Keep Me (Beggar's Choice #3) (18 page)

“Thank you for noticing,” I say tartly and he laughs but
it’s bitterly.

“Well tell me babe what you would do if you found text
messages from another man on the love of your life’s phone after a night when
you thought that you’d finally got everything that you’ve ever wanted?”

“Oh Charlie,” I say softly, running my fingers gently
through his hair. “I would have spoken to her about it.”

“Yeah exactly,” he slurs and then a comical look of
confusion comes over his face. “Wait.
What
?”

“Charlie I love you.”

“Hey!” Bram shouts.

“Charlie I love you,” I start again. “But sometimes babe
you’re a bit of a fuckwit. Why didn’t you ask her? It’s Mabe not some two timer
and she’s in love with you.”

“No she isn’t,” he scoffs before turning a vulnerable face
to me. “Is she?”

“Yes,” I nod. “And you need to talk to her. I bet it’s a
mistake.”

He stares at me and I see reason work its way through the
alcohol and pain. “You’re right,” he says slowly. “I need to see her.” He tries
to stand up from the settee but promptly loses his balance, catching himself
using my head.

“Hey!”

“Sorry darling.” He pats my head. “Love you babe. You’re the
fucking best Alys.”

“Thank you Charlie.”

“No really,” he says earnestly. “You’re the best. I don’t
know why he doesn’t see it, why he won’t let himself see it, because you’re
perfect for him.”

I’m very uncomfortably aware that Bram is listening intently
and staring at me while Amber huffs and wanders off to examine the CD’s in one
of the racks, so I try to lighten the situation. “Who’s
he
? Chris
Hemsworth?”

“Hah hah.” Charlie sways alarmingly.

“I tell you what mate,” Bram says loping over and propping
him up. “How about we have a nice shower and you can clear your head? Borrow
some clothes from me and then we’ll see about getting you back to Mabe.”

Charlie flails his arms. “You two are the
best
friends that I ever had.” He looks at Amber and sneers. “You not so much.”

Bram snorts and manhandles him out of the room and I follow,
reluctant to stay with Amber and wondering why she still feels that it’s okay
to be here. We make it into Bram’s room a place I haven’t been since the night
of the overdose, and I valiantly try to look unconcerned while also not
catching his eye. Bram props Charlie against the wall and looks at him
contemplatively. “You know I think it’d be best if I showered with him.”

I smile sweetly. “Will you be taking both of your clothes
off while you have the shower?”

“Well no I think …” he starts obliviously and then catches
on. “Oh fuck off!”

I laugh. “Go on then, go have your little shower. I’ll sort
him some clothes out. You’re about the same size aren’t you?”

He smirks. “My cock is obviously bigger but there’s nothing
that can be done about that.”

“I’d have thought it would have been worn down to a tiny
little stub by now,” I sniff and he flinches.

“Fuck Alys don’t say things like that.”

I wander over to the door leading to the dressing room and
open the doors getting a wonderful close up smell of grapefruit and sandalwood
which seems to permeate the whole room. Seeing what seems to be hundreds of
pairs of jeans hanging on one wall I slip a pair off the hanger and then grab a
Ralph Lauren polo shirt. I spend as little time as possible in his underwear
drawer, just long enough to grab boxer briefs and socks and definitely not long
enough to sniff the underwear.

When I wander out I can hear a lot of grunting and cursing
and then Bram appears dragging Charlie with him. I gape. Both of them are fully
dressed and soaking wet. Bram pushes Charlie cavalierly onto the bed. “I’ll dry
him off and get him dressed babe.” He pauses and then I realise that he’s
waiting for me to leave.

“Oh you kill joy,” I moan and he shakes his head at me.

“No way Alys. You are
not
seeing him naked.”

“Okay okay, I’ll go and clean up the bathroom.”

“Hang on.” I turn back expecting to be asked for something
and then stand open mouthed as Bram makes quick work of stripping out of his
clothes and then stands completely naked running a towel haphazardly over his
body and hair. Heat rushes through me as I look at the beauty that is Bram O’
Connell all wet. Moisture glistens on his chest and well-muscled legs and
glistens in the hair around his cock. I try valiantly to disguise my reaction
but manage to look like an idiot when I drop the towel as he tosses it to me.
He smirks at me cockily. “
What
? I said you couldn’t see him naked. I
never said anything about me.”

I shake my head. “I have no words,” I murmur and turn with
his laughter echoing in my ear. When I’m out of sight I lean against the wall
for a second taking measured breaths and trying to calm my racing pulse. I
cannot allow myself to look at him as a potential partner. That has to stop but
I don’t know how to switch off this deep seated awareness that I have of him
now. I can’t look at him as a friend anymore but I have to because that’s all
that is left and after the weeks of silence I miss him so much that I’ll
shamefully take anything, even being his friend. Mind made up I push away from
the wall and start tidying.

I’m in the bathroom for longer than I thought I would be
because it looks like an army showered in here, not two inebriated rock stars.
Water is everywhere, up the walls and all over the floor and Bram must have
gone through every towel in the flat. Finally when I’ve mopped up and the
bathroom is tidy again I emerge into a quiet bedroom with no sign of the men. I
make my way downstairs to find only Bram sitting on the sofa and staring into
space.

“Where’s Charlie?” I ask making him jump.

“Jesus, Alys give a man some warning.”

“Where’s Charlie?” I ask again.

“Amber’s given him a lift home.”

“
What
?”

He looks at me closely. “Is your hearing aid playing up?”

“It must be because I’m sure that a fuckwit just said that
Amber took Charlie home.”

“Hey!” he says indignantly. “She offered and I’ve had a
drink so I can’t drive him. It seemed the best option. She’s okay really.
She’ll get him home.” I reach forward and flick his forehead. “Ouch fuck Alys
what was that for?”

“Are you a fucking cretin? That girl is trouble all the way
through.”

He scoffs. “Alys I know women and I’m telling you that it’s
fine.”

I fold my arms over my chest. “You don’t know women Bram.
You know women that are by and large easy for you.”

He looks at me suddenly angry. “Well we can’t all be perfect
sanctimonious little nuns can we?”

I gasp feeling like he’s punched me. “Is that how you see
me?” I ask in a small voice and he jumps to his feet reaching for me but I pull
away and he whitens.

“No, fuck no baby, I just said that to hurt you. I lashed
out and I’m a fucking twat for doing it.”

I sigh. “Bram what are we doing for God’s sake? This isn’t
us,
making these horrible gibes to score points.”

He looks like he wants to grab me but I maintain my
distance. Finally he scrubs his hand down his face. “I know. I can’t bear the
way that we are at the moment. I just miss you. Will you at least stay here
tonight while we’re on our own?”

I smile at him softly. “Is that so I’ll clean up?”

He smiles back relief lighting his face. “Well only if you
want to. I know how you girls like cleaning.”

“Oh we live for it. Thanks for inviting all those complete
strangers here just for little old me.”

“You’re welcome. I’m sure you’d like to cook something too,”
he adds hopefully.

“Only if you help me clear up and then we can watch TV if
that’s not too nun like for you.” He flinches. “Too soon?” I ask, and he nods
solemnly before cheering up.

“I’ll get our eiderdown,” he says solemnly like a five year
old and suddenly a thought occurs to me.

“Bram, why didn’t you order a taxi for Charlie? I could have
gone with him because I’m sober.”

He looks slightly shamefaced and scuffs his toe along the
rug. “Well I just thought that I could grab the opportunity to spend time with
you and try and make up.” I stare at him and he rushes into speech. “It’s just
you’ve not been here and I missed you and suddenly you were talking to me the
way that you used to and …” He trails off and I take pity on him and start directing
the cleanup.

Alys

I wake up late the next morning relishing the fact that I
haven’t got to be at university today. I stretch luxuriating in being in my own
bed again. Elen has been brilliant over the last few days but her couch is
extremely uncomfortable and I really hate putting on people.

My thoughts turn as they always do to Bram. Last night had
been just like it used to but it had the air of a temporary ceasefire. It felt
like we could just as quickly go back to being at each other’s throats again,
because under the friendship now is a heavy mix of sexual tension and
attraction which erodes the foundation of our friendship like water does to a
wooden pier.

We’d lain together as normal trying to watch a film on
Netflix but every time I’d moved I’d felt the impact of his beautiful, hard
body against mine, felt his warm breath on my neck and known how close those
full lips were to me. I knew he felt it too. Whenever I’d moved against him his
breathing had picked up and his large hands had flexed against my ribs as if
trying to stop himself from grabbing me harder. I almost wished that he would
and pull me over to straddle him so that I could ride him until we both came.

I know that he’s determined to keep his hands off me, that
it’s part of his strong sense of right and wrong. It might seem silly for such
a renowned playboy but Bram has a very clear sense of what is right and wrong,
and once he’s given his word he’ll move heaven and hell to keep it. He’s a
loyal friend who would make someone an ideal husband, but he can’t see that and
anyway it won’t be me. However, I don’t know how long this tension can go on
before one or both of us break. Now that we’ve had a taste, now that we know
just how good it would be between us, it’s like putting Jack back in the box.

My thoughts are interrupted by a huge bang on the door. I
reach for my hearing aid and call out to come in and smile as Matt’s shaggy
head pops round the door. My smile dies as I get a good look at his face which
is set in worrying lines. “Oh no what’s happened now?” I exclaim.

He half smiles but it dies an early death. “Nice to know
that we’ve trained you in an ever present readiness for disaster. You could
take over as Bram’s assistant now.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way but I’d rather be Simon
Cowell’s PA and I don’t like him.”

“Well at least Bram doesn’t wear his trousers that high or
use Botox yet.”

I smile. “Bram’s life is run way too well for him to ever
get a wrinkle.” I move over so that he can lie on the bed next to me and still
face me. “Okay what’s happened?” A sudden thought strikes me with the strength
of a blow. “Oh my God what’s Amber done?”

He looks at me in admiration. “How did you guess?”

“Because I knew it was a stupid idea to get her involved in
any arrangements last night, but she’d gone by the time that I came out of the
bathroom so I couldn’t do anything.”

“Yep it wasn’t one of Bram’s best ideas. She took Charlie
back to his house, drank with him until he passed out and then proceeded to
take all her clothes off, at which point with the worst timing known to man
Mabe decided to come home and walked into that.”

“Fuck! What happened? Is it too much to hope that Amber
cleared it up?”

“Nope. She sat there smirking while Charlie and Mabe had
words and kept smiling when John, Mabe’s lawyer friend, burst in and had an
argument with Charlie. She was still smiling when Charlie tried to punch him
and ended up hitting Mabe by mistake.”

“Oh my God. Is Mabe okay?”

“She’s fine but John wouldn’t let Charlie talk to her. Said
enough was enough while emotions were running high and he took her to Viv’s.”

“Well he was right.” He shrugs and I nudge him. “Matt you
know that was right. You’d have done the same thing. Charlie had been drinking
and it’s best to talk sober when emotions have died down a bit.”

He makes a face. “I know but you wait till you meet him.
He’s a bit of a prick.”

“Matty!” I’m shocked because this isn’t like him at all.
He’s usually so calm and centred and non-judgemental. This John must have
really pushed his buttons. A thought strikes me. “Is this John good looking?”

He shakes his head. “Alys! It’s not about being good looking
or ugly. He’s a wanker.”

I nudge him. “But is he good looking?”

He looks up at the ceiling. “A bit.” I smile and he shoves
me gently. “He’s fucking straight anyway.”

A thought occurs to me. “Wait how do you know that anyway?
When did you meet him?” I look at the dark shadows under his eyes. “How much
sleep have you had?”

He nestles into the pillows comfortably. “Not much babe. Sid
rang Bram when it happened. Bram got straight up, rang me and then went over
there with Seth and they spent the night keeping Charlie sane and stopping him
from forcing his way into Viv’s to see Mabe.”

I feel a tiny bit hurt that Bram didn’t wake me because a
few months ago he would have, but I push it aside. “So when did John come into
the picture?”

“He came round early this morning to see Charlie and set the
record straight that he wasn’t seeing Mabe. The text messages that Charlie read
were sent to Mabe by mistake and meant for his ex-wife.” He stares thoughtfully
at the ceiling. “He’s not a bad bloke I suppose, he’s just got a very forceful
attitude.”

I curl into him while he strokes my hair back idly. “So
what’s happening about Amber then?”

His arm tenses. “Yeah this is the bit that you’re not going
to like.”

I groan. “Tell me quickly then.”

“Well she witnessed everything last night. She’s been in
Bram’s flat loads and slept with him a few times.” My body gets tight and he
hugs me. “She doesn’t mean fuck all, you know that.”

“But why do it Matt?  I don’t understand. Jesus I know
he has women. You can’t move in this flat sometimes without falling over one of
his conquests, but she’s different. She hates me for a start and he knows that.
It’s like he’s trying to hurt me.”

He strokes my arm and hugs me. “I don’t know where his
fucking head is at the moment and that’s the truth. He’s fucking off the rails.
I’ve tried to talk to him but he’s not listening.” He pauses. “I think he’s
fighting his feelings.” I shake my head but he won’t let me speak. “No he is,
Alys. I fucking hope so much that he wins over his self-destructive leanings,
but honestly I don’t think that he’s going to at the moment. He’s too much in
his head and that’s never good because it means that he usually does something
very fucking stupid.” He pushes my hair back so that he can fully see my face.
“Promise me that you won’t leave him.”

I sigh. “I can’t promise that Matt. I just can’t. I have
nobody and I need to look after my feelings at the end of the day because no
one else will. If he hurts me too much I will go.”

He looks sad. “I know. I won’t blame you for it. I will
blame him though.”

“Don’t babe. Please keep being his friend.”

“Oh I will. That’ll never change but I might hit him a few
times.”

I laugh sadly. “So back to the subject. What exactly is
happening to Amber now that she knows everything? I’m hoping that she’s being
banished to the Isle of Wight but I’ve got a feeling that this isn’t how it
works.”

He shakes his head. “Charlie’s going to pay her off babe so
that she can’t talk. He doesn’t want Mabe’s name dragged through the mud. She’s
coming here as apparently it’s neutral territory, but I think it’s more to do
with wanting to rub your nose in it so be warned. John’s drawn something up
this morning. She’ll sign it and then hopefully she’ll fuck off out of our
lives never to be seen again. Bram wants you downstairs if you will.”

“Oh my God Matt that’s bloody ridiculous. She’s a fucking
bitch and she’s making money from it now.”

He shakes his head. “I know but what she’s asked for is a
drop in Charlie’s ocean and we’ll never see her again so it’s win, win in a
way.”

Another thought occurs to me. “I hope Bram’s not getting the
blame for this.”

He smiles at me. “Why?”

“Because it’s not his fault. It’s hers for taking
advantage.”

“You don’t think that a bit of this is his fault?”

What I actually think is that he’s trying to rile me for some
reason but I don’t rise. Going into the bathroom I brush my teeth and put some
light make up on. Then I pull on a pair of yoga pants with a bright yellow slub
top which has a floppy neck so I layer a white vest top underneath it. I leave
my hair loose and try to breathe deeply but it’s no good because the thought of
Amber taking advantage of people and getting paid for it and Bram getting the
blame for her behaviour means that I’m still steaming mad as I make my way
downstairs.

Bram

I slump against one of the kitchen cabinets and catch Sid’s
eye. He’s watching Charlie carefully who is sitting slumped on a kitchen chair
biting his nails. I raise my eyebrows and Sid’s eyes close briefly and then he
shakes his head slowly to indicate concern. He’s right, I’ve never seen Charlie
like this before, so devastated and still. Normally he’s so full of life and
never stops moving, a real frontman.

“This is my fault,” I say suddenly, voicing what I’m sure
they’re all thinking.

“What?” Sid looks at me in consternation.

“This is my fault,” I enunciate, pointing at Charlie and
then at me. “If I hadn’t sent him home with that bitch we wouldn’t be in this
position.”

“Bram,” Sid begins. “The only person who’s to blame for this
shit storm is Amber, and possibly Charlie for getting into such a state in the
first place.” I wince but that’s Sid, honest to a brutal fault sometimes.

Seth nods emphatically. “He’s right Bram, you just sent him
home.”

“Yeah but I should have gone home with him. It’s my fault.”
I pause and then keep going. “I just needed to spend some time with Alys.”

Charlie finally stirs. “Pip for fuck’s sake I’m nearly
thirty. I don’t need a fucking babysitter today and I sure as fuck didn’t want
one last night. You were a good friend and you and Alys talked some sense into
me. It’s my fault and my fault alone. I chose to walk out on her without
talking to her. I chose to get drunk and stay drunk. Just because some bird on
the make chooses to manipulate the situation doesn’t mean there would have even
been a situation to manipulate if I hadn’t made the wrong choices. So fucking
shut up about it.”

Seth looks at me. “I have to say that something is your
fault though Pip.”

I wince. “Okay what?”

“Alys.”

“What about Alys?” I can hear the defensiveness in my voice.

He looks at me like I’m an idiot. “She’s absolutely amazing
but you’re going to end up pissing her off and she’ll leave and where will you
be then Pip? On your own again with just Matty propping you up and assorted
women. Not a brilliant existence if you ask me.”

“I didn’t ask you,” I say sharply. “But if we have to air
our dirty laundry I’ll just say this. I know she’s amazing and I don’t want her
to leave so that’s what I’m doing. I’m keeping my fucking hands off her and
then she won’t leave.” I avoid mentioning that over the last few weeks I’ve
paraded so many women in front of her that she should have punched me. I’d just
been so devastated and almost wanted to punish her for holding a mirror up to
me that night showing me what I was really like, what she really thought of me,
and why I would never be good enough for her.

Seth shakes his head tiredly. “Bram I have so much to say to
that statement but I’ve known you for fucking years and I know that it’s not
the right time yet. You’re not ready to see how wrong you are. I hate to think
that you’re going to fuck up the best thing that’s ever happened to you, but
maybe it’s going to take that to make you see sense for the first time.”

I open my mouth to say something sharp but Sid ever the
peacemaker jumps in, and despite how cross I am I take a second to truly enjoy
him being part of one of these conversations for the first time in years,
rather than being the subject of them. “Boys we’re missing the point here. Are
we ready for when she comes?”

John the lawyer stirs uncomfortably next to me and I can’t
say that I blame him. He didn’t ask to be part of the Oprah Winfrey show as we
all air our feelings, and God knows what he thinks of us after last night.
Still I’ve got to give him his due. He came straight round this morning to
clear up the misunderstanding and that’s not an easy thing to do when Charlie
is one of his rare rages.

Charlie and he seem to have come to an understanding already
which is why he’s here, and with the speed and clarity of his documents I can
already see him replacing our lawyer who’s about to retire. We’re like that as
a band, if someone proves their loyalty then they get ours. It’s the way that
we’ve always done it, and probably accounts for us being such a tight ship with
hardly any leaks to the press. “Everything’s ready. The document’s watertight
so she’ll have no way to break it. If she does, the financial penalties will be
extremely severe,” he says in his rich, deep voice. He’s a very good looking
man so I can see why Charlie felt threatened by him.

I hear footsteps coming down the stairs and I crane my neck
to catch my first glimpse of Alys. I always try to do this without her noticing
because she’s so beautiful and I enjoy seeing her when she doesn’t think that
anyone’s looking at her. Her expressions are so vivid and she always has that
small look of concentration on her face like she’s ready for the world to come
at her.

I especially enjoy it today because she’s obviously in a
towering rage. Her beautiful hair is practically standing up around her face
and if we were anything but friends I would grab her and fuck her where she
stands, harnessing that rage because sometimes it makes for the best orgasms. I
should know, there’ve been many women who have been angry with me.