Kindergarten (14 page)

I would be very happy if you should have the kindness to write to me, and tell me what you think about my children, and how they progress, especially Kurt and his future, as soon he will leave the school. Although we have to live now for the day alone, my husband and I cannot help thinking sometimes of the future. Our children now, even more than before, are all our future, and all that happens there. I have not the hope that we shall be able soon to discuss the matter of Kurt’s career with you in England, because even if my husband is free from the prison, and receives a permit for England, then we have to wait for our papers here in Berlin. That will last many months, and we hear so from our friends who try. I have already a permit for domestic work in England, and I do all things possible to deliver my dear husband, but events are stronger than I am.

Kurt, I think, wishes to be a surgeon, but do you think this is possible that he can be educated to a profession, without the money? Rudolf, I know, had to leave school early and begin work of a practical kind, because of the times in which we live. Many years are needed for study. We feel great sorrow that we cannot care for our sons as we would like to do, and must be obliged to ask for the help of friends so many miles away. (Help, dear Mr. High, that has been so willingly given to us.) We would be grateful for your advice in this matter. Kurt may have to go to America later, but it may last years since he must wait until his turn.

Thank you for telling me when Thomas was ill. I beg you, when the boy is ill, please continue to let me know. Do not be too careful of me. I am more quiet when I know. Thomas is still, I think, unhappy in his heart, although he does not say so in his letters. Please forgive him and understand him, Mr. High. He is young, but he has known much, the torture of the last years and the separation from his home and his family, the things which hurt us who are grown-up, and even more a child. He has a great need for affection which we gave him with all our hearts when we were with him, and could hold him in our arms. If the noisy and lively surroundings of the other boys, as is usual and natural in a school, seem to make him sad, it is because our house was always quiet, and my son, after all this time, must still remember this. For me, as a mother, it is difficult to ask you to do what I should do myself, but please, Mr. High, could you speak kindly to our son so that he may become more cheerful inside? I hope you will be pleased with him. Your last observation in his school report, and the school photograph, filled our hearts with the utmost joy. Our sons are very well-looking, both, and seem so tall.

Thank you for all the good things you do for our boys.

All is incertain, but we look forward impatiently to the chance to come to England, and be with our boys again. We have still hope that the police will return our passports. I hope you and Misses High are in good health.

Excuse me, for troubling you so much.

Affectionately yours,
The mother of the boys
you called “gifted”

T
HROUGHOUT
July and August, the postcards from Nickolaus Mittler had arrived at the school. Every week, there was a new one, carefully and neatly written, each view on the front chosen to be different.

Berlin-Charlottenburg
27th June 1939

Dear Mr. High,

Would you be so very kind and write to me what is the matter with the permits for me and my big brother to come to England? Are the applications for the permit in the home office already? I wish to give as little trouble as possible, but I worry because my parents have the permission to come to England, and they wait only for the permits for us.

Yours respectfully,
Nickolaus Mittler

Berlin-Charlottenburg
3rd July 1939

Dear Mr. High,

Could you please send me a certificate, stating that you are admitting me and my big brother to your school? The authorities here in Berlin state that we must produce this document to show that we are really going to come to your school, and then they will allow us to have passports. This document must be authenticated in England. Please send this to me signed by the authorised department. Do you need any other documents? We have our photographs, and doctor’s certificates.

Yours respectfully,
Nickolaus Mittler

Berlin- Charlottenburg
9th July 1939

Dear Mr. High,

Thank you so much for kindly sending me the certificate. The Berlin passport office now says that the certificate must be made out in German, not in English. The passport office also says that your signature must be authenticated by the police of your district. Thank you so much for your trouble. I am sorry to be a nuisance. When we have the permits we will need to wait more weeks before we can get the passports, but we wait hopefully. When we get the passports we will go to the British Passport Central Office for a visa. Then all will be ready to start for England.

Yours respectfully,
Nickolaus Mittler

Berlin-Charlottenburg
15th July 1939

Dear Mr. High,

Please would you not be indignant if I once more am compelled to write to you. The British Consulate here requires a letter from you in which you confirm that me and my big brother are to be accepted into your school. The Consulate must know from your letter that a guarantor has been found for the paying of the school fees in England, and then it will grant the permission for us to enter England. I beg you to send me this letter. What cloathings will we need for the school?

Yours respectfully,
Nickolaus Mittler

Berlin-Charlottenburg
21st July 1939

Dear Mr. High,

Thank you very much for the letter you kindly sent me. I took the letter to the British Consulate of our city, but I beg to inform you that the letter did not contain the guarantee that someone had been found to pay my fees, and the Consulate demands this before it will give permission for us to enter England. What we need is only a form! I shall not forget all your endeavours to help us. I am so sorry to force your amicability so often. I shall try to repay all you are doing when I come to England. We have bought our cloathings ready.

Yours respectfully,
Nickolaus Mittler

A
T THE END
of August, 1939, Leonie Matthias, who had written often from Berlin for the Jewish agency “Elternhilfe für die jüdische Jugend,” asking for help for new children, or making enquiries about the progress of children who had been received into the school, wrote from a city many hundreds of miles away from Berlin. Elternhilfe had been closed down by the German authorities on the tenth of November, 1938, and she wrote as a welfare worker in another children’s relief organisation.

“Since the events of last November, a very large number of Jewish schoolchildren are gathered here, and we are trying, with every means at our disposal, to ensure that there can be some way in which their higher education may continue. Could you possibly agree to accepting a few more children? I would take as much trouble as I did from Elternhilfe to ensure that the pupils I recommend to you would fit in well with your school. Please give my best wishes to the children I know in Southwold. Has Stefanie Peters settled in well? I would like to hear how they are all progressing. I had a very nice letter from Kurt Viehmann the other week.

“I hope you do not mind if I enclose a photograph of an eleven-year-old girl, Ruth Martin, an only child whose parents owned a farm in Saxony. Her uncle managed to emigrate to America, and he is trying to raise a financial guarantee for her. Her parents hope to go to America, also, in the near future. She is a very nice, friendly little girl, and I am sure that she will fit in very well. She has started to learn English, and is making good progress.”

Ruth Martin’s photograph had been removed from an album. There were little patches of blue paper at each corner where it had been pulled away from the page on which it had been glued, and on the back someone had written, in pencil:
Unsere Ruth an ihrem elften Geburtstag
.

Everywhere, in the final file, were the photographs of children.

He found himself looking at the photographs, searching for death in the children’s faces, afraid of the feelings inside himself, trying not to think of the future, trying not to visualise what he knew was deep inside his head.

From November, 1938, onwards, the photographs, letters, and school reports had flooded into the school in greatly increased numbers as parents tried to find somewhere to send their children—far too many of them for it ever to have been possible for more than a very few of them to be offered places. The vanished children smiled in all the photographs as their parents waited for someone to decide whether they would live or die. Some photographs, like Ruth Martin’s, were taken from family albums; others seemed to have been taken specially for the application, the child’s eyes showing an awareness that the attractiveness of his smile was the most important thing in the world to his parents.

…These two little boys have all their papers in order, and could leave Berlin immediately, if there were a school available for them in England, and if someone could guarantee their payments for them…Elise is ready for travelling since a long time, but she is waiting still for her permit from the “Home Office”… Sehr geehrter Mr. High, Frau Clara Werth gab mir Ihre werte Adresse, da ich beabsichtige, meine Söhne nach England zu geben. Die Jungen sind vor allem in Sport und Musik sehr begabt und singen sehr schön. Meine Kinder sind Halbwaisen, der Vater war Bankvorsteher. Da wir jüdisch sind…Lucie is thirteen, and can draw nicely, and plays the piano very beautiful. She wishes to be a nurse and help the ill people, because she is a gentle girl who would like that everybody should have his place in the sun. Whatever I say about her, you will say that it is only the mother talking, but I will tell you something of the nature of my little girl so that you may see freely for yourself. One time I brought home Lucie from school, and at the door was a beggar with a child, who, I confess, I did not remark then, but Lucie did. I talked with my friend who was waiting in the house for me, and we was always disturbed by Lucie, who always would try to call me aside, and anger me. I sent her from the room, but when my friend went away, Lucie ran back in and begged for food for the beggar. The beggar was gone away and she returned weeping, and was not to be moved to eat her supper. This is the kind of child she is, and I implore that you will accept her in your school…I am told that you accept German boys in your school. I have a grandson of fourteen…Dieter ist ein ausgezeichneter Schüler. Er ist gewandt und mutig und beweist im sportlichen Kampf Fairness und…I am very sorry to have to tell you that Emmy and Doro Werth were not evacuated from Germany in time to escape the war. They were to have come across in a children’s transport in the second week in September in time for the beginning of term. When we realised how extreme the danger was, it was too late to advance the date of their leaving, and all the German trains had been reserved for the exclusive use of troops for days before the war actually started. Walter, I know, will have realised that his sisters have not made it in time…

H
AND
in hand, the little boy and the little girl stood at the edge of the dark pathless forest, in which the wild animals were waiting to tear them to pieces. The boy looked back towards his home, but the adult gripped his arm and pulled him away.

Corrie had seen, in school history books, some of the photographs of what had happened within that dark forest, facts to be learned by children for examinations now, like the date of the Battle of Hastings, and what the Magna Carta was. Before he moved up from the infants’ school to the junior school, he had decided that the date of the Battle of Hastings and the meaning of the Magna Carta were questions that he was bound to be asked, and he had learned them carefully, confident of impressing everyone with his erudition. On his first day at junior school, a teacher had approached him and opened her mouth. He had thought that the long-awaited moment had come, and that she was going to ask him for the date of the Battle of Hastings, but all she had asked him was his name and what class he was in. He had sat down in his place and eagerly awaited the opportunity to answer a question about the Battle of Hastings or the Magna Carta. Eight years had passed since then, and he was still waiting for someone to ask him for the date of the Battle of Hastings. But, even if no one ever did ask him, he still knew the answer.

The S.S. man stood with his sub-machine-gun, his face impassive, a man doing his job, rather bored. The little boy wearing the cloth cap, his short coat reaching to above his knees, stood with his arms in the air, as he had been told, his face frightened and bewildered. He was about six or seven years old. Women and other children were all around him, being rounded up. A woman just behind him, a young housewife in a headscarf, holding a heavy bag in her left hand, was only able to lift her right arm in surrender, a band with the Star of David around the top of her arm, like the black band of mourning that people sometimes wore after a death in the family. Beside the little boy was a woman, both hands raised, looking back at the face of the man with the sub-machine-gun, as if memorising what he looked like. She had a battered zip-up bag over each arm, like the full shopping-bags of a woman returned home to her family in the evening after taking a bus from the city centre.

It was a picture he had often studied. There were no bodies, no blood, and only one gun was visible, but to him it was the image of war, the most horrifying photograph he knew of the Second World War. He thought of the Ingmar Bergman film his father had ordered for the Film Society, the two women alone on the lonely island, the nurse and her patient, the actress, who had retreated into total silence, studying that same photograph.

T
HERE
was a newsagent’s shop in Lowestoft where he was not known, and which he always visited on his infrequent journeys there on the bus, to go to the cinema, or just to walk around, away from Southwold. The women’s magazines, and the comics for children—frames in war comics where immense German soldiers screamed in agony as flames from flame-throwers hit them full in the face, as a grinning British private shouted, “Try that for size, Fritzy!”—were at the front of the shop, opposite the counter, covers forward on sloping stands. At the back of the shop, in the far corner, where he always went, trying to appear casual and offhand, was the section labelled “Adult Publications.” Adult meant sex. Adult meant filth. Adult meant brutality and excitement. That was what being an adult meant.