Knowing Your Value (17 page)

The Huffington Post
’s Arianna Huffington urges women to be fearless: “Really, what’s the worst that can happen? We are told no, and we’re no worse off than we were before. Just look around and you’ll see plenty of evidence that asking for what we want results not in the realization of our worst fears but in getting what we want.”

Ultimately, as Donny Deutsch says, “You have to ask for it, and that’s that.”

Here’s another thing to remember: when you realize that every raise you’ll get in the future is a percentage of what you’re already making, if you don’t push to make more money right now, the cumulative effect a few years down the line will be enormous.

Whether you’re accepting an offer or asking for a raise, ask for more money with confidence. And if you don’t have it, fake it. Carol Bartz tells me a story about a female friend of hers. “[She] was after a senior position in a company, and she knew she was a finalist and a guy was the other finalist. She was expecting a salary of $90,000 and maybe 2,000 shares of stock or something like that. She found out that this guy was asking $125,000 and 2,000 in stock. And she called me, and she said, ‘What should I do?’ ”

Bartz instructed her friend to march in and tell them that she wanted $125,000 dollars and the stock too, but she balked. “She said, ‘Oh, I can’t do that. I couldn’t keep a straight face.’ ”

Bartz tells me her friend honestly felt that she wouldn’t have to tout her value, that it was obvious. But Bartz insisted: “I said, ‘You stand in front of that mirror and you practice until you are confident. You go in there and you be an actress.’ ”

Bartz’s friend got the job and the money.

I should add that acting should be a last resort. It’s never worked for me (and in fact led to some pretty awkward moments with Phil Griffin). At some point in your life, you have got to know your value. It’s your job to feel it and communicate it effectively. A strong sense of self-worth will serve you well in your relationship with your employer, and in any other relationship.

Many of us need to rethink the way we ask for promotions and raises, because when we do ask, often it ain’t pretty. Just
listen to the answers I hear when I ask, “Are there differences in the way men and women ask you for raises and promotions?”

Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett has been the boss in a variety of workplaces. When I ask whether she sees a difference in approach between men and women when asking for raises and promotions, she says, “Amazingly, men are almost detached from it emotionally. They’re really comfortable . . . Women are much more timid and appreciative and polite. Men are very matter of fact, businesslike, unemotional. It isn’t really personal.”

“Women are emotional?” I ask.

“Emotional in the sense of apologetic . . . I remember one woman in particular who started with, “I know you’re busy, I know you don’t have time . . .”

“Basically saying, ‘Don’t give me the raise’?”

“She backed into it badly, is the way I would say it.” Valerie tells me.

“Apologetic” and “tentative” are two adjectives I heard over and over. The editor-in-chief of
Newsweek
and
The Daily Beast
, Tina Brown says women often start to apologize with their body language before they even open their mouth. Then they’ll begin by saying, “Well, you know, I’ve been here for a
while and I’ve been thinking a lot about this . . . Men come in and they just say, ‘Hey, I’m not doing this anymore unless I get X.’ And you think, ‘Of course, of course, of course,’ you know, you must take care of Joe, Fred, whomever. But women don’t do that. They just come in and they look sad . . . And we can’t do that!”

I ask Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz, “Have you ever had a woman ask for a raise and apologize for imposing?”

“Oh, absolutely,” she says. Bartz trots out a few she’s heard: “ ‘I didn’t really want to come to you with this, but, gosh, do you think my bonus percentage could be higher?’ And, ‘Gee could you just think about it?’ When they say, ‘I don’t know if you’ll consider,’ right away they are giving you an out. Of course I wouldn’t consider, you just told me not to consider . . . when somebody gives you the reason you can say no, it just makes your job easier.”