Keep Swimming (7 page)

“I can’t promise much, okay? My schedule is what it is, I’m horrible with children and I’m not out. But I’d love to keep seeing you and maybe let it turn into what it wants to on its own.”

Cary stared, unblinking.

“Oh, shit.” Heath sat back, extracting his hand. “Assuming you’re looking for that. I didn’t think about that.”

Cary grabbed the hand Heath had just pulled away. “No, no. I do want that. I’m just surprised. Surprised you want to try and surprised you came here. Heck, I’m surprised you’re so shy.”

“I’m not shy,” Heath grunted, shifting in his seat. Cary’s face lit up and Heath knew he was in trouble.

“
You so are. You’re shy because want to keep me.”

“
Don’t look so smug. You ain’t catching some kinda prize. I’m gone two weeks at a time and we won’t be able to see each other much more than we do now. I’m not ready to make any huge commitments or nothin’.”

Cary’s expression dimmed and he sat back in his seat. “Yeah, I get that.”

Idiot. You gotta give something, here.
He knew that much. “But I can promise I won’t go fucking around on you. I’ll let things play out.” That seemed to perk Cary up a bit.

“
What about Gus?”

“
Uh.” Heath knew he must look panicked because Cary laughed at him when he saw his expressions.

“
Relax. I’m not trying to make you his other daddy or anything. But we are a package deal. So, maybe if we’re gonna do this, you at least … you have to be willing to accept that, and you’d have to respect that I have to pick him over you sometimes.”

“
I get that.” He did. He’d never ask for anything different. “It’s not like I won’t fuck up and pick my career over you sometimes. I’m set in my ways. It won’t be smooth sailing, but I’m willing to try.”

Cary sat quietly for a long minute. Heath didn’t know why he was holding his breath, why this was so important. But he finally exhaled when Cary turned that perfect smile, the one he’d grown addicted to, on him.

“Okay. Let’s try. Just stop me if I ask something that’s too much. But you
have
to talk to me. Even if it’s to tell me we're not working. Okay?”

“
I can do that,” Heath said. Not that he was a master at communication but he could do that. He wrapped his hand around the back of Cary’s neck again and kissed the man’s smiling lips. God, he’d missed kissing this man. He didn’t know what he was getting himself into, but what was life without at least trying?

As Cary drove out to the marina he had to take deep breaths. In the two months they’d been seeing each other, two months since Heath had shown up and surprised the hell out of Cary by saying he wanted to
try
, Cary had gone through this a few times. The first night Heath would come home for his two weeks, Celine would keep Gus and Cary would meet Heath at the yacht. They’d spend the night having wild sex, sex that seemed to get better the more they figured out each others' bodies, sex that seemed to grow increasingly passionate.

They weren’t by any means in a traditional relationship. They didn’t get to see each other often, but they managed to text a lot. Heath would pop in for the surprise lunch here and there. They’d even taken Gus out on the boat again. But they didn’t lie around whispering sweet nothings. Not that Cary assumed Heath would ever be the type. Cary didn’t mind, though, because when Heath would hug him the first time after two weeks away, it was always a real, firm, I-missed-the-hell-outta-you hug.

When Heath whispered he’d missed Cary the first time, Cary almost fell off the bed. He knew Heath was in uncharted territory, and to be honest, Cary was also gun shy. He hadn’t tried getting involved with anyone  seriously since Marshall had walked out. He didn’t want to fuck up and move to fast, nor did he want to push Heath. They were actually going at a pretty comfortable pace.

He just wished Heath talked a little more. They talked, of course. Talked about Heath’s dream to run his charter service, funny stories from Heath’s work on the oil rigs, talked about Gus; Cary was surprised at how fond Heath seemed to be of his son. They didn’t really talk about the past much, though. He knew Heath was from Tallahassee, that he had a younger brother and he’d spent eight years in the Guard before leaving to work on the rigs. Heath knew most of the nightmare that was Marshall. Heath’d tried to talk about his ex-wife but it was uncomfortable enough for both of them that the conversation had been short-lived. Cary knew they were still friendly and she lived in Tallahassee, which was a comfortable distance in Cary’s mind.

Cary figured that stuff would come over time, though. They were still finding their footing. They were both skittish. But they were trying. And it was early days, yet.

Cary’s excitement grew when he pulled into the marina’s parking lot and grabbed his book bag with his change of clothes and his Kindle out of the backseat. He was a little early, so Heath wouldn’t be home yet. He thought he’d surprise him. He’d brought some carry-out and beer, since Heath was usually starved when he got home.

He boarded the
Keep Swimming
and groaned when he saw the door was unlatched. That meant Kyle was probably there checking up on things, his job when Heath was away. Sometimes Cary went out when Kyle was too busy to check in. That was the pretense he'd used when Heath gave him a key, which still made him giddy.

“
Y’know, in case you need to get away for a minute. And you could water my plants. Or whatever.”
 
Heath mumbled most of it.

“
You don’t have plants, Heath.”

“
Well, I’ve never given someone my key, okay? So I don’t know what I’m doing!” Heath’s frustration had been adorable, and adorable was the last word Cary usually used for the big roughneck.

He kissed Heath. “Thanks.”

“
Is it weird?”

“
It’d be weird if you’d asked me to move in, and maybe I’m reading too much into the key.”

That panicky look crossed Heath’s face and Cary laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m reeling myself in. I do appreciate it, though.” Heath grunted; fucking sexy grunted. Cary had to have the man one more time before he left.

Cary
had
been excited about tonight, but once Kyle saw food and beer he’d pretty much be sure to stick around a few hours. He thought cock-blocking was a funny game.

Cary went into the cabin and below deck to put away the beer and carry-out. He tossed his bag in Heath’s bedroom. When he came out, someone called “Heath, that you, babe?”

Babe?
A distinctly female someone calling Heath babe?
What. The. Fuck?

Cary felt his eyes trying to bulge out of his head as he made the slow climb up into the cabin. A very pretty, very topless brown-haired woman stood at the door.

“Oh, shit!” she exclaimed, running back on the bow. Cary stood, blinking wildly, trying to assess the situation, but coming up sorely lacking in brain activity.

The woman came back in the cabin, bikini top back on, hair done up in a pony tail. “I’m so mortified,” she said. Her lovely face was tinted red with embarrassment. “Heath didn’t warn me someone might stop by.”

“Um, it’s okay?”
I’ll be damned it’s okay.
Irrational anger flooded him, jealousy roaring like a mean green thunder in his chest.

She held out a hand. “Sorry about that. I’m Becca.”

“The wife, Becca?”

She tittered a laugh. “That’d be me.”
Now would be the time to correct me; say
ex-
wife.

“
Cary,” he said, eying her hand like it may bite. “Um, I should…” He pointed to the door and she cocked her head, confused. “Yeah…” he mumbled and headed out. He turned back and said to her, “Just tell Heath I was here.”

“
Um, alright,” she drawled. How dare she sound so annoyed? Yes, he’d been rude, or something. But what the hell? His ex-wife? Just showing up out of the blue, naked like it was okay. Was this usual?

Cary pulled up in front of his house, not having remembered even driving home. He knocked on Celine’s door. Tonight’s plans were obviously a bust. He was sure Heath would be too busy
entertaining
his ex-fucking-wife. Lord, he never cussed so much. He needed to calm down. But seriously?

Hurt bloomed in his chest. He knew he’d been expecting too much, getting too comfortable. They’d both said over and over that they weren’t committed, but when Heath said he wasn’t going to fool around with anyone else, Cary had expected that to mean
anyone
.

“
What’s up, Uncle Cary?” Savannah had opened the door and Cary hadn’t even noticed. “I thought you were out with your guy?”

“
Change of plans,” Cary said bitterly.

“
Okaaaay,” Savannah drew out. “Want me to get Gus?” He just nodded. By the time he collected Gus and begged off dinner with the ladies, he’d calmed down considerably. He felt ridiculous. He’d been a dick to Becca. She’d seemed as surprised by his appearance as he was by hers. And dang it all, he’d left his bag over there. He was humiliated.

He knew they were still friends, and if he thought about it, he realized he shouldn’t have been shocked she might also have a key. Heath had said she liked to vacation on the panhandle when she could. He hadn’t expected it to be on Heath’s boat, for sure, but that didn’t mean Heath was sleeping with his ex-wife.

“Daddy okay?” Gus asked. Cary looked at his son who’d been sitting on the couch quietly watching a movie next to Cary while Cary pretended to thumb through a magazine.

“
Yeah, buddy. Daddy’s being silly.”
Aren’t you, though?

“
Daddy’s silly,” Gus said, laughing. Cary raised a brow wondering why that was funny.

“
I think it’s time for bed don’t you?”

“
Can I sleep wif you?” Cary snorted. Maybe it was time for a speech pathologist. The kid just could
not
master his T-Hs.

“
Yes. You can. But brush your teeth first.”

“
Okay!” Gus had to roll on his stomach and touch down one foot at a time, still too small to get off the couch any other way. Cary laughed as he watched his son run down the hall. Gus had been exactly what he needed. Maybe tomorrow he could figure out how he felt about the rest of it. He felt ridiculous enough as it was, but he didn’t know how to handle this new development, or how much right he had to feel offended in the situation.

Gus wandered across the hall into his bedroom then came out, crossing into Cary’s with a stack of books in his arms. Cary smiled then went to turn out the lights and lock up. Looked like he’d be reading tonight. Thinking, he was sick of; reading, he could handle.

****

Heath jumped at his phone when it started ringing.
Thank God.
It was finally Cary. He’d tried to call him twice the night before. Becca had told him some guy named Cary had come by earlier but had seemed to not be feeling well and  had gone. He hoped nothing was wrong, his first fear being something had happened with Gus. Cary’d left so fast he’d forgotten his bag.

Heath hadn’t been able to touch the carry-out or beer Cary had brought with him. He smiled thinking about the fact Cary had tried to surprise him. Things like that had Heath becoming more and more addicted to the other man. He’d been so excited to see Cary’s smile, to kiss him, touch him, he’d been disappointed when he wasn’t home. Then he’d been so freaked out by Becca’s message he hadn’t had time to freak out about being such a teenager-with-a-crush about the man, or about how Becca had looked at him and his reaction to her message like he was crazy.

“Cary? Hello?” he asked when he answered.

“
Hey,” Cary said, barely audible.

“
Are you okay? Becca said you stopped by but you hauled ass. You left your bag.”

The other end of the line was quiet enough Heath had to check the phone to make sure they were still connected. “Cary? Are you okay?”

“You were worried?”

“
Of course! Is it Gus? What’s wrong?”

“
You were worried,” Cary said, sounding surprised.

“
Of course I was, what do you think, I’m some kinda asshole?”

“
That’s actually exactly what I think.”

Heath plopped down on the couch, gut-punched and not knowing why it hurt to hear those words from Cary. Maybe because he’d been trying so hard to not be an ass where Cary was concerned. How had he fucked up? “What?” he asked softly.

“Look, I feel ridiculous for getting mad. I guess I should have talked to you yesterday but I had Gus and forgot about my phone because I was freaking out like a major weirdo.”

Heath chuckled to himself when he heard Gus called his father silly in the background on the other end of the call. He still didn’t understand, though. “Cary, you told me to talk to you when I’m feeling like I’m fucking up. Well, I guess I’m feeling like I’m fucking up and I don’t even know how.”

“Your ex-wife was at the boat.”

“
So…”

Cary gave an exasperated sigh. “Look, I guess I trust that you weren’t gonna do anything with her, but I still didn’t like coming in and your ex-wife was practically naked and comfortable like it was an everyday occurrence.” Cary’s voice grew shrill on the last few words and Heath winced.

Shit.
He hadn’t really thought of that. “So you left because she was here?”

“
Because she was there
naked
and I thought
'Oh, hey, she’s waiting on him to come home for the same reason as me.'
”

“
That’s not fair, Cary.”

“
No,” Cary sighed. “It’s not. And of course once I thought it through I knew it wasn’t but I’d already lost it. But you know I’m insecure about her and it makes me feel crazy because I feel like I know you well enough by now that it shouldn’t.”

“
I’d hope we’re getting to that point. I’ve told you, man, I’m not fucking around with anybody, even if I don’t know what that means, being committed or in a relationship. You also know I’m bi so there are women in my past and it gets old you flinching so often.” Not that Cary was the first gay man Heath had been with that had that reaction. It seemed to be a pretty general response from the gold star crowd.

“
I know, I do. And in this case it’s not that it was a woman, it’s that it was your
ex
. Who has a key.”

“
Well, Kyle’s an ex, of sorts, and he has a key.”

Cary groaned. “Really, Heath,
now
you drop that one on me?” Heath winced, realizing that’d probably not been his best move ever.

“
I’m sorry. I can’t change my past, and I’d hope you’d respect that. I’m with you, I’m trying for you. I don’t know what else to do. I haven’t fucked my ex-wife since well before we divorced, twelve years, at the very least. And Kyle, you’ve met. That was also like seven years ago. I’m trying to be with you.”

“
I know. I do, I just… had a moment. I do trust you. It was just a… surprise.”

“
What do we do? I don’t want this to end over something out of my control.”

“
You don’t? I mean, I’m glad to hear that but… God, I’m a freak. I mean, I'm still pissed. You could have warned me, Heath. I guess I just don’t know what to say. I don’t judge you for the past, I don’t. I think I’d have the same problem if any boyfriend’s ex had free run of his house, though.”