Knight Shift (46 page)

Over the next week, Penny hid herself from the world by locking herself in her cabin and refusing all visitors. When she was awake, she spent every minute losing herself in her artwork. At the rare times she was able to sleep, she slept hugging a pillow filled with ice packs. With her eyes closed she would drift away into wonderful dreams of her and Jax but, when she would wake alone, she found herself more miserable than before she went to bed. Although a part of herself continued to mourn terribly over the loss of her family, another part was racked by guilt for indulging in fantasies about Jax and longing for his touch. The inner battle was slowly ripping her mind in two.

To keep her Changeling family from breaking down her door, she called them at least once a day. Although she would never be able to hide her misery from them if they saw her in person, her phone acting skills were getting better by the minute. The deception seemed to have worked and they stayed away to give her private time to grieve.

The family had to give Jax the same space, although it was for a different reason. They knew he had grown to care for Penny, but they had no idea the extent of those feelings. They assumed that his emotional state was caused by being forced to care for a very distraught Human for so long—an act that would have tested the limits of his mental and physical strength. Based on the news from Ice’s attack in Nashville, they knew that those limits had been breached at least once while they were traveling together. Sam wanted to discuss the experience with Jax, but he was forced to spend much of his time dealing with very angry Changelings who called asking why Ice was protecting the enemy. Sam tried to down-play the rumors of Ice switching sides by saying that Ice always had the protection of Changelings as his top priority and any action he made was ultimately related to saving their race. To ease their fears, he wanted desperately to share Penny’s potential importance to Changelings but, to protect her, he had to keep her gift a secret.

What his family didn’t know was that, without Penny, Jax was sleeping with a heating pad pressed against his chest. He didn’t have painting to distract himself while he was awake, so he spent his days hunting in the woods and his nights watching over Penny’s cabin. He was able to hide his depression from the world, but Penny’s misery was painfully obvious to Jax. He confirmed his conclusion when he spotted many empty chocolate containers on the counter and heard the vacuum being used at odd times throughout the day and night. Her choice of his shirts as nightwear also informed him that it wasn’t just the loss of her family that she was mourning.

Although Penny was still miserable, after a week of seclusion, she knew that she needed to face her new reality and her anxiously waiting Changeling family. When she called Susi to make arrangements for a visit, Susi’s eyes burned with tears of relief. She hoped that this was a sign that the Penny she knew and loved was slowly coming back.

In preparation for her visit, Penny stood in front of a mirror. Seeing dark bags under her eyes, pale skin, and lifeless hair, she decided that she needed to find a way to disguise the mess that she had let herself become. Although she drove into town for a quick haircut, she put herself in the hands of several overly enthusiastic saleswomen and ended up having a complete head to toe makeover.

The old Penny typically dressed in conservative, earth-toned clothes, had a simple, short hairstyle, and wore minimal makeup. As she looked in the mirror now, she saw a new woman. Her hair was dyed lighter and was cut just above her shoulders. It was parted on the side and she now had bangs that swept across her forehead and down her cheek. The stylist thought that the effect framed her face nicely. She was wearing a loose fitting, delicate lace cover-up that hung down past her waist. The material contained large gaps that allowed the silk from a bright pink camisole to show through. Her legs were hugged in white leggings and her feet tucked into high heeled sandals that showed off bright pink painted toenails. The ladies at the department store had also shown her some makeup techniques that Penny had enhanced with her own artistic abilities. Colorful jewelry and brightly colored fingernail art finished her outfit.

“Not bad, if I do say so myself. A walking work of art,” Penny said with a smile as she examined the final product. She felt like she was a Changeling that had shifted into an alternate form and this one looked full of life. It was the camouflage she needed.

As she parked her car in front of Sam’s stone home, she glanced at herself in the rear view mirror one last time and said with as much confidence as she could gather, “You can do this.” Assuming that Jax would be inside, it was going to be a true test of her acting abilities.

Seconds after she entered the house, the twins came running, but stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the new look. Taylor exclaimed, “Wow, Peanut. I almost didn’t recognize you.”

Tadd added, “I never would have guessed it, but pink works on you. You’re like a hot, yummy, candy coated, piece of bubblegum.”

She forced a giggle and replied, “I guess I needed a change.” When her confidence started to waver and she felt the urge to run into the nearest bedroom and change into sweats, she asked, “Do you like it?”

The twins exclaimed as a chorus, “Hell yeah!”

Hearing all the commotion, the rest of the family joined their guest. While they shared their appreciation for the new look, Penny tried to pay attention. But in reality she was scanning the room, looking for the one that she was desperate to see. When she was led into the living room, she knew where the object of her desire was without seeing him. She could feel his stare as a cool caress on her cheek.

When she locked on Jax’s dark eyes, the voices around her suddenly became distant and all she could hear was her rapid heartbeat. It took everything she had not to run into his arms, but she had made him a promise. She didn’t fit in his life and had to let him go. Although she knew that it had been the right decision, she had no idea how hard keeping that promise would be.

Using her new persona to lock away her pain, Penny decided to be an adult and say hello to the person who was in her every dream. She walked over to Jax and said politely, “It’s good to see you. How have you been?”

“I’ve been alright,” he lied. He looked her over and asked, “So you’ve come out of the closet and are wearing pink and lace now?”

She shrugged her shoulders and said, “I guess that I’ve decided not to hide my inner princess any more. My brothers would be speechless if they saw me now.”

“They would say that you look beautiful although, to me, you always did.”

The emotions she buried at the door were quickly digging their way back to the surface as she stared at the lips that she loved to kiss and saw the familiar sparkle appear in the eyes that she had stared at for countless hours while on their trip. Her protective mask started to crack and, to maintain her fake persona, she knew that she had to get away from him quickly.

She said, “The twins are going to go through all of the pictures we took. Are you going to join us?”

“You go ahead and I’ll be there in a minute.”

Jax watched intently as Penny walked away. He had to stay behind so that he could take a moment to regroup. The entire time she stood in front of him his mind, in particular the part that was Ice, was screaming at him to pull her into his arms and kiss her. When he forced himself to look at something other than her lips, his eyes caught sight of the vein in her neck that pulsed with each beat of her heart. The sound whispered in his ears hypnotically and the impulse to taste her skin was so strong that his mouth watered.

Once Jax regained mental control he caught Ben staring at him intently. Ben glanced between the large hunter and their houseguest. His look of confusion turned to wonder, then a brilliant, knowing smile beamed over his face. Before Jax could offer anything to counter what he knew Ben was sensing, the younger Changeling quickly integrated himself into those gathered around the twins, who were busy preparing to project the trip pictures onto a large television screen.

Knowing she wouldn’t be able to function with Jax near her, Penny squeezed her way between the twins while Jax sat on the arm of a nearby recliner. For the next few hours, the family relived the trip without either of the travelers giving even the slightest hint that any romance had occurred. Since many of the pictures revolved around spreading ashes and included Penny with tears in her eyes, the omission was the farthest thing from anyone’s mind.

When the images from Reno came into view, Jax proudly shared the story of how Penny saved Van Gogh. After he also mentioned Razor and his reaction to her blood, the picture show halted and the discussion in the room quickly shifted to options for keeping Penny safe. Since they were talking about her as if she wasn’t sitting right in the middle of the room, she took the opportunity to escape into the kitchen. The story telling had stirred a wide range of conflicting emotions which were about to explode and she needed a moment alone.

As she stood by the sink in the kitchen and wiped away a few tears that had spilled over, a kind male voice called, “Penny.”

Startled, Penny plastered on a fake smile and turned to see Ben standing beside her with a tissue already in his outstretched hand.

When she accepted it, he asked, “So when do we get to hear the parts of the trip that you aren’t sharing?”

Penny’s smile instantly faded and she replied innocently, “What other parts?”

He tapped his temple. “Have you been gone so long that you’ve forgotten my abilities?” When she remained quiet, he said, “Your mind is like a pinball machine—randomly bouncing between pain, loss, passion, and guilt.”

“I just lost my family. Of course my mind would be conflicted.”

“I agree, but that doesn’t explain the passion you project when you look at Jax, followed immediately by guilt.”

Penny opened her mouth to reply, but then closed it again without saying a word.

Seeing Penny struggling for words, he decided to share what was on his mind. “When you two first arrived back at home, I tried to pick up yours and Jax’s thoughts, but everyone’s emotions were spilling out in a tangled mess. It gave me a migraine that lasted for days. But now that things have calmed down a little, I’ve had a chance to analyze what I’m sensing. As for Jax, it wasn’t just his looks that changed. He’s a completely different person on the inside. I’ve never felt such strong emotions from him and they aren’t of hate or anger, but instead, a great sense of loss. Since I know that he wasn’t that close to your family, the loss had to be for something or someone else. I’ve tried to talk to him, but he’s closed himself off and started avoiding me and this house. He’s claiming that his distance was because the trip was difficult and he needed time to recover. I was only able to guess the real reason for his condition until tonight. The moment you stepped into the house, everything became crystal clear.” He motioned up and down her body and added, “This camouflage you created is only surface deep. It may distract others from what you’re trying to hide, but your mind is open to me. Although you have many emotions swirling around inside, whenever you and Jax stare at each other, one and only one thought fills both your minds.” After giving her a smile, he announced, “You’re in love with him and, in case you didn’t know, he’s in love with you.”

Penny was going to lie, but she was standing in front of a mind reader and knew that there was no point. She dropped her fake persona and allowed her feelings for Jax to openly fill her mind. She then replied, “I wouldn’t have survived my trip without him at my side and, yes, you’re right. We fell in love, but what did or didn’t happen between us doesn’t matter now. We’ve decided to go our separate ways.”

“But why? I felt the feelings you have for each other and they’re so strong that even Jax couldn’t block me out tonight. You can’t ignore them like they don’t exist.”

“We aren’t love-struck teenagers. We’re adults and we made this decision together. Actually it was the only logical solution to our situation. Some of the events that we’ve shared tonight prove that fact. Our two worlds are not meant to mix...at least not in public. And I won’t live a life with someone that I can’t announce to the world that he’s mine. I’ll always love him and that fact will never change. I’ll cherish every minute I had the privilege to be at his side.”

“But this isn’t right. Something that feels this good can’t be wrong.” Ben cringed when he caught Penny’s mind instantly shift to guilt and anger.

She replied with an emphasized whisper, “What isn’t right is me indulging in my fantasies while I carried my family’s ashes across the country.”

In an attempt to calm her, he said, “The moment Taylor and Tadd met your bothers, they instantly considered them family. They cared for them deeply and I’ve never heard them speak so highly of anyone, even other Changelings. To make an instant connection like that tells me that your brothers were like them—full of life. Your brothers wouldn’t want you wallowing in tears. They would want you to live on and find happiness. You can’t tell me that you and Jax don’t have a special connection. Look how your time together changed him. It’s a miracle.”

“What you see as the new Jax has always been there. I just helped it come to the surface.” As her mind shifted to loss, she added, “He can take it from here without me.”

Given what Ben had been feeling from Jax, he wasn’t so sure about that.

Penny added, “Neither of us can go back to what we were before the trip; too much has happened. In fact, my entire world has changed. We both need to move forward and begin new futures. It’s just that we’ll be following two different paths.” When Penny heard her name called from the living room, she looked to Ben and said, “We need to go back and join the others. I’m touched with your concern, but I’ll be okay. For now, please promise me that you’ll keep our secret, especially from the family. This is hard enough without having to deal with everyone trying to interfere. Jax and I need more time to work through this.”