Kate's Song (6 page)

“I told you I should not sing.”

“Kate,” he said, “God will make known to you how He wants you to use this gift.” He placed one hand lightly over hers. Kate held her breath. In one piercing look, he seemed to comprehend her deepest fears. “I do not know when, but I know you will find your answer, Lord willing. ‘Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him.’”

Kate felt the truth of his words in the deepest part of her heart. Their eyes locked, and the profound silence between them seemed to draw her heart overwhelmingly close to his.

Withdrawing her hand, Kate tried to lighten the mood. “In the meantime, my brother is appalled that my rumschpringe has lasted six years and I keep returning to that worldly academy to seek fame and fortune.”

The intimate moment gone, Nathaniel seemed to snap back to his happy-go-lucky self. “I can think of worse things to do during rumschpringe,” he said. “Some boys buy cars or get in with a wild group of friends, and some girls get into trouble with the Englisch boys.”

“Jah, I suppose you are right,” Kate said. “What of your rumschpringe? Did you get into trouble?”

Nathaniel laughed. “I like to think I did not behave as foolishly as some. No, I knew very young that the
Ordnung
was the way God wanted me to live. I spent my rumschpringe reading.”

“Reading?”

“Jah, three whole years of book after book, hiding them from my dat.”

“What kind of books?”

“Science books, histories, medical journals. He didn’t approve of some of my reading material. He didn’t especially like my choice of novels, either.”

“What novels?”

“Ach, whatever the librarian recommended. Dostoyevsky almost scared me off reading altogether. Hard to understand and very gloomy.
The Count of Monte Cristo
was exciting but made me sad to think how people could be so cruel to each other. My dat hated the horror ones. I read one where a shark ate something like five people, and I couldn’t sleep for three nights after finishing it.” He shook his head with a twinkle in his eyes. “But I am talking too much again. You will start to call me Mandie.”

Kate laughed. “Only behind your back.”

He silently gazed at her then lifted his hand as if he were going to touch her face. Then he seemed to think better of it and patted her awkwardly on the top of her kapp.

Tightening up on the reins, he said, “Will you allow me to see you again on Tuesday? I would rather not wait for the next gathering.”

“Jah,” Kate said. “That would make me very happy.”

Kate’s heart soared to the moon and crashed to the earth at the same time. Nathaniel was without a doubt the most appealing, most pleasing man she had ever met. How happy she would be to have him as her boyfriend. But realistically she knew she should not be so careless with her attentions. If she went back to Milwaukee, would it break his heart? Would it break hers?

Kate made sure the ribbons of her bonnet were tied tightly under her chin and broke into a full sprint down the long lane to the mailbox. Hungry for news from her friends and professors in the outside world, her favorite daily activity was checking the mail.

The cavernous metal box stood on a reinforced fence post facing the road, begging for letters. Many years ago Dat had come home with the thing, so proud that he had found it for a deeply discounted price at Weber’s Market. The children used to tease their dat that their postal box could hold a set of triplets if the mailman one day felt inclined to deliver some.

Today, in its lonely interior, the mailbox held a single letter with a familiar return address. Finally, her first letter from Maria since arriving home three weeks ago. Kate ripped it open.

Dear Kate
,

How are you? I’m sorry I didn’t write sooner. I hope you are feeling better. You sound good in your letter. I am glad you are happy at home. My arm is okay
.

The doctor says six more weeks in the cast. Alex crawls all over now, and I am on my toes all the time keeping up with him with only one arm. Yesterday Alex crawled so fast that he bumped into the table leg and got very angry. He just puts his head down and goes. He is so cute and we are much better without Jared coming over to bother us
.

But this is the bad news. Jared is still in a coma. I’ve been to the hospital three times, but the doctors won’t tell me anything because I’m not family
.

Try not to freak out. This is not your fault
.

Jared’s mother keeps calling me. On Monday she came to my apartment and wanted to see Alex. I told her no. I was afraid she would take him. She said she is Alex’s grandmamma so she has a right to take him
.

I wish you were here to tell me what to do. Mama is in Chicago, and I can’t go there without losing my job. I will wait to hear from you
.

Maria

Kate sagged against the fence post and clutched the letter to her heart. The morning after the horrible encounter, she had been so terrified and confused that she’d hopped on the first bus to Apple Lake.

Jared in a coma? How could that be? Guilt wrapped tentacles around her throat. She knew she had hurt him badly.

He’d stormed into the apartment, kicking the door open with those big boots he always wore. Kate could still remember the screaming. Some of it must have been her own.

“Don’t think you can break up with me! I’ll kill you first!”

It only took two blows from his bony fist to send Maria to the floor, where he would have kicked her to death if Kate hadn’t hurled a book at his head. Swearing, he closed in on Kate and grabbed her by the neck.

Even two hundred miles and three weeks away from that terrible night, Kate put a hand to her throat and relived the panic of slow suffocation. Struggling fiercely to free herself, she had been seconds away from passing out when Maria attacked Jared from behind and he turned his rage on her. And so it went on for what felt like an eternity, when in reality it could only have been a minute or two as the two girls tried to fight off the violent drunk who was a good half foot taller than either of them. At one point he lunged toward the screaming baby, but Kate had flailed her arms wildly, sometimes hitting her target, and backed him away.

Knowing how ashamed her people might be if they found out, Kate still did not hold back. In one frenzied surge of terror, she threw herself into Jared with all her might, knocking him off his feet. His whole body went slack as he slammed his head into the corner of the kitchen counter. He slumped to the floor, and she landed on top of him, dazed and spent. As soon as she got her wits about her she jumped away, but he didn’t move or open his eyes. Blood had slowly pooled on the floor around his head.

Kate studied the letter again as her chest heaved up and down, and she began to shiver uncontrollably. Would Jared die? She had never even considered the possibility. Was this God’s punishment for her wickedness?

He commanded nonviolence from His People—even for self-defense. Nonresistance was Article Fourteen of the Confession of Faith. Better to die than to lift a hand against an enemy. She bowed her head and silently begged God to spare Jared Adams’s life. Begged Him with every thought, every breath, every bit of strength she possessed, to make the man whole again, to not lay this thing to her charge. How could she ever live with herself or her community if she had blood on her hands?

Aaron is right. I am wicked
.

She didn’t know how long she stood there pleading with God, tears watering her despair, before four words came to her mind.

“Thy will be done.”

The crux of everything. As the Lord wills, so will be. This idea, which permeated the very heart of the Amish way of life, sunk irrevocably into Kate’s own heart. She had been seeking her own desires. She must put all her trust in the Lord.

Thinking back to that night and her split-second decisions, Kate knew that she would not have acted differently. She wouldn’t have run away while Maria and the baby were in danger. Who was she to question whether it was the Lord’s will to put her at Maria’s apartment that night or to give her the strength to fight a drunken brute so he would not kill someone?

Lord willing, Jared would live. As the Lord wills, so will be.

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

Kate dried her eyes, folded the letter, and slid it back into the envelope. She felt like a piece of taffy, pulled in two directions and stretched impossibly thin. Should she go back to Milwaukee to be with Maria? Should she stay here and uncover her destiny?

The answer glowed brightly in her mind. God had placed her here, and here she would stay until He nudged her another way.

Maria had slipped a photograph of Alex between the folds of the letter. On the back she had written, “He has your eyes.” Kate smiled through her tears. She and Maria used to joke that Kate spent so much time caring for Alex that she was his second mother.

“Kate, are you all right?”

Kate turned around. Ada and her sister, Sarah, gawked at her from the other side of the fence. One of the disadvantages of having her older brother and his family live next door was that few things in the Weaver household were safe from Ada’s keen eye. Kate wiped her face and nodded. “Hello, Ada. Hello, Sarah.”

Ada looked at the letter in Kate’s hand. “Bad news?”

“Just a letter from a friend in Milwaukee.”

Ada clucked her tongue. “You miss that place right much, don’t you? Some girls are suited for that type of thing.”

Kate didn’t answer.

Ada reached out and straightened a crease in Kate’s apron. “You are looking healthier, Kate. Relaxation has worked wonders for your complexion.”

“Denki,” Kate said, doing her best to keep from frowning. She marveled that Ada could make a compliment sound like an insult. Jah, Kate’s relaxation today had consisted of milking the cows, planting peas, mopping the floor, and baking four loaves of bread.

“Sarah came to help me get my spring cleaning caught after,” Ada said. “You will watch my boys while we work, won’t you?”

“I’m sorry, Ada. Mamma went to visit Aunt Erla, and I promised her I would finish piecing the quilt.”

“I can’t see how it is any trouble for you to tend to my boys while you quilt. There are always grandchildren running around over there. I am not well. My health prevents me from keeping up with those boys all day like you and Mamm can.”

“Oh, jah, little boys can sure be a handful.”

“It will be all right, Ada,” said her sister. “I’ll keep an eye on the boys and help
redd
up at the same time. We wouldn’t want to interfere with Kate’s plans. I will stay until we are done, even if it’s late. I promise. We’ll make do,” Sarah said, a sigh of forbearance escaping her lips.

“We will do no such thing,” Ada protested. “I’m sending those boys over, Kate.”

Kate tightened her fingers around her letter, reducing it to a crinkly ball.

“You can work on the quilt while you are tending. If it’s not too late, Sarah will drop by after cleaning and help with your quilt. She’s as good a quilter as our mamm ever was. Just the other day Nathaniel King saw a quilt Sarah made for Luther and was amazed at how tiny and even her stitches are.”

“Oh, stop, Ada,” Sarah said, fixing her eyes on Kate.

“Stick me with a pin if I’m lying. Nathaniel has said more than once what a good homemaker you are, Sarah. It’s no secret he admires your skills.” She turned to Kate. “The skills a good Amish wife needs.”

Biting her tongue on a tart reply, Kate smiled and turned her face toward home. “Sarah is wonderful gute with a needle. That stitching she did for your wedding was exquisite. I know it’s wrong, but I have always envied your ability to make tiny stitches,” Kate said. “My fingers are too thick. Good milking hands, Elmer says.”

Sarah giggled. “They are not too thick.”

“They are gute strong hands too, because when Elmer insults me like that, he usually gets punched.”

“Jah, I have hit my brothers a time or two when they act ugly,” Sarah said.

“I do not suppose you’ll need to know how to quilt at the academy. So it’s just as well you aren’t very good at it,” Ada said.

“Just as well,” Kate said. She turned and walked quickly down the lane toward the house, saying, “Send the boys over. I will teach them some songs to pass the time.”

Kate took one moment to enjoy the look on Ada’s face before turning her back and striding toward the house.

I shouldn’t have said that. Time to go home and repent right-quick
.

Nathaniel ran his hand tenderly along the unfinished block of walnut, one of the most expensive pieces of wood he had ever purchased. Closing his eyes, he breathed in the earthy scent of wood fresh from the lumber mill. This was a special piece, one he would take great care in shaping.

The small room in which he stood served as his private workshop, where he made cradles, tables, and other furniture for family and friends. The larger rooms next door housed his cabinet business, employing a dozen men and taking in more orders every month. Amish workmanship was highly sought after by the Englisch, and Nathaniel was glad for it. The more business he attracted, the more men he could employ—men working to keep their farms and homes, and care for their families.

Meticulously, he made the measurements, looked at his drawings, and checked the measurements again, determined that not one mistake, not one imperfection would mar his efforts. Even at the risk of being proud, Nathaniel wanted this work to be his finest ever. For her.

The door opened behind him, and he turned around to see Mamm, hands on her hips, surveying the room. “You have not worked here for a long time,” she said.

“Jah, I have been occupied with the business. And Dat,” he said, putting down his pencil and smiling at his mother. “Did the baby come along well?”

“Feet first, kicking all the way. A fighting, fit, gute son for the Yoders. But if I had known the child was wrong-side down, I would have sent Rosanna to the hospital. Too much can go wrong in such a delivery.”

“You are a good midwife, Mamm. The mothers trust your skill.”