Knockout (6 page)

They both stood motionless and silent for a long time. I watched them looking like statues together. Two tall, broad, brilliant men.

“Come on,” dad said, his voice softer than before. “Let’s go to the kitchen so I can look at your eye. At the very least we’ll need to ice it.”

Kellen silently followed my dad to the kitchen. I watched and I waited with breath held, suddenly afraid as they were moving that they would somehow see me. I never wanted Kellen to know I’d been there. He couldn’t know I’d seen all of this because he would know I felt sorry for him and he’d be angry. Embarrassed. So I saved him from that. From me. Because I loved him.

And that night I wept for him.

It was bittersweet when two weeks later Kellen left for college. His birthday passed, he turned eighteen, but because I was the only one who knew when it was and I was keeping my oath of silence, we didn’t celebrate. We’d never given him a party or a present because he wouldn’t take it. Laney thought it was crazy but it was just Kellen. It was how he was and you either accepted it or you could walk away.

When he picked his college he chose from a small pool of acceptance letters to places all over the country. His grades were insane, his skills in boxing and football off the charts, so he could have gone just about anywhere that would give him the right scholarship and financial aid. I suffered silent anxiety for weeks while he debated, worried he’d go somewhere far away. I nearly died when he picked the University of California in Berkeley. It was a six hour drive so not the worst but it felt like a million miles. I knew it wasn’t a distance he would cross very often, especially not on his bike. But while it hurt to be separated from my friend, it was nice not to see him with Laney anymore. I hoped that wherever he was and whatever he was doing, he was doing it as himself.

“I can’t believe we’re finally in high school,” Sam said in awe.

I glanced over at her with a smile as we walked through the quad, admiring the balls it
took to come to the first day of high school dressed like a vampire. She was Goth to the core, something I didn’t really understand or want to join her in, but I liked hanging out with her. She had that same surety in herself that Kellen had. She kind of reminded me of him sometimes, only way less man whory and way blonder. If it weren’t for the dark makeup, black clothes and spiky jewelry, Samantha Hamilton would be a perfect California Girl. She had the body for a beach bombshell, one not unlike Laney’s, but she hid it as much as she could.

“Yep, it’s exciting,” I agreed with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

I was happy to be here, sure, but mostly because high school was the last leg of my educational journey. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be going to college because if I did I’d probably lose my mind, but try telling my mom that. That summer we had already started planning my extracurricular activities to get my college applications nice and padded.

“Do you know what I’m looking forward to?”

“Pizza day?”

“No! God, don’t you ever think about anything but food?”

I shrugged. “Sometimes I think about telekinesis.”

“Ugh, you and your comics. Seriously, it’s disturbing. No, what I’m excited about is boys. Boys with cars.”

I nodded in silent agreement but inside I was thinking I had just turned fourteen and that I wasn’t far away from having my own car. I didn’t need a guy with one.

Sam scowled at me. “You’re not excited about that at all.”

“No, I am.”

“No, you’re not. Not as much as you should be and do you know why? I’ll tell you. Kellen.”

I laughed. “What does Kellen have to do with it? He’s not even here.”

“No, but he’s still ruined you. You’re spoiled. He’s a god and you expect other guys to measure up to him and they won’t. It’s like you and the comics and the superheroes. Everyday life feels boring because you’ve got this big idea in your head of what it could be. But do you know what?”

“It’s not,” I muttered.

“Nope. It’s normal life and these are normal guys. You can’t get mad at them for that.”

I didn’t answer her because how do you argue with someone who is so dead on, freaky right about you? That was one of those moments where Sam reminded me of Kellen. She was sharp and intuitive. She saw me, just like he did. She knew me.

I put on my best smile, brushing off her comments.

“So is it pizza day or n—“

I wasn’t watching where I was going. I crashed into a hard chest that felt like a wall. A tall, warm wall. When I looked up in surprise I found bright green eyes staring down at me from under a shock of onyx hair. The guy smiled as he took hold of my arms to steady me and when I reflexively smiled back, I felt myself go a little weak inside.

“Sorry,” I breathed.

“No worries. Getting run over by a pretty girl definitely won’t be the worst part of my day.”

My smile widened. “I didn’t exactly run you over.”

How could I? The guy was made of solid stone.

“No, but you tried. Football tryouts aren’t for a couple weeks yet. You gunnin’ for my spot?”

“Depends? What position do you play?”

“Tight end.”

“Yeah, you do,” Sam mumbled, checking him out.

I ignored her. “Nah, you’re safe. I’m more of Running Back.”

His eyebrows rose in surprise. “You’re into football?”

“A little.”

One guess who had taught me about football.

“Enough to your know your positions. Pretty and you like sports? Tell me you’re single.”

I blushed with embarrassment, though I tried to hide it. “I am.”

He smiled again. “Good. Now tell me your number?”

“What?”

“Can I get your number?”

I laughed. “Don’t you want my name first?”

“I mean, if you want to be formal about it.” He let go of me and offered his hand. “Devon Winslow. Sophmore, Varsity Tight End, about to be late for class but not willing to let someone snatch you up before I get a chance to call you.”

I shook his hand. “Jenna Monroe. Freshman, football fan—”

“And Kellen Coulter’s little sister,” he finished, his face turning serious.

“No, I’m Laney Monroe’s sister, not Kellen’s.”

He dropped my hand like I’d burned him. “As good as. Hey, it was great to meet you. Welcome to Weston. I gotta go, I’m late.”

He jogged away toward the gym, Sam and I staring after him in shock.

“Well that went south quickly,” Sam commented. “Were your hands sweaty? What was that?”

I narrowed my eyes, feeling my blood boil. “Kellen, that’s what.”

“Oooh. You just got cock blocked!”

“Gross. And that’s not how that phrase is used. It doesn’t make sense,” I grumbled.

“Eh, when you think about it, it does. Kellen blocked cocks from you. That guy literally ran away. Wow, even when he’s not here Kellen’s a badass!”

My first class of the day was math. What a great way to start off not only my day and week, but my year as well – with my own personal hell. When I sat down I quickly whipped out my phone to text Kellen.

Hey. How’s college?

He answered immediately.

It’s cool. How’s high school?

It’s cool. Big. Little scary. Hey, speaking of scary, what the hell did you do?

Don’t know what you mean.

Bullshit!

Language ;)

Sam says you cock blocked me. Is that true?

She’s using that term wrong.

Doesn’t mean it’s not true. How many, Kel? How many guys will be scared to come near me?

There was a pause. I hoped it meant he felt ashamed but it may have been he was laughing at me too hard. Dick.

The entire football team. JV and Varsity.

Bastard.

Pisser. Hey, what are you wearing?

I stared at my phone in shock.

Excuse me?

That came out wrong. Laney sent me pics of her First Day Back outfit. Lots of them.

Is that seriously a thing?

She very seriously seems to think so. Where are yours?

I’m not sending you pictures of what I’m wearing.

At least send me a pic of your smiling face. I miss it.

I chewed on my fingernail debating. Then I very quickly lifted my phone to point the camera at my face, gave it a big, genuine smile and I flipped it off.

“Miss Monroe.”

I startled, nearly dropping my phone. I’d been so engrossed in my conversation with Kellen I hadn’t realized class had started. The teacher and over half the class were staring at me.

“Yes?”

“Put your phone and your finger away,” he said coolly. “Eyes forward.”

“Yes, sir,” I replied sheepishly, feeling mortified.

I slipped my phone under my desk to hit send on the picture and flip it to silent. I wanted to pay attention. This was important. This class would be hard for me as math always was and I needed to get off to a good start. But five minutes later my phone was burning in my pocket and I couldn’t resist. I sneaked a peek. What I read made me smile. It made my day seem less daunting and horrifying. It made my heart skip in my chest.

lol I love you, Nonpareil.

“Are you sure your parents won’t be home soon?” Devon asked breathily, coming up for air.

I grinned and shook my head. “They’re both at work. Don’t worry.”

Devon grinned as well, his green eyes sparking with excitement. He leaned his head down again and pressed his lips against mine. I opened my mouth to let him slide his tongue inside. It felt weird but good. I liked Devon a lot. I had ever since the first day I met him as a freshman when he’d run away scared thanks to Kellen. It’d taken over a year for him to get past whatever threats had been laid down for him, but I was glad he finally did. He was a good guy who made me laugh and when he had kissed me for the first time I knew I wanted more. He was tall like me and his body wasn’t large, it didn’t make me feel any smaller than my ridiculously high height, but it didn’t make me feel any bigger either. That was a problem for me. Finding guys who weren’t put off by a girl that was as tall or taller than them. Devon was an exception. One I was taking full of advantage of.

It probably looked more like he was taking advantage of me. We were laying on the couch in my living room. I was on my back and Devon was spread out on top of me, his hands getting braver the longer his mouth was on mine. I didn’t mind. I wasn’t a victim. I was eyes wide open awake and willing. I hadn’t had a boyfriend before and when you have a sister like I do and you hit fifteen without a single guy taking interest, you start to wonder what the hell is wrong with you.

But as Devon ran his hand along my side, found the bottom of my shirt and slowly moved it upward, his pants starting to bulge hard against my thigh, I began to think everything with me was just fine. Maybe better than.

“Jenna, is this—“

“Yes,” I mumbled against his mouth. “Yes, it’s fine.”

His hand moved with more purpose after that. My black tank top rose up over my stomach. Over my ribs. My bra. I gasped when I felt his fingertips touch lightly along the hem. He traced it slowly, tickling the skin. I’d never been touched like this. It made my muscles tense with wondering where he’d go next. What it would feel like. I was excited and anxious, wondering how I’d react. How far was I letting this go? I didn’t know what my limit was yet because it had never been tested. I wondered if I even had one.

When Devon slowly pulled my bra down and exposed me to the open air, I nearly stopped him. I felt like I should. Not like I wanted to, but like I should. I could hear my mother now, scolding me for letting this get so far. For neglecting my school work. For wearing too much dark eyeliner. For doodling. For the rips in my jeans, the worn out Converse shoes I loved so much, the hoodies and the Henna tattoos.

Groaning in frustration, I grabbed Devon’s hand and I pushed it down across my stomach. I broke past the limits and barriers and shouldn’ts. I shoved his hand straight into my pants and I lifted my hips to meet it. I think he was scared because he hesitated. His hand lay motionless inside my jeans. He broke his mouth from mine as he pulled himself up to look down at me. I was breathing hard as I stared back at him, my lips parted and swollen from his kisses. I let him stare and I didn’t flinch because I wanted this. I didn’t care if I should or shouldn’t, I wanted it and I let him know it. He must have gotten the message because finally his fingers moved. He pushed my underwear aside slowly until his fingers were exactly where I wanted them to be.

I inhaled sharply when he touched me. He grinned, knowing he had found it, that elusive spot, and it occurred to me that this wasn’t Devon’s first time doing this. I didn’t care. I didn’t want a fumbling, nervous boy. I had never even done this to myself so it was probably wise to have something of an expert leading the way.