Kate's Song (15 page)

Nathaniel deserved answers, but answers refused to come to her. She had spent so much time on her knees, they were black and blue. She had consulted with the bishop’s wife and her parents and her siblings and faithfully studied the Bible looking for hidden wisdom on every page. She had turned everything in her life over to God, and the price of devotion climbed steeper and steeper. She didn’t deserve the love of such a good man. What else would God require of her?

“Your silence speaks volumes, Kate.” Nathaniel’s breathing was labored, and he would not look at her. “It is over between us.” He turned his back on her and moved in the direction Elmer had gone. “I will ask Elmer to take you home.”

Without another word of explanation, he disappeared through the trees more swiftly than Kate could have imagined.

“Nathaniel, are you all right?”

Alphy Petersheim, already stooped with arthritis and age, didn’t have to go much farther to peer under the kitchen cupboard where Nathaniel knelt clutching the back of his head.

“Jah, I am okay. Just clumsy,” Nathaniel said.

“I heard you yell and thought maybe the pipe burst.”

Nathaniel panted in an attempt to lessen the pain and pulled himself out from the cupboard. “I dropped the wrench on my thumb then sat up too quickly and forgot to mind the pipe.”

He fingered the bleeding goose egg on the back of his head.

“Good gracious, boy. Must have hit hard. Nancy will fix you right up yet.”

Alphy leaned heavily on his cane as he made the long trek to the bedroom to fetch his wife.

Nathaniel pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed the blood from his hair. Not too bad. He wouldn’t need stitches. But, oh, sis yusht, it hurt. Almost as bad as his thumb, which throbbed forcefully and had already turned red.

Nancy bustled into the kitchen with a small first-aid kit. “For goodness sake, Nathaniel. What did you do to yourself?”

She ordered him to his feet and insisted he sit at the table. “Let’s have a look.” She gently parted his hair and examined the wound. “Doesn’t seem fair that you came here to do a good deed and got repaid in pain.”

“I am afraid I am not very sharp today,” Nathaniel said.

Nancy nudged his chin in her grandmotherly way and looked into his eyes. “Oh, jah, sure enough you are coming down with something.” She put the back of her hand to his forehead and clucked her tongue. “No fever, but I should have guessed you felt poorly. You didn’t have nary a smile when you came in.”

Nary a smile. Nathaniel hadn’t smiled for four days. And whistling? Absolutely no whistling. Luke Miller must be happy as a clam.

“I will put some ointment on the head, but it is not deep. Let me see the thumb.” She took his hand in hers. “As sure as rain you will lose the nail. Lance it with a needle when it fills with blood. Let me see if I have ibuprofen.”

Nancy shuffled out of the kitchen. Nathaniel groaned and returned to his place under the sink to fix the clog for the Petersheims. He had almost finished when he’d hurt himself. Every task took a hundred times more concentration than usual, and with his head so full of Kate, concentration was well-nigh impossible.

His effort to clear his head proved useless. Kate, it seemed, was everywhere, even when she was absent. She had appeared at the auction two nights ago looking so beautiful that the sight of her made him ache. He had promptly run out and walked almost five miles before realizing he had left his buggy at the auction. What would he do when church services came around the following week? He contemplated joining the Methodists for worship so he wouldn’t have to lay eyes on Kate at
gmay
.

His ultimatum hadn’t exactly turned out as he thought it would, and he felt like a fool. He, who prided himself on being so open-minded and long-suffering, had melted under pressure.

In his haste, he had neglected to calculate the cost of his outburst. He couldn’t eat or sleep or work. Even Luke Miller had noticed something amiss.

“Go home to bed,” Luke admonished him yesterday. “You are useless in the shop.”

Nathaniel tightened the last washer just as Nancy returned with the painkillers.

Do you have anything for this puncture wound in my chest?
he wanted to ask.
Or something to cure “stupid”? I need that pill mighty bad
.

“Ouch!” Sadie squeaked and yanked her hand out of the middle of the raspberry bush.

“Watch the brambles, leibe,” said Kate, “or you will come away with lots of scratches and no raspberries.”

Sadie held up her finger to show her aunt. “I’m bweeding.”

Kate pulled a hanky from her apron pocket. “Just a teeny bit.” She dabbed Sadie’s finger then put the hanky back in her pocket and kissed the injured pinky. “There now, all better.”

Satisfied, Sadie picked up her pail and gingerly reached into the bush to retrieve a plump red berry. “This is for gute jam,” she said grinning, her pain forgotten amid the prospect of homemade raspberry preserves.

Kate wiped the sweat from her forehead and surveyed the bushes, which were meticulously staked and tied in tidy rows. She and Mamma spent hours every week tending the family garden. For this early in the season, the canes already sagged with ripe fruit. The harvest promised to be good.

Sighing plaintively, Kate bent to her task and tried to focus on raspberries and freezer jam and aphids. Anything to keep the oppressive weight from squeezing the air right out of her.

Even with Sadie chattering beside her, Kate’s mind involuntarily galloped directly to Nathaniel. It seemed as if a load of stones sat oppressively on her chest, which made thinking of him and breathing at the same time extremely difficult. Less than a week had passed since he’d told her he was done waiting, but it had seemed like a year.

Even though the memory of that night brought fresh pain every time Kate thought about it, she could not find it in her heart to blame Nathaniel. What right did she have to ask anything of him, especially his unquestioning devotion? She had pushed his patience to the limit with her uncertainty, and he had chosen to let her go. In her rational mind, she could not but agree with him.

Besides, how much better for him to break away from her now, before the pain of her leaving cut him down even further. She could not bear the thought of hurting him. How much worse would a separation have been in two months’ time? This way was better for him. Better. Much better.

And still she grieved. If Nathaniel’s actions had accomplished one thing, they had succeeded in helping her understand how much she cared for him and how much it hurt to lose him.
It is better this way
, she kept telling herself. As
the Lord will, so will be
.

“Hello, hello, hello,” Sadie said.

“What is it, Sadie?” Kate said, with her head bent low over a bush.

Sadie giggled. “Hello, hello.”

Kate looked up only to meet eyes with Nathaniel, who stood a few feet away from her, clutching a bouquet of wildflowers. Kate’s heart refused to remain calm, pounding rebelliously in her chest.

Sadie had attached herself securely to Nathaniel’s leg and seemed content to hold on forever. He patted Sadie on the head and looked at Kate. “I couldn’t last a week.”

His tan face almost glowed under the shade of his hat, and she found it impossible to look away from his icy-blue eyes. No smile graced his face today, but he was plenty handsome without one. And why did her knees go all shaky over the stubble on his chin? How in the world did a little stubble have such power over her?

“Nathaniel.”

Her quiet acknowledgment seemed to be all he needed. “I’m sorry,” he said, plunging headlong into an apology. “I’m sorry for everything I said. I’m sorry for making you cry and for leaving you there like that. This has been the most miserable six days of my entire life.” He tried to take a step toward her, but Sadie still clung tightly to his leg. “I didn’t sleep a wink, I ate less than I slept, and”—he held up his thumb to reveal a pitch-black nail—“I smashed my thumbnail because I was too distracted to hold tight to my wrench.”

Unable to stir herself from this stupor, Kate remained still.

He tried to take another step with Sadie still hanging on and then bent down and whispered something to the little girl. He handed her the flowers, and she took them carefully and put them into Kate’s hand.

“These are for your mother,” Nathaniel said.

Kate couldn’t keep from laughing, even though her eyes brimmed with tears. “Gute, because I would have had to refuse such a beautiful gift for myself.” She brought the flowers to her nose and breathed in the sweet fragrance before she handed the bouquet back to Sadie. “Take the flowers to
Mammi
and ask her to put them in some water, please.”

Sadie walked carefully to the house, her little legs moving as fast as she could go without disturbing the blooms in her hand. Kate and Nathaniel stood frozen, looking at each other.

“I don’t blame you if you never want to talk to me again. I should have at least shown the courtesy of driving you home. There is no excuse for my behavior.”

Kate shook her head. “That would have been a very uncomfortable ride. And very long. You were right, Nathaniel. How can I ask you to wait for me? It’s unfair.”

“You are not asking anything of me. I give it freely.” His face was inches from hers. “Because I love you. Love is unselfish and kind and suffers long. It suffers long, Kate. I’m determined to learn patience.”

Kate put a hand to her heart in an effort to slow its racing. She gazed at Nathaniel until a movement out of the corner of her eyes caught her attention. Peering at the house, she spied Mamma, Mary, and her sister-in-law Anna watching them. Each of Kate’s relatives smiled from ear to ear, and though she could not hear them, Kate guessed they were clucking and giggling over her newly returned boyfriend.

Kate groaned in exasperation. “Come on, Nathaniel.”

Nathaniel followed Kate around the side of the house.

“This should keep us safe from curious eyes,” she said.

He moved close again, daring Kate to shy away from him. She held her ground until the twins and little Giddy came tearing around the side of the house, carrying rags and buckets. Kate stepped quickly away from Nathaniel to avoid the inevitable stares of her brothers and nephew.

As was to be expected, the surprised boys stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Kate and Nathaniel standing in the side yard as if a meeting in the middle of the day were as commonplace as rain in the springtime.

“What are you doing here?” Joe said, his adolescent voice squeaking like a rusty gate. He’d heard of the incident at the pond from Elmer and sounded ever so mildly hostile.

“I came to deliver something to your mamm,” Nathaniel said, not missing a beat and ignoring the nudge Kate gave him with her elbow.

The twins stared at Nathaniel, then at Kate, then back at Nathaniel. They obviously concluded that Kate didn’t look distressed or eager to leave Nathaniel’s presence. Joe shrugged. “Don’t let us disturb you, then. We’re only doing all the chores around here while you two do important things like talk about the weather.”

The boys turned their backs and ran to the carriage house, presumably to clean and oil the buggy.

“Come,” Kate said, motioning for Nathaniel to follow her. “Let’s go sit on the porch.”

“Are you sure?” he said as they walked to the front of the house.

“They’ll find a way to spy wherever we are.” She sat on the bottom step. “I will sit and you can stand over there so you are not tempted to make a pest of yourself and get closer than is proper.”

Nathaniel laughed and planted himself next to Kate. “Have you ever measured how far away ‘proper’ is? In inches, I mean.”

She pushed him away and refused to let him sit. He was forced to stand on the flagstones resting his arm on the handrail.

“You haven’t answered my question yet. Will you let me court you? Until the summer dies and my heart dies with it?” he said.

“Don’t sound so hopeless. I might be here in the fall.”

Delight spread all over his face, melting any resistance Kate might have felt. “That would be too wonderful even to hope for,” he said.

“You are very noble to persevere,” she said, “but if you are determined to stick with me, nothing could bring me more happiness. Although I feel utterly selfish for it.”

“You are the most unselfish person I know,” Nathaniel said. “That is why I am hoping you will forgive me. Will you? For losing my temper and hurting your feelings? I think I’ve done more repenting in the last two months than I’ve done in my entire life. How can I ever hope to be a gute man when I make a mistake at every turn?”

“I don’t love you because you are perfect. I love you because you are passionate and lighthearted and you try too hard and get frustrated. I love you because God is first in your life and you won’t settle for anything less.”

“I know but—” Nathaniel stopped mid-sentence and eagerly sat next to her. “You…love me?”

“Jah, I believe I do,” she said.

His smile could have blinded the sun.

“Don’t make too much of it,” she teased. “You
had
to know.”

“No, I didn’t!”

Relishing his nearness, she leaned her shoulder against his. “I wish I could think of something for your mamm. To make her like me.”

“I’m sure my mamm likes you. She just takes a little time to warm up to people.”

Kate didn’t want to argue with him. After all, he hadn’t been the one to hear Lisa Fisher’s gossip.

“There is something you can do for my mamm.”

“What?”

“She is having a quilting circle next week at our house. I know she needs help.”

Kate gave Nathaniel an uncertain smile. He couldn’t have chosen a less attractive activity. Miriam was sure to be seriously underwhelmed by Kate’s lack of sewing skills. One more thing to add to her list of reasons for not wanting Kate to marry her son.

“You can bring Mary,” Nathaniel said, when he saw her hesitation. “My mamm will be so pleased.”

Kate swallowed the bitter taste in her mouth. If only she believed that were true. “There is one more thing,” she said, as her mouth went dry. “I don’t blame you if you change your mind right now, and we can pretend this conversation never happened.”