Kingdom Woman: Embracing Your Purpose, Power, and Possibilities (18 page)

Even as I write this book alongside my dad, my family has had a few difficult months, which has resulted in a few difficult months for
me
. My husband, Jessie, was in the hospital three times over the course of three months. Each time there was the anxiety that accompanied a unique, unexpected emergency. Each time, there was the strain of keeping up with my children and managing my home while driving back and forth from the hospital. Each time there was the stress of thinking of the financial burden that was accruing. Each time the trip to the emergency room brought me face-to-face with the choice of trusting God and resting in His lovingkindness toward me and my family despite the circumstances.

The last visit to the hospital happened to fall on a weekend when our church had a women’s event—a women’s event that I was responsible for running. I came home exhausted and ready to get in the bed after a meeting at the church the Friday night before the event, only to discover that my husband was not well and needed to go to the hospital. We were up all night in the ER. I told the ladies serving with me at the church and that were available to handle things in my stead to call my cell if they had any questions. So after I’d been up all night, my phone started ringing at six o’clock in the morning. The next day, Saturday, was long. Long because we waited and waited for tests and doctors and medicine to do its thing. Long because I was on virtual duty at the women’s event at my church. Long because those hospital chairs are not comfortable. And the next day I was scheduled to lead praise and worship. Now before you think I’m all holy or a supersaint, let me tell you what I was thinking:
God, are You serious?

At this point, Jessie felt terrible that I had to miss doing ministry things and instead be with him in the hospital. I made it very clear to him that he was first and that it was important that I was with him to make sure that he was taken care of and to get information firsthand from the doctor. My husband told me that he wanted me to sing on Sunday morning. I made a run home Saturday afternoon to get things in order and prepare to be in the hospital another day. I did pack clothes for Sunday morning, just in case.

Fast-forward to Sunday morning. Early in the morning the doctor told us there was nothing important going on with Jessie’s treatment until the afternoon. Jessie pleaded with me to go to church.

So unbeknownst to most of my church family who saw me that Sunday morning, I got dressed for church in a hospital bathroom, left my husband napping in his hospital bed, and made my way to church. I sang at both services. I prayed in both services. I cried through both services. Then I got back in my car and drove back to the hospital.

That weekend—those months—was not the life that I envisioned when I walked down the aisle and committed myself for better or worse. But how many of us ever see the reality of the dream of the pain-free or worry-free life that we had as teenagers or young adults?

We grow up, and life happens.

And we cannot control what happens to us. Although as women we tend to think that our lives rise and fall by the choices we make, if we live long enough, we realize that we have more control of our reactions to what life throws at us than we have over the creation of the situations that life brings our way. Chuck Swindoll puts it this way:

I don’t like pain, and I don’t like pruning, but because I want God’s best for me, I’m open to what growth requires. I try every day, while not perfectly, to have a good attitude toward those agents of change.

If you have ever sat by the bedside of a loved one in the hospital, you can understand that there is an agonizing wait for the unannounced arrival of the doctor to deliver some news about the prognosis and plan for treatment. If you have ever been a caregiver, you know that while you can’t control many things, there are small things that can help your loved one get through the day. If you have ever received a diagnosis for your own health or that of someone you care for, you know the deep thump of a disappointed heart that beats loudly with questions and the unknown.

But here’s what I’ve learned. Waiting on the doctor’s report develops patience. Getting a cup of ice or propping a pillow for someone exhibits kindness. Finding calm in the midst of a sea of questions is a sign of peace. And these are all fruits of the Spirit and a life surrendered to Christ.

Pruning. Pain. Passionate pursuit of God. All three lead to bearing fruit in the life of a kingdom woman.

Don’t be fooled. I’m not superwoman. I’m just one woman, living my life, learning to rest and abide in the Father’s arms and to trust Him for each step I take—one step at a time. And in doing so, I find joy.

A dear friend of mine listened to me as I gave her an update on my family and specifically on my husband’s health. After I poured out my heart to her, expressing the facts and my concerns, her response caught me off guard.

“Oh, Chrystal, God is giving you a wonderful testimony!”

“Huh?” I wondered.

“Well, sweetie, I’m sorry you are having to endure this difficult season, but I am
so happy about the person you are going to be if you allow God to show you how to use your life lessons for His glory. God is busy at work writing your story.”

My sister, God is writing your story, too. I don’t know what He is allowing in your life to get it done, but I do know that He has a purpose and a plan for each and every thing that occurs in your life. And I do know that even in the darkest chapters, you can still find joy.

10

While attending a marriage seminar about communication, Tom and his wife, Grace, listened to the instructor, who said, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He addressed the man, “Can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?”

Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently, and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?”

While it’s often said that marriages are made in heaven, we forget that some are thunder and lightning. Socrates supposedly remarked, “My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good spouse, you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.”

Marriage and family is frequently idealized, yet many have come to realize that it can easily turn into an ordeal when both parties do not live according to God’s principles. The general statistic given for marriages that end in divorce in America is roughly 50 percent. And a large part of the 50 percent that stay together do so for reasons other than their relationship, such as convenience, finances, or kids. So based on that reality, let me ask you a question: If 50 percent of all airplanes crashed, wouldn’t you be extra careful about flying?

Think about it—if you knew that one out of every two airplanes in America was going to crash, you would do a lot of careful investigation before you flew, because you wouldn’t want to end up as one of those casualties. Yet roughly one
out of every two marriages ends in divorce, and we still have people rushing to the altar to get married on often nothing more than emotion. And as Minnie Pearl is supposed to have quipped, they quickly find out that “marriage is a lot like a tub of hot water. Once you get in it, it isn’t as hot as you thought.”

A biblical understanding of the nature and purpose of the marriage covenant is essential to embracing a fruitful family environment. There is more to marriage than feelings. There is a shared calling to impact the world on behalf of God’s kingdom and to glorify God in all that you do.

One of my most cherished duties while my kids were still at home was taking them to school each day. I enjoyed this because it gave us time together at the start of every day. It established an early morning routine of talking and sharing thoughts, especially because we also spent time together at breakfast.

Now that they are all adults, a day doesn’t go by that I don’t either see one of the kids, or several, or talk with them on the phone. I think a lot of that grew out of spending regular time at breakfast, driving to school, in the evenings doing homework, and sitting around the table at dinner. Those times established a pattern of connection that still plays out today.

One of the interesting things about driving your kids to school is that there is always a fairly elaborate system for dropping them off. Maybe you’ve experienced this. Anytime you have hundreds of cars and parents bottlenecked with the same purpose and the same destination but from so many directions, you need a pretty tight order to get them in and out in a minimal amount of time. There are lanes for drop-offs, walk-ins, entries, and exits.

Not only that, a police officer will often position him- or herself in the road to direct the traffic. Now, the cars are definitely stronger than the police officer. They are bigger than the police officer. They can go faster than the police officer. They can even overpower the police officer. But when the police officer merely raises his or her hand, the cars will stop. When the police officer waves his or her hand, the cars will move. The drivers do what the police officer instructs them to do. This is because the police officer has been commissioned with authority to rule over what would potentially be chaos if hundreds of cars carrying hundreds of children all tried to arrive at precisely the same time.

God Responds

Another example of chaos is 9/11. That day affected each of us differently, but what we all had in common is that it brought a foreign concept—terrorism—to the forefront of our minds. It also increased our awareness to appreciate more the time we have with our loved ones and families. It sent us on the offense, as a nation, against terrorism. Yet despite efforts to bring peace and stability to areas that lack it, terrorists continue to try to create chaos. They know that if they can keep chaos afloat, then they can limit the progress of freedom and strength in us as a country.

Satan has the same goal in mind when it comes to you living out a fully empowered life as a kingdom woman. He tries to stir things up so you cannot find order, peace, and harmony in your kingdom-woman progress. It would be similar to a number of cars in the school drop-off lanes deciding to do their own thing: Not stopping when the police officer raised his or her hand. Driving in the wrong lanes or even in the wrong direction. Failing to slow down. Any of these disruptions, even from just a small number of cars—or even if only from one car—would create disruption for everyone else trying to drop off kids.

Satan knows that if he is going to cancel your capacity to manage well, he has to disrupt order and cause confusion and dissension around you. Satan knows that whatever he can divide, he can dominate. The reason he disrupts us is because he knows that God operates in a context of unity. Satan seeks to remove God from the equation by dividing those under His rule. One of the major ways that Satan seeks to do this in a woman’s life is to mess up the alignment that God has established.

When God created man and woman, He established an alignment between Himself and them as well as between genders. Eve was created as a counterpart, or helper, to Adam, with Adam in a position of ultimate responsibility. We know this because even though it was Eve who
was deceived and ate the fruit first, it was Adam for whom God went looking in the garden to hold him accountable for their actions. God didn’t say, “Adam and Eve, where are y’all?” He said, “Adam, where are
you
?”

As we saw in the first chapter, the original language describing Eve paints her as a strong partner to Adam. Eve was created to provide a
strong help
in the position of
counterpart
. She was to be a collaborator in every sense of the word. As we saw earlier, God values women so highly that He specifically tells men He will not even hear or respond to their prayers if they do not adequately show their wives honor (1 Peter 3:7). When God gave the dominion mandate to both Adam and Eve, the blessings that came from carrying out that mandate were to flow to both of them. In fact, God would not bless the man apart from the woman because the blessing was intended for both of them.

Women have been created as such an essential component of carrying out God’s rule that it is no wonder Satan went to Eve first to try to disrupt that rule. He knew that if he could get to her, he would have an easier time getting to Adam. And he was right. By seeking to reverse the roles established by God, Satan introduced chaos into what was a previously peaceful garden. Essentially, Satan convinced Eve to move out of her lane. As a result, both Adam and Eve moved out of their lanes and diminished their ability to navigate (or manage) their world well. Instead of enjoying the blessings that God had promised, the very thing that had been intended as a blessing—the ground that produced fruit and foliage—now became a curse.

Many today are living under the strain of chaos because they are not positioned in their prescribed lanes to enjoy all that God has intended for them. Not only does this affect them, but it affects those around them as well.

In the New Testament, this chaos that Satan seeks to introduce in believers’ lives is called the “secret power of lawlessness” (2 Thessalonians 2:7). This refers to the deception that Satan brings about to create disorder and limit the power and blessings in your life. The only way to counteract Satan’s schemes
is to align yourself within God’s prescribed order, because then you will invoke God’s protection and blessing.

As a matter of fact, when you make your decisions in light of God’s prescribed alignment, you will discover that He knows just how to meet your needs. Scripture tells us that God honors those who honor Him (1 Samuel 2:30), and that if you commit your way—your path, decisions, actions, and heart—to Him, He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4–5). You won’t have to try to maneuver to get them. You won’t have to try to go behind, around, or over your husband to get them. The surest way of receiving God’s blessings and power in your life is to honor His alignment, trusting Him with your heart because He cares for you.

Chrystal’s Chronicles

Every year, I do our taxes. I majored in accounting and passed the certified public accountant (CPA) exam, so it just makes sense for me to do the taxes for our family.

It’s usually an ordeal. Not because doing the taxes is hard. It’s an ordeal because I have to have T-I-M-E to do it. Although in theory I could break up this monstrous project into bite-sized pieces and conquer it little by little, I prefer to dive in headfirst and hyper-focus to get it done in a huge block of time.

Typically, for three days, probably over a weekend, I convince my husband that in order for me to do our taxes, he has to assume sole responsibility for the kids so I can lock myself in a corner and give undivided attention to figuring out that special number that brings me happiness every spring—R-E-F-U-N-D.

You see, I have an ulterior motive for getting our taxes done. It means I get to spend money.

Now lest you think that I’m insensitive and work hard so that I can go and spend money on myself, give me a chance to explain. Our tax refund gives me money to spend on things for our family. We normally get the money for our homeschool curriculum from this lump sum. We also take some of the money and knock down any bills or debt that is hanging over our heads, or use it to get ahead on some of our long-term financial goals. But every now and again, I plan (sneak?) something in that is important to me for our family.

This year, this humble home manager decided that the Hurst family needed a
new couch. Not just any couch. I had fallen in love with the idea of a brown-leather sectional sofa. So let me tell you a few reasons why I just knew that this was the couch for our family.

A new couch would give us some much-needed seating space in our family room. Not only do we have a larger-than-average family, but anytime we have extended family gatherings, I notice that we need additional seating. The specific couch I was eyeballing would also allow us to transition our current normal-sized couch to our game room. Ummm, let’s just say that our current game room seating is “well loved.” (Interpret that to mean a couch that is almost as old as my oldest child and has its innards spilling out as we speak!)

A new couch would create a friendlier atmosphere for my little ones. I envisioned a leather sectional being a perfect fit for the spills and messes that my family seems to create. How nice it would be to grab a wet cloth and wipe up the mess instead of breaking out the upholstery cleaner in hopes that I could get out a stain.

My last argument for the sensibility of a new couch was one I thought sure to win my husband over. A few months prior, for Jessie’s birthday, a few family members chipped in to buy a flat-screen TV for our family room, with Jessie in mind. Although this gift was a spectacularly appreciated gift, his HDTV viewing experience was limited by the lack of good seating. I just
knew
my husband would agree with me to add leather sectional seating in our living room.

So late one evening, after slaving feverishly over our taxes in an attempt to finish before my husband went to bed, I arose victorious from my desk and almost sprinted to my husband with the final number for our tax refund. I was so excited! Not only did I have an argument; we now had the money.

I laid my case before my husband and offered him the supporting documentation.

And he said no.

My face went blank. My mind doubted the ability of my ears to hear.

I went into logic mode. Men are logical, right? Well, yes, but that doesn’t mean that his logic equates to mine! When logic mode didn’t work, pleading mode began.

Bottom line: I lost the argument
—
oh, I mean
discussion—
and simply had to make up my mind to move forward and make the best of the couch we had. I also made up my mind to do my best to honor my husband’s desires and drop the issue. Can someone testify with me that the hardest thing in the world for a godly woman to learn to do in her marriage is to keep her mouth closed?!

Fast-forward a few weeks. Around midday, my husband and I hopped in the car to go to a doctor’s appointment together. We drove down our driveway and out to the main rural road. We made a left and drove just short of a half mile, passing the lawn of our second neighbor on the left side of the street. There on our neighbor’s front lawn was a brown-leather sectional with a For Sale sign on it. The sofa I pictured in my living room had been sitting on their lawn that day—waiting for me.

By the end of the day, my new, gently-used-and-much-loved sofa sat in my living room. Delivery-charge-free. Interest-free. Hassle-free. God granted a desire of my heart.