Keep Me (11 page)

He could charm the pants off anyone. Yes, Marcus was smooth and he was slowly making me think we could actually become more than friends. But that’s what a player was notorious for. And as much as I enjoyed this ride, and the idea of more to come, I realized that it was nothing more than a joy ride.

This should be where we called it a night. We were at her place. She would hop in her car to pick up her son and I’d have to wait for another stolen moment, another chance like this to spend more time with her.

Nah!
I wasn’t having that. I’d gotten another taste of Tessa and I wanted more. Why the fuck couldn’t I fight this feeling of wanting
more
?

She removed the helmet and her curly blond waves fell back in place as she smoothed out her skirt, biting her lip. Seemed she was just as apprehensive as I was to say goodnight. So why not put her out of her misery?

“I’m kinda hungry, Tess. Want to grab a bite together?”

Handing me the helmet, she gnawed on the inside of her mouth, considering my invitation. “I don’t know. I can’t be late to pick up Luca and he’s not exactly on his best behavior in a restaurant. He’s used to it just being him and me.”

That may have been her way of saying
‘no thanks, leave us alone’
but I saw it as a reason to get the little dude acclimated to having someone else around. If I wanted to win Tessa over, I’d have to start with her heart and Luca was the biggest part of it.

“Ah, come on, Tess. The little guy seemed to like me the last time we were together. We bonded. We can call for take-out if you think he’ll be better in his own element. I’m cool with that.” Anything to spend more time with her. To figure out what all these…
feelings
were about.

“Okay. Why not?”

Well, fuckin’ A.
That wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought. Maybe I was growing on her.

“Why don’t we go inside? I’ll change, you can order and then I’ll go get Luca man.”

My eyes focused on her ass, my mouth starting to water. “Do we have time for a quickie?”

She scowled over her shoulder while opening the door to the house. “Marcus! Really?”

I raised my hands in defense. “Really. No joke. You got me all hot and bothered… writhing and moaning and…”

“Enough. You are insufferable. Am I ever gonna live that down?”

I shook my head, smiling so big my face hurt. But I didn’t like how she was making light of our little bike ride. For me, I was one step closer to opening her up and making her realize we could cross the friendship line that was starting to blur. To
her
—I had no idea what all of this meant to her.

She tossed her bag on the couch and kicked off her shoes. “Make yourself at home. I’ll be right down.”

The girl I was falling for slowly turned away from me. I knew she was only going upstairs to change and that she would be right back, but something unexpected tugged at me. I felt that if I let her go right now without saying something, I’d regret it.

“Tess?”

“Hmm?” She stopped on the third step to look back at me.

“What are we doing?” It pained me to ask so bluntly. I hated putting her in this position. I hated
being
in this position. I’d never given a shit what came next with a girl and now I
needed
to know where we were headed.

“We’re having fun, Marcus. This is all just a lot of… fun.” She turned back around, holding onto the wooden railing and making her way up the stairs.

When I was certain she couldn’t see or hear me, I clenched my fists and bit down on my bottom lip, then mumbled, “What the fuck?
Fun?
You are one infuriating woman, pretty girl.” Was this how all those random girls felt after I’d had them for a night? What a sickening dose of retribution this was.

After calling for pizza and pointing me toward plates and utensils, Tessa left to pick up Luca. I found myself wandering, admiring her home, and trying to figure out who Tessa Bradley had become since I’d known her as a teenager. Pictures of her between her parents on her graduation day and then at what looked like a family vacation in a tropical destination painted her as a devoted family girl. But I knew from Riley that Tessa’s parents had taken retirement to a whole new level when they packed up, picked up, and hauled it ‘cross country to warmer weather in Arizona. My dad got under my skin—a lot—but I couldn’t imagine him being a whole plane ride away. I wondered how Tessa felt about being all alone, fending for herself.

But viewing the pictures of her son scattered across the walls, the mantle, every imaginable surface you could find—they made me realize that she wasn’t alone at all. I wondered then how it felt to love a child of your own, to understand that bond a mother felt with her son. I’d known one side of that and I missed it every single day. And just like me, Luca was lucky to have one hell of a mother fending for him. Everything about her made it clear how special she was. It warmed my heart… and it took a lot to do that.

After passing a room cluttered with so many toys and baby-like apparatuses that it made my head spin, I spotted something in the corner of a sitting room that instantly piqued my interest. I walked over to the lonely guitar and dusted it off. “Something as pretty as you shouldn’t be ignored.” I picked up the vintage Gibson Hummingbird and strummed a chord. “Shoulda known.” It was completely out of tune and sounded like it actually hurt to be played. I brought it over to the couch, cradling it—this baby needed some attention. I sat down to fuss with the tuning pegs.

When I finally got it to sound the way it should—effortlessly harmonious and naturally beautiful—Tessa walked through the door with Luca on her hip. “Where’d you find that?” she asked as she shrugged the baby’s tote bag off her shoulder and plucked off his tiny shoes.

“What ever happened to ‘
honey, I’m home’
?”

Tessa shook her head at me and Luca crawled his way over. “Hey buddy, how was your day?”

Tessa sat down next to me on the couch, relaxing into the soft cushions. “He was a good boy, as usual. Unlike you… Mr. Mischief.”

Confused, I searched her face for an explanation, as I strummed another chord. “Me? What’d I do now?”

She took a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. “That,” she pointed to the guitar. “I haven’t picked it up in years.”

“Yeah, I can tell. Why the hell would you neglect her like that?” I stroked the front of the guitar, looking at Luca and making a funny face, sticking my tongue out. “Let me guess, little man came along and you became too preoccupied?”

Her leg started to bob up and down and she swallowed hard. “No. Nothing like that actually.”

Body language was giving her away. She was uncomfortable, hiding something, and she wasn’t going to elaborate.

But I wasn’t ready to change the subject. “I didn’t even know you played. Is it something recent or…”

“I always played. Loved it, in fact. Riley used to beg me to sign up for amateur nights at Tony D’s. I wish I’d done it then, when I had the chance to experience the thrill.”

Her gaze was far off now. It bothered me to see her so lost. “Why’d you stop, then? I mean… it’s obviously something you regret. There’s no reason you can’t do it now.”

I watched her eyes darken and when she shut them and took in a deep agonizing breath, I realized I struck some kind of invisible chord. And not the kind that produces pretty music. This one conjured unwanted memories.

She bent down and scooped Luca up, smothering him with kisses. “I don’t want to talk about this. Right Luca?” She smooched her son until his cheek was red and irritated then looked at me as if we hadn’t been talking about something that rocked her core. “Pizza should be here soon, want a beer?”

I looked up at her, fighting the urge not to pry it out of her and then promise to comfort her. Instead, I carefully placed my fingers on the neck of the guitar and dragged the other hand across the strings, plucking out the opening bars to a song that I knew would lighten the mood and make her smile.

And that it did. The saddened expression on her beautiful face turned in an instant as she giggled and swayed with Luca in her arms. “Oh my God, I love this song. Keep playing.”

I continued the easy melody, remembering days of Riley and Tessa belting it out from her room. I didn’t understand the lyrics then, but I certainly wanted to sing them to her now—maybe even get her all hot and bothered… again. And I was really curious to know if she, too, like the girl from the song, only came when she was on top.

As we ate and played with Luca I watched the clock, praying this kid wasn’t the kind to stay up all hours of the night. I wanted Luca tucked away in his crib so I could have alone time with his mommy.

I hoped I wasn’t being too presumptuous, but we were having a good night and I sensed that the walls she’d built around her were slowly starting to crumble in my presence. I could be the friend she relied on—maybe even more—if only she’d just let me.

I wanted to know what made her so sad, what made her stop doing something she loved. I wanted to learn more about her and why she chose to stay away from her family now that she was no longer married. But most importantly, I couldn’t wait to get my hands—and my tongue—all over her gorgeous body.

I rocked Luca to sleep while listening to the peaceful sounds of Marcus and my old guitar downstairs. Holding my son close to my chest I silently sobbed, wishing my life could have been different—good, like right now. Instead, I was all screwed up, jaded and broken, with no foreseeable way to fix it.

Nights like this reminded me how I’d
wanted
things to be, how they should be. They reminded me how unfair life could be, too. Why did Luca’s father have to be such a hateful bastard? Why did I allow him to ruin my idea of a happily ever after? And why, for the life of me, did I feel like I was losing control again? Forget that Marcus and I shouldn’t be…
dabbling
… the way we were. We were having fun, maybe even more. I loved the idea of dating someone, especially someone I knew wouldn’t hurt me, but Zack had left me incapable of trust. I gave it all to him, even when I didn’t trust
myself
to do so, and it was the stupidest, most dangerous, mistake ever. Thankfully an angel came out of it, but that was all I had to show for years of taking Zack’s shit and never saying anything about it. That and the tears that just couldn’t stop themselves from flowing right now.

When the tiny mouth around Luca’s thumb slackened and his hand fell from his face, I knew he was out for the count. I stood carefully so as not to wake him while transitioning him to his crib. After closing the door behind me, I went into the bathroom to compose myself.

“He is nothing like Zack, Tessa. He’s a friend. It’s okay to relax and have a good time.”
Great! Now I talk to myself!
But my little pep talk was just what I needed to rid my mind of ugly memories and hurtful pasts. There was nothing wrong with enjoying the company of an old friend and allowing him to make me feel good. I wiped the tears from my face, reapplied a little bronzer for color, swished some mouthwash around, and followed the intoxicating music that was the elixir to my wounds.