Killian: A West Bend Saints Romance (20 page)

"
M
om
!" As soon as the door swings open, Chloe runs full-throttle toward Lily, launching herself into her mom's arms with the speed of a freight train, her legs wrapped around Lily's waist.

"Did you miss me?" Lily asks, laughing.

"I had fun with Miss Opal, but –" Chloe sighs audibly. "But I couldn't fall asleep. You didn't tuck me in."

Opal smiles. "She was great all night, but not as keen on staying over once it came time to go to bed. She needed her mom." Opal pauses. "You're looking quite handsome this evening, Killian."

Suddenly I feel about as awkward and self-conscious as a teenager. "Thanks."

"I'll let you get on home now," Opal says. I stand there as she piles Chloe's bag, pillow, and fuzzy blanket onto my outstretched arms, followed by three Barbie dolls and a stuffed dog.

"Wait, I need Bones!" Chloe squeals, still in her mother's arms.

"What bones?" I ask.

"My dog! Bones!"

"Ah, of course." I hand her the stuffed animal as Opal hands me a plastic seat. "And this is. . ."

"For the truck," Lily says. "It's Chloe's booster seat. I left it with Opal in case of an emergency." She apparently notes the blank look on my face and laughs. "Don't worry. It's not hard to put the seat in."

Chloe chatters nonstop on the way to Lily's place, apparently too hopped up on excitement and adrenaline to take more than a two-second pause between sentences. She peppers me with questions during the ride.

"Are you bringing me to my house?"

"Yep, he's driving us home, Chloe," Lily interrupts.

"Are you going to help read stories?"

"Uh… sure, if your mom says it's okay."

"Sweet. Can I do your makeup?"

"No." Lily and I blurt it out at the same time, and Lily starts laughing.

"Where did you have dinner?"

"At Killian's cabin," Lily answers.

"You mean, like camping?" Chloe asks.

"Sort of," I tell her. "My house is up on the mountain, so there's a lot of trees around. It's kind of like being out camping."

"My mom says that sometime she'll take me camping. But she hasn't taken me camping. Are there animals at your house?"

"Sure. There are a couple of deer that come up to the salt lick outside of the cabin, and I get elk out there sometimes."

"There are deer at your house?" Chloe squeals. "I love deer. Mom says we have to drive slow at night because they jump out in the road."

"That's true."

"Do you have fish? Mom said that when we go camping sometime, she'd take me fishing, even though she doesn't like fishing because she doesn't like worms. But I pick up worms all the time on the sidewalk after it rains. Earthworms are helpful because they dig through the dirt."

"Well, there's a creek near my cabin. There's a little fishing pond down at the park right in town, too, you know. If your mom says it's okay, I'll show you how to put your bait on your fishing pole and your mom won't have to touch any gross worms."

Chloe squeals. "Can Killian show me fishing?"

"Yes, he can show you fishing. Sometime."

"Can I see the deer at your house? Is there a baby deer? I've never seen a baby deer, only in books. Baby deer are so adorable. That means cute."

"Maybe sometime your mom can bring you up to the cabin and I'll show you the deer."

"And go hiking?"

Lily laughs. "Okay, Chloe, give Killian a chance to answer one question before you go on to the next one."

"I don't mind." A couple of months ago, I'd say there was no way I'd be okay with getting peppered with questions by anyone, much less a seven-year-old, but there's something about the kid's excitement that's infectious. I never thought I'd say this, but it's a hell of a lot more fun than sitting up in my cabin all alone.

Chloe ignores Lily. "Are you my mom's boyfriend?"

"Chloe!" Lily exclaims.

"Yes," I answer without thinking, and as soon as I do, I glance at Lily, whose eyes are big.
Shit.
I start rambling. "That's actually… I shouldn't have said that. You should ask your mom, because it's really her choice. I mean, I'm a boy and a friend and I'd like to be her… yeah. I'm just going to stop talking now."

"Mom, is he?" Chloe chirps.

I can feel Lily's eyes on me, and I think my heart is racing more than it ever has as I pull into her driveway and put the truck in park. "Okay. Yes, Chloe," Lily says, looking at me.

"Does that mean you guys kiss? Sara's sister is a teeney-ager and she has a boyfriend and Sara says they kiss." Chloe drags out the word kiss and makes kissing sounds with her mouth.

I laugh, but Lily's face turns bright red. "You're in first grade.
Why
are you guys talking about kissing?"

I stifle a laugh as I get out of the truck, glad I can carry all of Chloe's stuff to the house and avoid any more loaded questions.

It takes an hour for Chloe to calm down. She insists on reading another princess story, but this one is a warrior princess who slays monsters and dragons. My dramatic reenactment of a slain monster gets a bout of hysterical giggling from Chloe, which makes me feel like a million bucks.

Lily puts Chloe to bed, and I hang out in the living room until she comes downstairs. "She's not asleep yet," Lily whispers. She walks over to the sofa and stands in front of me, her hands on her hips. "Boyfriend?"

"I didn't mean to –" I start in my normal tone of voice, then drop immediately to a whisper. "I didn't mean to just say that in front of Chloe."

She shrugs. "I guess the cat's out of the bag."

I raise my eyebrows. "And you're okay with it?"

Lily exhales audibly and answers with resignation in her tone. "I guess. I mean, I
suppose
I'll just have to be okay with people in this town knowing that my boyfriend is the hot, bearded, tattooed caveman who lives up on the mountain."

"We all have our crosses to bear." I reach for her and pull her down onto my lap, her knees on either side of me. When she touches her lips softly to mine, my cock stirs immediately. Soon we're making out on the sofa like a couple of teenagers.

Until there's a creak on the stairs.

"Mom?" Chloe calls from the top of the stairway.

Lily leaps off my lap like she's on fire, but trips, falling to her hands and knees on the floor just as Chloe bounds down the stairs. I reach for the nearest pillow on the sofa, hiding my rapidly-deflating boner and trying to look casual.

"You're right, Killian," Lily says, looking at the floor. "This carpet really is more of a blue-grey than a blue. That is so interesting."

"Why are you looking at the floor, mom?"

I stifle a snort as Lily stands up. "You're supposed to be in bed, kiddo," she says sternly.

"I know, but I had a bad dream."

"You weren't asleep, so how could you have a bad dream?"

Chloe shrugs. "I'm not tired."

"Kid, you can hardly keep your eyes open. Come on. Up to bed."

"But I want Killian to play a monster again." Chloe looks behind her mother at me and I shake my head.

"Sorry. Even the monster went to bed," I tell her.

Chloe groans. "O-
kaaaay
."

"Let's go. Back in bed." Lily ushers her back upstairs, and it's a few minutes before she returns, flopping down onto the sofa beside me. "Are you sure you want to do this whole
boyfriend-girlfriend
thing? You understand that it means you're stuck with interruptions and non-stop questions and fleeting moments of privacy and hardly any spontaneity, right?"

I pretend to ponder what she said. "Damn. You're right. Do you have the number for one of those college chicks that was trying to pick me up at the bakery?"

Lily hits me hard in the arm. "Funny."

A few months ago, all of those things would have been reasons to run for the hills. Now, they seem like reasons to stay, all of those things that make being around her interesting and unpredictable.

"The boyfriend idea is growing on me," I admit. It's a far more nonchalant statement than I meant. Being with Lily is definitely growing on me. "Besides, I'm too old to just be dating. Or hooking up. Or whatever."

She's silent for a long time before she stands up, taking me by the hand. "Do you want to stay?"

"
C
ome here
," Killian whispers. His voice is quiet, even though when we tiptoed past Chloe's room earlier she was finally out, sprawled out on her bed with her mouth hanging open, looking more like a passed-out college student than a kid.

I pause for a second, mostly because I'm taking in the view of Killian naked in my bed, his back propped up on pillows, legs stretched out, proudly displaying the hardest dick I've ever seen.

"Quit looking at the goods and get over here and sit on my cock." Killian grins, clearly pleased with himself.

"Lucky me. I'm dating a poet," I say sarcastically. But I climb up on the bed anyway, hovering over with a leg on either side of him, but not giving him what he wants yet. He runs his hand down the middle of my back, pulling me closer until his mouth envelops my breast. His touch sends warmth flowing through my body, my nipples hardening at the sensation, and when he reaches between my legs, he groans.

"You're so wet. You're always so wet."

I want to tell him that's only true because of him. I can't remember ever feeling this needy ever before, or being in this kind of constant state of arousal the way I am for him.

He teases me with his cock, pressing it against my clit, then against my entrance until I can't take it any longer. The feeling of fullness nearly knocks the wind out of me for a moment as I slide onto his shaft, but I settle onto him as he takes my face in his hands and kisses me the way he did downstairs on the sofa.

His hands wander over my body, caressing my breasts and kneading my ass as I rock on him, slowly gathering momentum. When I close my eyes, he calls my name. "Look at me. I want to see you."

Looking into his eyes only makes it more intimate, more connected as I ride him. Soon we find a steady rhythm, our hips moving in sync, and the rhythm builds as we get closer. This time, there's no dirty talk, no calling out each other's names, no screaming orgasms.

This time, both of us are quiet, focused.

This time, the intensity builds to the point where I feel like I'm going to explode. Killian covers my mouth with his to mute my groan me as I come hard. My orgasm triggers his, and I nearly come again as my muscles squeeze his cock, milking every last drop from him until he's drained. I cling to him, my fingernails digging into his back, hanging onto him until our ragged breath is the only sound in the stillness of the room.

Afterward, I lie on my side in bed, nestled in the crook of his arm with my head on his chest and my leg thrown over his. I listen to his slow and steady heartbeat as he strokes my arm with the tip of his finger. "Killian?"

"Mmm-hmm?"

"You never asked anything else about my husband."

He's silent for a moment. "I figured if you wanted to tell me, you'd tell me. I can be patient."

I can't help but snort, remembering exactly how patient he
wasn't
when he pressed me up against the counter in the bakery, his hands on my thighs, my ass, and between my legs. "You? Patient?"

He smacks me lightly on the ass. "Sometimes."

"My husband – Adam – was a cop." I pause, my heart beating wildly in my chest at the prospect of telling this to Killian, the possibility of facing his potential judgment. I'll never forget the looks the other cop wives gave me, disgust or pity or anger, depending on whether their husbands were as involved in the scandal as mine. "A dirty cop.
Really
dirty, I mean."

"That's your big secret? You married a dirty cop? As far as secrets go, that's sort of a letdown," Killian teases.

But I keep going, focused on making him understand. "When they told me he was shot, it was like my worst fear had come to life. I thought he had been shot on the job. Then afterward, everything started coming out. He was…" My voice falters, a mixture of embarrassment and anger. "I found out later. He was running girls. Underage girls. Runaways, mostly, from all over the place."

"Shit."

"His death – I thought it was in the line of duty, but it wasn't. It was blue on blue – except they were both criminals." I laugh bitterly. "His death blew everything wide open. There was a huge investigation, a whole ring of cops involved in it, ones who took money or just looked the other way, or ones like Adam who were… personally involved." Thinking of Adam's personal involvement makes me shudder.

Killian squeezes my arm, but he doesn't say anything, and I don't want to look in his eyes because I'm afraid of what I'll see there – pity, disgust, blame? I don't want to see it. But I can't seem to stop talking, either. "All of the stuff that happened afterward, it was like seeing an accident on the side of the road or something – I just couldn't look away, even though it was horrible. I kept asking questions, reading everything I could get my hands on about the investigation, even when people told me to stop asking questions. I just wanted to understand how the hell someone I thought I knew could be involved in something so horrid." I know I'm rambling, disjointed, but I have a hard time telling this story in an articulate way, even seven years after the fact.

"One of the other wives – the wife of a good cop – asked me how I could possibly not have known that Adam was a disgusting, vile man. I asked myself the same thing, over and over, until I couldn't think straight for years after that. I replayed every interaction I could remember with him in my head, looking for some sign that I overlooked. Because the thing is, I
should
have known. A wife should know whether her husband is capable of such evil."

How do I put into words the earth-shattering nature of that discovery? It shattered everything I believed about my husband – but even more, about myself.

"I couldn't trust myself to be with anyone after that." I swallow hard, my voice shaking, blinking back tears. "And the thing about it is that I was relieved that I found out before Chloe was born. How fucked up is that? He was responsible for destroying all of these girls, and I was just relieved that it was over before Chloe knew him."

"Lily –" Killian starts.

"That's it. That's the thing I've been hiding, why I changed my name back to my maiden name and why I don't tell people much about my past. The FBI went through everything, trying to find out what I knew. Even the FBI assumed I knew something. When I was cleared, I moved back to the suburbs outside of Chicago, where my parents lived. I waited tables and went to school and my mother helped me with Chloe. I started baking because, I don't know, I needed something to occupy my mind sometimes. So when I felt overwhelmed, I'd bake. Then people wanted to buy my stuff and it became this thing. Baking helped me forget. I made cakes for a few weddings and learned more about cake-decorating and more people started asking me to bake for them. So I'd waitress, and cakes became a side job. When my parents moved to Colorado, Chloe and I stayed for a couple more years outside of Chicago. I didn't want to feel like I was running away because I was humiliated by what Adam had done. Then we passed through West Bend."

I exhale heavily, my eyes on Killian, waiting for him to say something, anything. "You're the only person in this town who knows any of this," I tell him. "Actually, you're the only person outside of my parents that I've talked to about this."

Killian looks at me for a long time, his expression dark. He runs his hand over my head and down my hair, pressing his lips against my forehead. "I don't know what to say, Lily. That's… It means a lot that you'd tell me." Then he rolls onto his side, pulling me back against him, and strokes my hair as his lips graze the back of my neck.

The combination of his touch, the warmth of his body, and the relief of confessing this secret and not having him look at me with disgust causes me to relax into him. Before I drift off to sleep, he whispers in my ear, "I give you my word that I'm not ever going to do anything to hurt you or Chloe."

* * *

E
arly morning sunlight
streams through the window and I roll over in bed, running my hand across the sheets. Killian's spot is empty.

"Sorry. I was trying not to wake you," Killian whispers as he pulls his t-shirt over his head. He's standing on the other side of the room dressed in his t-shirt and jeans, his shoes already on. He runs his hand through his hair. "I was trying to sneak out of here before Chloe wakes up."

He's trying to sneak out of here so Chloe doesn't see him, because he's trying to spare me from having to have an uncomfortable conversation with Chloe.

I take a deep breath before I say what I say next, because I think it's the riskiest thing I've ever said. This is jumping in with both feet, free-falling into nothing.

"Killian?" I ask.

"Yeah?"

"Stay."

"Stay. . .?"

I nod. "For breakfast." I take a deep breath.
Jumping, falling.
"You should stay."

Killian stands there unmoving, his face impassive. For a second, I wonder if he even wants to stay at all, especially after my confession last night. Maybe he's rethinking this whole thing. He has his bachelor pad in the mountains, and he's used to living by himself. Maybe –

His answer jolts me out of my thoughts. "I told you I'd grow on you."

"What?"

A slow grin spreads across his face. "Careful what you wish for, cupcake. You invite me to stay, I might not ever leave." He clears his throat. "You got that waffle-maker downstairs? I know you think you have the monopoly on baked goods and all, but I do make a fucking fantastic waffle."

Downstairs, Killian makes us breakfast like it's the most normal thing in the world, while I hold my breath, watching Chloe's reaction, wondering if I did the right thing by asking him to stay.

I just invited him into my life in a big way.
Our
lives.

Chloe waits until we're at the table and she's taken a bite of her waffle before she starts asking questions. "Are you living here?"

"I have my cabin I live in," Killian says. "But I might hang around here a little more often. If it's okay with you."

"Okay, sure." Chloe shrugs one shoulder nonchalantly. "But will you show me how to fish?"

He glances over at me. After a moment's thought, I nod my approval.

"You bet," he answers with a smile.