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Authors: Lauren Conrad

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17
YOU’RE PROBABLY WONDERING WHY I CALLED YOU IN HERE TODAY

Jane peered at her watch as she rushed out of the elevator, into the world of soft lighting and trickling waterfalls. She had an excuse for being late this time, though. She’d spent most of the morning running errands for Fiona. Plus, the
L.A. Candy
crew was following her around for the rest of the day. They had intercepted her in the parking lot, miked her, and filmed her getting out of her car and walking to the lobby of the building. Five times. Now they were setting up in the front waiting area of Fiona Chen Events, filming her “arriving for work.”

She knew the crew had been with Scarlett this morning, at school. She wondered if they were filming Madison and Gaby sometime today too. Maybe they had their own camera crew? Dana hadn’t mentioned that. Dana had said something about Madison being from a rich East Coast family that owned a bunch of hotels. And Gaby worked at an L.A. PR firm called Ruby Slipper. Apparently Gaby
had been born and raised in L.A., where her mother and stepfather still lived; her father and stepmother lived somewhere in the Southwest. In any case, Jane liked these girls. They seemed fun. She was looking forward to their spa day on Saturday. In fact, she wished the spa day was
today.
She was feeling a little stressed, and could use a relaxing facial.

“Hi, Naomi!” Jane said, waving to the receptionist. She tried to speak at the usual, acceptable low decibel, but she knew that would only guarantee her a text message from Dana to tell her to say it again, a little louder.

Naomi adjusted her silver headset and peered out at Jane from behind a huge bouquet of white tulips. She glanced self-consciously at the two camera guys zooming in on her. “Hi, Jane. Fiona wants to see you in her office right away,” she whispered.

Jane felt her blood freeze. Those words were never good. Fiona never called Jane into her office unless she was in trouble. It was always something like, “Jane, the last time I checked, ivory and eggshell weren’t the same color,” or “Jane, is this message from Jeffrey with a
J
or Geoffrey with a
G
?” What had she done this time? Either way, she preferred that her humiliating lectures take place in private—just her and Fiona behind closed doors.
Guess not today.
She frowned at the cameras, which were supposed to be capturing “an average workday.”
Well, now, the
L.A. Candy
viewers are going to see my average butt getting yelled at,
Jane thought.

She sighed and hoisted her bag higher on her shoulders. “Thanks, Naomi,” she said, then started down the hall toward Fiona’s office.

“Wait! Jane!” A man wearing an earpiece and holding a small monitor rushed up to her. “Hey, I’m Matt. I’m directing today’s shoot.”

Jane tried to hide her confusion. What did he mean, directing? She thought they were just following her around. What needed to be directed?

“Hey. Sorry, Naomi said Fiona wants to talk to me.”

“Yeah, we know. We just need a few minutes to set up cameras,” Matt explained, moving to the side as several crew members passed them, carrying cameras and other equipment.

“Her office looks beautiful but it’s all white. Makes it hard to shoot. They spent two hours lighting it this morning,” Matt went on.

“What’s wrong with white?” Jane asked.

“It just doesn’t look great on camera. Color looks way better.”

Jane looked down at the summery white lace dress she was wearing.
Crap,
she thought.

Jane and Matt proceeded to Fiona’s office and stopped right outside. Jane waited while Matt stood next to her, fussing with buttons on the small monitor in his hand. The screen alternated between shots of Fiona and an empty chair. Jane watched as Fiona sat there, patiently waiting for Jane’s entrance. She looked lovely on the screen.

“Okay, you can go in now,” Matt instructed Jane as he stepped away from the door.

Jane knocked lightly before going inside. Fiona looked up from her computer screen. “Good morning, Jane! Please come in and sit down.” She sounded more pleasant than usual.
She must enjoy humiliating people,
Jane thought.

As she stepped into Fiona’s office, Jane looked around her. Two metal stands flanked Fiona’s desk, securing large lights. The intensity of the lights was muted by wide sheets of what looked like tracing paper, wrapped around the fixtures and held in place by wooden clothespins. The same kind of paper had been taped over one of the tall windows. The result was an overall softening of the lighting in the room.

Jane sat down in one of the chairs, set her bag on the floor, and crossed her legs. Her foot began twitching.

Fiona clasped her hands and leaned forward. “So. Jane. You’re probably wondering why I called you in here today.”

Jane nodded, her eyes wide.

“I realize you’ve been here at Fiona Chen Events for only a short time,” Fiona said. “But during that short time, you’ve—”


managed to screw up just about everything I’ve asked you to do,
Jane finished silently.

“—handled the pressure very well. I think it’s time for you to move up to the next step. To that end, I would like to offer you a promotion. How would you like to be my full-time assistant?”

Jane’s jaw dropped. Was she serious? Fiona was offering her…a promotion? To be her assistant? Why would she do that? Fiona’s assistant would never confuse eggshell and ivory.

“Of course, it will be strictly on a trial basis,” Fiona went on. “Let’s say three months. During those three months, you will work harder than you have ever worked before. At the same time, you will have opportunities that you have never had before. And if you succeed, your future as an event planner in this town will be virtually guaranteed.”

Fiona leaned back in her seat and stared at Jane, waiting for her answer. All of a sudden, Jane noticed that Fiona was wearing makeup. When had the boss lady started wearing makeup?

“Well, Jane?” Fiona prompted her.

The camera zoomed in on Jane. She took a deep breath. Was she ready for this? A real job was better than an internship because it meant she would get paid a little bit more. It also meant that she would get more responsibilities, more respect…more
everything.

“Yes!” Jane said, nodding. “I’d love to. Thank you so much!”

Fiona smiled. It was not her usual chilly, arctic, I-am-the-boss-lady-and-you-are-my-slave smile but a cordial, friendly smile. It didn’t look entirely natural on her. “Fabulous! Let me show you where you’ll be sitting. Then we can have Human Resources draw up your paperwork.”

Jane couldn’t believe what had just happened. In a daze of excitement and confusion, she thanked Fiona once more. She was just about to stand when Matt opened the door and popped his head in. “That was great! We just need a wide shot real quick. Give us a quick min to set up,” he said.

A couple of the crew members rushed into the room. One peeled the thin paper off the far window and another began pulling back the lights. Jane watched as they bustled around her. She noticed Fiona eyeing their sneakers on her immaculate carpets. Her expression made Jane cringe a little. She was surprised Fiona hadn’t made them take off their shoes.

“Okay,” Matt said, putting a hand on Jane’s shoulder. “So count to ten after I leave the room, then thank her again and walk out the door.”

“Okay.” Jane nodded as he turned and left the room. She took a breath and looked back up at Fiona, trying not to feel totally overwhelmed by everything that was going on.
One, two, three…
, she counted mentally.

Then Fiona did the most surprising thing yet. She leaned in toward Jane and whispered, “You’re doing just fine, dear.” And then she smiled softly, kindly.

Jane barely had time to react before Fiona’s smile vanished, as though the moment had never happened. Fiona straightened up in her chair and resumed her usual cool, businesslike expression.

“Jane? You still counting? We’re ready for you!” Jane heard Matt say from behind the closed door.

 

Jane opened the bottom drawer of her new desk and tucked her bag inside. She opened the two others, too—each drawer had a different vintage crystal knob—and started planning what would go where. The top drawer would be for pencils, pens, and stationery. The middle drawer would be for energy bars, breath mints, makeup, tampons, and other personal stuff.

She still couldn’t believe it. She had walked into Fiona’s office expecting to get reprimanded. Instead, she had gotten promoted. And now, she had a desk of her own, in an office across the hall from Fiona’s. It was simple, bare-bones. In fact, Jane was pretty sure it had been a storage room the week before, albeit a large storage room. She leaned her face on her hand as she stared into the Mac on her desk. The screensaver was a black-and-white picture of a Buddha statue. In the monitor, she saw the reflection of one of the camera operators changing angles behind her. She felt bad for him. He was edged up into the corner and had no space to move.

“Roomy back there?” Jane teased.

The guy shrugged and laughed a little.

“Excuse me.”

Jane spun around. Standing in the doorway was a guy with short, cropped blond hair and blue eyes. He was carrying a big, sleek leather portfolio.

“Hi,” Jane said, a little startled.

“Hey, there,” the guy said. “I’m looking for Fiona Chen,
but I think I got lost. I have an appointment to show her my portfolio.”

“Across the hall,” Jane said, pointing. “She actually has someone in there…you may want to wait a minute.”

“I’m sorry. The girl at the front told me to come straight back.”

“Oh, no worries. She just pulled someone in there for a sec. Some mix-up with peonies. He’ll be out in a minute…a little less of a man.”

The guy laughed. “I’m Paolo.”

“I’m Jane. Are you a model?” Jane asked, pointing at the portfolio in his hand.

Paolo laughed again. “No, no. I’m a photographer.”

“Oh!”

Paolo smiled at her. He had the cutest smile. “Hey, this may be a little forward, but…could I call you sometime? Maybe we could go out for coffee or something? I just moved here from San Francisco, and I don’t know too many people in town.”

Jane was taken aback by his forwardness. They had met all of sixty seconds ago. Still, he
did
kinda look like a young Brad Pitt. Besides, when was the last time she’d been on a date? Braden didn’t count. She had met him for drinks again at Cabo Cantina, over the weekend, to celebrate her being on the show and moving into a new apartment. It had been her idea. So that wasn’t a date. It never was with him. “Sure,” she said.

“Great!”

Jane blinked. Oh, yeah. The cameras were still rolling. Paolo was being filmed. But he didn’t seem to be fazed by it.

Did that mean he had walked into her office knowing there would be cameras? Had Dana talked to him already and gotten him to sign the release papers? Had she
told
him to ask her out? Or did he just happen to be there for a meeting, like he said?

Just then, Fiona’s door opened and Damien, an intern, shuffled out and shamefully dropped his head.

“I’ll grab your number on the way out,” Paolo said before he disappeared into Fiona’s office.

“Okay.”

Despite just meeting him, Jane couldn’t help but be excited. She looked past the camera in the hallway and spotted Dana. Jane grinned and mouthed, “He’s so cute!” Dana nodded in agreement and gave her a thumbs-up. Jane noticed a release form in Dana’s hand. Did that mean Paolo had been released? Did that mean it
had
been a setup? Jane smiled to herself as she realized she didn’t care. She was already thinking about what to wear on what might turn out to be her very first on-camera date…her first date, period, since Caleb. Okay, so Paolo wasn’t Braden. So what? It was nice to have a guy interested in her. It had been a long time.
Too
long.

18
GIRLS’ DAY

Scarlett stood outside Kate Somerville. The spa was located on a small, shaded street that broke off of Melrose, amid plush trees, rows of boutiques, and one-man valets. She glanced at her phone. It was a few minutes past ten. Except for the camera crew, she was the first to arrive. Apparently no one believed in punctuality anymore.

She would have driven over with Jane, but her friend had to run an errand for Fiona Chen first. Early on a Saturday morning, no less. Four days into Jane’s big-deal promotion from intern to assistant, and she was already busier than ever. Jane had worked until almost midnight on Wednesday and Thursday, and she had canceled a Friday-night movie date, just the two of them. Instead she’d had to babysit a young up-and-coming actress at an event Fiona was throwing for a children’s foundation. (In Hollywood, putting on Manolos and stopping by for a glass of champagne apparently said, “I care.”) In any case, it seemed like
she and Jane hadn’t had much together time since they’d started filming
L.A. Candy
. Scarlett was convinced that the show was somehow responsible for Jane’s promotion and new, crazy-busy hours. It sounded dumb and probably selfish, but she missed their regular old boring lives, before PopTV.

Speaking of Jane…she came rushing up, her long blond hair flying all over the place. “Hey, I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to find parking for, like, twenty minutes.” She sounded out of breath. “Where is everybody?”

“No one’s here yet.” Scarlett shrugged.

“Oh, well, let’s go in. I’m sure they’ll be here in a few minutes.”

The front door opened onto the bottom of a winding staircase. They climbed the black carpeted stairs, admiring the long crystal chandelier above. When they reached the top of the stairs, they found themselves in a spacious room, where two women at a large white receptionist’s desk checked them in. A couple of cameras were already set up inside. One of the guys proceeded to mike the two girls.

Scarlett had to admit that the place was beautiful, all vintage ivory wallpaper and polished oak floors. In the center of the room, a circular glass table displayed a single white orchid and an artfully fanned spread of
Vanity Fair, Harper’s Bazaar,
and
Vogue
magazines. Tall silver vases, with bunches of pink hydrangeas spilling out of them, stood on each side of a square fireplace covered with small
opal tiles and filled with shiny black stones. The remaining walls were mirrored, with shelves of boxed products in teal, lavender, and periwinkle packaging. Other than some soft music, it was silent.

Beautiful or not, Scarlett didn’t want to be there. She wasn’t a spa type of girl. And she didn’t feel like wasting a few hours—actually, the whole day and night—hanging out with Madison and Gaby, whom she hardly knew and didn’t particularly want to get to know. She was seriously tempted to persuade Jane to bail and spend the day at the beach instead. But she knew Jane would probably stare at her in horror and point to the cameras and shake her head, like, “Are you insane, Scar? They’re already here!” Jane was hyper-obedient when it came to doing whatever the producers or directors or other crew members told her to do. Scar was just the opposite. It fit with their respective personalities. Still, it made her kind of sad and nostalgic for the days when it was just her and Jane. Before Trevor, Dana, Wendell, Madison, Gaby, and the rest of them had ruined everything.

But you wanted to be on this stupid show,
Scarlett reminded herself.

Jane dropped onto one of the plush couches, seemingly oblivious to Scarlett’s mixed feelings about being there. Sighing, Scarlett followed suit. She saw one of the cameras zooming in on her, so she reached for a
Vanity Fair
and began flipping pages. That was the sort of thing one did in the reception area of a spa, right? A moment later, she
heard the front door open and chatter drifting up the stairwell. She turned to the doorway to see Madison and Gaby coming around the corner.

“Hey, ladies!” Madison’s voice erupted into the quiet room. Gaby trailed in behind her, waving. Because of Gaby’s RSVP email to Madison, Scarlett had expected her to be carrying a teacup poodle or something. But she was dogless today.

As a soundman miked them, Madison smiled at one of the receptionists, who greeted her by name. “Let Ana know I’m here,” Madison instructed her, then quickly turned back to the girls. Scarlett had the same impression of her that she’d had on Monday night at Les Deux. She looked so…fake. Like there wasn’t a single real thing about her. Why had Trevor cast her for this show, anyway? And as for Gaby…well, the woman needed cue cards just to help her process her next thought.

“Hey, guys!” Jane cried out. She sounded excited to see them. Scarlett didn’t say anything.

Scarlett felt Jane elbow her ever so subtly. “Be polite!” Jane pleaded in her ear.

God! When had Jane turned into Miss Manners? Scarlett gave Madison and Gaby a quick wave, barely glancing up from her magazine.

“Sooo.” Gaby sunk onto the couch next to Jane. “What are you getting done?”

“I played it safe. Facial.” Jane shrugged.

“Oh, they’re really good here!” Gaby exclaimed.

“What about you?” Jane asked.

“I’m just getting a Lipocell treatment,” Gaby replied.

Jane cocked her head. “What’s that?”

“It’s where they—”

“She’s getting the cellulite removed from her ass,” Madison interrupted, chuckling.

Scarlett looked up just in time to see Gaby’s smile fade a little.

“Oh, well, sign me up for that one!” Jane joked.

Scarlett leaned back into the comfy couch. Yup. Gaby was definitely a flake. And Madison was definitely a fake. A fake with a mean streak to boot. Seriously, why would she pick on Gaby? It was like kicking a dumb puppy that was trying to follow you home.

“So…Madison? What do you do, anyway?” Scarlett asked her. She was curious about what kind of job a “socialite” like Madison might have. If she even had a job. Or did she go to school? She could totally see her fitting in perfectly with Cammy and her Pi Delta friends at U.S.C.

Madison grinned. “Lots of stuff. I’m kind of between jobs right now. I tried PR, but it wasn’t really me. I tried retail, too. And I worked as an intern at a literary agent’s office. But it was so boring.”

“How old are you?” Scarlett said, not caring that she sounded bitchy. “Seems like you’ve been around the job block.”

“I’m only twenty,” Madison said, either unaware of Scarlett’s bitchiness or choosing to ignore it. “I might try
college next. Aren’t you at U.C.L.A.? How do you like it?”

“U.S.C. Jury’s still out.”

“What jury?” Gaby piped up.

“So what are you getting done, Scarlett?” Madison said, changing the subject.

Scarlett turned her attention back to her article: “Inside the Private World of Anna Payne.” Oh, yeah,
that
bitch. Still, it was more interesting than talking to
this
bitch. “Laser hair removal,” she replied, pretending to yawn.

There was a silence. Scarlett glanced up just in time to see Madison’s and Gaby’s faces simultaneously twisting into the same horrified expression. Gaby let out a little “Ouch!”

“What? I was reading about it online. It’s supposed to be a ‘noninvasive’ and ‘comfortable’ procedure. Besides, I hate waxing,” Scarlett explained, feeling defensive, then frustrated for feeling defensive.

The two girls exchanged knowing glances.

“What are you getting lasered, sweetie?” Madison asked, concern in her voice.

“Bikini.”

Madison stared at her for a moment, and then reached into the quilted Chanel clutch next to her. She pulled out a prescription bottle and spilled one long white pill into her palm. She handed it to Scarlett.

“What is it?” Scarlett asked her.

“Just take it. You’ll thank me later.”

“Yes, definitely!” Gaby agreed.

Scarlett peered suspiciously at Madison. She wasn’t too high on Scarlett’s trust list. But Madison’s reaction to the laser was the first real emotion Scarlett had seen register on her face. Scarlett opened her mouth, tossed in the pill, and swallowed.

“So! What are we doing after our beauty treatments?” Jane asked Madison. Scarlett made a face. Why did her best friend have to sound so positive?

“Oh, I made fun plans for us.” Madison smiled mysteriously.

Great,
Scarlett thought bitterly.
Wonder which will be more painful, the laser or a night out with these two.

 

“Who wants more champagne?” Madison sang out. “Don’t be shy, ladies!”

Scarlett glanced up from her spot on Madison’s luxurious leather couch, which felt like butter against her skin. She was lying down with her head on some guy’s lap. Through the haze of champagne, martinis, and tequila shots, she was vaguely aware of Madison standing on top of her Italian marble coffee table, waving a gold champagne bottle in the air.

Scarlett tried to sit up, willing her drunken brain fog to dissipate. Nearby, she saw that Jane was perched on a boy’s lap, giggling, while he played with her hair. Across the room, Gaby was dancing with three guys to an AC/DC song. She was wearing an oversized man’s white button-down shirt open over her black sequined dress. Just behind
her, two cameramen from
L.A. Candy
were there, filming everything. Scarlett wasn’t positive, but she thought they were the same cameramen that had been with them all day, starting at the spa.

What time is it?
Scarlett wondered groggily, sitting up a little more. She remembered Madison saying something about the penthouse apartment belonging to her parents. What had Dana said about them? That they were fifth-generation Parkers from somewhere on the East Coast who owned fancy cribs like this all over the world, or something like that? Not that Scarlett was impressed. Like its occupant, the place looked fake, unnatural—as though the decor had been copied straight out of an interior design magazine.

The girls had been out all night and Madison had insisted they all go back to her place, including the handful of guys they had collected throughout the night.

“Where do you live?” the guy cradling Scarlett’s head asked her.

“What?” Scarlett murmured.

“Where…do…you…live?” the guy repeated, kissing her forehead.

“She lives with me!” Jane spoke up. She stumbled a little over her words. “Scar and I are roommates!”

“Let’s move the party there,” said Jane’s guy, stroking her hair.

“Why? Don’t leave! We’re having fun!” Madison cut in. “Besides, I have spare bedrooms.”

Scarlett staggered to her feet. She was drunk, but she wasn’t
so
drunk that she wanted to get even more wasted and hook up with some random guy for the
L.A. Candy
cameras to see. She wouldn’t let that happen to Jane, either. “Come on,” she groaned as she shoved away from the guy trying to kiss her. Where were her shoes? “Janie. Come on. We should go.”

“Oh, don’t go!” Madison cried out. She twirled on the coffee table, balancing a drink in one hand and the champagne bottle in the other.

“Madison, this music sucks. Don’t you have any eighties?” Gaby demanded.

“This
is
eighties, moron. Gaby’s officially cut off!” Madison laughed hysterically.

Blurry. Everything was blurry. Scarlett spotted her shoes under the coffee table and clasped Jane’s hand. Scarlett’s guy and Jane’s guy trailed behind them, one still holding a bottle of vodka. There were good-byes and thank-yous between the girls as Scarlett dragged Jane out the door and toward the elevator. Scarlett pressed the Down button and steadied Jane as the doors opened. She stepped into the elevator and watched as the two guys began to follow them. One of the cameramen brought up the rear, filming.

“You boys going home?” Scarlett stopped them before they walked in.

“No, your friend said we could come back with you,” one said, pointing at Jane, who was resting her head on
Scarlett’s shoulder.

“Oh. Okay, then. Good night.” Scarlett smiled at them as the door closed in their faces.

“What the…”

She could hear one of them yell as the elevator began to drop. Good-bye, losers. Good-bye, camera. She placed her hand on top of Jane’s head and brushed away the hair that had fallen into her face. “Come on, Janie. Let’s go home.”

“Hmmm? Why’re we going home, Scar? We were having fun.” Jane’s voice sounded slurred.

“Yeah, but now it’s time for bed.”

“Yes, Mom.”

When they got outside, Scarlett sucked in a lungful of the cool autumn air, fortifying herself. It wasn’t easy to make an escape, but she was glad to get away from it all. She began looking up and down the noisy, neon-lit street for a cab. She and Jane would have to come back for their cars tomorrow. Neither of them was in any shape to drive. In fact, Jane wasn’t in any shape to
stand.

“Can we go home now?” Jane murmured, slumping against Scarlett.

Scarlett draped an arm over her friend’s shoulders and held on tight.

“Yes, Jane, we’re going home now.”

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