Keep Me (Shelter Me #3) (3 page)

“You really do not have any filter at all, do you?”

I shake my head, giving her a ‘what do you think?’ look as I take off my jacket. Adam takes it from me and hangs it up in the hallway closet.

“This is going to be one hell of a fun week with you and your mouth here. I really have missed you, you know.”

Finally! She’s come to her senses and realized how much fun I am. If only she knew the truth. If I can help it, she never will.

“Adam, this is my best friend, Markus. Markus, this is Adam.”

The two shake hands and instantly hit it off. Adam takes Markus’ bags and sets them off to the side. They talk for a few more minutes and take off to wherever.

“So, is the restaurant doing any better?” Erin asks as we are putting away the last of my clothes in one of the spare bedrooms upstairs.

Last time I stayed here I slept downstairs. With Adam and Erin leaving for a two-week honeymoon right after their wedding, I am staying with Sierra while they are gone. We all thought it was best for me to sleep close to her. Markus is sleeping downstairs in the room I stayed in before, which is fine with me. Fleeting memories seep into my brain of the night Antonio stayed with me down there on my last visit.

The more I think about Markus being here, the happier I become. There is no way I would be able to make it these next few weeks without my best friend. I owe him one gigantic apology for the sacrifices he is making for me by being here. Taking three weeks away from his photography is going to absolutely kill him. Knowing him like I do, I would bet anything he brought all of his equipment with him. The change of scenery from the dry, humid Texas weather to the snow and cold might inspire some really great new photos for him to sell in his gallery, too. I smile at the thought as I continue on with my conversation with Erin.

“Not really. Things are still a little slow,” I shrug, keeping my back to her so she doesn’t catch my lie.

I have been lying to Erin for months about many things. When she picks up on my depressed tone, I always blame the restaurant or how tired I am from working long hours. For the love of God, please don’t let her doubt me now. Not when she is just days away from her wedding and she finally has peace. She has been through so much in her life.

Tamp it down, Shelby, and make this week all about her as it should be.

I must be going nuts. All I ever do anymore is talk to myself. My brain runs a mile a damn minute. I am beginning to think my brain is just as big as my damn mouth. It never knows when to shut the hell up.

“Hey. Did I lose you over here?”

Erin comes up behind me, wrapping her arms snugly around my waist.

“No. Just caught up in my own thoughts. I’m not here to talk about me, you know?”

“Yeah, well, you have always been one of my favorite subjects to talk about. So I’m in here to talk about you.”

She squeezes me a little tighter, putting me in a big sister comfort zone.

“I’m boring and you know it. Not much to talk about.”

“Oh, stop. You’re anything but boring. Have you been dating at all since the last time we talked?” she asks, giving me one last squeeze and pulling herself away from me.

“Dating?” I scoff. “No, Erin. I am not dating, and I have told you a million times I don’t care about dating. It’s not something I need right now.”

This never-ending subject for everyone around me is really starting to get under my skin. Yes, I am lonely as hell, and yes, I crave more than anything a man’s touch and for a man to look at me and to love me as much as Adam does my sister. I have my reasons for never wanting to get close to a man. My reasons for being a twenty five-year-old virgin.

The only person in this world who I have shared those reasons with is Markus. Erin is a worrier, a healer. There is no way, especially not now, that I would tell her. If I’m being honest with myself, I am damn near petrified of being here. Antonio seems to haunt my dreams. I can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep. Fuck this nonsense. He is not going to take away my time with my family. Besides, the way Erin acted at the airport makes me think she knew Markus was coming with me.

“
So
,” I tease. “Something tells me you knew Markus was coming. Care to share why you kept that teeny tiny bit of information from me?”

My preposterous act of being annoyed obviously zooms right past her head as she quirks her brows, bringing her face to within an inch of mine.

“
So
, what if I did? He called and told me he wanted to come. You know I can never resist his charm. Besides, he will come in handy since he’s my wedding photographer and all.”

She sways her ass into my adjoining bathroom and deposits my make-up bag onto the counter.

“Well, he’s a sneaky bastard! I will give him credit for that.”

“Oh, Shelby. He loves you, and for whatever reasons he has for wanting to be here with you, take it for what it is and be thankful.”

“What makes you think I’m not thankful?”

Good Lord! Does everyone think I’m so illogical that I can’t even be thankful my best friend is here at a time I will need him the most? I must have ‘bitch’ engraved into my forehead or something.

“I’m fine. Really, I am. Why is everyone so worried about me all of a fucking sudden?”

Guilt slaps me right in the face as soon as my words leave my mouth. Erin doesn’t need me acting this way, but truth be told I am not mad at Markus or anyone for that matter.

“Erin. I didn’t mean it to sound so bitchy. I’m sorry. I was surprised to see Markus on the plane and right next to me all that time. I never even noticed him; that’s a little wacky on my part, don’t you think?”

“Not noticing your best friend sitting directly across from you only proves my point,” she says, wagging her finger in front of my face.

“And what point is that?” I ask, wagging mine right back, only with a little more of my sass and Swanky moves, rocking my hips and jutting out my chin like some bad-ass bitch.

She grabs my finger and jerks me right into a sisterly hug. I do believe our little tiff just might be over as we stand here and hold each other like we have so many times. I may think I’m some kind of bad ass with this protective shield I have around me, but when it comes to my sister, I cave. She usually can get anything out of me, but not this time. I will never let her know the things that have truly taken away my strength and left me broken in places I never knew were broken in the first place. I just have no clue how they will ever be repaired.

Chapter Three

Shelby

What do you do when you wake up at the butt crack of dawn and look outside and see the roads covered in a thick blanket of snow? You climb your booty right back in bed and bury your head under the covers and scream.

It’s boring as crap here. Markus and I have been here one week, and since there are not many details to take care of for the small, intimate wedding Erin and Adam are having, we have spent more time relaxing than actually working. The second night I was here, Sierra had to drag me outside like a spoiled, petulant schoolkid to get me to make a snow angel with her.

I froze my ass off, and she laughed. The little stinker laughed at me until I stuck my tongue out at her. Then she threw a pile of snow in my face and tried to tackle me to the ground, laughing and carrying on. The only way I stayed out there for so long is because I love her so much. Listening to her laughter and talking about school, and Lucy, and how much she loves it here had my insides so warm it didn’t matter how cold my toes and fingers were.

Whipping the covers over my head and glancing at the clock, I notice it is only five-thirty in the morning. I groan and bolt upright in bed as a sudden weariness fills my entire being. Tonight is a small rehearsal dinner at Luke and Shayne’s house. I cannot wait to see the look on her face tomorrow when we arrive at the spot where Adam actually is planning on having their wedding, but that’s not what has my stomach doing all kinds of little girly flip-flops. It’s the thought of running into Antonio, who I have done nothing but avoid all week.

Markus and I have talked almost every day and night about my chicken-shit attitude, and in true Markus fashion, he has told me bluntly that I need to “grow a pair” and call Antonio.  I finally had to fess up that the way Antonio and I left things when I left Michigan last is entirely my fault.

I admitted that the horrible things I said to and about him in private the day I left were uncalled for and hateful. He made me feel like I was suffocating, and my heart broke for the first time in my life when I couldn’t give him the one thing he wanted. Not my virginity; he doesn’t even know I am still a virgin. He wanted me to stay longer or try and have a long distance relationship. I knew it wouldn’t work, not with me. I would never be able to give him, or any man for that matter, what most men desperately want. So I was a bitch, an evil bitch at that, and threw in his face how much of a whore bag I thought he was, and told him I could never be with anyone like him.

I had cringed, wanting to slap myself into the next generation when I saw the hurt in his eyes. I stormed out of the room, grabbed my bags, and left him standing there. Just walked away without another word. I cut him deep, and I know it; he told me as much in the many text messages he sent me. I never answered a single one, trying to distance myself from him.

Markus was right. Even though I never answered Antonio back, the minute his text messages stopped, I instantly missed him horribly. Several weeks passed, with me crying myself to sleep every night, wishing he would text me one more time so I could answer him back. When the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, I knew he had given up all hope.

I prayed like hell he had finally moved on. Now I have to face him for the first time in months, and I am scared out of my damn foolish mind. If I can just get through tonight without any kind of altercation, everything will be fine. Hopefully I can get Antonio out of this equation once and for all.

I’m just going to apologize to him politely and move on. Sounds like a very good plan to me.  Unless…no, he’s most likely not going to give me the time of day after the things I said. And there’s the fact that I never did answer a single phone call or text message.

What did he expect, though? I mean, really, we live thousands of miles apart. And his mouth! Markus thinks I have a smart mouth? Wait until he hears some of the shit Antonio says! How can he be a damn lawyer? I’m shocked he’s even able to keep any kind of clients with what comes out of his mouth sometimes.

Antonio is the most aggravating man I have ever met, yet here I am thinking about him again when I just said I need to get him out of my mind.

What mind? You lost it, remember?

See? This is why he is still there. For that reason alone, I need to get my mind and my life back on track. Slutbags and mindless virgins never mix well. The quicker I learn this, the better off I’ll be.

HA!
I laugh to myself as I step into the scalding shower. I have never taken as many showers in my whole screwed up life as I have since I have been here. It’s as if my body temperature has dropped ninety eight point six degrees and I’m frozen stiff like those damn popsicles Sierra eats every night. Shit, the thought of two more weeks here in the cold has me actually banging my head up against the tiled wall.

“Oh, sweet Sierra. The things your aunt will do for you,” I say out loud.

“Who the heck are you talking to in there?”

I jump, smacking my head even harder on the tiles.

“You dipshit! You scared the hell out of me, Erin!” I yell.

“Oh, well that’s great, then.”

I stand under the spray and scrunch up my face thinking,
has she gone mad?

“What’s great?” I yell back.

“It’s great I scared the shit out of you. Now Markus can change your nickname to Swanky Shitter.”

I hear her guffawing at her joke so hard it has me shaking my head, but I laugh silently to myself to not give her any satisfaction as I continue to wash my hair and body.

“So who are you talking to, anyway?”

“Myself. Why?” I ask, leaning my head back and trying to hurry the hell up so I can step out and freeze even more.

Right as I think about freezing, an icy shock hits me as a downpour of cold water cascades over my head and body.

“Oh my fucking shit!” I scream as I turn my head to see Erin standing outside the shower with a bucket in her hand, snorting like a cow. “You bitch! I am going to kick your ass all the way back to Texas!”

I crank the hot water all the way up as I glare at her.

“It’s not fucking funny!”

She ever-so-innocently holds a towel out to me. I turn off the shower and yank it out of her hand.

“It so was,” she snorts.

I wrap the towel around my shivering body.

“It so wasn’t, you damn Texan turned Yankee. It’s freezing here as it is, and you go and pour ice cold water on me? Ugh! I just want to go back to Texas and bitch about how hot it is down there.”

“Oh, quit it, you big cry baby. It’s not that cold.”

“You’re nuts, big sissy. I think this Michigan weather has frozen your damn brain.”

I glare at her after tossing a towel over my long, blonde hair.

“Your hair is getting so long. It’s pretty. I like it,” she says sweetly, quickly changing the subject.

“Don’t try and be all nicey-nicey to me now. You ruined my perfectly good shower. It’s the only time I am warm here,” I complain.

“Are you whining?”

“Yes. Can I have a hug? I’m cold.”

She gives me a big hug and I don’t let her go.
Yeah, walk right into my trap, oh beautiful, loving sister of mine.
Suddenly, I push her tiny little ass into the shower. Faster than I can cut up a cucumber, I wrench the tap on and blast water all over her face and body.

“You bitch!”

Erin grabs hold of her long, blonde hair, which is the identical shade to mine, golden with natural lighter highlights, and pushes it out of her face.

I am laughing so hard the tears are actually dripping down my face and plastering the floor.

“Oh, my God! You should see your face!”

“One way or another you will pay for that, you skank bag.”

Before I can react and ask her what the hell a skank bag is, Adam comes busting into the room. I swiftly try and hide my modesty.

“What the fu-? Hey, sweet cheeks. Damn, Erin. What the hell happened in here?” he asks, but his eyes are not on me at all.

Instead, he is staring at his wife-to-be who is standing in the shower with a wet t-shirt plastered to her skin, giving him a view of exactly how cold it is in this fucking place. Their gazes lock and the look of desire on both of their faces has my own heating up in no time. I fly right past Adam, who I don’t think even realized I was in the room.

************

“You are not wearing that?”

Erin stands in the middle of her kitchen, trying to act all bossy.

“Like hell, I’m not. It’s ten degrees outside, and there is no way I am not keeping warm. Besides, what the heck is wrong with it?” I ask, looking down and my long, black turtleneck sweater dress.

“You look like you’re going to funeral instead of a rehearsal dinner.”

“Erin. I’m cold, all right? I am sooooo sorry my attire doesn’t appease you.”

My hands fly all over the place, showing her just how frustrated I really am. We had a perfect day together; her, Sierra, and I. Just like old times when she lived in Texas. And now she is riding my ass about my clothes!

“Look. I’m sorry, all right?”

She approaches me and rubs her hands up and down my arms in her protective older sister manner.

“All you have done such you have arrived here is bitch about one thing or another. I know you, Shelby, and it’s more than you being cold all the time. That’s a piss poor excuse, and you know it. Something is bothering you and I want to know what it is. I can’t leave here for two weeks knowing something is bothering my baby sister, so come on; be honest with me. Tell me what’s going on.”

For the love of God, she really knows how to dig her claws in, doesn’t she?

“I’ve told you; it’s the restaurant. So lay off and quit worrying about me. I’m fine, really I am. You’re about to get married, so please don’t worry about me. Please.”

Fucking hell, I can see it in her eyes. She knows I am full of shit.

“Did you know that when people answer with, “I’m fine,” it means they really are not fine? It’s a lie to try and appease the person asking.”

I shake my head no, wishing like all hell I didn’t feel like I was on repeat spin cycle.

“It’s true, so the next time I ask, tell me the damn truth.”

“Fine. I will be honest with you.”

She releases a heavy breath and closes her eyes for the briefest second, opening them back up with a look of worry written all over her face.

“I am nervous about seeing Antonio tonight.”

“Oh, Shelby. You don’t need to worry about him. And why would you be, anyway?”

“Erin, listen. Just forget about it, okay? It’s really not a big deal. I just haven’t seen or talked to him since I left here. I’m fine really. Just a little nervous. Now can we please go?”

I know I left my sister standing in the middle of her kitchen most likely more worried than when she walked in, but damn it, I am not about to tell her the whole truth. Yes, a part of me is scared shitless about seeing Antonio in less than an hour. And yes, the real reason I wore this ugly as all hell dress is because of the way he used to ogle my breasts as if he wanted to bury his head in between them and use them for a pillow. He’s more than likely not even going to look in my direction, tonight or any night for that matter, after what I said.

I sigh and grab my coat, hat, and gloves, and walk back into the kitchen where Adam is helping Erin put on her coat. Once he’s done, he bends down and helps Sierra button up hers. Seeing how the three of them have been with each other this whole week, and how my sister, who has taken care of me most of her life, finally has someone who loves her just for the sweet caring person she truly is, is the only thing that has kept me from falling farther into complete darkness.

“I am a total bitch!” I cry as Markus drives us to dinner.

The snow has let up over the last few days, giving the snow plows time to have the main roads just about completely bare.

“What have you gone and done now, Swanky?” The sound of Markus’ voice soothes away some of the anger I have inflicted upon myself.

“Erin and I got into it right before we left again. I feel like shit. God, I am such a mess, Markus.”

“Oh, honey. Come on now, you are not a mess. You’re just a little lost right now. Tell me what happened.”

We sit at the red light and I let his words sink in. After making the turn onto Shayne and Luke’s road, I spill my guts about the way I have been acting and lashing out at Erin after she voiced her concern.

“You know, I think it will be good for you to see Antonio.” Before I can respond, he places his free hand across my mouth. “Do not say a word, Shelby. Listen for one damn minute. You’re hiding. And before you try to deny it, you need to tell your brain to shut the hell up and to let your heart lead for once. Jesus Christ. I can’t believe you don’t feel like a damn ping pong ball with all this back and forth bullshit you let scramble around in your head. Fucking
live
, for Christ’s sake. Listen to what everyone has been trying to tell you. LIVE, honey. God, you have gone out of your way to ignore Antonio all week long and now that you have to actually see him, you dress like a damn nun. For what? To keep him away from you? I’m sick of it. Pull your head out of your fucking ass and live your damn life. You have only one life to live, you know, and you sure as fuck are NOT living it. You are drowning in your own self-pity, and to be quite honest with you, I am sick of it!”