Kirkland Revels (16 page)

“The place appeals strongly to you,” remarked Luke. ” I believe it’s the main reason why you wanted to come back here.”

” It would interest anyone,” I answered.

” You must not exhaust yourself,” Ruth warned me.

” I feel very fit, so I don’t think there’s any danger of that.”

” All the same you have to remember to take care.” 99 The conversation turned to the affairs of the neighbour hood: the effort of the vicar to raise money for the upkeep of the church, the bazaars and jumble sales he was organising for this purpose, the ball which a friend was giving and which we could not attend as we were in mourning.

The sun streamed through the windows of that pleasant room and there was certainly nothing eerie about Kirkland Revels that morning. Even the Abbey, which I visited a few hours later, appeared to be nothing but a pile of ruins.

So that was a pleasant walk. I felt serene, ready to accept the theory that Gabriel had killed himself because of his illness. It seemed strange that I should feel more contented to believe that, but I did; perhaps it was because I was afraid of the alternative.

I came back though the Abbey ruins. It was very quiet- peaceful was the word to describe it this morning. This was merely a shell; the brilliant sunshine falling on to the grass floors, exposing the crumbling walls, defied that sense of the supernatural. I thought back to the evening when I walked here and panicked, and I laughed at my folly.

Luncheon was a quiet meal which I shared with Ruth and Luke, Sir Matthew and Aunt Sarah taking theirs in their rooms.

Afterwards I went to my room and began making out a list of things I should need. It was early, yet I was so impatient for the birth of my child that I could not wait While I was thus engaged there was a knock on my door, and when I called, ” Come in,” Sarah stood on the threshold, smiling as though we were a pair of conspirators.

” I want to show you the nursery,” she said. ” Will you come with me?”

I rose without reluctance, for I was eager to see the nursery ” It’s in my wing,” she went on. ” I often go up to the nursery.” She giggled.

“That’s why they say I’m in my second childhood.”

“I’m sure they don’t say that,” I told her, and her face puckered a little.

” They do,” she said. ” I like it. If you can’t be in your first childhood, the next best thing is to be in your second.”

” I should love to see the nurseries,” I said. ” Please show me now.”

Her face was smooth and happy again. ” Come along.”

We mounted the staircase to the top floor. I felt an involuntary tremor as I passed that corridor which led to our old 100 room and the front of the house, for my memories of Gabriel and Friday, which I was constantly trying to suppress, were as vivid as they had ever been; but Aunt Sarah did not seem to notice my mood; she was intent on leading me into the east wing and the nursery.

I was struck once more by the change in her as we entered her section of the house; she seemed almost girlish and very happy.

” Right at the top,” she murmured, as she led the way up a short flight of stairs. ” The schoolroom, the day nursery, the night nursery.

Nanny’s quarters and those of the under- nursemaid.” She opened a door and said in a hushed voice:

” This is the schoolroom.”

I saw a large room with three windows, all of which were fitted with window-seats; the slightly sloping ceiling told me that we were immediately below the roof. I found my eyes fixed on the windows which had bars across them in accordance with nursery tradition. My child would be safe up here.

There was a large table close to one of the windows and beside it a long form. I went over to this table and saw the cuts and scratches on it; it must have been used by many generations of Rockwells.

” Look,” cried Sarah. ” Can you read that?”

I leaned forward and saw the name Hagar Rock weD carved there with a penknife.

” She always put her name on everything,” Sarah laughed on a gleeful note. ” If you went through this house peering into cupboards and such places you would see her name. Our father said she ought to have been the boy instead of Matthew. She used to bully us all … especially Matthew. She was annoyed with him for being the boy. Of course if she had been the boy … she would be here now. wouldn’t she? … and Simon would have been … But perhaps that’s not exactly right … because he’s a Redvers. Oh dear, it’s a little complicated is it not?

But she was not the son, and so it was Matthew.”

” Hagar is Simon Redvers’s grandmother?” I asked.

Sarah nodded. ” She thinks the world of him.” She came close to me.

” She’d like to see him here … but she won’t now, will she? There’s the child … and there’s Luke too … both before Simon. The child first…. I shall have to get some more silks.”

” You’re thinking that my child will make his appearance on your tapestries.” lOt ” Are you going to call him Gabriel?”

I was astonished, and I wondered how she had guessed my thoughts. She was studying me, her head on one side; now she looked infinitely wise as simple people sometimes do.

” It may not be a boy,” I said.

She merely nodded as though there was no doubt of it.

“Little Gabriel will take big Gabriel’s place,” she said ” Nobody can stop him, can they?” Her face puckered suddenly. ” Can they?” she repeated.

” If the child is a boy he will take his father’s place.”

” But his father died. He killed himself … they said so Did he kill himself?” She had caught my arm and held ii tightly.

“You said he didn’t. Who did? Tell me, please tell me.”

“Aunt Sarah,” I said quickly, “when Gabriel died I was distraught.

Perhaps I did not know what I said. He musi have killed himself. “

She dropped my arm and looked at me reproachfully.

” I’m disappointed in you,” she said, pouting. Then her mood changed at once.

“We all sat at that table. Hagar the cleverest of us all—and the eldest—so you see it would have been best…. Then Simon would have been…. Our governesses did not like her though. They all liked Matthew He was the favourite. All women liked Matthew. I was the stupid one. I could not learn my lessons.”

” Never mind,” I soothed. ” You could draw beautifully; and your tapestry work will be here for years and years after we are all dead. “

Her face lightened. Then she began to laugh. ” I used to sit here, Matthew there … and Hagar at that end of the table Our governess was always at the other end. Hagar said she should sit at the head of the table because she was the eldest She could do everything … except drawing and needlework. I beat her there. Hagar was a tomboy. You should have seen her on horseback. She used to ride to hounds with our father. She was his favourite. Once she climbed up to the window nearly at the top of me Abbey tower. She could not get down and they had to send two of the gardeners with ladders. She was sent to her room for a whole day on bread and water; but she did not care. She said it was worth it.” She came close to me and whispered: “She said:

“If you want to do something, do it and then think about paying for it afterwards—and if you’ve done it, you must not mind what you have to pay for it’” 102 ” She was a forceful character, your sister Hagar.”

” Our father liked to take her round the estate with him. He was sorry when she married John Redvers. Then the trouble started with Matthew.

He was sent down from Oxford. There was a young woman there. I remember that day. The girl came here to see Father. I watched them from where they couldn’t see me; I heard it all. “

” From the minstrels’ gallery,” I said.

She giggled. ” They did not think to look up there.”

She sat down at the table in that place which she had occupied to learn her lessons; and I knew that the reason for her youthfulness in this part of the house was due to the fact that here she relived her youth.

I was sure that all her memories of the past would be flawless; it was only in the present that she was uncertain whether she was talking to Catherine or Claire, Gabriel’s or Matthew’s wife.

” Trouble,” she brooded, ” always trouble about women. He was well into his thirties before he married, and they went more than ten years without a child. Then Ruth was born. All that time Hagar thought it would be her son Peter who’d be master of Revels. Then Mark and Gabriel were born. Poor little Mark! But there was still Gabriel left.

Then Luke was born . so you see Hagar was not happy about that. ” She rose from the table. She took me to the cupboard and showed me the marks on the wall there. There were three lines marked with the initials H. M. and S. ” Her Majesty’s Ship,” I murmured.

” Oh no,” said Sarah earnestly. ” Hagar, Matthew and Sarah. Those were our heights. Matthew shot up past her after that, and then Hagar wouldn’t measure any more. I want to show you the night and day nurseries.”

I followed her from the schoolroom and with her explored that part of the house which had been the children’s domain through the centuries.

I noticed with satisfaction that all the windows were barred. In the day nursery was a great oak chest, and this Sarah opened. In here were stored the Rockwell christening robes and she brought them out reverently for my inspection.

They were beautifully made of white silk and lace which I guessed were priceless.

” I must examine them,” she said. ” I may have to mend part of the lace. The last time they were used was for Luke. That’s nearly eighteen years ago. He was not a good baby. None of our babies were good babies. I shall take these to 103 my room. I shall allow no one to touch them except myself. 1 shall have them ready for you when you need them.”

“Thank you. Aunt Sarah.”

I looked at the watch pinned to my bodice and saw that it was four o’clock.

” It’s tea time,” I said. ” I had no idea. How quickly the time passes when one is interested 1” She did not answer me; she was clutching the christening robe to her breast, and I believed that in her imagination she was already nursing the baby—or perhaps some other baby from the past—Ruth, Mark, Gabriel or Luke.

” I am going down to tea,” I told her; but she did nol answer me.

It was some days later when Ruth came to my room with a letter.

“One of the servants from Kelly Grange brought this over,” she said.

“For me?” I asked, astonished.

” Undoubtedly for you. Mrs. Gabriel Rockwell’—it says it distinctly on the envelope.”

Ruth was smiling as though she were amused when she handed this to me, and as she did not attempt to go I murmured, ” Excuse me,” and read it.

It was formal; almost like a command.

If Mrs. Gabriel Rockwell will call at Kelly Grange on Friday at 3. 30

Mrs. Hagar Rockwell-Redvers will be pleased to receive her.

Because I had already crosed swords with Mrs. Hagar Redvers’s grandson, I was prepared to do so with her. I flushed faintly with annoyance.

” A royal command?” asked Ruth with a smile.

I passed the invitation to her.

” It’s characteristic of my Aunt Hagar,” she said. ” I really believe she’s of the opinion that she is head of the family. She wants to inspect you.”

” I have no intention of being inspected,” I retorted rather sharply.

” The inspection in any case would be rather useless at this stage.”

“She’s very old,” said Ruth apologetically.

“She’s older than my father. She can’t be far off ninety. You have to go carefully with her.”

I said quickly: “I have decided that I shall not go to call on Friday.”

Ruth shrugged.

“The servant’s waiting,” she said.

“My aunt will expect a reply.”

” She shall have that,” I answered; and sat down at my writing-table and wrote:

Mrs. Gabriel Rockwell regrets that she is unable to call on Mrs.

Hagar Rockwell-Redvers at Kelly Grange on Friday at 3. 30. Ruth took the note from me. She was clearly amused.

I stood at my window watching the messenger from Kelly Grange ride away, and I thought: So it is from his Grandmother that he gets his arrogance.

Early the following week I was on the front lawn when Simon Redvers rode up to the house.

He leaped from his horse, lifted his hat to greet me, then shouted to one of the grooms as though he were the master of this house and its servants.

” Mrs. Catherine,” he said, ” I am pleased to find you at home because it was to see you that I have ridden over from the Grange.”

I had not seen him since my return and I thought he looked larger, and more arrogant than ever. I endeavoured to look as dignified as possible as I said: “Pray tell me what your business is with me.”

As soon as his horse was taken from him he came towards me; he was smiling almost ingratiatingly.

” May I say that it is a great pleasure to see you here again?”

” You may say it if you wish to.”

” You are still angry with me.”