Kisses After Dark (46 page)

Love,

Katie

Shane moaned as he read her sweet words. She loved him, but she knew he was tormented. And here he thought he’d done such a good job of hiding it from her. He should’ve known she’d notice. She paid attention.

He stretched out on the bed, still holding her letter and thinking about everything she’d said and how perceptive she was. Try as he might to deny it, Courtney’s visit had screwed him up, and he needed to get some help before he ruined the best thing to ever happen to him.

His sleep was tormented and plagued by disturbing dreams about both the women who were on his mind. He woke with a pounding headache, a dry mouth and a plan. After a shower, some coffee and a couple of pain pills, Shane got on the bike and rode it to Big Mac’s house in North Harbor. He stepped through the gate into his aunt’s rose garden and took the stairs to the porch, where he knocked on the door.

Wearing a T-shirt and shorts and carrying a mug of coffee, his Uncle Kevin came to the door. “Hey, Shane.”

“Just the guy I was looking for.”

Kevin pushed open the screen door. “Come in.”

“Why do I feel like hell after last night, and you’re all chipper?”

“Because with age comes wisdom and the ability to say no after the tenth round.”

Shane laughed. “It was a good time even if I feel like hell today.”

“A fantastic time, but then any time I get to spend with my brothers, sons and nephews is the best of times.”

“Yes, it is.” Shane accepted the mug of coffee Kevin poured for him and stirred in cream. “Where is everyone?”

“Riley and Finn are still sleeping off last night’s gluttony. Mac and Linda are off making final preparations for the rehearsal dinner tonight.” Kevin leaned against the counter. “What brings you out so early?”

“Could I talk to you about something in sort of a professional capacity?”

“Of course. Let’s go out on the deck.”

Shane followed him through the sliding door and took a seat next to his uncle. “I’m sorry to drop in on you this way when you’re on vacation and away from other people’s problems for a while.”

“I’m always available to you. You know that. You’re all our kids. Doesn’t matter which one of us fathered you.”

“I love that about our family.”

“So do I, but I don’t think you came here to talk about our family.”

“No,” Shane said with a sigh. “Did you hear that Courtney came looking for me this week?”

“I heard rumblings to that effect.”

“Things were great, you know? I was doing so much better. The job with Mac, living near Laura and Holden, who I’m crazy about, being here with the rest of the family and then everything with Katie… I was better than I’ve been in a long time.”

“Your dad said as much to me, and I could see it myself.”

“But then she comes here and tells me everything she did was to protect me and she only divorced me to keep me out of a messy legal situation. She said she never stopped loving me.”

“Ah, Christ. I didn’t hear all that.”

“It’s fucked me up again, Kev. I don’t want to think about her. I want to think about Katie. I
love
Katie. She’s amazing and wonderful and kind and attentive. She’s everything that Courtney wasn’t. What you see is what you get with Katie, and I need that after what I went through with Courtney. So why, why,
why
can’t I stop thinking about Courtney telling me she never stopped loving me?”

“Because you waited a long time for some answers, and you’ve only had a few days to get your head around what she told you.”

“Unfortunately, those few days have been critical days with Katie.”

“Which makes it that much more complicated.”

“I feel like I’m losing my shit. How can I be thinking about a woman who treated me the way she did when I’ve got a new girlfriend telling me she loves me and wants to be with me?”

“What do
you
want, Shane?”

“I want peace. I want a family. I want Katie. I want to stop dwelling on stuff that doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It must still matter if you’re still dwelling on it.”

“
Why
does it still matter? What difference does it make if she still loves me or that she did what she did to protect me? I’m not going back to her.”

“It matters because you can’t hate her anymore knowing what you do now. It was easier when you could make Courtney out to be the villain in this situation. Finding out what you did this week puts you back to square one in some ways because it changes the story of how your marriage ended.”

“I can’t go back to square one again.”

“It’s not the same square one as it was when everything first happened and the wound was raw and open. It’s a different square one, but it requires some contemplation nonetheless. You lived for a long time thinking you understood what motivated Courtney. Finding out that everything you thought to be true was wrong is a shock.”

“More than anything, I’m afraid I’m going to mess things up with Katie. She’s tuned in to the fact that something’s bothering me.” He put the coffee cup on the table and sat back in his chair. “What you said about Courtney being the villain makes a lot of sense.”

“We all made her the villain. You weren’t alone in that.”

“She said she wants me to know the person she is now, but how would I ever separate who she is now from who she was then?”

“You probably can’t, which is why you sent her away.”

“I told her there was too much water under the bridge, too much history, too much pain.”

“Maybe you need to keep telling yourself that until you believe it. You say you want the life you have now with Katie, and it sounds like she wants you, too. So what’s stopping you from having that?”

“Only my fears about whether I’m being fair by getting in so deep with her while this stuff is still on my mind.”

“The only way you’re being unfair to Katie is if you don’t tell her that seeing Courtney messed you up worse than you initially thought, and how that has nothing at all to do with what you feel for her.”

“You’re saying I should tell Katie about this.”

“Yes. Tell her what’s been weighing on you and see what she says. All you can do is be straight with her.”

“I’m the first guy she’s ever dated.”

“Because of her dad,” Kevin said with a nod of understanding.

“Yeah, she took this huge risk on me, and I promised her I’d be worth it, and then this happened.”

“It’s not your fault, Shane. You couldn’t have known Courtney was going to come here or that she would say what she did. It seems to me like you’re blaming yourself for things that were outside of your control. Of course you’re going to be affected by seeing your ex-wife again after all this time. Of course you’re going to be shocked to hear that she never stopped loving you and didn’t really want to divorce you. How is any of that your fault?”

“It’s not, I guess.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You were a great husband to her. You did everything you could to make that marriage work. You stepped up for her even after you found out she’d stolen from you to support her habit. That would’ve been a deal breaker for a lot of guys but not you. At what point do you give yourself a break and acknowledge that you did the best you could in a horrible situation?”

Shane took a deep breath and blew it out.

“Are you still in love with Courtney?”

“No.”

“Do you want to get back together with her?”

“No.”

“Do you want to be with Katie?”

“Yes.”

“Do you love her?”

“Yes.”

“Then you know what you need to do.”

“And I’m not being unfair to Katie by committing to her when I’m still thinking about someone else?”

“You were with Courtney for a long time. You might always think about her. But you don’t want to be with her. That’s what really matters—and that’s what’ll matter to Katie.” He squeezed Shane’s shoulder. “But if you honestly feel you’re not ready to move forward with Katie, then you owe it to her to tell her that, too. You wouldn’t be doing her any favors in the long run if you stay with her out of some misguided sense of obligation.”

“That’s not why I’m with her. I feel like myself again with her, if that makes sense.”

“It makes perfect sense, and it sounds to me like you just answered all your own questions.”

“Thanks for this, Kev.”

“I’m glad you came to me. When I’m not here, I’m only a phone call away. Any time.”

Both men stood, and Shane gave his uncle a hug.

“Thank you.”

“Take it easy on yourself, buddy. You’ve been through a lot. More than some people endure in a lifetime. We’re all proud of how well you’ve been doing lately. Your dad wasn’t the only one who worried about you for a long time.”

“It’s been great to have you here. Wish you were staying longer.”

“I’ve got to get home after Grant’s wedding and deal with a situation of my own.”

“With Aunt Deb?”

Kevin nodded, his expression grim. “She’s left me for a younger guy, of all things.”

Shane stared at his uncle. “And you just let me go on and on about
my
problems?”

“I was happy to talk to you. It’s nice to think about something else for a change.”

“What’re you going to do?”

“Not much I can do. She wants out of the marriage.” Kevin shrugged. “What choice do I have?”

“Do Riley and Finn know?”

“They suspect something’s up because she didn’t come with us for the weddings, but I figure it’s up to Deb to tell them what’s going on when she’s ready to.” Kevin went inside and Shane followed him, still reeling from what his uncle had told him. “Call me if you need to talk again, okay?”

“This has been really helpful. I appreciate the time, and I’m sorry about what you’re going through.”

“Don’t worry about me. Take care of you—and your Katie. I have a good feeling where you two are concerned.”

“Thanks again, Kev.”

“I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you then.”

Shane rode off on his bike, thinking about everything his uncle had said. He took the long way around the island before returning to the hotel and heading upstairs. He desperately wanted to see Katie again but went instead to his own room. In the folder on the desk, he found a piece of Sand & Surf stationery and went to work on a new note to her.

Dear sweet Katie,

Thank you for your note this morning. I’ve read it a hundred times and committed every word to memory.

You were right when you said I’ve had something on my mind, and I want to talk to you about it after the wedding. In the meantime, I can’t wait to take you to the rehearsal dinner tonight and the wedding tomorrow. Everything is more fun when you’re with me. I’ll pick you up at seven.

Love,

Shane

He went down the hallway, slid the letter under her door and returned to his room. Talking to Kevin had helped. Shane had a clearer picture now of why he’d been so unsettled the last couple of days. He also had a clearer picture of where he wanted to go from here and who he wanted to take with him. Once he got past his cousin’s wedding, he’d get busy making that happen.

Wearing a dress shirt and tie with khakis and carrying a navy blazer over his shoulder, Mac went down the stairs, where David and Daisy were entertaining his children. “Thanks for doing this, you guys,” he said.

“We love spending time with them,” Daisy said. “It’s good practice for someday.”

“We’ll owe you a lot of babysitting when someday comes.”

Maddie came downstairs a few minutes later, wearing a black dress that clung to her sexy curves and her hair falling in waves around her pretty face. “You guys are going to be so good for Daisy and David, right?” she said to the kids.

“Don’t want you to go,” Thomas said, his lip out in a pout.

“We’ll be back when you wake up,” Mac assured him.

Maddie hugged and kissed both kids and followed Mac out of the house. He held open the passenger door to the SUV for her and waited for her to get settled.