Kiss It Better (13 page)

‘Cupboard in the lounge room.’

‘Brandy? Whiskey?’ Cassie called back.

‘Vodka.’

Cassie scooped up the bottle and returned to the kitchen. She poured shots into two tumblers, not bothering with anything fancy.

Louise knocked hers back, treating it as the medicine it was. ‘He’ll hate me.’

‘No.’

‘He will. Gordon promised me that Theo would be his. I thought it would cause heartbreak for no reason to tell the truth. What is biology? Gordon was there for Theo’s birth, through every stage of his life. They were close. That’s why Theo was treading so carefully, trying not to hurt Gordon although everyone could see Theo was the better manager.’

Younger, stronger, more attractive and taking the business role that had defined Gordon, but none of that justified this personal, devastating betrayal.

‘One mistake over thirty years ago.’ Louise picked up the bottle and poured more vodka.

Cassie held onto the glass she pretended to sip from. She hated vodka and she wanted a clear head.

‘How do I explain it to Theo?’ Louise swallowed half the vodka and looked at Cassie. ‘I argued with Gordon. We were always fighting back then. Both of us young and stubborn.’

‘Louise.’ Cassie tried to head her off. The confidences she was preparing to share were for family, not for a pretend girlfriend. ‘Theo and I aren’t really involved. We’re pretending we are to counter my cousin Leighton’s lies in the media.’

‘He trusts you. He brought you into the f-family.’ Her voice broke on the word.

Cassie rushed around the table and hugged Louise. ‘He helped me, so I offered to help him. That’s all. You have a good son. He cares about people. This has been a shock, but give him a chance. He’ll listen to you.’ She waited till Louise’s breathing steadied and her spine straightened. ‘Okay?’

‘I’m going to tell you.’

She hadn’t listened to a word Cassie had said, but Cassie could hardly start a new drama now, insisting that she and Theo weren’t a couple. She would have to find a way to tell Theo whatever Louise shared, and then get the hell out. She’d only be a reminder of the worst moment of his life.

There had been a raw desperation in Theo to get away. Maybe if family hadn’t been so important to him he’d have been less affected. Maybe. But he was a family man, defined by his relationships and responsibilities.

‘Gordon and I were young.’

Cassie resumed her seat, prepared to listen.

‘We fought. Over ridiculous things. I’m Greek, and my dad and brothers were protective, but they’d have smothered me if I didn’t rebel a bit. When Gordon tried to get me to do what he thought was best, I’d react badly. We could argue over what colour to paint my fingernails. I can’t even remember what the last argument was about, just that it got bigger and harsher and Gordon stormed off. We weren’t engaged or married, but my brothers wanted to go around and punch him anyway. I stopped them from that. Instead I got my revenge a different way.’

Louise swirled the vodka left in her glass. ‘I hooked up with a good-looking guy who was passing through Melbourne. Dave Mawson, a country and western singer. He had a guitar, a beautiful drawly voice and sadness in the back of his eyes. I was angry and hurting and stupid. We clicked. I slept with him. Regretted it. Do you know what he said when I ended it?’

Cassie shook her head.

‘That he knew I wasn’t for him.’ Louise dragged in a long, shuddering breath. ‘But a guy could dream.’

She drank the rest of the vodka. ‘I heard he died in a car crash on the back country roads a couple of years later.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘By then, I was married to Gordon. Theo was a toddler. Gordon was so good. About a month after I ended things with Dave, Gordon came and saw me. We talked. We’d both missed each other, knew we were the love of each other’s lives. When I found out I was pregnant…it could have been Gordon’s kid, but the chances were really, really slim. I thought I’d lose everything — Gordon, my parents’ respect — that I’d be struggling alone as a single mum.’

‘But Gordon stepped up?’ Cassie thought better of him.

‘He said to marry him right away, that we belonged together, and that the kid would have been his if he hadn’t been an idiot. He never made an issue of it, even when it was obvious Theo took after his long-gone dad. He promised Theo would be his kid, and he kept that promise until the board meeting. I love Gordon.’

‘So does Theo.’ Cassie had meant it to be reassuring.

Louise shuddered. ‘Bernice — Theo’s aunt, Gordon’s sister — she was at the board meeting. She said Theo looked devastated. Like Gordon had stabbed him. To tell Theo was unnecessary and cruel, but to tell him in that way, as a weapon…I have to go.’

‘O-kay.’ Her sudden determination took Cassie by surprise.

‘I can’t help Theo, not till he’s home. But Gordon will be regretting what he’s done. Everyone will be telling him off.’

He deserved it, in Cassie’s opinion.

‘And his heart can’t stand the stress. He’ll get madder and madder, furious with himself and everyone. I have to calm him down.’

The risk of a heart attack was real.

Cassie stood. ‘I’ll go with you.’ She didn’t want to intrude, but she hadn’t drunk the vodka for a reason. ‘You’ve had a shock and two vodkas. You can’t drive. Gordon mightn’t be fit either. Can you get home? Do you have someone in the family who’ll drive you without stirring things up?’

‘We’ll catch a taxi. You stay here and wait for Theo.’

Given his mood, it would be a long wait. Still, Ayesha, Theo’s secretary, would organise a taxi for the older Morrigans.

They hugged, then Cassie watched Louise walk down the street. She walked steadily and fast, her worry setting the pace. Cassie closed the door and rested her forehead a moment against it.

A hell of a day.

The bright candy-striped dress felt wrong, ridiculous. She dressed in her jeans and a T-shirt and packed her bag. Once she’d spoken with Theo, she’d leave. Worrying about Leighton’s lies seemed trivial in the face of real heartbreak. She wouldn’t even bother about checking into a hotel for the night. She could sleep on the plane and tomorrow she’d be back in Jardin Bay. Home.

Buying clothes wasn’t a reason to stay in Melbourne or even stopover in Perth. She could buy clothes online. What she wanted was the emotional calm of the bay. The noise of the city that had energised her yesterday now rang hollow and lonely, uncaring.

Bag packed, she put away the vodka bottle and washed the glasses, removing the evidence of his mum’s presence and distress. She made a cup of tea, found a box of chocolates in the fridge unopened, shrugged and took it with her out to the courtyard.

Two lemon trees stood in half-barrels, catching the late afternoon sun. Cassie sat on a bench built against a sun-warmed brick wall.

She couldn’t imagine discovering that her dad wasn’t her dad. Worse, having him hurl the knowledge at her, wielded like the weapon Louise had called it. Theo was one of the sanest people she knew, but he’d had his identity ripped from him. He couldn’t take much more.

Half his identity was gone. Louise’s family were still blood relatives and evidently loved him — witness the Chevy he was driving. Did they know he wasn’t Gordon’s son? How would they react if it were news to them?

Lies, no matter how well meant in the beginning, always had a sting in the tail.

Her phone rang and she snatched it up, grateful for the distraction until she heard the voice. Her stomach clenched. ‘Leighton.’

‘You better listen to me, cousin.’ He didn’t bother with polite preliminaries.

She listened, and that little part of her heart that had still hoped and believed in her cousin despite everything withered and died. She closed the phone, drew her feet up on the bench and rested her head on her knees. So much had happened since she met Theo. So much had changed. From a burnt-out wreck of herself she had healed and become whole. Now it was up to her to protect those she cared about.

When Melbourne’s fickle weather sent clouds across the sun, the courtyard cooled fast. Cassie hardly noticed for worrying about Theo, but as the day darkened to evening she realised her toes were ice blocks and her muscles cramped with tension and cold.

If he stayed out late she ought to think about dinner, but she didn’t want to be in the middle of cooking when he came home. She would talk to him as she’d promised Louise, then leave. The man needed privacy.

The rumble of the Chevy pulling into the garage came clearly through the open courtyard door.

Suddenly Cassie didn’t know what to do with herself. Should she be lurking in the kitchen? Hiding in her room? Watching TV in the lounge room?

Theo walked into the kitchen.

‘Hi.’ She stayed behind the counter, near the fridge. ‘I’ve eaten half your chocolates.’ Like that was what he needed to know!

He put the keys on the counter. ‘Sorry I bailed on you.’

‘You had reason.’

‘Hmm. Is Mum okay?’

Obviously not, but he’d know that. ‘She’s worried about you. And your dad.’

Not a flicker of expression passed over his face.

She pushed on, not sure such strong self-control was a good thing, but pretty confident it was a Theo thing. Like her, he was the one in the family who could cope with anything. Except she’d learned that no one was that strong. He had to let someone be there for him. ‘I told Louise that we, you and me, were just pretending. Because of Leighton. That we’re not a couple.’

She shuffled aside as he got milk out of the fridge and poured a glass. She watched him drink, long gulps with his throat working rhythmically. ‘Louise still insisted on explaining things to me so that I could tell you.’

He rinsed the empty glass and left it upside-down in the sink. ‘Sorry you got stuck in the middle. Don’t worry about it.’

‘You’ll talk to Louise?’

His mouth compressed. ‘Yeah.’

‘Tonight?’ She pushed it.

No answer.

‘Theo, you can’t leave her hanging.’

‘Until I know I can control myself, yeah, I can. Thirty-two years, Cassie.’

She understood the betrayal. All of his life, a lie. And yet, not. ‘Your parents love you.’

He walked away, crossing to the courtyard door, closing it, locking it.

‘Louise was young, had a fight with Gordon. They split. They weren’t married or anything. She got involved with a nice guy, a singer. But Gordon was the man she loved. She realised it and she broke things off with…your biological father. From what she said about him, he was sweet.’

‘Was?’

‘He died in a car crash when you were a toddler.’

Theo closed his eyes.

‘I’m sorry.’ She walked up to him and hugged his tense body.

His arms stayed by his side, refusing her comfort.

She rested her head against his shoulder. In a strange way she was giving him privacy; not being able to see his face. ‘Louise and Gordon got back together, then she found she was pregnant with you. Gordon promised he’d love you like his own and they married.’ She wanted to leave it there. ‘He does love you.’

His muscles tensed even more. They had to be aching. ‘At the meeting, Uncle Pat said they all knew I wasn’t his son. They all knew — not my cousins, but the older ones.’

‘You’re family. Family isn’t always blood. It’s love.’

He pulled away. ‘They voted for me. Every single one, except…Gordon. I quit.’

Hell. ‘I expect they didn’t take that as final.’

‘It is for me. What else did Mum say about my father? His name?’

‘Dave Mawson.’ How awful to not even know his dad’s name. ‘He was a country and western singer. He looked like you.’

‘Great.’ He swung around, turned back, restless. ‘I don’t even know what to do with that information. I never looked like Gordon. I was always tall, athletic, unlike him. He always seemed so proud. Fuck! I wanted a guitar when I was thirteen, like teenage boys do. Gordon absolutely refused. Now I know why.’

Reassessing his whole life.

‘Can I help?’

He shook his head.

‘Okay.’ She wanted to hug him, hold him and tell him he wasn’t alone. If only his brother wasn’t in Iceland, maybe he could have gotten through to Theo. ‘I’m packed and I’ll get out of here. You don’t need me cluttering — ’

‘Stay.’

‘Theo.’

‘Where are you going? Back to Jardin Bay?’

‘Yes.’

‘I’ll come with you.’

‘What?’

‘Sorry. I shouldn’t invite myself.’

‘No, that’s not…of course you can stay with me. Dad’s in the Kimberley. The house is echoing. It’s just, shouldn’t you at least talk to Louise first?’ She studied the rigid line of his shoulders and stubborn set of his jaw. ‘She thinks Gordon will be bitterly sorry, angry with himself for what he did. You need to talk to him, too. His heart…the stress can’t be good for him.’

‘I’ve heard Dad’s, Gordon’s, apologies before. He says sorry but he blames everyone else.’ Theo headed for his room. ‘I’m not ready to hear that yet and not flare back.’

And make everything worse, if that were possible. ‘All right. Okay. But couldn’t you stay somewhere closer?’ A hotel would be soulless, but family couldn’t ambush him there. She trailed him to his room. ‘Maybe someone from your mum’s family? Your Uncle Phil?’

‘Not family.’ A lot of anger there. He pulled out a duffel bag. ‘Cassie, I need to get my head clear.’

Their eyes locked. She nodded. ‘Jardin Bay will give you that. I’ll book two plane tickets.’

‘Thank you.’

‘But I’m going to tell your mum where you are.’

‘Five minutes before we board the plane. No, I’m not being mean. Mum’s capable of rushing here or to the airport.’

‘Fine, but you text her.’

‘Okay.’

She left him jamming clothes into the duffel.

***

The drive to the airport was silent and slow, thanks to the Friday evening traffic. Theo stared out one window while Cassie pretended to stare out of hers. Mostly she was trying not to sneak looks at him. He worried her. It was like there was an immense ice wall between him and the world. He’d retreated and put up the
no trespassing
sign in huge letters.

Space, she had to give him space.