Keep Swimming (6 page)

“I figured I’d take you guys for a quick spin so he can be on the yacht, maybe take her about thirty minutes down, hit Mexico Beach and let him hang out over there. He can’t fish, too young, so I hate to rip him off not making an afternoon of it.”

“
I thought you weren’t good with the kid thing.”

Heath gave another grunt as he dropped a life-vest over Cary’s head and snapped it on. “It seems to be a cosmic joke the universe has played on me. I’m good with kids, they like me… I just don’t want ‘em. Now hold your arms out.” Cary complied, letting his proverbial balloon deflate and spin to the ground after that swift popping.
What was it Kyle said? Hint taken.

“
You know, I’m pretty capable of putting on my own vest.”

Heath leaned in, breath ghosting over Cary’s ear as he spoke in a rumbling, sexy drawl. “Gotta touch you how I can, when I can.”

Cary shivered. “Not fair,” he said. Heath pulled back, smirking. Cary scowled playfully then asked where he and Gus should sit.

“
Come in the cabin for now, buckle in. He’ll be able to see great out the panoramics.”

They followed Heath inside and got buckled in while he checked a million things. When he started the yacht, Gus gave an excited giggle that made Cary’s heart pitter-patter. He loved seeing his son happy, and he’d have to thank Heath properly for putting that smile on Gus’s face.

As they made the trip toward Mexico Beach, Gus asked a million questions which Heath answered patiently. Cary was impressed. The man didn’t speak to Gus like he was a little kid, but gave complete answers, explaining things Gus may not understand. Gus was enraptured. Cary would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t as well.

After they made it to the beach, Heath pulled out hot dogs and sodas. Cary couldn’t even fuss about the sugar because Gus was having such a great time. He hadn’t stopped smiling once. And for Gus, that’d be a record. He was often a serious, quiet child. Only when he made new discoveries or had gotten so dirty Cary wanted to cringe would he smile as much as he had today.

They docked and walked up the beach for a minute. Heath and Cary helped Gus pick out shells. Cary had never been to this particular beach. It wasn’t the same pristine white sand as their part of the panhandle, it was more rocky and shell-covered. It was Gus’s dream beach. He had filled a Crown Royal bag Heath had provided.
He would
give a three year old a whiskey bag.
Heath had just shrugged at Cary’s raised eyebrow when he’d pulled it out.

After they’d gone back to the boat, everyone donned life-vests again and they’d put out a blanket on the deck. Heath explained what each shell was to them, more to Gus than Cary, but Cary didn’t mind because with their attention being held by the shells he could watch the way they interacted. He also used the opportunity to steal several looks at Heath, who occasionally would glance up at him and smirk.

“Daddy! Look! Wow! Oh, wow!” Cary jumped at Gus’s exclamation. He’d nearly swallowed his tongue when his son ran to the rails and tried to climb up the side to look over. Heath was right on the boy, though, slipping his hand inside the collar of his life-vest to hold him firm. Cary let out a sigh of relief. When he stood to check what had Gus so excited, he could see dolphin fins sliding through the water about a hundred yards out. He’d seen dolphins about a hundred times since he’d moved to Florida but this was probably a first for Gus.

Cary was about to join them at the railing when he came up short. Heath had knelt down so he and Gus were on the same level and was pointing at the dolphins. They spoke quietly to one another, heads tilting first to one side then the other in unison as they watched the dolphins swimming and playing. Cary’s heart swelled in his chest. God, he needed to be careful. The sight of Heath and Gus together like that made him weak in the knees and that was dangerous.

Then they both turned to him with matching smiles. The air left his lungs as he took in their exuberance, the twin gleams in their eyes. Now he understood why Celine had told him to be careful. He’d just had a crush before, but now… now he realized how easily he could fall for Heath. And Lord did that realization suck.

He shook himself out of his thoughts and walked over to stand by them, watching the dolphins. But he couldn’t stand it anymore. Thankfully the sun was almost gone from the sky, leaving him watching the sunset with Heath yet again, with its pink and orange hues. Damn, it’d been a good day.

“We should get going, huh?” Heath asked, hand landing on top of Cary’s where it rested on the rail. Cary looked at the weathered, work calloused hand.

“
Yeah,” he said thickly. “Probably a good idea.”

On the way back, Gus asked if he could help drive. It was probably against the rules but Heath had allowed him to. He went on and on about the dolphins for the first twenty minutes of the ride while Heath murmured agreements. Cary just watched as the sun disappeared and the water grew dark. As they slid through the night, Gus grew silent. Cary glanced toward them to see Gus had fallen asleep in Heath’s lap. Heath was humming something quietly to himself, or maybe to Gus. Cary felt a knot form in his throat and offered to take Gus from Heath.

“He’s fine,” Heath said peacefully. Cary just nodded and stared at them until they were back in the dock in Pensacola Beach.

“
Okay, now you can take him,” Heath said. “I have to go handle the mooring, check things out.” He thought he heard a catch in the man’s voice, but he looked as passive as ever so Cary just took the precious bundle he was being passed and started taking off Gus’s life-vest.

When Heath came back in the cabin, he stood quietly watching Cary and Gus. “Let him sleep.”

Cary glanced Heath's way, a question in his eyes.

“
Give him a minute. I’m sure he’s tired.”

Cary nodded slowly, laying Gus out on the cushioned bench. He walked over to where Heath stood and did something he’d been dying to do all afternoon—kissed him. It was soft and light, not demanding anything, just a thank you. Heath’s hand wrapped behind Cary’s head, carding his fingers through Cary’s hair.

Heath smelled good as ever, sunshine and light sweat, citrusy and free. Tongues never joined in, but they weren’t necessary. Just the lightest sucking on Heath’s bottom lip and vice versa. Heath’s hand slipped around Cary’s waist. When the kiss ended Cary whispered a "Thank you."

“
It was no problem. I had a good time.”

“
Gus loved it. You were awesome with him.”

“
He’s a cool kid.”

Cary smiled, knowing all the adoration he had for his son was showing on his face. “Yeah, he is that.” He pulled back enough to see Heath’s face. “You never wanted kids?”

Heath’s face scrunched up. “No way. Almost had one once.” He pulled away. “That’s why me and the ex got married. Teenage mistakes are the worst reason to take that plunge.”

“
I don’t doubt it.”

“
It worked out for the best, though. She got her career, we got out of the most miserable marriage ever. Of course, sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have a little guy like yours, but I think it saved us from more heartache down the line. And proved I just am not father material.” Cary didn’t want to talk about that any more than he wanted to talk about the ex-wife.

Cary turned to look at Gus. “I never thought I was, but when Marshall took off, I had to do it. I don’t regret it, but no doubt it wasn’t easy.”

“What happened? If you don’t mind me asking?” Heath looked surprised, like he hadn’t meant to ask, suddenly fidgeting and uncomfortable.

“
Well, he wanted the surrogate. I was just twenty-four going on twenty-five. He was thirty-one and we’d been together four years. Now that his clinic was going well—he’s a vet—he thought it made sense. Until his sperm wouldn’t do anything and we decided to try mine before going the more expensive in vitro method. After a couple tries, Gus happened.” Cary sighed, remembering how much the next part of the story hurt. But enough time had passed since then, and he'd gotten Gus, who he’d never give up. He wouldn't change it for anything.

“
He seemed more miffed than excited when it happened. By the time we got five months into the pregnancy  and he was increasingly weird about it. When the ultrasound showed we were having a boy, Marshall said he was too jealous, resentful. He wanted his
"own"
son. He couldn’t handle the baby not being biologically his and he left.
"So I won’t hate you and the kid".
”

“
That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard,” Heath snapped.

Cary turned to him, surprised. “Yeah. It sucked, but what could I do? Some said I should give Gus up. The surrogate was willing to help find a couple. But he was mine, y’know? I’d already gotten excited to have
our
child. I couldn’t just… walk away. I guess I still don’t get how he could.”

“
Well, why’d he want you to try if he never wanted your kid? Seems like he didn’t think of it as being 
y’all’s
kid unless it was conceived with his sperm.” Cary wished he could explain it. He was just as confused as Heath.

“
I honestly don’t know. It didn’t matter to me who the biological father was. He’d have always been ours. Heck, I still let his dad see Gus whenever he wants. Marshall’s never tried, though. I’ve always wanted to ask him why he didn’t just go with in vitro fertilization in the first place if the baby being conceived with my DNA was going to be such a problem for him.”

Heath put a hand on Cary’s shoulder and when their eyes met he saw sympathy there. “That’s a tough break. But you and Gus made out alright, huh?”

Cary sighed contentedly as Heath placed a brief kiss on his lips. “I guess things work out as they’re supposed to. I’m happy, he’s healthy.” Heath studied Cary closely before clearing his throat and going back to his typically passive, macho posture. Cary resisted rolling his eyes. First, he was trying to break the habit so Gus wouldn’t pick it up, second, he guessed he shouldn’t have been surprised. He couldn’t let himself forget that this was what it was. Heath was his friend, his occasional fuck. Nothing more, nothing less.

“
Well,” Cary said, taking a few steps back. “I better get Gus home.” Heath merely grunted, causing Cary to sigh inwardly. “Thanks again for today.”

And with that, he gathered up his son and left the boat—and Heath. He wondered, momentarily, if he would ever come back. He figured the shuttered expression Heath gave him when they’d kissed goodbye was his answer to that question.

Better to end this, whatever it was, sooner rather than later. God knows he didn’t need to get any more attached and, like a major dummy, that seemed to be exactly where he was heading.

Heath stretched out on a towel on the bow of the
Keep Swimming.
This was the life, indeed. Right?
Of course. Everyone wants this life.
He took a chug of his Dos Equis and set the bottle down, probably a little more heavy handed than necessary. He loved his life. He could do without the backbreaking work, but on his two off he didn’t answer to anyone, had a business that was his dream, good friends and good beer. He lived on a fucking yacht for fuck's sake. He was a walking, talking beach-bum bachelor cliché minus a surf board.

Much to his mother’s chagrin, he loved not having someone back home to worry about while away for work. He loved returning to his own space, free to do his own thing, fuck who he wanted. So why,
why
was he suddenly hung up on Cary Whitmore and his kid? He didn’t even want kids, sure as hell not twenty-four hours a day. “
Sometimes things work out how they’re supposed to.”
Cary had said. He couldn’t imagine he’d gone through all that shit, the miscarriage and shitty marriage, to end up saddled with a kid anyway.

Because being with them was such a burden.

Heath scowled, even his own thoughts were mocking him now.  He took another draw, finishing off his beer then raised up on one elbow, leaning to grab another bottle from the bucket he’d brought outside.

“
Captain Kyle requesting permission to come aboard!” The yacht dipped as Kyle boarded. Heath shook his head. Kyle appeared after a few seconds, stretching out beside him and snatching a beer for himself. “Yo, ho, ho!”

“
You’re in a good mood,” Heath said, eyeing his friend briefly.

“
Why wouldn’t I be? Finally got those bastards from Conklin to give us a shot at bidding for their seasonal contracts.”

That made Heath
very
happy. They’d been after a contract like that since they’d started up. It’d be one more step toward him getting off the damn rigs.

“
Question is, with that piece you’ve got on tap, why aren’t
you
in a good mood?”

Heath grunted. “There is no piece on tap.”

“Oh, so we’re defensive over him. My bad. He’s not a piece,” Kyle said placatingly.

“
I didn’t mean it that way. I mean, we’re finished with the fucking around.”

“
Seriously?” Kyle sounded genuinely surprised, so Heath peeked his friend’s way.

“
Why is that surprising?”

“
Well, dude he’s hot. And you took his kid out. You’ve fucked around with people with kids before and not taken their kids out. I just thought maybe…”

Heath grunted again. He seemed to be going that a lot lately. “He was just a friend. Now I’m backing off the fucking. Didn’t want it to get heavy.”

“Oh, please. You don’t
do
heavy. I forgot.”

“
Why would I?” Heath asked, sitting up and drawing from his beer. “Not like I can date him. He’s out. I can’t fuck with that right now. Plus, with my schedule I can’t even have a dog, how would I date?”

“
I’m sure he’d appreciate being compared to a dog.”

Heath glared at his friend. “You know what I mean, you little shit.”

“I’m hearing reasons you can’t be in a relationship. Usually you’d be giving reasons why you don’t want to give up being a bachelor, is all.”

Heath stilled. He hadn’t thought of that. He’d been so busy coming up with reasons he couldn’t date
Cary
, while forgetting he didn’t want to date
anyone
. He was a bachelor. Wait
.

“
No. I just was thinking how much I don’t want kids. I was thinking also, why would I want someone I'd have to answer to? Someone freaking out because I’m gone two weeks at a time, in my face all the time over my schedule.”

“
Yeah. Why on earth would you want a hot guy sitting at home, patiently waiting for you to dick him down, while worrying about your well-being?” Kyle was squatting next to him when he put his hand on his chest, eyes going comically wide. “The horror!”

Heath shoved his friend, making him topple over. When he hit the ground he had the nerve to laugh for a minute, kicking his legs and giggling like a little kid. “You’re a dumbass.”

Kyle sat up and gave him a sardonic look. “You’re one to talk, douche.” He sat down, crossing his legs and looked up at the sky. “Oh!” he said, surprising Heath who looked at him like he’d lost his damn mind.
What mind did he have to lose, honestly?

“
So, now you’re done with him, do you mind if I hit that?”

“
What?” Heath asked, drily.

“
I mean, we’ve shared before, right? Hell, you’ve fucked
me
. He’s hot.” He cut his eyes toward Heath, boyish mischief flashing in their green depths. “I’ve always thought I’d make a good step-daddy.”

Heath sat up, quickly, pointing a finger in Kyle’s face. “Back. Off. Y’hear me?”

“Touchy, touchy.” Kyle brushed imaginary lint from the shoulder of his sleeveless shirt. “One might say you were…” He leveled Heath with his gaze. “Jealous.”

Heath’s mouth opened, closed, opened, closed.

“You’re jealous!” Kyle said, pointing with both fingers. He jumped to standing and did his annoying I-told-you-so victory dance. Oh, shit. Was Kyle right? There had been a blind fury that swept through him when Kyle said he’d wanted to hook up with Cary. It had gotten even worse when he said he’d try to be a part of Gus’s life.

Heath’s mind flashed back for the hundredth time in the four days since he’d taken Cary and Gus out—four days since he’d responded to Cary's attempts to contact him or even attempted to contact Cary himself—and all he could ever think was how he’d had one of the best days of his life with the Whitmore boys. It’d been so simple, laid back with no expectations. They both just
fit
in Heath’s life, even if it had been for just five minutes, and when it’d been time for it to end Heath had been saddened. Then he’d freaked out and sent them on their way, hoping time and space would rid him of the fact he was starting to care for them.

When Cary had talked about his ex abandoning them, he’d wanted to find the guy and break his legs them come back and take these precious gifts the stupid man had tossed aside and make them his own.

But. No. He couldn’t.

Two hands were suddenly on his face, Kyle’s bright green eyes boring into his as he straddled Heath’s lap. “Stop being a dumbass.”

He jerked his head back. “What are you—”

“
Oh shut up. You like him. You
never
like people. You maybe fuck ‘em a couple months, maybe less, let ‘em know the score, then it’s over. You don’t get involved. You’re involved this time. Why not enjoy it?”

“
Because you’re such the relationship guy.”

Kyle scowled. “I
try
. I'm not all allergic to relationship cooties. I just suck at the longevity part. But that's more than you. If nothing else, Heath, try
.
You’ve never
tried.
”

“
I did too! Remember the ex-wife?”

“
Shut up with that, dude. Remember, I’m friends with her too. You never even told her you loved her. She was the same kinda fuck buddy as the rest, you just fucked up and knocked her up. This time, maybe it’s a real chance.”

Heath couldn’t deny any of that. Was Kyle right? Could he try? It’s not like he’d have to flaunt the relationship in front of the guys at work. Plus, he only had one more year, maybe a little more, to make enough to leave the rigs. That wasn’t even long enough to have to worry about ‘officially’ being a couple.

“Maybe,” he said to no one in particular.

“
Maybe my ass,” Kyle said, huffing.

“
He’ll be pissed at me, anyway. I haven’t spoken to him in days. I’ve ignored him.”

“
Flowers.”

Heath looked at his friend with his best 'what are you talking about' expression.

“Flowers. They work, trust me.”

“
Even with guys?” Heath asked, skeptical.

“
Because
I’ve
been with women?” Kyle’s scrunched up nose told what he thought of that idea. Heath laughed. No, not Kyle. Gay as they came, his Kyle. He’d been discreet when they were in the Guard, pre-DADT repeal, but he’d always been out in his own way, his personality much too wide-open to lie outright about anything. He’d not served more than his first four years with the Coast Guard, though. He’d mostly needed the money for college, which he’d finished in time to help Heath run his charter service.

“
I guess I could try.” He wasn’t sure why he was being so agreeable. Maybe Kyle was right and he
was
tired of being alone. Maybe he’d never had anyone worth trying for. There was
something
about Cary Whitmore. It was like he’d found so many of the things he wanted in a partner in one person for the first time in his life. And he hadn't even thought he wanted a partner! It was, unfortunately, his biggest fear realized, he’d find those compatible, addictive traits in a man when it was still inconvenient for it to happen with a man. But Heath knew, above all, nothing worth having was ever easy.

“
Go.” Kyle snatched the beer out of Heath’s hand and finished it. “Now.” He grabbed the last beer and stretched out on his back. “I’ll stand watch over your girl while you’re gone.”

“
Of course you will.” Heath shook his head. He jumped up and made his way in the cabin and into his room. He had no idea what he’d even wear.

He caught his reflection in the mirror above his sink. “You’re really gonna do this, huh?” Yes, he was going to do this. It felt right. Weirdly right. Now he just hoped he hadn’t fucked up too badly by ignoring Cary.

****

He decided to forgo the flowers, especially when he realized he was going to have to go to The Barkery to see Cary. He hoped that wasn’t a serious misstep but he needed to do this now while he had the balls. If he sat around and thought on it any longer he’d talk himself out of it. And when he’d called Celine she’d said he was at work. “All the better to corner him, chéri
.”

He’d laughed, thinking maybe she was right. At his house he could slam the door in Heath’s face. Of course, thinking that made Heath nervous. What if cornering him in his business was the easiest way to make him lash out? Why should he risk it?
Fuck, this is stupid.
He gripped the steering wheel and looked up at the windows of the bakery. He could see in, Cary was smiling at a woman who was ordering, holding her dachshund in her arms. This was a bad idea.

Then Cary’s gaze landed on Heath and his smile flickered before he turned back to the woman at his counter.
Shit.
He couldn’t just leave now could he? God, he’d not been this nervous about asking his first girlfriend to prom or the first time he blew Mason James the summer before senior year. What the hell was going on with him? He saw what he wanted, took it. The end.

He jumped when there was a knock on his passenger side window. He looked to see Cary standing there, expression full of concern. Heath breathed deeply in and out and pressed the button to unlock the doors. Cary stood for a beat longer before opening the door and sitting down in the passenger seat.

“You okay?” Cary asked.

“
Yeah. Feeling kinda ridiculous, actually.”

“
How so?”

He sighed and turned in his seat to look at Cary. “I’m sorry.”

Cary’s brows shot up. “For what exactly?”

“
For not calling you. Or responding to you.”

Cary looked down at his lap and started fiddling with the hem of his mint green 'The Barkery by the Bay' apron, shrugging. “Hey, we always knew the score. I was mostly calling to thank you again.”

Heath reached out, placing a hand on Cary’s forearm. “We knew the score. But… what if the score changed?”

Cary’s head snapped in Heath’s direction. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been trying to think of how to talk to you about this the whole drive here and... well I guess I should just say it, huh?” Heath laughed self derisively. Cary’s brow furrowed as he studied Heath dubiously. “I’ve had nothing but my boat and the hope to get off the rigs for so long I guess… I’m just surprising myself. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older or somethin’. I don’t know.”

“
You’re not making much sense, Heath, and I have customers. Kent can’t hold down the fort forever. Should we do this later?”

Heath shook his head vehemently. “No. No, I’m good. I’ve just never done this, okay? Hell, I never even dated my ex-wife, just got us in trouble and did what I was supposed to do when bad boys get good girls in the family way. We didn’t even have a relationship. So I’ve gone thirty-two years without building any experience to fall back on.” Cary let out a small sound of surprise when Heath wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and looked Cary in the eye. Those brilliant, hazel eyes with their specs of black and a ring of gray. Damn but the man had perfect eyes.