Keep Me (Beggar's Choice #3) (4 page)

“Bram you can’t. It’s too much.”

“No, too much would be me taking you to and fro and let’s
face it Henry is a lot less pretty than me. His face won’t cause riots on the
campus.”

“I can walk and take the bus.”

“No,” he says loudly and firmly. “No, no, no. I want to know
you’re safe and not having a panic attack somewhere.”

“That makes me sound so pathetic,” I protest and he looks
angry.

“You’re not pathetic. You’re as fucking far from that as
anyone I’ve ever met. You’re a brave girl who suffers from a condition that
can’t stand small spaces. Which means that you can’t cope with the underground.
Deal with it and move on. The bus is too far for you to walk back later when
it’s dark. Therefore the only option is a driver. I have more money than most
people I know. This is like me paying your bus fare. I’d do that Alys and I’ll
happily do more because I like you and I think that we’re going to be good
friends.”

I swallow hard and he takes my silence as the opportunity to
push me gently towards the front door.

“We’ll talk about this later,” I say firmly.

“Henry’s waiting,” he says merrily. “If it pleases your
embarrassed studenty little soul have him drop you a few yards from the
campus.”

I go to say something but I’m struck dumb when he pushes me
through the door, hands me my bag over which he exclaims in disgust. “You’re welcome,”
he shouts happily and slams the door in my face.

Bram

I slam the door smiling which falters slightly when I see
Matt leaning against the kitchen door giving me that x-ray stare of his.
”What?” I ask defensively because let’s face it it’s my default return when I
see that look. However, he just shrugs and wanders back into the kitchen. “Oh
no don’t shrug,” I call. “You can’t look at me like that and then walk away.”

He laughs. “Bram you’re so fucking needy. Always wanting to
know what I’m thinking and feeling. It’s like having a very cloying wife.”

“Fuck off. I’d be an amazing wife.”

He blinks slightly. “Mate that thought is so disturbing my
brain is squirming trying to get rid of it.”

I laugh and then look hard at him. “What do you think of
her?”

He stares at me over his coffee cup. “I like her Bram. She’s
quality.”

I relax because Matt’s really astute and a great judge of
character. If he likes her and Sid does then I know that I’m right. They’re
like the voices of my conscience. Well, Matt is. Sid not so much nowadays, but
I dismiss that thought instantly because it hurts too much to think about him
at the moment.

“And beautiful,” he adds knowingly, giving me that stare
again.

I wriggle slightly because she totally is and I’ve got no
right to be looking. I settle for shrugging. “If you say so.”

He laughs. “I may be gay Bram but I’ve still got eyes. How
the fuck are you going to keep your hands off her?”

I slump slightly. “I don’t know,” I mutter. “But I’m going
to.”

“You seem to like her though. I mean all these arrangements
for her and you gave a whole day up for her with no hope of a blowjob in
return. Ah, my boy is growing up.”

I flick his arm hard making him say
ouch
and then I
shrug. “I just like her mate. You know me I tend to make up my mind quickly and
run with it. “

“Yes, but usually it’s less you being the clear thinker that
you’re obviously trying to portray here, and more due to total pig headedness.”

“I don’t know why I like her. It was instant.” I hesitate.
“She reminds me a bit of Sid though when we first met him at school don’t you
think?”

He looks arrested and then nods. “Yeah you’re right. She’s
got that slightly damaged charm about her. You’ve always been a sucker for
that.”

“I have not.”

“Have too.” We grin at each other and then he sobers,
rubbing his finger meditatively along the worktop. “Maybe that’s a good omen
then mate because let’s face it Sid’s always had your total loyalty despite
everything that’s happened. If she’s like him to you then she can’t go wrong.”

Silence falls as we acknowledge what the word ‘
everything’
encompasses and then I smile and shrug. “She’s a good girl Matty and she’s been
through some shit. Fuck, she’s dealing with something regularly that would
derail most of us, and she does it with a smile on her face and doesn’t feel
sorry for herself. I like that in a person and so I want to help her.”

“Is that it?”

The word
no
comes into my head immediately because it
isn’t. She’s so beautiful I have a hard time keeping my hands off her, and
earlier I’d not liked Matt looking at her which is totally ridiculous because
she lacks the vital equipment to interest him. I shake the feelings off like
water on my skin. “Yeah that’s it.” Despite shooting me a keen glance he lets
it go and we plunge back into the diary.

Alys

Henry proves to be an older, grey haired man but after I’ve
plonked myself in the front seat with him and he’s had to talk to me in the
endless traffic jams that London is famous for, he shows a softer side and a
sweet smile. He has three daughters and five grandchildren and an
understandably paternal air so I relax with him and by the time that we pull up
a few yards away from the university we are firm friends. Thanking him and
promising to ring him when I finish, I walk briskly towards the red brick building
that will be the centre for my studies for the next three years.

I’ve wanted to be a nurse for as long as I can remember.
Years spent in and out of hospital have given me an immense respect for the
profession, and I’d known fairly early on that I wanted to be a children’s
nurse. This was the reason for my coming to England, and the South Bank
University in particular. Nurses spend time both at university and out on
placements in teaching hospitals, and LSBU is the only university that sends
its nurses on placements to the world-renowned Great Ormond Street Hospital for
Children.

I stop in front of the building and breathe in deeply trying
to quell the sudden butterflies in my stomach. There’s a palpable air of
excitement about and I notice uneasily that all the people going into the
building seem a lot younger than me. They’re fresh faced and look almost shiny,
like life hasn’t tarnished them in the same way that it has me, and I wonder if
I’ll stand out like a telephone box in the desert.

Dismissing my thoughts I make my way up the steps and into
the building. My first stop is to see the student liaison officer who is going
to oversee the arrangements that have been made for me with my course so that
my deafness won’t impact too much on me.

An hour later I leave the room of the liaison officer who’d
turned out to be a bubbly redhead called Julie. I follow her, clutching a
fistful of leaflets with my head full of information about hearing loops and
the extra help that’s available if needed in lectures and on placements. Julie
turns to me. “The introductory lecture for all new students is in Lecture
Theatre One. I’ll take you over there and introduce you to Professor Anderson
who runs the course. She’ll point you out to the lecturers that you’ll have and
introduce you to your mentor who is aware of your deafness and what help you
might need. Then you can hop on the tour with everyone else. Are you sure that
you don’t want me to tag along with you?”

I nod determinedly. I don’t need help. I’ve been on my own for
a long while and really don’t like being separated out by my differences from
everyone else. I smile to mitigate any abruptness. “Yes I’m sure. Thank you
Julie. You must remember that I’m only partially deaf anyway so I don’t have as
many obstacles as a fully deaf student might have. Besides you’ve given me
loads of reading materials.” I shake my papers at her like maracas and she
laughs and drops the subject.

Ten minutes later she’s introduced me to the course tutor
who is a thin, stern faced, silver haired lady. They point out which rooms have
hearing loops and that all the lecture theatres have them installed. They’re
ingenious devices in that they send a wireless signal to my hearing aid which
when I switch it to the right frequency lets me hear the sound without the
background noise.

After shaking Julie’s hand and saying goodbye I’m free to
join the other students that are flocking into the lecture theatre steadily.
Spying an empty seat I ease into it and catch the eye of the girl sitting next
to me.

“You on the BSC for Children’s Nursing?” she asks and I
think I detect a Welsh accent.

“Yes, how about you?”

“Yes.” She puts out her hand to shake. “I’m Elen,” she adds.
She has a very slow but direct way of speaking which gives what she says an air
of absolute truth. She has jet black hair cut into a blunt bob and quite a
formidable air about her. Also, although small she has a massive chest which I
can’t help but glance at. They’re like a shelf in front of her. Seeing me look
she smirks. “Tidy aren’t they?” she murmurs. “They’re my secret weapons.”

I laugh. “Weapons of mass destruction I reckon, but alas
mine are more the Tony Blair model.” She looks at me questioningly and I smile.
“No one can quite put their fingers on them.”

She lets out a roar of laughter. “Reckon we might be mates
then Alys. Where are you from?”

“Belfast. How about you?”

“Ah, Cardiff.”

“So we’re both London newbies.”

“Me not so much. I’ve lived here for a few years. I followed
a bloke over, had a kid and just stayed. London’s lasted longer than the bloke
though.”

I wince. “Sorry,” I offer.

She smiles sweetly and it totally transforms her somewhat
bolshy exterior. “Don’t be. I’d have been better following a fucking donkey
than that man.”

I laugh. “Yeah they’re much easier than men I think.” I push
my hair back from my face and she catches sight of my hearing aid.

“Are you deaf then?”

I smile because I like her already. She’s very direct and
obviously takes no bullshit, but she seems forthright and honest. She reminds
me a bit of Bram because underneath all his charm is this forthright honesty
too. “I am.”

She stares over the lecture theatre contemplatively. “Reckon
it’s lucky for me there was a spare seat next to me Alys because I like you
already. You’ll have to let me know if you struggle with anything or need me to
take notes for you.”

I’m very touched. “Thanks but I don’t think there’ll be much
need. I can hear a lot with my other ear and what I miss the hearing aid mostly
picks up. The hearing loops are brilliant too as they amplify everything. What
courses have you signed up for? We’ll have to see if we’re on the same ones.”
We put our heads together over the course literature and I’m delighted to find
that she’s in most of my groups. Finally I look up. “So you have a child?”

She gives a warm smile. “Yes, a little girl called Daisy.”
She roots through her purse and shows me a photo of a cheeky looking little
girl with masses of hair and a devilish, gap toothed smile.

“She’s lovely.” I’m about to add something when a girl comes
up the steps and points to the empty seat on my other side.

“Is this taken?” She’s blonde and rail thin with a lot of
make up on and a hard face but she’s very beautiful and already I can see some
of the blokes in the centre aisle taking notice of her.

 I smile and move my bag for her. “No, not at all.”
Sniffing she edges into her seat putting her rucksack down. “Are you on the
children’s nursing course?” I finally ask after a small silence. She nods
without looking at me and I catch Elen’s expression but I shrug and persevere.
“I’m Alys and this is Elen.”

She looks at us for a long couple of seconds and then gives
us a thin smile. “Amber,” she offers curtly and then turns in time to catch the
eye of a gorgeous, black haired boy in front of us. Instantly her expression
smooths into a smiling warmth that makes me blink as it’s such a stark contrast
to her previous coldness. I look at Elen and we both burst into laughter which
is quelled by Amber turning to glare at us and Professor Anderson standing up
to begin her lecture.

Five hours later I climb the stairs to Bram’s flat pausing
every set of stairs to pant and sit down until the spots in front of my eyes
pass. I’ve had a productive day finding all my study groups and the rooms where
the lectures would be held. I have a completed timetable and I took the tour
around the university which didn’t really tell me anything that Bram and I
hadn’t found out the previous day.

 Elen and I had gone for a coffee and she’d asked where
I was staying but I’d fobbed her off by saying that I was staying with a friend
and then she’d had to fly off to pick up Daisy from her child minder. I’ve got
a feeling that we’re going to be good friends but I still don’t know her well
and my loyalty lies with Bram.

It seems an eternity before I reach the top floor and I’m a
sweaty, shaky mess but at least I haven’t used the lift. I’ll be super fit by
the time I leave here I tell myself, opening the door in a rush and looking
forward to telling Bram all about my day. It’s actually the first time in years
that I’ve ever had this feeling of wanting to share something. Foster carers
are brilliant people on the whole but a foster child is usually on the way
through, travelling onwards and rarely stopping anywhere, so that sense of
wanting to share something with someone who will be interested is a shiny
thought to me.

It makes me shove the door inwards, eagerly opening my mouth
to shout his name, but what actually comes out is somewhere between a gasp and
a squeak because Bram is noticeably a bit too busy to talk at the moment, as he
is stark naked, fucking a dark haired woman against one of the floor to ceiling
windows in the lounge.

I gasp and cover my eyes automatically but the details seem
to be burned onto my retinas. That long golden body with the biteable arse
which is clenching as he thrusts hard into the woman as she moans and gasps,
and the long veins on his arms that move as he flexes his muscles, holding the
woman up by her hips and digging his fingers into the skin of her arse.