Keep the Window Open for Me (2 page)

He stood with his parents off to the side smiling and talking. I went next to him and watched as a silent spectator as his mother hugged him tight, and his father ruffled his hair. When I saw that I learned what a true family was like. It wasn’t my family. My parents wouldn’t do those kinds of things to me. I was about to leave when just as I had turned to go I saw my parents standing there, together. It was a shock. I hadn’t told them the date, and I hadn’t even spoken to them or seen them in weeks then. My mom was smiling at me and so was my dad. Before I could pass by, they approached me and said something I cannot
forget.

“We are so proud of you, Erin…” My mother’s voice drifted off as she began to cry. Whether they were tears of joy or sadness I had no idea. My father took over the conversation
then.

“We are Erin, really proud. And we’re sorry we couldn’t have been better parents to you after the divorce. But I’m glad that your friend over there has taken care of you…Erin, if you think you can, we will try harder if you ever decide to forgive
us.”

I hadn’t known how to react to what sounded like a pre-rehearsed line from a TV show. I had thought my parents could never say those kinds of things, let alone to me. But they had and I couldn’t help but become speechless to their hope that somehow we could become like Danny’s
family.

My mom hugged me tightly that day and my dad did the same. Without another word they both left after that and I was left standing motionless as they disappeared into the crowds of people. Right after, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning, I had seen Danny and for the first time ever he had his eyes narrowed and his lips pressed in a thin line. He wasn’t even looking at me, but into the distance…toward my
parents.

“Those people were them, weren’t they?” He had been referring to those people being my parents. I had regained the power of speech at that moment and took that time to lean against
him.

“Yeah, that was them,” I
replied.

He had never met my parents and I never wanted him to. Meeting them would only ruin his day, and I didn’t want that. He didn’t need to know them to understand why I never wanted to be near
them.

“They said they were proud of me,” I told
him.

The news then was still so shocking to me that it felt like if I didn’t tell someone it would be a lie; that I had only imagined it all. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I could feel his warmth so easily at that time. It radiated off him and comforted
me.

“I’m proud of you,” he said as he gave me a quick kiss to my temple. After that, his parents treated us to a celebration dinner at a fancy restaurant. The moment Danny kissed my temple, I realized that he didn’t think of me as anything but a friend, a sister. I knew from the start he hadn’t felt that way about me. But to come to such a deep level of love with him and be told that, have him kiss me like that, was an entirely new pain that ripped through my chest and clawed viciously at my heart. I cried that day so much that I felt as if I was broken. I would have cried less, I know for sure, but I kept on for one reason; I had nowhere to go and so I had ended up back at his house and was held for hours by the creator of those tears, him. He was so close and yet he still didn’t understand how I felt about
him.

Chapter Two

My plans of getting a job and an apartment were dashed when his parents, not my own, pushed me into going to college. They had said that it was a better path to take for the future. When I had said I had no money to afford it, they had told me not to worry. Days later, they had come up with the money, and I had gone to college. I found out only later that it was my parents that had given them the money to pay for my college
tuition.

Apparently, at some point, they had went to them and told them. I hadn’t thanked my parents, and still haven’t thanked them for the money. I know it’s only right that I should, but it was Danny’s parents that told me not to. They said that my parents hadn’t wanted me to know and to tell me that Danny’s parents had paid for it. I hadn’t understood if it was an act of apology or of guilt. I still don’t know which it
was.

Danny and I didn’t go to the same college. It was only natural. He wanted to become a chef, and I had no clue as to what I was going to do for the rest of my
life.

I was undecided and for the longest of times that was my major. Life went on and Danny had another girlfriend at his side. I remember this one particularly well for the main fact that she wasn’t a cheerleader type but a caring type and because she and I became
friends.

Ordinarily, I distanced myself from his girlfriends. I hadn’t spoken more than a few words to any of his previous girlfriends with the exception of my ex-best friend. However, I learned quickly that this girl was different and far from ordinary. The first meeting we had was when I came to Danny’s for
dinner.

It was easier for me to come to visit him since I lived on campus of my university, and he lived at home. My college wasn’t far from his home which made me happy that he was still so close
by.

Upon entering his home, I smiled at smelling that enchanting aroma wafting through the air. The next second I heard laughter. It caught me by surprise that someone else was with Danny. He hadn’t had a girlfriend the week before when I had spoken last with him. When I went into the kitchen to investigate, that’s the moment I saw her in all her beauty. With long flowing blonde hair and big bright blue eyes, she was so beautiful. Standing on the shorter side, she had a petite build that only added to her cuteness. Her skin was a sun-kissed tan that made her hair and eyes stand out even further. Definitely, she was his current
girlfriend.

Before I had had a chance to sneak away, she turned and saw me. The brightest of smiles lit up her face, and I was frozen to that spot, unable to leave. Those first rambling, babbling words will never leave me. She had been so nice it had startled me at
first.

“Oh! You must be Erin, right?! Am I right? Sometimes I’m wrong, so if I am, I’m sorry! And if you are Erin, I’m really happy to meet you finally. Well, I shouldn’t really say finally since Danny only told me about you a few days ago!” she
said.

“But don’t get me wrong, I’ve been wanting to meet you ever since! And don’t worry everything Danny told me about you was all good!” she
added.

“Oh my gosh! I still haven’t told you my name yet, have I?” she
asked.

“My name is Rose, Rose Edwards. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I hope we can become good friends,” she said as she stuck out her hand to me while I stared, blinking at her odd
behavior.

If I had known that in her bizarre language shaking her hand was agreeing to be her friend, I believe I still would have. She was a great person and friend, and she was someone whom I could go to when I needed to talk about Danny. I had shaken her hand, and we had eaten with Danny. She rambled on and on without pause or an end in sight. And when I mentioned gardening, she told me about how she loved to grow
roses.

It didn’t take long for her to start giving me advice on matters. I don’t know when it started, but whenever I had a problem and didn’t know how to fix it, she told me how when I couldn’t get a hold of Danny. She soon became someone I could confide in and trust. Rose filled the void that I hadn’t noticed my ex-best friend had left gaping within me when she walked out of my life. Her friendship became like a priceless gem to me that I wouldn’t trade for the
world.

They didn’t stay together long and broke up mutually. Afterward, they stayed friends. I don’t know what the reason was that broke them apart, but for some reason I think it was me. Maybe it was because on the day that they had broken up, Rose came to see me and told me Danny and she weren’t together anymore. When I didn’t reply, she simply smiled one of those bright smiles she always had on her lips and hugged me
tight.

“I leave him to you. So tell him how you feel
already.”

That’s what she said to me that day. She had known all along that I loved him, and that’s why I think they parted ways. Rose wasn’t the kind of person that would stay with someone if it hurt someone else that was a friend. She was just that kind of amazing person I guess. Thankfully, she hadn’t told Danny my feelings, leaving that part up to me. I didn’t tell him
though.

I had planned to. I rehearsed every line and thought of every possible outcome that could come after my confession. With shaking hands and more butterflies in my stomach than the entire population of the rain forest, I stood at his door ready to finally say those words that I had silently been carrying for years. And just as I raised my hand to knock, I halted. My jaw clenched as I laid my open hand upon the wooden support. In the end I couldn’t go through it. I didn’t want what we had to end because I knew he didn’t like my type that way. It was a heartbreaking realization, but it was reality and there was nothing I could do to change that. So I accepted my place at his side as a close friend and endured the many tears in my heart he caused every time he said he had gotten another
girlfriend.

The one that got me into my current field of work was Rose. When I had told her that I didn’t have a decided major, she had told me to go into nursing with her. When I argued that dealing with people wasn’t one of my strong points she had argued right back by saying there couldn’t be a better job than getting to help people on a daily basis. I couldn’t disagree. Helping people get well sounded like a good job. I wanted to help people somehow and that’s all the push I needed to join her in medical
school.

Years flew by like snowy white doves soaring across the sky. Nothing in that time of school changed between Danny and I. We remained with such little distance between us that if I reached out I felt as if I could touch him. However, in the right light I could always see the glint of glass that I remained hidden behind. The truth was we were always so far from each other that even if I screamed at the top of my lungs, he wouldn’t be able to hear
it.

Danny was dating someone, and I was alone as usual. Danny didn’t have a lot of girlfriends, not more than the average man. And he didn’t go from girl to girl. He stayed with each of them for long amounts of time. He would dote on each one of them, take care of them, and love
them.

After a breakup, he wouldn’t seek anyone out. Almost all of his relationships were started by someone asking him out. Danny never turned down an offer though if someone asked him. Perhaps that made him a bad person in other’s eyes, but I knew the real reason behind it. Danny was a person that sought after opportunities. He wouldn’t turn away an opportunity if he thought it could end well. From what I recall the longest he had ever been single since I met him was after my ex-best
friend.

He truly loved her with all his heart. And when it ended back all those years ago I had even seen him cry over her. She was his first love I suppose, and I know all too well how hard it is to get over a first
love.

After I graduated from medical school and became a nurse at a local hospital, Danny offered that I move in with him since his parents had moved away in pursuit of a warmer climate and left their house to him. It was big enough for a family of five, maybe more. He had thought it was too big for a single person. He was right. The house was too big and lonely for just one person to live in, but somehow I found the strength to tell him no. I couldn’t live with him. It’d be too painful to see his girlfriends come and go as they
pleased.

I found a small apartment that was a perfect fit for me instead. It was close by the hospital and also by Danny’s. Even after so many years I couldn’t stray too far away from him. It made me feel so insecure not to have him nearby. Now we live life day by day like we always have in the past. I take my chances with different relationships. None of them work out in the end because all I can think about is Danny when the lights go out and the nights grow cold. Lately, I find myself wondering more often than I ever used to if Danny thought of me at night too, if he thought of me at
all.

“Erin, it’s ready. Let’s
eat.”

His voice brought me back. I’ve been wandering off into my past a lot lately as well. I’m not particularly sure why, maybe I’m just losing my mind. If that’s so, then I don’t think I should go to work tomorrow. If I do then I might end up hurting someone instead of helping them. We moved to the table and sat across from each other like
usual.

“So how was your day?” he asked. Danny was always interested in my work. He thought that with me being a nurse I could heal the sick and help the suffering with a single touch. I couldn’t, of course, but it felt nice that he thought so highly of me. I told him all about my day. He listened and commented like always. We joked around and teased each
other.

At times like those I almost felt as if he and I were a couple. I was the happiest in those moments, but it didn’t take long for reality to come knocking and shatter my delusion. The phone rang and Danny jumped up to get it. It was his girlfriend on the line. I knew it would be a long time before their conversation ended, and so I finished my plate and washed
it.

After that, I disappeared down the hall into his bedroom. It was spotless like always. The only place that Danny was ever messy was in the kitchen. The walls were beige in color giving the room a sense of warmth even in these cold months. Padding across the white carpeted floor, I popped in the movie and crawled onto his king’s sized bed and got comfortable. I knew I’d be waiting a long time. Every week we watched a movie together. If I was lucky, we could squeeze in two movies a week. We didn’t watch them in the living room for the main reason that I always slunk away to his room and put in the movie while he talked to his
girlfriend.

An hour passed before Danny strolled in and pressed start to finally watch it with me. I never began the movie unless he was there with me. There would be no point in watching it alone. He sat on the bed next to me, and I curled up on his side like I used to on those nights that were so far behind us now. However, there was nothing I could do to get those days
back.

We watched the movie together, laughing at some parts, commenting on others, overall escaping the rest of the world, and leaving reality behind. That was the magic that those movies brought us. To him it was just a movie. To me, they gave me some time where the world faded
away.

Rose told me about this feeling one day that almost never went away when she was with her boyfriend Reed. She said that it was like nothing else mattered in the world, and that it felt as if they were the only ones left in it. I wanted that feeling too. I yearned for it every time I saw Danny with another girl or talking to his
girlfriend.

It seemed so blissful that I felt as though if I kept trying, if I somehow worked up the courage to tell him my feelings, I would gain that never ending feeling she had as well. But alas, there was never a good time to tell him my feelings and how they ran so deeply. He was always in a relationship. He was always so far out of
reach.

The movie ended. Danny had fallen asleep near the end as he always did. And I was still wide awake clinging onto his arm with my head on his shoulder. I blankly stared at the credits as they rolled up the screen. My time here was over. I had to go home. I wanted to stay, but I wouldn’t take advantage of Danny’s kindness when he was asleep and couldn’t say no. So like the other nights, I gave Danny a small kiss on his cheek and slid off the bed. I pulled the covers over him and left without a word to disturb
him.

I walked home, hearing the steady crunch of the snow under my feet. There was a time that I remember thinking I could give up on Danny and move on. That time was long ago, two years maybe. It was the same time that Rose had made an amazing discovery about her next door neighbor. It had been so funny what she said that day during our rounds at the hospital. I was cracking up by the end of the ramble. She had run up to me so
excitedly.

“Erin! Guess what! Guess what! Guess what! You know that cold looking guy that’s been my neighbor for a few months now?” she
asked.

“Well, I figured out who he was today! It kind of makes me wonder why I didn’t talk to him sooner. Then again he always looked like the standoffish type so I figured I’d leave him alone until he wanted to talk to me,” she
said.

“Well anyway, I’m so excited! I finally remembered who he looked like! You know that tragic novelist that I love to read? Well, he’s him! My neighbor is Reed Evans! Oh my gosh, I want to talk to him now since I’m such a big fan, but I wouldn’t even know how to introduce myself…Hey Erin, have you seen my keys?” Rose
said.