his voice flat.

“Yes, Nathaniel. But this doesn’t mean I am certain of going back. I am…it makes me excited to think…they like my voice.”

He turned his back on her and looked out over the pond. “And when do you think you will be certain?”

“I—I am waiting upon the Lord. Like you said.”

“Why wait? Why not go now and seize this great opportunity? Playing Juliette will bring you all the attention you could ever want.”

His reaction made Kate suddenly dizzy, as if Aaron had come up behind her and slapped her upside the head. “You know it is not like that. I’m trying. I’m praying very hard to know.”

He turned to look at her. “Are you? You tell me this, but I don’t know what to think. All I see is that you are still firmly attached to the world. Aaron says you get two or three letters a week from Milwaukee. Ada and Mamm both recognize signs that I have missed.”

Kate tried to purge her voice of resentment. “Jah, Ada and your mamm watch me very closely.”

“I am tired of pretending to be happy for you when you tell me the Met wants to hear you sing or you might win another part. The truth is, I am not happy. When you talk of such things, you speak as if you have made up your mind. With every new opportunity back there, my hopes sink more. How can I stand it any longer?”

Kate touched Nathaniel’s arm. “I never meant to make it sound that way.”

Nathaniel took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair. “When I’m with you, I feel as if I am soaring through the sky. As if I am standing on top of the highest mountain with the wind at my back. But when we are apart, the dread grabs my throat and won’t let me breathe. I wonder, ‘Is today the day she will cut my legs out from under me and send me crashing to the ground? Or will she stick a knife in my chest like her Englisch friends are so fond of doing to each other?’ I have been a fool to love you when it is plain that you will leave me come autumn. I can’t bear to be so high and so low at the same time.”

Firmly, he took her shoulders. “Look at me, Kate. People are talking, laughing at me because I am a slobbering puppy when it comes to you. Either you choose me or you don’t. Which is it? I must know.”

Tears stung her eyes. “I don’t know. You said you would be patient. I don’t know.”

Nathaniel scowled. “I cannot wait longer. I will not wait longer.”

Kate, stunned into silence, could only stare at him and plead with her eyes.