Kiss and Tell (21 page)

“You happened,” he snapped. It was better to hurt her feelings than risk her life, her chance at happiness.

“Me?”

“Yes, you. You walked into my life and turned everything upside down. I was hoping that I would never have to see you again after you left the last time, but I can see I have to be blunt. Leave. Don’t come back. You should have taken the hint when my managers refused to help you.” He forced a nasty laugh out of his mouth, ignoring the bad taste it left. “What, you thought I didn’t know about that? I knew. I knew you wanted to see me, but I didn’t want to see you. But you just wouldn’t take the hint. Now I’m telling you to leave me alone. Do not try to come up to my apartment again. Don’t try to call me. Don’t try to contact me in any way.”

“Seth…” The sadness in her voice was ripping him apart bit by bit. It was somehow worse than the hunger.

“Leave,” he roared.
Please,
he begged the gods,
please let her leave. I don’t know how much longer I can be strong and do what’s right.

Without another word she turned and walked out of the room.

Alone with his anger and hunger once more, Seth slid down the wall to the floor. His only chance for happiness had just walked out of his life for the third, and hopefully final, time.

He cradled his head and tried to block out the faint traces of her scent that even now lingered in the room, teasing him.

Chapter Eleven

Willow pushed the button and waited for the elevator to arrive.

He doesn’t want me…
Her heart shattered.
After all that, he doesn’t want me.

She was stunned. Never once had she believed he would dismiss her like that. She could almost hear violin music playing inside her head as she threw herself a pity party.

Snap out of it,
an angry voice inside her said roughly.
After everything you went through to get here, to be able to talk to him and tell him what you want, you’re just going to walk away without saying a word? Grow a backbone! You don’t deserve to be happy if you won’t stand up for yourself!

And now you have your answer, don’t you? It’s good to finally know that you really were just going to be with him out of obligation,
the voice taunted.
We should be grateful; he saved you from one giant mistake.

No,
she screamed back.
I’m not here because of any obligation. I went through all
that
trouble because I wanted, needed, to see him again.

Yeah, right, and when did the sky turn green? If you were serious about it, about him, you would not have just walked out again. You fight for things you want, you don’t turn around and just stroll away from them. Never once have you walked away from something you truly wanted.

Stop it. He doesn’t want me here.
A tear ran down her cheek.

So what? I guess it is easier to take; to simply walk away and not risk having your feelings be trampled on than to actually fight for him.

He’s already trampled them,
she argued.

And still you didn’t say one word. Roxy’s right, you do give up on things too easily. No wonder you couldn’t hack it at your job, no wonder you got fired. You weren’t willing to fight for your reputation, why should you fight for a man you claim you care for?

Willow snapped her head up. She cared about Seth.
No,
that
wasn’t right. Roxy had been right
that
first night I was home, after I found out the truth about Seth.
Somehow, someway, she had already fallen in love with him. She loved his sense of adventure, his sense of humor. She loved the way he was always touching her, as if he couldn’t get enough. She loved his compassion and his giant ego. And she loved who she was when she was with him. The way she felt whole and completely accepted.

She had fallen in love with him. Why else would his pain cause her such grief?

“Fine, I’ll fight,” she told herself. “I’m not leaving this apartment until I’ve at least admitted the truth to him.”

The elevator doors opened but she just turned around and strode back toward his bedroom, embracing her anger. She allowed it to strengthen her for the heart-wrenching scene she knew would be behind the door. He didn’t want her? Fine, but like it or not he would hear what she had to say. He would not dismiss her again until she said what she had come here to say, damn it.

This time she didn’t bother to knock, she simply opened the door and strode in, ignoring the mess.

“You listen to me, fang-boy, I’m not leaving until I say what I came here to say.” She stood in the doorway, her hands on her hips and filled with indignation. “I didn’t go through all the trouble I’ve gone through simply to get into your apartment out of obligation. Yes, I freaked out when I found out you were a vampire. Big deal. Any woman would have. Whether it was on the first night or five years from now, it wasn’t something I ever expected to hear. And yes, I left the second time. But you made it clear to me that you didn’t want me here. You wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell you I wasn’t calling you Freddy. I was scared, damn it. I was scared and tired and I needed to figure out what I wanted. And I did—I have. I know exactly what I want and I am not leaving here until you know what I want too.

“If I thought of you as a monster I wouldn’t have looked back after I left. I wouldn’t have cared if you were in pain. But I did. God knows I didn’t want to. I wanted to run. I wanted to be able to walk away and not look back, but I couldn’t, because for some reason it
mattered
to me that you were hurting. I couldn’t walk away. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t still scared and confused. And then I was even more scared and confused because I realized I
did
care what happened to you.

“I went through the trouble to find you to tell you that I wanted us to try and figure out what there is between us. I’m not here to promise to become your willing buffet—but I was here to ask for a chance. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I dream of you. Not because you are invading my dreams. I know you aren’t because it doesn’t feel quite as real when you hold me in these dreams. I dream of you because I care. I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I did finally figure it out.

“I am imperfect and full of flaws,” she admitted. “God, I’m standing here screaming at a vampire who right now is probably capable of killing me without any remorse. You’re so hungry you could probably drain me dry before you realized what you’d done, but here I am.

“You want me to leave, fine. I’ll leave. I won’t bother you ever again. But I will not allow you sit there and blame me for what’s happening to you. I will not let you go on thinking ‘oh poor me, she’s only here because she thinks she has to be’. I’m here because at some point I fell in love with your sorry ass and for the life of me, now I cannot figure out why, because you’re nothing more than some…some jerk with an…” Willow hesitated. Who could she compare him to? An image of the broody vampire from one of her favorite television shows popped into her mind. “…Angel complex. Don’t even try to pretend you are perfect either, it’s not like you don’t have flaws Mr. ‘Keep-a-girl-around-for-a-handy-snack’.”

Willow cleared her throat uncertainly. “The screaming portion of tonight is now over, and, I’ll admit it sounded better in my head. How can you expect me to ball you out when you’re sitting there looking pathetic? You know what, I’m leaving. It’s obvious you don’t want me here, and I won’t force myself on you. There was no way I was going to leave and let you have your nice little pity party without saying what I wanted to say. What I went through so much trouble to be able to say to you.”

Willow turned and stormed back to the door. Before she could get there, Seth was in front of her.

“Say it again,” he whispered.

“Which part, the part where I called you a jerk or the part where I told you that you were acting like a baby? she asked irritably. “Do you have to do the super-speed thing?”

His expression was so hopeful Willow felt her anger melting away. “Tell me the part where you said you cared, that you loved me.”

“If you don’t believe me, look for yourself,” she offered, her tone much more gentle than before. “Look inside my mind. Tell me what you see.”

She watched as Seth closed his eyes. As with the biting, now that she knew what he was doing she could almost feel the caress of his mind as he looked into her thoughts. She tried to hold nothing back, to let him see just what she felt, but wasn’t sure if what she did worked.

She could see the shock all over his face, but it was intensified when he opened his eyes. He looked as though he were afraid to believe her.

Tenderly he reached up and cupped her cheek.

“Willow…” he began but stopped, his voice sounding hoarse.

“I’m here because I want to be here. I want to be with you. I won’t lie, it took a little time to get used to the thought of you drinking my blood. But I came to realize that’s only a part of who you are. Seth, no man has ever made me feel anywhere near the way I feel when I’m with you. If you want me to leave, I will. But you can not force me to stop caring about you. No matter how mean you are, no matter how much you try to hurt me. Not even by doing something stupid like trying to sacrifice yourself from a future you don’t believe I want.”

“Gods, Willow.” Seth shook his head and began to sway.

“Let’s get you to the bed. And don’t argue with me,” she ordered.

Placing his arm around her shoulders, Willow circled her arm around his waist. Slowly they inched toward the bed. She knew he wasn’t really leaning on her, but didn’t try to press the issue, as they made their progress.

She watched him sway as he tried to keep his balance while she swept the clothes and other various items lying on top of it to the floor.

“Lay down,” she ordered. Without a second thought, she climbed on the mattress and lay beside him. “You need to eat something.”

Seth shook his head. “I won’t let you do this,” he protested.

“Seth, honey, please, don’t make me force you. I have to admit it was nice, but quite honestly I’m not sure I’m up for it right now. But I will if I have to. Please,” she tilted her head and exposed the side of her neck closest to him. “I want to feel your lips on me,” she whispered. “I want to feel you inside of me.”

She watched him lean down. Gently nibbling on her neck, it was as though he couldn’t refuse her. Closing her eyes, Willow braced herself, unsure of what exactly to expect. Whatever it was, she didn’t feel anything. Looking at him, she saw him tilt his head gently to the side.

She couldn’t stop the sound she made when his lips descended on hers as he kissed her tenderly. He slid his tongue into her mouth, playing with hers as he shifted a hand to tease her breast. He kissed a path down her cheek to her neck, then to the sensitive spot near the base.

“Are you sure?” he breathed across her flesh after his tongue swirled around the pulse.

Nodding, Willow felt her heartbeat speed up. Excitement filled her as her feelings rose from deep within.

She felt his teeth slide into her skin as soon as she gave her consent. She was taken by surprise when there was no pain. When he began to gently suckle on her neck, all thoughts ceased and she couldn’t do anything but feel.

How can he say this isn’t sexual?
she wondered as her entire body came to life from the simple gesture.

“
With you in my arms, Willow, breathing almost becomes a sensual pleasure for me,
” he responded.

It took a moment for her pleasure-fogged mind to realize he hadn’t spoken out loud, that his lips were still on her neck.

“Seth,” she moaned.

“
Yes, Willow?
”

“You can call me sweetheart,” she responded breathlessly.

“
Only sweetheart?
” His voice was teasing.

“What else—what else did you have—have in mind,” she stammered as the fire in her blood became hotter, more consuming.

“
Mmmmmm,
” he moaned in her head. “
Sweetheart. My Love. Mate. Wife?
”

Willow was so caught up in the sensations completely surrounding her that she missed his question. Her body was close to a mind-shattering orgasm, she could almost feel him buried inside her. Her body was about to explode when he eased his teeth from her flesh and his tongue slid over the wound. She was amazed at how empty, how alone she felt now that he had withdrawn from her.