Kingdom of Lies (Imp Series Book 7) (9 page)

The demon bowed, oddly formal for our kind. “That would be splendid.”

Then she left, her tail arched up behind her, the Low scurrying at her heels to keep up. I sat back down to finish my turpentine beverage. Buy, steal or beat the gem out of Rash. Return it to Gareth. Be back in time for breakfast.

Or not.

I
met Terrelle at Spanky’s. Again. There was a moment of misunderstanding where I eventually realized I was supposed to feed her. After watching her devour a plate of crunchy stick-like things, we made our way to the back of the pub.

“Here.” She pointed to a metal gate that was half folded and blocking a stone stairway that led downward. Cool, damp air caressed my face.

“Directions? Address? GPS coordinates?” I stared down the stairs, my stomach knotting. It was a good thing I hadn’t joined in on the stick dinner because it would have been threatening to come back up right now.

She sniffed, digging a round item out of a leather bag. “I’m going to take you there. Having you lost in the underground for all eternity isn’t in my best interests, and I’ve got no faith in your navigation skills on the surface, let alone underground.”

I put up with an amazing amount of insubordination from my household, but this Noodle was pushing my limits. The demon strapped the round object onto her head then slung the leather bag across one shoulder, careful to keep her long ears free of the strap. With a flick of a finger, the headlamp turned on, illuminating the stairway. I laughed. We all had a variety of skills, but a demon that was night blind was rare.

Her pinkish skin darkened. “Laugh all you want, at least
I
know where we’re going.”

Terrelle pushed the gate all the way open and led our descent. The walls were jagged stone with dirt mortar. Dust drifted onto our heads as we navigated the twists and turns of the stairway, making me wonder how stable this whole underground construct really was. The air grew colder the lower we went, pockets of warmth radiating from glowing rocks in the walls. I wondered which demon was in charge of heating these spots, or if random passersby were doing their share to provide some relief from the cold.

Finally we reached the bottom, a surprisingly clean expanse of unbroken granite stretching ahead with similar walkways to the left and right. We hesitated while Terrelle adjusted her headlamp. I took that opportunity to elongate a claw and carve ‘Dar is an angel’s bitch’ into the wall.

The underground portion of Eresh was lively. Demons passed us in the wide corridors, some nodding, others giving us wary distance. Within five minutes, I was grateful for Terrelle’s guidance. The place was a maze with doorways and open areas every few feet. Tunnels looked identical, and there were no directional signs to be seen. Without the Noodle’s help, I would have been down here an eternity.

Light reflected off the wall ahead, and as we turned the corner, I saw an enormous cavern, roots hanging from the packed-dirt ceiling fifty feet above. Demons and other creatures wandered, their noises echoing off the walls. An open-air market—or rather, a below-ground market. The smell of sewage, roasted flesh, and rot filled my nose, sending a wave of nostalgia through me. I loved the human world, but occasionally there was no place like home.

“Rash buys and sells.” Terrelle shouted, to be heard above the din. “Usually magical stuff, but he’s been known to deal in hybrids and slaves, even in souls.”

I scrunched up my nose in distaste. Demons were a bit like hoarders when it came to Owning souls. We’d need to be really desperate to sell them or let them go. Or dying and making a sentimental gesture toward a beloved angel.

We made our way through the throngs of buyers and sellers, my hand itching for my Iblis weapon. This was all just a bit too close for my comfort, and I wasn’t sure if the price the elves had on my head would appeal to any of the demons. Nirvana tickets wouldn’t tempt me to murder, but there was no accounting for musical tastes.

We reached a central area where a large demon recited a list of what he had for sale. His head reminded me of a catfish with horns. The fish part ended with his shoulders, becoming dog-like until the waist where some kind of plucked bird took over. Typical. Most demons could never make up their minds and ended up mashing several favorite forms together. I watched Rash dig into a box, his lack of opposable thumbs obviously hindering his ability to bring forth the requested item. Coinage exchanged hands, or paws, and a tall lizard/spider demon walked away with an elf button clasped to his scaled chest.

“You Rash?” I’d figured he was, but it was polite to ask.

His eyes narrowed. “Who wants to know?”

Damn, it was like I’d walked into a low-budget mafia movie. I bit back the smart retort and recited a few of my names, leaving out the part about my being the Iblis. No need to have him think I was rich enough to warrant a price increase.

“I got human-made incendiary devices from the legendary South of the Border across the gates, three elf buttons ready to be keyed to your location of choice, a parakeet hybrid to insult your household when you’re not around to do so, some gems with unknown enchantments, and a ball of yarn.”

As enticing as the ball of yarn and fireworks were, I forced myself to remain focused on the task at hand. “What’s up with the gems?”

He shrugged one furry shoulder, paw lifting upward. “Fuck if I know. An elf sold them to me. They’re big. A red one and two purplish ones.”

Terrelle was right on the mark. “Can I see them?”

He bent down to dig in the box, claws extending on the other paw to take my arm off if I tried to snatch anything. “Here.”

He’d wedged a gem between each of his ‘fingers’. They certainly looked big enough to be five carats. The purple ones did look like alexandrite.

“How much?”

He quoted a figure that made my ass clench.

“You’re fucking joking. They’re rocks. You’ve got no idea what they do. For all I know, they’ll turn me into a bat or set me on fire.”

“Or give you untold riches and a dozen incubus slaves.”

I snorted. “Right. And you found them in a dragon’s hoard. They’re nice looking rocks. The enchantment probably keeps them shiny. I’ll give you two coins.”

Rash composed his face into an expression of disbelief—which was quite a feat for a catfish. “I got them from an elf who swore they had amazing magical properties. No, my price stands.”

“And the elf didn’t think to tell you what those
amazing
magical properties were?” I mocked. “Only a moron would pay good money for a bunch of pretty stones on spec.”

His watery round eyes narrowed. “Do you want them or not?”

I pursed my lips and leaned over to look at them. Rash flexed his other hand, pointing the claws toward my face. “Nah. Fuck that shit. How much for the ball of yarn?”

Rash knelt down and scrabbled around the box, coming up with a kitten-sized ball of mohair. It was cream with lavender flecks. Very pretty. It would make a nice scarf, or an attractive hangman’s noose for a smaller demon. We haggled back and forth over the yarn. I finally bought it, paying far more than I should have. Terrelle and I strolled away as I pocketed the yarn.

“I thought you wanted those rocks.” Her voice grated with annoyance.

I did. In fact, I had them in my pocket right now, beside the ball of yarn.

“Exit,” I muttered, knowing she could hear me with her oversized ears. “Now.”

Now wasn’t soon enough. There was a roar, and a shower of bright sparks lit the ceiling. Terrelle’s headlamp nearly blinded me as she turned in my direction.

“Now!” I grabbed her arm and headed back the way we came.

“No. Here.”

The demon jerked free and took off through the crowd. I would have lost her if not for the bobbing glow of her headlamp. Unfortunately that meant that Rash wouldn’t lose us either.

“Shut that damned light off.” I’d managed to catch up to her by knocking several demons aside. Reaching up, I tried to pull the light from her head—which was a difficult maneuver while running.

“I can’t see without it.” She swatted my hand away.

Damn. Blind leading the lost, or a big-ass spotlight telling an angry fish-dog-chicken demon right where to send a lightning bolt. The roar sounded closer. I twisted, running sideways, and saw a giant catfish bellowing toward the roots above our heads. White streaked through the crowd, frying several Lows and blasting a smoking hole in the stone wall. The deafening crack of thunder followed. My ears thumped. Silence. Terrelle’s mouth had opened wide, her hand leaving mine to join the other clasped tight to her fuzzy, long ears. Fuck this shit. I snatched the light from her head and clicked it off, leaving me momentarily night blind.

Someone slammed into me. Grabbing in Terrelle’s general direction, I dove to the ground, taking her with me. The press of demons above us increased, kicking me as they maneuvered toward the exits. I crawled, punching the legs of other demons aside. Lightning blazed a few feet from us, and I felt demons trampling my back as they stampeded in panic. Hearing slowly returned with a buzz of sound, and I heard the faint squeal of pain next to me.

Terrelle. I rolled, covering her body with my own, and struggled to get my pants off. By the time I’d managed to wiggle out of them, I was covered with bruises and cuts. Moving the pants to a safe spot next to the Noodle, I transformed into my demon form. Other demons that had meant to step on me, instead, bounced off the hide of a large, stubby-legged, three-headed dragon, and piled up to my left. I scooped the Noodle up in one arm and the pants in the other and bounded toward an exit.

The best thing about being in my first-form was that my eyesight rocked. Normally, exceptional night vision sacrificed color differentiation, distance sight meant a loss of detail in close objects, a range of view negated ability at determining perspective. I had no such sacrifices in this form. Whatever demons had contributed to my creation had scored a home run when it came to visual acuity.

But that still didn’t mean I knew where the fuck I was going. I headed for the nearest tunnel, dodging streaks of lightning and knocking other demons aside with my big-ass tail. Terrelle squirmed in my arm, shouting something at me. I didn’t pay attention, concentrating on just getting the fuck out of this huge room and away from fish face. A few jumps over squashed demons and I was in the tunnel, scraping my sides along the edges as I ran like Satan himself was after me.

Oh wait;
I
was Satan.

I took every turn, darted through every doorway that my dragon form would fit through. When the sounds of screaming and explosions had dropped to zero, and I hadn’t seen another demon in the last few corridors, I stopped, gasping for breath as I gently placed Terrelle on the ground.

Transforming back into my human form, I picked up the pants and shimmied into them, checking the pocket to make sure my ball of yarn and the gems were still there.

“Are you fucking nuts?” Terrelle screamed at me. I looked around nervously as the sound echoed off the walls of the corridor. “You stole the gems? And actually paid for a worthless ball of string? I’ve got no idea where the fuck we are in the underground, and I can’t see worth shit. Where is my light?”

Oops. I seemed to have dropped it back in the market, where it was undoubtedly trampled into little bits by now. I refused to be thrown by the situation. I’d gotten the gems. I would deliver them to Gareth and be out of debt. I’d evaded several angry demons that I’d stolen from. I’d be home free if only I managed to get out of the underground and back to Dis.

“Can you do the Helen Keller thing and feel along the walls?” I asked. “Actually, you can hear, and she was blind
and
deaf, so you’re at a distinct advantage over her.”

Terrelle sent me a scathing look. I could see it because I wasn’t night-blind. “I was upside down when you turned into Smaug and took off. Do you have any idea where we are?”

I squirmed, looking intently at my bare feet. “Well, I took the tunnel right in front of us, then basically took every turn I could manage to squeeze through. I’m not sure how many.”

I could feel the derision emanating from the other demon. With a heavy, dramatic sigh, she touched the walls and felt her way along the corridor.

“It’s damp,” I advised. “About a two degree upward slope. I can smell chicken, and a goblin came through here less than an hour ago.”

Goblins stank. You didn’t have to be a bloodhound to follow their trail.

“I think we’re two miles out of the city on the west end,” she commented with an accusatory glare in my direction. “The underground gets consistently damp here, and goblins live in the access corridors.”

“Great. How do we get to the surface?”

Her blue eyes were hooded, her face pinched in anger as she crossed her arms and stared in the general direction from which my voice came. “We keep going. Straight for about another five miles until the tunnel reaches the surface. If I’m right, that is. If I’m not, then we’re going to be staggering around here for an indeterminate amount of time, hoping we encounter a goblin willing to lead us to the surface in exchange for a ball of string.

I gripped said yarn in my pocket with defensive fingers, not liking the thought of losing my recent purchase.

“Then take my arm and let’s start walking.” And start praying. I wasn’t the religious sort—no demons were—but I often enjoyed incredible luck. I only hoped that particular deity was smiling down upon her favorite imp right now. And that her favorite imp was me.

F
ate did shine on me that night. Eventually Terrelle and I emerged, exhausted and starving, into a noonday sun behind a monolith of obsidian. Glass shards rose like funhouse mirrors around us, the sand a white powder under our feet. I laughed, relieved that we were out of the underground and had escaped Rash without significant injury. Yes, we were starving and I wasn’t sure exactly where we were, but things were looking up.

Terrelle narrowed her eyes and spread her ears as she looked around. Her reflection was oddly distorted by the glass towers. “I know where we are. We can make it back to Eresh by nightfall.”