King 03 - Restless (30 page)

I’ve been keeping my eye on you for a long time, almost since I came here to the hospital. At first it was anger, I admit, but pretty soon I realized that you really weren’t to blame. It was Marica, it was always Marica. And from my vantage point, it’s been fairly clear where all this is leading. 

Marica is going to force you into a choice, and all the signs point to it happening this afternoon. I’ve just felt a huge surge of power go forth from you, and now you’re feeling such remorse… I can only guess what might have happened.  But I know that this afternoon is going to be our showdown, Marica’s and mine. 

Tasmyn, our lives have been entwined long enough now. You can go on, and I hope you’ll come to some sort of peace about your gift. It’s part of you. It’s not something you sought out, like I have, so I think you’re probably meant to have it and use it. Knowing you, you’ll probably become some crusading do-gooder. (That is actually said with affection, believe it or not.)

It’s time for me to get to work now. If by some miracle I don’t die tonight, I hope we meet again someday. But I promise I won’t bother you. 

Unless you begin to fall back into bad habits, of course.

Nell

I let the paper fall out of my hands and dropped my head back against the pillows. It was typical Nell. I closed my eyes and tried to conjure up her image as I’d first known her, hostile and suspicious. I remembered the look on her face when I’d ended up on the floor in chemistry, and the madness in her eyes that day in the clearing. I tried to figure out how she had appeared time and again to warn me, how she had managed to be at Marica’s house at the moment I needed her.

The tears on my pillow were for Nell, for the life she had thrown away in madness and then sacrificed for my sake. I wondered if we had met under other circumstances, we might have been friends. I would never know.

All I kept seeing was the Nell who had risked her life to save me, and I fell asleep with her words echoing in my head.

“Very little of what appears to be impossible actually is.”

When I returned to school the next day, I braced myself for the questions and the rumors that were sure to be flying, at least in the minds of the students, if not out loud. But to my surprise, very little had changed. No one asked me where I had been, although a few people did stop to ask me how Amber was feeling. 

I didn’t see Rafe until lunch. I was dreading it. I still hadn’t heard from Michael. He hadn’t even called last night. The silence on my phone had been deafening and accusatory. Every moment that passed with my email unanswered convinced me that I was never going to see him again. But I knew that no matter what happened with Michael, I had to make it very clear to Rafe that he and I would go forward as friends only.

He was sitting at the lunch table, and I sat across from him, in Amber’s usual spot. He glanced up at me with that half smile of his. 

“Amber’s going to be fine, I hear?” he said conversationally. 

I nodded. Rafe was blocking me fully. I couldn’t hear his thoughts, and I couldn’t even gauge his mood. It made me very nervous.

“You had an eventful day on Monday,” he said, taking a bite of his pizza slice.

I raised my eyebrows. “How did you know?”

He finished chewing and swallowed. “Sam called my grandfather Monday night, filled him in. Plus, you know.” He shrugged. “Small community. We hear things.” 

I didn’t know how to react to that bit of information. So Rafe had known about my close call with Marica. He hadn’t called; he hadn’t tried to see me. I knew it was wrong, but a part of me was hurt and a little outraged. I tried to hold it in, but I couldn’t.

“So nice of you to call and make sure I was okay.” Sarcasm oozed out of every word.

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me. Not after the hospital.” Rafe finished his pizza and pushed away the plastic plate.

I fiddled with my water bottle. “Did Sam tell you why I was there—at Marica’s?” I glanced down at the other end of the table, but the junior girls were absorbed in their own conversation.

“Yes.” Rafe wadded his napkin into a ball and tossed it onto the plate. “So you ditched all your bad habits this week, huh?” His eyes met mine at last, and I saw the hurt.

“Rafe, I—j ” I wasn’t sure exactly what to say to him, but I didn’t get the chance anyway. He stood up and stalked out of the cafeteria.

I waited for a minute before I grabbed his trash, tossed it away and followed him.

“Rafe, will you please wait? Can we talk?”

He sighed and shoved his hand through his hair. “Haven’t we done this, Tas? Like… over and over again? I push, you retreat, I pull back and you can’t handle it. I thought Monday was the end.”

I thought about what he said. He wasn’t wrong, and that was something I had to remedy.

“I did mean what I said that day, Rafe.” I spoke slowly and thoughtfully. “I don’t think we’re good for each other. I haven’t been fair to you. What you just said—you’re right.  I’m really sorry, Rafe.”

“Yeah, me, too.” He stood with his hands in his pockets, looking down at me. And then he reached out just one finger and caressed my cheek. My breath caught for a moment before I brushed his hand away.

“See, Tas?” He spoke low, barely above a whisper. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we’re not good for each other. But don’t lie to yourself. It’s more than just me pushing, more than you… feeling sorry for me. There’s a spark. You might not like it, but don’t pretend it’s not there.”

I swallowed hard and nodded. “I want us to be friends, Rafe. But if that’s going to be too hard, you need to tell me.”

He didn’t answer, and I turned to leave.

“Tas.” I stopped but didn’t face him. I wasn’t sure how much more either of us could stand.

“How long did it take? For you to call Michael?”

I bit my lip. “I—I didn’t. I sent him an email.”

“Ah.” There was a load of ironic humor packed into that single syllable. “And how did that work out for you? Are the dynamic duo back together?”

“I haven’t heard from him yet.” 

“I’m sure he’ll call soon.” I felt his hand brush over the back of my hair. “But if not… you know where I live.” 

I heard his departing footsteps. It took all of my budding new willpower not to turn around and go after him.

The rest of the afternoon was quiet, and so was the next day. I went through each class on autopilot, trying to find my normal again. There were whispers now about the mysterious disappearance of the chemistry teacher, but no one in King was going to miss Marica Lacusta.

Getting back to normal, I decided, was not unlike adjusting to a new school and town. It felt as though I was relearning everything, establishing new habits and boundaries.

I called my mother to check in the minute I walked in the door every afternoon. At dinner every night, I shared each detail of my day; I was so anxious for them to know that I wasn’t keeping any more secrets. 

They never asked me if I had heard from Michael. I think they knew that if that happened, it would be the first thing I’d tell them. They were being tactful, but their sympathy was nearly my undoing each evening when the phone was silent.

I was struggling, too, not to use the powers that I’d been so carefully cultivating over the past months. It was hard to keep a stopper on the emotions that threatened to let loose a windstorm or make things fly around the room. I wondered if I needed some kind of de-tox program: Magiks Annonymous?

On Thursday afternoon, I stopped to see Amber before coming home. It was late afternoon by the time I walked into my empty house, and out of habit, I carefully locked the door behind me before settling down to some homework.

I had just opened my French book when I heard the doorbell. I frowned, wondering who it might be and trying not to think of whom I wished it were.

I was very surprised to see Caroline Brooks standing on my front porch. In her elegant suit and heels, she looked out of place although completely at ease.

I invited her inside and offered her a chair and some tea. She accepted the first and declined the second.

“Tasmyn, I’m sure you didn’t expect me this afternoon, and I’m very sorry to drop by without calling.”

“That’s okay,” I replied feebly, not sure of what to say.

“I’ll be brief. Please rest assured that I am not here to plead my grandson’s cause with you. I love Rafe dearly, as I am sure you know. He is an extraordinary young man. I also know that he has fancied himself in love with you since he arrived in King.”

I blushed and tried to formulate an answer. Mrs. Brooks held up one hand.

“No need to say anything, Tasmyn, dear. I know that your heart belongs elsewhere. I could tell that from the moment we met, but I will admit, I did hope… well, that perhaps with time, you would be able to love Rafe, too.”

“I do love him,” I murmured. “But just not the way he wants me to.”

She smiled. “I understand. But as I said, that’s not why I am here. As I think Rafe told you, Sam Lawrence shared with us the details of your unfortunate encounter with Marica Lacusta.” She shook her head. “I’m terribly sorry that things ended as they did. I was afraid—well, I think I warned you. I blame myself that I wasn’t more specific or perhaps even clearer about the danger. I’m very glad that you’re all right, dear.”

I smiled. I liked Rafe’s grandmother, and I knew that no matter how strident her warnings had been, I wouldn’t have heeded them. “Thanks, Mrs. Brooks. It was my own fault. Rafe tried to tell me—I just wasn’t in a place to listen.”

“And that is precisely why I’m here. I know that you went through a very difficult time. It occurred to me that you might benefit from talking to someone who could help you make sense of everything you experienced—and who could help you learn some balance.”

I knit my brows together. “Are you saying—do you mean
you
?”

“Oh, no.” She shook her head. “No, I’m not qualified for such a thing. I know a little about this and that, but I couldn’t give you what you need.” She drew something from her purse and handed it to me. It was a small cream-colored card. Written in flowing script was a name and telephone number.