Kayden: The Past (13 page)

“It’s a date.”

We stayed the rest of the night at the club dancing and talking. We found an empty hammock close to closing and laid together to watch the sunrise over the city. It was amazing. The glass windows all illuminated in shades of red, orange, and yellow. I’d never watched the sunrise with someone, spent a night awake dancing and talking, and a night with a woman without sex.

“Sleep well, Danielle,” I said. I kissed her goodnight, and I longed to be with her, but we needed to wait, at least until our first date. She wrapped her arms around my body and held herself to me.

“Kayden, can I ask a favor?” She looked up searching my eyes praying for something.

“Anything.”

“Will you come home with me and hold me until I fall asleep?” She blinked slowly, and her face looked heavy with worry.

An internal warmth emanated throughout my body and the corners of my mouth rose almost touching my eyes. “I’d love to. Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. It’s been ages since I’ve just been held by a man.” She planted her face in my shirt and wrapped her arms tighter around my torso. “I’m not looking for sex. I just want to be wrapped in your arms. I want to sleep peacefully.”

I kissed the top of her head. “Let’s go. I’ll follow you home. No sex. I’d love to just hold you.” Some of that statement wasn’t true, but I could keep my cock inside my pants for one night. I wouldn’t allow myself to come on to her and fuck her if that wasn’t what she wanted.

She lived in an apartment above a store in an up and coming neighborhood of Cleveland. It wasn’t safe like the suburbs or the area that I lived in, but it wasn’t crime ridden. We parked on the street, and she walked to my car and waited for me to get out. When I looked at her face, she looked relieved. I followed her up to her tiny one bedroom flat. The front door looked like it had been painted dozens of time and the paint was chipping off. I knew she could afford more than the rent in this place had to cost.

The apartment smelled of flowers, and the scent was so strong it hit me as soon as I entered the space. It was a girl’s place, and there was no mistaking that fact. Everything was a shade of pink with sprinkles of black throughout. She grabbed my hands as I looked around the room immersing myself in all things Danielle.

“This way.” I would’ve found it without her taking my hand; the place only had two doors, but I could’ve easily spent an hour just trying to figure her out by things she surrounded herself with and gotten lost.

She went in the bathroom and came out in a long night shirt with a bunny on it. Not the sleep time attire I’d think a stripper would wear. It looked too childlike and didn’t fit the sexy image I had in my head. She crawled under the covers and held them out for me. I took my clothes off and thankfully, maybe for the first time in my life, I had a pair of boxers on, because a naked me with Danielle in the bed would’ve been a bad combination, not that a tiny scrap of cloth would stop me. I lay down on my back and let her situate her body against mine before wrapping my arms around her. For the first time in months, I’d fall asleep with the scent and warmth of a woman. I’d missed it more than I realized and having her in my arms made my heart ache for the love of a woman.

We found that we had a lot in common, but the worst were alcohol and drugs. She was a user, but I wouldn’t classify her as an addict. I knew it was a bad idea; my addictions could spin out of control and I could fall deeper into the world I had already stepped foot inside. I ignored my conscious and listened to the little devil on my shoulder telling me all the reasons I should be with Danielle. I was blinded by her beauty, mesmerized by her body, and infatuated with the woman.

Lost & Found ~ Danielle

Ron and I talked before Danielle and I officially became an item – I needed his blessing, the okay from an old friend. She meant nothing to him. He had his choice of any girl out there; he was successful, good looking, and a catch. Danielle was just a fuck toy for him. She was his arm candy for events, but he had no real use for her and didn’t see a future for them. I took his blessing and grabbed the reigns making Danielle mine.

Danielle rescued me from my loneliness. We didn’t get to see each other much, but the time we did spend together meant everything to me, but I never did get passed the issue of her being a stripper. We talked about moving in together, and I felt it was right, but my only hang-up was her line of work.

I learned everything I could about Danielle. She came from a broken home, and her mom was on her second marriage, much like my mother although I had my father for most of my life. She started to dance to save money for college but never found the time or motivation to go after she started making the big money and becoming immersed in the adult industry. She’d never been engaged and had a couple boyfriends through the years. She was like me – a troubled home drove her to addiction at an early age. We were a matched set of fucked up reality.

“D, I want to live with you, too, but I need you to do something for me first.” We sat on the couch facing each other talking about the pros and cons of getting rid of one of our places. We spent all of our time off together, and it seemed a waste of money.

“What, sweetheart?” She fidgeted with her hands and looked at her fingers.

I touched her chin and moved her face upwards; I needed to look into her eyes. “I need you to stop stripping. I can’t stand other men looking at you and seeing you naked.”

“I make such good money, though.”

“Baby, we’ll be living together. I make great money. Isn’t there something else you can do? I’m too jealous of a person to have you continue. It’s been killing me.”

“I know how to make drinks. I guess I could bartend or something.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m just used to the cash I get dancing.”

“You aren’t a dancer. Guys don’t come there to see your moves; they come there to see your tits and ass. It’s my tits and ass now, and I won’t have you naked in front of strangers. I can’t, or we’ll never make it.”

“Okay, Kayden. I’ll put my notice in and look for a bartending job. Anything to be with you. I didn’t think I’d be ‘dancing’ this long. The money made it too hard to quit, but for you… I will.” I smiled at her last two words.

I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Every night that she worked, I’d do anything to keep myself busy and not think of her naked on the stage. I usually turned to the bottle, although her working at a bar wasn’t the best solution either, but at least her clothes would stay on. I grabbed her face and kissed her passionately. She’d made me happy with the knowledge – soon a major stress in our relationship would be over.

“It means the world to me, sweetheart. Your place or mine?” I didn’t want to live at her place. It was cute but cramped and all chick.

“Yours is bigger, and I can break my lease anytime. I don’t have much stuff to pack up, and it would just be easier. I hate this neighborhood, too.”

“I won’t argue with you on all those points. I’ll help you pack when you’re ready.” I stroked her cheek and felt at peace, but I was still anxious to take this step. Bridget had ruined me to totally trusting a woman. She stabbed me in the heart at the last moment, but I should have known better, I wasn’t on her economic rung of the ladder.

“I can start packing this week and maybe move in on the weekend?” She raised her eyebrows waiting for my seal of approval.

“I’ll come help, too. You can’t do it all on your own, babe.”

The next weekend Danielle incorporated all of her pink knick knacks and pillows with my mostly brown interior. My sports memorabilia was quickly overtaken by her love of stuffed animals, something called Beanie Babies. They looked useless to me but who am I to judge. My apartment was a shrine to Cleveland sports, and they hadn’t won a damn thing since before I was born.

Danielle gave her boss a notice the day after we decided to move in together. She found a job at a hip new bar down the street and would be able to walk to work, and it allowed me to be close enough to keep an eye on her – more for her safety than my sanity.

I received a promotion at work too; I was now the assistant store manager. The company that I worked for knew of my sales skills at my old job, and I hadn’t disappointed since my hiring. I was being groomed for the manager position and would replace someone in another location when an opening became available. I had skills when it came to selling people on an item and I could always up-sell them and spend more than they had planned. Everything seemed to be going my way. A beautiful woman in my bed each night, a salaried job with bonuses, and life seemed to be looking up for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.

We never talked about marriage in the months following her moving in. I wanted to take the relationship as slow possible, but the universe had other plans; grander ones that were out of our control.

“Kayden, I’m late,” she said walking out of the bathroom in her sexy teddy and rubbing lotion into her skin.

“For what?” I looked at her confused by the statement.

“Dumbass, my period.” My stomach instantly flipped over as I sat against the headboard staring at her in disbelief.

“You’re pregnant?” I was dumbfounded, and the dumbass label totally fit me in the moment. My mind started to race with the thought of a baby and how it would change our lives and eventually our relationship.

“I don’t know. I just know I was supposed to get my period days ago, and it never happened. I’ve always been regular and never missed a period before.” She crawled under the covers and faced me with her head lying on her pillow.

I probably looked like an idiot with a million emotions crossing my face at once – happiness, shock, amazement, and fear. Fear was the winning emotion at that moment. I know she was looking at me waiting for my excitement, but I didn’t think we were ready to be parents. We both drank regularly and used drugs. I quit using coke on a regular basis, and we both smoked weed almost nightly to help us sleep. Sleep was something that was never easy for me to do, but the relaxation marijuana brought me helped me enter a peaceful slumber. It wasn’t the way I thought I’d bring a child into this world.

“Wow. I don’t know what else to say. What now?” I asked.

“I’ll make a doctor’s appointment and see if there is something else wrong. Let’s not get too worried until I hear what they have to say.” She rubbed my stomach trying to offer me reassurance, but I knew Danielle; I knew she had to be a nervous wreck at the idea of a baby. She didn’t have a job that offered maternity leave, and she worked on her feet all day. It wasn’t the best job to have with a belly and body aches.

“Okay. Either way, I’m here for you. I love you, Danielle.” I kissed her lips and pulled her into my arms.

“I love you, too, Kayden.”

I held her in my arms that night and barely slept a wink. I stared at the ceiling for the entire night. I can tell you every spot and shape on that colorless surface. Were we ready to be parents? Could we be good parents? I didn’t want to bring a child into a relationship without being husband and wife. It’s one thing I’m old-fashioned about. I believed a child should be born in wedlock. I can understand why it happens, but we didn’t have anything from stopping us.

The doctor confirmed her suspicions the next day. We were going to be parents in a little over seven months. I thought about nothing else all day and came to terms with any fear that I had. We’d make the best out of the situation and show the baby all the love in the world. I always wanted children, but I thought they would be planned. “I know this isn’t romantic, but will you marry me? I love you, Danielle, and I want our child to be born into a family. Will you be mine?”

Tears formed in her eyes and the corners of her lips crept up her face, causing her eyes to form little slits allowing the drops to cascade down her face. “Oh, Kayden. I’d love to marry you, and I’ll be yours always.”

I kissed her lips filled with all the love that I felt and joy to make her mine with a bundle of joy on the way. “Do you want a big wedding?” I prayed she said no. We had money saved up, but I felt that we’d need that for when the baby arrived. We couldn’t live in this tiny apartment forever.

“No, I rather just elope or something. Just us. I don’t have a big family, and I stopped talking to my mom about the time I started dancing. I don’t give a fuck about anyone, and we need to save our money, Kayden.”