L. A. Witt - Rules 1 - Rules of Engagement (33 page)

He gasped too, but he recovered. Steadying my hips, he said, “You like it hard, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I said through gritted teeth. I tried to move against him, but he held my hips still, letting me know that
he
would decide how fast and hard I had him.

“You want it harder?”
“Please.”
“I can’t hear you, Dustin.”

“Fuck me.” I very nearly stuttered, my teeth on the verge of chattering.

“Fuck you how?”
You teasing son of a bitch
. “Harder.”
He slowed down. Way down. “I can’t hear you.”
“You heard me. Fuck me. Hard.”
“Say it like you mean it, Dustin.”

My frustration beat the grip he had on my hips: I slammed back into him and snarled, “Fuck me hard.
Now
.”

He didn’t tease or play around; he fucked me hard, fast, and deep, panting and growling as he pounded my ass. It was almost painful, almost too much, but not quite. The room spun around me, and an orgasm built in spite of neither of us touching my cock.

“Oh God,” I groaned. “Oh my God….” I was about to come, wanted to come, needed to come, couldn’t think of anything but coming, had to fucking come
now
—

“I want you to feel what it’s like when you fuck me.”

Brandon’s voice echoed through my mind, and in that instant, I came, cursing and crying out, hoping I didn’t say his name even though it was dangerously close to the tip of my tongue.

As my orgasm peaked and fell, Sean kept fucking me, his voice crescendoing as he got closer. I rocked back against him, but my heart wasn’t in it anymore. It wasn’t that I had gotten mine and thus didn’t care if he got his. Brandon’s intrusion into my thoughts—particularly knowing that it was he, not Sean, that had pushed me over the edge— killed my mood.

Sean’s grip on my hips tightened to the point of being painful, jarring me back into reality just as he drove himself into me and came. We both sank to the bed, sweaty, breathless, and spent.

“Good God, that was intense,” he said, groaning as he sat up to do away with the condom.

“No kidding.” I ran a hand through my sweat-glazed hair and rolled onto my back. I wasn’t lying. The sex had been incredible. It was just that last-second appearance of Brandon in my mind that made a knot sink in the pit of my stomach.

“You put up a pretty impressive fight,” he said with a devilish grin as he lay down beside me.

 

I laughed. “Made you work up a bit of a sweat at least.”

He looked down at his chest and shrugged. His skin, just like mine, shone with a sheen of perspiration. “I could go for a shower. How about you?”

I shrugged. “Sounds good to me.” Regardless of the knot in my gut, a shower sounded too good to pass up. And if we got in the shower now, maybe we’d both still be too spent to get started again.

Sean, apparently, had other ideas. “I have a feeling I’ll be needing these.” He winked as he grabbed the lube and a condom.

 

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” I said, trying not to let it show that I suddenly wanted to be anywhere but there.

 

He put his hand on the small of my back and kissed me. “Trust me, it is.”

As soon as we were in the shower, Sean pulled me into his arms. His kiss persuaded my body to betray my mind, and before I could stop myself, I was returning his advances with equal enthusiasm.

Hot water and warm hands ran all over my skin. His touch became more insistent, as did his kiss. He took my hand and guided it to his cock, which was already hard again. Then he closed his fingers around my own erection, stroking slowly, gently, as we kissed under the water.

When he looked at me, that blissful, satisfied expression from earlier was gone. His eyes narrowed with the same intense hunger that parted his lips, and water ran down the sides of his face and neck like sweat. He reached for the condom and lube, but I beat him to it. He watched me tear the wrapper open with my teeth.

“Turn around,” I growled.

 

His eyebrows jumped in surprise. Then a grin curled his lips. “Taking charge?”

 

“Taking
you
.”

He sucked in a breath and pulled me in for a kiss as I rolled the condom on. I reached for the lube, but he had it first. He poured some into his hand, set the bottle aside, and kissed me as he stroked my cock.

“Turn around,” I whispered again.

With one last, brief kiss, he did, bracing himself against the wall with both hands as I grasped his hips. As my cock pressed against him, his spine straightened with a shudder. I teased him, just barely pushing the head of my cock into him, then backing off.

“Like that?” I said, nipping his shoulder as I slid a little farther into him.
“I’ll like it even more once you give me the whole fucking thing,” he growled.

As soon as I was all the way inside him, I exhaled, a shiver running up my spine. I hoped he took it for a sign of arousal, and judging by the way he moved his hips to pull me further into him, he did. He had no way to know—and no need to know—about the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. The same feeling I had had as soon as I was inside Renee: Unfamiliar. Foreign.
Wrong
.

I took a deep breath and held his hips, fucking him harder and faster as I tried to concentrate on him, on the here and now. “Oh fuck, that’s good.” His voice was barely audible over the running water.

 

I leaned forward, kissing the side of his neck. “You like that?” I growled.

 

“Fuck, yes.” He moaned as I slammed into him. “Harder,” he pleaded.

“I can’t hear you.”
“Harder.”

I slowed down, my legs shaking as I took long, gentle strokes. “Come on, Sean, tell me what you want.”

“You know what I want.”
“Say it like you mean it.”

Bracing himself against the wall, he pushed back against me. “Fuck me
harder
, you son of a bitch,” he snarled.

 

“That’s more like it,” I growled against his neck, gripping his hips tighter before slamming into him.

 

“Oh fuck, yeah,” he groaned. “Jesus, just like that.”

Closing my eyes, I slid my hands up his back. My fingertips explored his muscles, the ridges of his spine, every tremor and shudder making my mouth water as my mind’s eye saw my fingers tracing the familiar edges of his tattoo, the outline that I had come to know by heart and—

My eyes flew open and I gasped, breaking my rhythm for a few strokes. The bare, unmarked skin of Sean’s back brought me back to the present, reminding me that this was not Brandon. He wasn’t Brandon. Brandon wasn’t here.

“You alright?”

I took a gasp of breath. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” I held his hips and recovered, thrusting harder.
“Faster.” The white noise of the shower nearly drowned out his breathy, strained voice. One hand left the wall, and his shoulder and biceps shook as he stroked himself. “Jesus, fuck me faster.”

I dug my fingers into his hips and slammed into him, fucking him as fast and hard as I could. I closed my eyes again, letting my building orgasm overwhelm me.

Sean groaned softly, moving his hips against mine, stroking his own cock in time with my thrusts. “Oh God….”

Against my will, memories tried to creep into my consciousness, but I pushed them away, concentrating on Sean. I released a low, throaty growl, my balls tightening with each stroke as I got closer to coming.

…
Brandon’s fingers white-knuckling the podium
….

I gritted my teeth, trying to focus on Sean. On the
here
and
now
. On the orgasm I knew was building in him. On—
…
His head falling back against the car while I stroked him in the parking lot
….

Faster, harder, digging my fingers into his hips, trying to stay in the present. Sean moaned, then roared, using the wall to hold himself up as he came. Even over the sound of his voice, a gentle whisper from the past crept into my consciousness.

…
“You don’t know how badly I’ve wanted to do this,” he murmured, his lips brushing the back of my shoulder. “It’s absolutely heaven when you fuck me.”
….

I was on the edge. Right on the edge. So close, driving myself as deep into Sean as I could, trying not to let my mind wander— …
Throwing the pool game so he could suck my cock
….

—Back to Brandon, but I couldn’t stop it, and every time I fought it, I pulled back from the edge again, only to build up again until Brandon’s memory distracted me. When the ache finally became too much, I surrendered.

A million memories of Brandon—his kiss, his touch, his taste, his orgasms—flooded through my mind at once, and in seconds, I came, slamming into Sean and nearly knocking both of us off balance.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck,” I heard myself moan. “Oh God—” Panic tightened my throat as I nearly said Brandon’s name. I swallowed and let my head rest between Sean’s shoulder blades as my orgasm subsided. “Oh my God,” I whispered.

After I got rid of the condom, Sean pulled me into his arms under the hot water and kissed me.

“You’re fucking incredible,” I said, still breathless.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” he said, resting a hand on my hip.

“Maybe my inexperience wasn’t showing as bad as I thought,” I said with a self-conscious laugh.

 

His eyebrows jumped, and the hand on my hip tensed. “Inexperience?”

 

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m….” I swallowed. “New at this.” “Are you serious?” His expression didn’t change. After a moment, “
How
new?”

 

“Very.”

His lips were parted in surprise, but they slowly pulled into a smile. “Well,” he put his hand on the back of my neck and leaned in to kiss me, “you had me fooled.”

W
ITH
Sean asleep next to me, I stared at the ceiling in the darkness.

Physically, I was certainly satisfied. After everything Sean and I had done, the only thing my body longed for was sleep. Sleep wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, though. Not when my mind refused to give me a moment’s peace. I was satisfied, yes, but I felt even lower— and more confused—than I had when I walked into the club that night.

So I was attracted to men. And women. Maybe men a little more than women. Both could satisfy me physically, yet both left me with the same puzzled, sinking feeling, raising more questions than they answered.

I closed my eyes and sighed. Sean stirred next to me. For a moment, I was afraid he was awake, and I held my breath until he was still long enough to assure me that he was, in fact, asleep.

Guilt gnawed at my gut. I’d never been the type to give a onenight stand the cold shoulder, especially not while we were still in bed. Even if we both knew that we’d go our separate ways in the morning, as far as I was concerned, she—or he—was my lover for the night, and I treated her accordingly. In fact, the night with Renee was the first time I had ever left before the sun came up.

It wasn’t my intention to be frosty towards Renee or Sean. I just couldn’t bring myself to have sex with them again.

I rubbed my eyes. The satisfaction from both Sean and Renee reminded me of the feeling of an itch that had just been scratched. I wasn’t horny anymore, but I wasn’t reeling from a thrill either. Sex with Brandon left me simultaneously satisfied and desperate for more. Sex with them left me aching for Brandon.

I closed my eyes, trying to let sleep take over.

This feeling was entirely too familiar. It was almost exactly the way I’d felt when I came home after catching Stephanie in the hotel. That sinking, devastated realization that, no matter how many ways I’d tried to deny it, something was gone.

I knew long before I knocked on that hotel room door that my marriage was over, but that moment of truth still took me by surprise. It still hit me in the gut and hurt in ways I’d never thought possible. That moment had been the point of no return, when I’d had no choice but to accept it and try to move on. I could no longer deny that she was cheating, that my marriage was over.

In a way, I had had that same denial about Brandon. Though I knew he was gone, I realized that I’d held onto some futile shred of hope that he would come back. If nothing else, I’d held onto the futile shred of hope that, if he were really gone, I could move on.

Losing Stephanie after more than ten years was nothing compared to this.
And to think, I actually thought I was with Brandon just to get over her
. How could I have been so stupid? All this time, I’d worried that Brandon was just a rebellious indulgence to get me as far away from Stephanie’s memory as possible.