Kingdom Woman: Embracing Your Purpose, Power, and Possibilities (21 page)

Paul said that another aspect you will notice about a mature woman is that she is not enslaved to much wine (Titus 2:3). The idea here is that substances do not control her life. She doesn’t have to run to the mall, to the bottle of wine, to the social club, to the antidepressants in order to infuse vibrancy into her life; her vibrancy comes from her relationship with Jesus Christ. A spiritually mature woman has made God her substance of choice.

A Teacher of What Is Good

One of the things that ought to mark a kingdom woman involves her teaching ministry. Every woman who has raised children, gone through the battles of marriage, or successfully navigated singlehood has developed life skills that need to be transmitted to those who have not yet been there and done that. Paul said that a mature woman teaches what is good (Titus 2:3). She is not just teaching stuff for the sake of teaching stuff. Neither is she teaching to promote herself,
make herself look important, or be the center of attention. A mature kingdom woman teaches beneficial, helpful life lessons while making an investment in the younger women who are still learning. In the church, every older woman ought to be a teacher, and every younger woman ought to be a student.

This is especially critical today, because we have a generation of younger women who haven’t even lived long enough for their lives to be as messed up as much as they are. And older, spiritually mature women are rarely to be found. Younger women need encouragers. An encourager is someone who is called alongside to help. Encouragement entails much more than classroom information, doctrine, Bible studies, and the like. Encouragement implies walking alongside someone and assisting. It is more than offering a lesson with three points on what it means to be a kingdom woman. The mature kingdom women are to bring more than just information to the table; they are to bring the experience of going through life.

There used to be a time in our culture when Christian values were transferred automatically. There was a time when women discipled women, not because there was a program and they were told they needed to disciple women, but because that was how they lived. The older women taught the younger women the basics of cooking, cleaning, working, loving, and caring for themselves and for their husbands and children. They taught priorities, values, morality, modesty, and more. Yet with the rise of autonomy, self-sufficiency, and independence came the demise of the teacher-learner atmosphere.

Often today when women meet with other women to have Bible studies or small groups, it doesn’t take place in a teacher-learner atmosphere. Often everyone in the room embodies a teacher posture, and there are no learners. Or everyone merely comes to talk and have a place where they can speak about their own experiences, or someone else’s, while the whole concept of discipleship is neglected.

Simply meeting together as a group of women across generational lines does not necessarily constitute discipleship. Discipleship occurs in the context of an accountable relationship. The attitude
of teacher and the attitude of learner must accompany the heart of the discussion in order for life transformation to take root.

Yet somewhere on the path to autonomy, the spirit of responsibility in mentoring and leading the next generation left not only our women but also our men. The independence and self-sufficiency we so highly prize often hinder a biblical discipleship model that other cultures more naturally support and, even to this day, continue to live out organically. Many in our church culture have lost this approach to discipleship and have settled for simply gathering.

Because of this, we have become largely ineffective as a church body, even though we have multiple gatherings, numerous Bible studies, and plentiful small groups. Without practicing the model that Paul presented, the church is not effective. There must be a teacher spirit and a learner spirit present. We do not have nearly enough of that. This explains why so many women, although busy in “spiritual” things, fall so far short of being true kingdom women.

Titus 2 discipleship within the local church involves much more than ladies getting together for coffee or lunch, to be heard, to gossip, or to pass the time in a way that doesn’t involve the tasks of taking care of a home and a family. Discipleship involves the ongoing translation of a life perspective by those who have lived and learned to those who are eager to learn.

One woman once told me that while she was at another nearby church, she helped to start a Titus 2 ministry. Several of the younger women signed up and were eager to take part in the process of discipleship. Yet while this church would be considered a doctrinally sound church, and even larger than your average-size church, they could not get one older, spiritually mature woman to agree to disciple the others.

This dearth in discipleship manifests itself in the large number of women who gravitate toward discipleship-based secular television. Innate within us is the desire to learn and grow. This makes such television personalities who take on a mentor-like persona extremely popular. Some examples include Oprah, Dr. Phil, the cast of
The View
, and Dr. Oz. There is a cry for discipleship among our women today. They will have a teachable spirit if placed among those whom they respect and who lead with a confident style of encouragement devoid of demeaning, belittling, or gossiping language.

The purpose of teaching is to share things that the younger women cannot
see or have not seen and help them to place things in their lives in a proper order. First and foremost, Paul pointed out in Titus 2:4 that the women are to be encouraged to love their husbands. This can also apply to preparing women who are not yet married so that they will be equipped if they enter marriage.

That seems like an odd request right at the start. Why would you have to teach and encourage someone to love the person she fell madly in love with and married? It is helpful to understand the context of this passage. In biblical days, the idea of dating to marry was nonexistent. Rather, mates were often chosen for you. Similar to how Isaac and Rebekah got married soon after they saw each other, so it was in New Testament times.

That could prove to be a challenge to love a husband you didn’t even know and yet were placed in an intimate relationship with. Those women who had gone through the process of learning how to love the mate they had been given were to teach the younger women the same. Based on this passage alone, we know that learning how to love biblically is possible. Biblical love is learnable when taught from the right source. Biblical love isn’t based on a foundation of mutual fun, attraction, or even benefits. Biblical love means seeking the best of another in the name of God. As long as you remain the center of your universe, love will always be a struggle.
Love
can be defined as “righteously and passionately pursuing the well-being of another.” There is no room for selfishness in that definition. Nor does it depend upon personal gratification.

As a note before moving on, that doesn’t mean that a woman is to remain in an abusive or controlling relationship. When a man removes himself from the headship and rule of Jesus Christ and operates in a manner that is damaging to the woman he has married, it is not love to stay and enable his behavior to continue. Often, the more loving thing to do is to stand up against abusive behavior so that he may be held accountable for it, become aware of his wrongdoing, and submit himself to God. Loving an abuser often requires leaving an abuser for a
time of physical separation, because then you are no longer enabling an abuser to continue in a lifestyle of sin. When this happens, it is important to seek out the church leadership for guidance through the process of separation. At our church, we conduct church court weekly where matters like these, and others, can be looked at and governed.

Honoring God’s Word

Paul also urged the kingdom women in the church to teach and encourage the younger women to be “self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God” (Titus 2:5). To be self-controlled means to make good decisions with sound judgment. This occurs only as a result of using a divine perspective.

Purity includes both actions and attitudes. Kingdom women understand that modesty does not bow to style. You can still look good and have style while dressing modestly.
Modesty
may be defined as “dressing in a way that does not draw inappropriate attention to yourself.” Inappropriate attention can either be drawn by underdressing (Is it too high? Too low? Too tight?) or overdressing (Is what you are wearing opulent, extravagant, or you-centered?). Keep in mind, purity reaches beyond just clothes. Purity involves a frame of mind—what you think about, view, listen to, desire, and discuss.

We looked at the portions of this passage focusing on the management of the home in the previous chapter, so I won’t go into great detail here. Basically, Paul was urging a kingdom woman to prioritize her home above other competing voices. Ladies, your home is a spiritual place. In keeping it well, you not only offer worship to God, but you also obey His high calling on your life. If you have a family—that includes being a single parent—never forget that maintaining and developing your family for God’s glory is a spiritual act that God holds in high regard. Not only will He supply all of your needs to honor Him and His Word through what you do
with regard to your family, but He will also honor you as you have honored Him. God honors those who honor Him (1 Samuel 2:30).

Paul specifically tied the kingdom woman’s character to a spiritual principle of honoring God’s Word; a kingdom woman’s lifestyle choices transcend both culture and time. In fact, in honoring God’s Word through your thoughts and actions, you are bringing full-circle what Eve fell prey to in the garden. Satan deliberately questioned God’s Word to Eve when he said, “Did God really say . . . ?” (Genesis 3:1). It was the very dishonoring of the Word of God that led to Eve’s rebellion and sin.

In honoring God’s Word, you are bringing about a reversal of the sin in the garden while inviting God’s blessings and peace into your life. To follow these teachings set down by Paul is a very spiritual thing with spiritual ramifications.

Chrystal’s Chronicles

I have probably read most, if not all, of the books by P. D. Eastman over and over to each of my children when they fit perfectly in my lap and when they hang on every word.
Are You My Mother?
is one of our favorites. In this book, a mother bird is watching over her egg. Right before it hatches, she goes away to find food for her soon-to-be-born baby bird. Of course, just when she is out of sight, the baby bird hatches, and the whole book tells the story of the little bird’s search to find his mother—someone to nurture, teach, provide for, and protect him.

Today women of all ages and various walks of life are looking for mothers—another woman who can walk with them, disciple them, and guide them in the best ways to travel their particular road.

Just as a good physical mother operates in a capacity to care for her children, love her children, and show them the way to live a productive, responsible, and happy life, a good spiritual mother is needed to provide the same things for those in her care. Our communities are full of women who are “babies” in a way because they . . .

• are new to the Christian faith and need other women to show them the way to spiritual maturity.
  
• want to live as successful single women and need another woman who’s “been there and done that” to lay out exactly what that means and how to do it practically.
  
• lack the practical knowledge of how to be good mothers to their own children and need other women to show them the ropes of godly motherhood.
  
• are bearing unbelievably hard loads of sickness, divorce, financial trouble, or emotional distress and need other women to care for them, love on them, listen to them, and pray with them.
  

Plus, in the absence of spiritual motherhood that Titus 2 says we need, we have a generation of women who are learning the world’s definition of
woman
through TV, movies, magazines, and a boatload of self-help books. So women who are babies in a particular area of their lives end up lost because they can’t find a mother, or they end up suffering through unnecessary struggles like the Ugly Duckling who suffered abuse and neglect before realizing he didn’t belong where he was in the first place.

What does the Bible have to say about this concept of spiritual motherhood? In Genesis 3:20, “Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living.” In Genesis 17:15–16, “God also said to Abraham, ‘As for Sarai your wife, you are no longer to call her Sarai; her name will be Sarah. I will bless her and will surely give you a son by her. I will bless her so that she will be the mother of nations; kings of peoples will come from her.’ ” In Genesis 24:59–60, “Rebekah [was sent] on her way. . . . And they blessed Rebekah and said to her, ‘Our sister, may you increase to thousands upon thousands; may your offspring possess the gates of their enemies.’ ”

Based on these three verses, these three women were connected in an interesting way. All three women received a commission for fruitfulness before they ever were physically fruitful. Eve’s name was based on an expectation of fruitfulness. Sarah’s name was
changed
based on an expectation of fruitfulness predicated by a miracle. Rebekah received a blessing of fruitfulness at the origin of her new life as a married woman—which meant she underwent a name change.

What is significant here? Every time a woman underwent a name change or a change in identity, she also inherited a call to fruitfulness.

A funny and sometimes irritating thing for a newly married woman is the regular question she gets as soon as she ties the knot: “When are you gonna have a baby?” Why do people ask that question? It’s because with the change in identity comes an expectation of fruitfulness. Romans 7:4 says, “You also died to the law through the
body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God.”