King (31 page)

“Are
you OK?” Alison was assessing me closely, her puzzled frown knitting her brow
together. I nodded exhaling loudly, assuming her and everyone else would think
it was for losing the award, but she was much more perceptive than I’d given
her credit for and she wasn’t leaving it there. “Are you sleeping with the
enemy Charlotte?” she said as I looked at her in wide eyed shock, and the
expression on her face was harsh, and quite frankly scared the shit out of me.
“Not any more Alison” I sighed as she eyed me silently, her features softening
sympathetically and I stared at the floor as he walked back from the stage. In
an effort to avoid uncomfortable questions from my colleagues, I deliberately
didn’t look at him. It was almost over and then I could leave, crawl back into
my bed and nurse my emotional wounds. It was time for the biggest and final
award of the night and for me and Katie, a time of reckoning, as we glanced at
each other, holding our breaths.

I
was pretty sure I couldn’t catch King, but I would take catching Ian Anderson
who was staring at me smugly. I’d never made it to the point where I might be in
the running before, and even if I didn’t win, just seeing my name appear on the
giant screen would be one hell of an achievement. “Executive of the Year”
came
the announcement, the hush that settled across the
room, firing up my anticipation and every eye in the room was on that stage,
almost. My stomach was churning and I took the opportunity to glance across at
Jason, who’d obviously had the same thought. “Good luck” I mouthed despite
myself, his blazing smile making my heart flip and my stomach explode in a
flurry of butterflies. My brain knew we were bad news, but God my body missed
him, and I forced myself to look away, eyes on the screen. Nothing had been
announced yet but Diana Prince was already patting Ian Anderson on the back as
I looked at him, catching Alison’s eye, a small almost imperceptible smile
playing at the corner of her mouth. She was the only one at the table who knew
the names about to be revealed.

 
“Jason King, King Marketing” was the first
name, the low chatter in the room indicating that no-one was surprised at that,
as his employees clapped and cheered. “Adam Ashworth,
Winterburn
Media” was the second name
announced,
the gasps
audible even over the response of his table and several surrounding ones that
erupted in a spontaneous show of support. “Charlotte Smith, Grayson
International Media” and I couldn’t stop the huge grin that spread across my
face as everyone around me whooped and hollered. Everyone that was except for
Ian Anderson, who looked utterly stunned, before hitting me with an aggressive
scowl highlighting that he would not be taking his defeat graciously. I enjoyed
my moment in the spotlight, as Katie and I hugged one another, still unable to
quite believe that our devious scheme had worked, turning finally to glance at
Jason who was grinning broadly, as if he had just worked out what I’d been up
to these past few weeks. A simple wink and my heart melted. I took a deep
breath forcing my gaze back to the stage. It had been hard enough not seeing
him, tonight was damn near killing me. “Damian Forrester, The Look” was the
final name announced before a deathly silence fell across the room.

“Do
it for the girls Charlotte” someone heckled from the back of the room as I
turned and smiled. The tension in the air was palpable, my heart in my mouth as
I watched the gold envelope open, a few seconds spanning into what felt like an
eternity before the announcement came. “Charlotte Smith, Grayson International
Media” and it felt like a dream. Everyone was standing, cheering and clapping
and I was lost in a fuzzy haze, trapped in a strange bubble and I couldn’t
move. I was frozen to the spot, as Alison held my arm, lifting me from my seat
and ushering me towards the stage as strangers hands came out of the crowd to
shake mine, pats raining on my back. It was a strange, surreal moment in time
and I couldn’t see the only person I wanted to, the eyes I needed to see, the
arms I wanted to feel around me. This moment was precious and there was one
person who I wanted to share it with more than anyone else, and I wanted it
desperately. As I took the steps to the stage slowly, one by one, I turned, my
eyes searching for him in the sea of a thousand faces and I was hit full on by
his twinkling glare, the broad white smile betraying his pride and I burst into
tears, holding my hand out for the award and making my way from the stage as
fast as I could. Everyone would assume I was overwhelmed at winning, that the
tears spilling from my eyes were those of joy. They weren’t. They were the
tears that hadn’t yet fallen for Jason and my God they were falling now, fast
and hard, unbridled, as I made my way back swiftly to the table, ignoring the
hands and the pats and the congratulations. I couldn’t think straight, I
couldn’t see straight.

Almost
everyone from Grayson was on their feet clapping and cheering. I needed to
leave, but I couldn’t avoid them, walking straight out of the door was exactly
what I wanted, but that would be inexcusable. This award wasn’t just mine, it
was for Katie and every one of the junior creative’s who had gone above and
beyond in the last few weeks to make this happen. They would be every bit as
thrilled as I was. It was also for Jason, the man who had pushed me to my
professional limits and I was absolutely devastated he had pushed me past my
personal ones, utterly responsible for the agonising hurt that was gripping my
body as I tried to wipe the tears away. Pleasure and pain, one never truly
existing without the other, and Jason had delivered
both in
abundance,
physically and emotionally. It reminded me of Sasha’s words.
Love and hate, two sides of the same coin, and in that moment I knew that
whatever else my brain was telling me about the man, I was irrevocably, deeply
and unavoidably, in love with Jason King.

I
couldn’t look at him, it was too raw, too painful to see the affection etched
into his face, his smile, a simple wink and I couldn’t cope with any more.
Being so near him when I couldn’t have him was more than I could take, as Katie
ran to hug me, holding me tightly. She would know these were not tears of joy.
I just wasn’t the type for workplace related displays of emotion. A bad mood
and five sugars following a lost pitch
was
about as
bad as it got. “Are you OK?” she whispered against my ear as I clung onto her,
sobbing uncontrollably now as the chatter rose and the band started up. I was
glad every eye in the room was no longer focused on
me,
I didn’t need the attention of advertising executives from across the UK
thinking I was an unstable freak. I shook my head. “Seeing him is too much” I
sobbed and felt her look up. “I’ll take it from here Katie”
came
the familiar voice, smooth as caramel and calling to me. “Fuck off King” I
heard her say in a firm display of loyalty and female solidarity. “I won’t tell
you again Katie” he replied, in a tone that brokered no argument and made my
breath hitch, images of the amazing erotically intimate moments we’d shared
blasting across my brain, and I pulled away from her. “It’s OK” I whispered as
she wiped the wetness from my face with the pads of her thumbs, holding my gaze
“Are you sure?” and I nodded through the emotional haze.

As
soon as she moved, he stood before me, our faces only centimetres apart and it
was as though the rest of the room melted away. I was lost in his eyes as he
pulled me tightly into his chest, stroking my hair gently. “
Sshhh
”
he whispered soothingly in my ear over and over again, and I knew right then,
that if there was any doubt before, everyone in the room would now realise the
intensity of the relationship between myself and King.
 
It was a long time before I stopped crying,
turning my tear stained face up to his as he kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry” I
whispered “but I need to go. It was hard seeing you again Jason”. He was
nodding, pain etched in his face at my words. I was desperate to kiss him, to
hold him, to love him, but I couldn’t risk it. “I’m sorry Sweetheart, I wish I
could change the way things are” he said gently, kissing my forehead again. His
wonderful touch and kind words almost slicing through my resolve. He wished
things were different and God so did I, but I couldn’t move forward playing
second best to
Tamsin
Lloyd, being crushed every time
he left me. My feelings just ran too deep for that to be an option. It took
every ounce of force and will I had to pull away, as he stood silently watching
me. “This is for you and the junior creative’s, I couldn’t have done it without
you all” I smiled at Katie, handing her the huge gold award I’d won. “I’m
leaving now” I tried to smile, noting the snarling face of Ian Anderson as I
walked away, glancing briefly at Jason just as the tears began again. He moved
towards me as I shook my head. If he held me again there would be no way back.

Chapter
17

I
had mulled it over all weekend, the feel of his strong arms around me on
Saturday night had made me feel complete, craving his touch, his attention and
his affection more than I ever believed possible, and my heart ached
desperately for him with a pain it had never experienced before. Jason King was
as addictive as he was beautiful, but he was also a closed book and the
reservations persisted. Every time he ran to her, it chipped at my trust,
despite his reassurances and promises and I deserved more, an explanation at
the very least, but I wasn’t getting one. It would be hard enough to walk away
now, the overwhelming sorrow and the river of tears of the last few days were
testament to that, but if I went back, I knew that with every passing day it
would become harder still to ever break free.

He
had already taken me to my limits. Physically I had signed up for that and
loved every blissful, exquisite minute of it, pure ecstasy I was afraid I would
never find with anyone else, but I had hit my limit emotionally. I had tried to
explain and justify the constant tabloid photographs of
Tamsin
and Jason to Katie and Sasha and in truth, I could do neither. I just didn’t
have the answers and King didn’t look like revealing them anytime soon. The
ultimatum hadn’t worked, he had said himself I deserved better and left me anyway,
but the harrowing sadness etched on his face at the end of the awards ceremony
had revealed something else. For the first time I truly believed he was reeling
almost as much as me. I could have left with him then, safe and secure in his
arms and certain that by the end of the night I would be blissfully sated, but
what then? If
Tamsin
had called again and he had gone
to her, I would have been absolutely and utterly crushed, and I had to protect
my fragile heart. My instinct for self preservation ran too deep to risk. It
was all I had, all I’d ever had and it had got me where I wanted to be. It was
my last line of defence and I knew that I couldn’t and wouldn’t give it up.

Monday
morning coffee with Katie was exactly what I needed. “Come to the wine bar
after work
Lotty
, you have to hold your head up high.
The sexual tension and chemistry between you two on Saturday was outrageous and
everyone’s guessed you’ve been fucking, it’s the talk of the office”. “Great” I
sighed as she smiled sympathetically. “The thing is Charlotte, it looks like
you’re just another notch on Kings
bedpost
and you
can’t handle it. I heard Ian Anderson talking in the coffee room as I walked
past and he’s telling anyone who’ll listen that you’re an emotional wreck who
can’t keep her head on the job”. I rolled my eyes in exasperation. “He’s just
bitter Katie. He thought Exec of the Year was his for the taking and he thought
he was getting Mercedes. He’s pissed off because he got neither, and I can’t
believe anyone would listen to him”. Katie raised her eyebrows, eyeing me
intently. “You’d be surprised who’ll listen
Lotty
.
People always like to believe the worst. If you carry on hiding to avoid Jason
they will start to believe it. You have to get out and set the record straight.
I’m not saying you should go around telling everyone the ins and outs of your
private life, but you have to show that you’re strong and getting on with it at
the very least. Avoiding him, means avoiding everyone else and professionally,
it’s definitely NOT the right thing to do Sweetheart” she smiled kindly.

I
knew how this industry worked, everyone knew everyone and news and gossip
spread like a wild bushfire. A brave face was exactly what was required, I just
wasn’t sure I could pull one right now. “I’ll think about the wine bar” I
smiled. “Good, make sure you do. I’ll do you a treasure trove-over before we
hit the Wright lunch if you like and then we can go straight from there” and I
couldn’t help but laugh. “Anyway, we’ve been working on some ideas for Mercedes
with some potential
costings
from the briefing Alison
sent, they are brilliant
Lotty
, even if I do say so
myself” she grinned. “I’ve emailed them, have a look through and let me know
your thoughts on the initial campaign ideas.
It’s
early stages so they’re a bit sketchy but you’ll get the gist”. “I’ll get on it
now” I smiled as she left the office, sighing as the door shut behind her. A
high profile campaign was exactly what I needed, Ian Anderson out to get me was
certainly not. Public knowledge of my relationship with King could give him the
ammunition he needed to make people doubt me, and I’d have to think long and
hard about Katie’s advice.

Sasha
called into the office as I was looking through the brilliant creative Katie
had sent for the Mercedes campaign. “I found out Kings not going to be at the
Wright lunch today” she smiled as I nodded. I wasn’t sure who her contact was,
but she seemed to have instant access to Jason King’s diary commitments and I
felt sure it wasn’t his secretary Margaret. Getting through that woman was like
running at a brick wall. Jason had told me numerous times how lovely and kind
she was, but I’d seen little evidence of it. Her reputation was verging on
fearsome and without doubt, she was a fiercely effective gatekeeper. He had
told me last week he couldn’t make the lunch, which was the only reason I
hadn’t cancelled. “He’s pitching against Anderson for a cinema campaign” she
grinned. This was something I didn’t know.
“Really?
Well right now Sash I hope neither of them get it” I laughed as she joined me
conspiratorially. “He’s gunning for King. He was absolutely furious when he
lost the Wright campaign and the fact that you’ve been asked to go to the gala
fashion lunch today would suggest he’s not going to get the opportunity to
pitch for it next time either.” I hadn’t even thought about that, I’d assumed I
was going because he wasn’t available.