Knight of Darkness (13 page)

“Why bother?”

Blaise snorted. “Would you like me to choke her?”

“No. If there’s any choking to be done, I think I’ve earned the honors.”

Derrick started for the path, while Merewyn continued to drone on and on with her dire predictions. “I still say we should knock her out until it wears off.”

Varian was beginning to agree with him. “Any idea how long this will last?”

“Not really. As I said, we put Erik in a cage and left him alone until he was over it.”

It’s going to be a long day.
“I think I liked it better when she was singing show tunes.”

“I’m all alone…” she began, singing the one lachrymose song in
Spamalot
, but that was at least better than her chattering about doom. The song was actually funny. “No one to comfort me or guide me…”

Varian looked over at Blaise. “Since I’m not comforting her, can I drop her?”

“I would say yes, but I know you would never do that.”

“What makes you so sure?”

Blaise stepped close enough so that the others wouldn’t overhear him. “I’ve seen the way you’ve been taking care of her. You’re not the badass you pretend to be. I’ve always wondered why Merlin tolerated you. Now I know.”

“Don’t let my attention to her fool you.”

“Yeah, I know, you can and will kick my ass. I can defend myself against you. But I’ve noticed you’re not real keen on attacking anyone who can’t.”

“Shut up, Blaise.”

Grinning, he drifted away.

Varian didn’t speak as he carried her while she swung from periods of singing to whining. It bothered him that Blaise had been able to peg him so well. He prided himself on being complex and mysterious. He didn’t like for anyone to know anything about him. It kept people away, and it allowed him to have the peace he craved.

He still wasn’t sure why he allowed Merewyn into his circle. It wasn’t like him to do such a thing. Especially since he knew she’d sold him out for her beauty.

Not really,
his inner voice argued. All she’d done was exchange her haggishness for the chore of tending him. It was her own desperate foolishness that had turned her into his mother’s pawn. His mother was a master at manipulation. She could even pretend to be kind and sweet when she wanted to.

It was when the kindness ended that you needed to take cover.

“Tell me, Varian,” Merewyn said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and tucked her head under his chin. “Do you think the world is an ugly place?”

“It can be, I suppose.” There was something so
tender about her actions that it touched him in the strangest place.

His heart.

The way she held him was so very trusting, almost childlike. No woman had ever really held him. Sure they’d embraced him during sex, but there had never been a gentle hug. A friendly hug. Never anything like this.

“There is no supposing,” she said in a low tone. “Why do people have to be so mean? I don’t understand it. But what’s worse is that I know I was one of them, too. The whole reason I made a bargain with your mother was so that I wouldn’t have to marry an ugly man.”

She tightened her hold on his neck as her voice trembled and her breath tickled his neck. “I’ve lied to myself for centuries saying it was because he didn’t respect me or see me, but in the end, I know the truth. He was so much older and scarred with cold, beady eyes and a bald head. All he wanted was a broodmare to mother his heir. I couldn’t even get him to converse with me. Every time I tried, he would only answer that it was the will of God that women have no opinion save that that is given to them by father or husband. All women should be meek and silent.”

“You’re certainly not silent.”

“Yes, I am. At least normally while in Camelot. I only speak under my breath because to speak to others when you’re hideous only invites their scorn. Or the backs of their hands.”

A wave of anger seized him at her words. Like her, he hated that people could be so cruel. “But you’re not ugly anymore.”

“No. I’m beautiful. The ugliness is inside now. So I ask you, which is better? To be ugly inside or out?”

He didn’t even have to contemplate that answer. “You’ve met my mother. Which do you think I prefer?”

She lifted her head to look at him. “You say that, but have you ever taken an ugly woman to your bed?”

Varian fell silent as he realized the truth. “No.”

There was no missing the disappointment in her gaze. “Then you are as bad as all the others.” She paused and chewed her lip for a moment, lost in thought. “Or are you? You did save me when I was ugly, didn’t you?”

“Aye.”

“Why?”

He answered with the truth. “I can’t stand to see anyone abused.”

“Yet you kill people for Merlin. Is that not abuse?”

Unwilling to discuss it or his motivations, he scowled at her. “How can you be intoxicated and carry on a serious ethical debate?”

“Because…” Her voice trailed off as her eyes turned glassy.

Varian stopped the instant he realized what was wrong with her. Unfortunately, that came an
instant too late as she unloaded her stomach all over him.

He cringed in horror.

“I’m so sorry,” she gasped.

“So am I.”

“No, really, I’m sorry.”

Really, so was he. But he didn’t want to embarrass her any further for something she couldn’t help. “Don’t worry about it. It’s easy enough to fix.” He set her down on her feet before he closed his eyes and used his limited magick to remove the armor from his body. “But don’t do it again,” he teased.

Merewyn nodded. She was absolutely mortified over what she’d done to him. Unfortunately, she wasn’t through. Running toward a tree, she felt her body rebelling again.

“Oh man,” Blaise grumbled as he turned his back to her. “Are you all right?”

“Aye,” she gasped.

“Good. I think I’m going to walk ahead a bit while you…uh…take care of your business.”

“Us, too,” the brothers said in unison. They took off so fast that Erik flew from the shoulders of his brother, then ran after them, chattering indignantly.

Alone, Merewyn leaned against the tree and let the poison work its way out of her system. As she bent forward again, she felt someone lift her hair back from her face. To her shock, it was Varian, who didn’t try to speak to her while she was sick.

When she was finished, he handed her a small cool cloth. “Better?”

“I think so.” She wiped her mouth, then held the cloth to the base of her neck to help calm her angry stomach. “Thank you.”

“Least I could do for you.”

No, it wasn’t. He could have easily joined the others and left her to her own means. It meant a lot to her that he’d stayed. “You didn’t have to.”

“I know, but you didn’t need to be left alone. You keep getting yourself in trouble.” He winked at her.

In spite of her embarrassment, she smiled. Her heart fluttered at his kindness. Most men would have done what the brothers and Blaise had done—they’d have run and not looked back.

“Is the doom-saying all over now?”

She nodded. “Thankfully. I’m so sorry for all that I said. I really didn’t mean it. I wanted desperately to shut up, yet it kept spewing out of my mouth without cessation.”

To her amazement, he draped an arm over her in an affectionate embrace. “Have no worries over it.”

“Thank you for being so patient with me.”

“It’s not a chore.”

Merewyn was positive now that he was being far too generous and disingenuous as well. “I think you would have disagreed with that ten minutes ago.”

Even though he didn’t look at her, his gaze softened. “I will give you that argument.”

Then he gave her a smile that completely beguiled her. He didn’t smile often, and it was probably a good thing given the effect it had on her body. She was warm all over, and an odd, giddy rush went through her. She’d never seen a more handsome man and, given the fact that she’d lived with the Adoni for centuries, that said something. And it wasn’t just his beauty, there was an inner tranquillity to him that seemed to soothe a part of her even though the rest of her was highly excited.

It was such a strange contradiction.

She fell into an awkward silence as they walked. Varian let his arm fall away from her shoulders, which brought a peculiar ache to her chest as his warmth receded from her. She wanted to be closer to him, not farther away.

“Varian?”

He paused to face her. “Yes?”

Her nerve faltered at the look of him. How could she ask when he might push her away even more?

Ask, Merewyn.
But it wasn’t that easy. What she wanted was forbidden. It was exotic.

But she wanted to know.

She
had
to know.

“Would you kiss me?”

Varian’s breath caught as he heard the very last thing he’d expected her to ask him.

“Please?”

How could any man deny that? Certainly not one who was more sinner than saint. He could already taste those lips. But a part of him was unsure. “Is that the pit asking?”

“No. It’s me.”

His heart racing, he gently pulled her close even though he wanted to crush her against him. This would be her first kiss, and he wanted it to be tender and sweet. Something that would warm her when she thought back on it, not scare her. Everyone’s first kiss should be memorable and unrushed.

He dipped his head and hovered his lips just over hers so that he could savor the sensation of her breath on his skin. It was featherlight and sweet. And it fired his blood to a fevered pitch.

How could he resign himself to a simple kiss and nothing else when he wanted so much more than that from her? But he had no choice. His wasn’t a life he could ever share with anyone else, and she wasn’t the kind of woman a man could play with lightly and walk away from. There was something about her that was completely unforgettable. And he knew the taste of her lips would be with him long after he returned to Avalon.

Merewyn could barely breathe as she watched Varian through hooded eyes, waiting for that first taste of a man’s passion. She’d spent centuries wondering what a kiss would taste like.

Feel like.

In all honesty, she’d given up hope of ever having one herself. Now she would know…

His arms tightened around her an instant before he lowered his lips to hers. Her head reeled at the sensation of being held by him so intimately. He teased her lips with his teeth, nibbling them ever so sweetly before he nudged them apart so that he could explore every inch of her mouth with his.

She inhaled the scent of him as his whiskers scraped softly against her chin. Sinking her hand in his soft hair, she let the silken strands wrap around her fingers while she kissed him back with everything she had. Her breasts tightened as heat flooded her in a demanding rhythm that wanted so much more than this.

She wanted to be touched by him…to know why Narishka and Morgen were never sated by their lovers, no matter how skilled they were. What was it about sex that was so all-consuming that it caused people to risk their very lives to have it? That they would lie and cheat for one taste of another person.

But if his kiss was any example of what Varian would be like in her bed, then she was beginning to understand. There was magick in his lips. Magick in his touch. It radiated through her body, making her ache for him.

Varian pressed her closer to him as his body burned out of control. The only thought he had was taking her straight to some secluded area to lay her down on the grass so that he could further
explore her body, slow and easy. He wanted to find someplace where he could take his time tasting every inch of her. But that would be a tremendous mistake. The last thing he needed was to be involved with anyone. He had too many enemies for that.

Besides, he knew nothing of love or relationships. He was Adoni. A race that was known for its bloody ruthlessness. More than that, his own father had been a faithless bastard who’d ruined the lives of every woman he’d ever cared for. That was Varian’s legacy, which was about as worthless as he was.

Merewyn deserved so much better than that. She’d already been screwed over by his mother. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her any more. She’d been through enough.

Wishing he could go back and take away the damage his mother had done to her, he pulled back from their kiss reluctantly. She stood there for several heartbeats with her eyes closed as if she still could feel him kissing her. The sight of her like that set a fire inside him so hot that it was almost overwhelming.

When she opened her eyes, the desire there cut straight through him. “Thank you,” she breathed. “I’ve always wanted to know what that was like and I certainly couldn’t ask Merrick or Derrick.”

But she could have asked Blaise. And he was grateful she hadn’t.

Shifting himself to relieve the pain in his groin,
he still couldn’t resist teasing her. “If you’d like to explore anything beyond that kiss, my lady, let me know. I am ever your servant.” He winked at her.

Her cheeks pinkened as she looked away from him. It was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen.

“There is one thing I should like.”

He held his breath as his groin jerked in greedy expectation. “Yes?”

She hesitated.

He smiled down at her. “Come on, Merewyn. No need to be bashful after all the two of us have shared. Near death. Tauntings aplenty and three lunatics in a forest…Tell me what it is that you’d like?”

She looked away as if the wrong answer would hurt so much that she couldn’t bear to see his face should he deny her. “Do you think that if we get out of here you could return me to my time? I should like desperately to go home again.”

Varian ached for those heartfelt words even though he didn’t really understand the sentiment. He’d never had much of a home to miss. “What of your father and the way he treated you?”

“I don’t want to go back for him. I should like to make amends to the man I betrayed. He wanted to marry me, and I should have made good my betrothal. I was wrong for doing what I did to him.”

Her words amazed him. “You would suffer a marriage with him just to apologize?”