Ladies of Deception 02 - Misleading Lord Martineau (15 page)

“They both deserved it.”

“
I can’t say that I disagree. Just hold on tight and I’m sure that the authorities will be here soon. I sent my driver after them as soon as I heard Clinton’s admission.”

Elliot sighed in relief, grateful that Pierce had taken charge; he no longer had the desire or mental strength to deal with the current dilemma, though the adrenaline and anger brewing inside of him allowed him the physical strength he needed to keep Clinton securely pinned to the ground. He had come today to fight for Felicity’s honor, to ensure that her life would be safe from her cousin’s threats, but instead he was leaving a guilt ridden man, full of regrets, not sure he could ever forgive himself for the all the consequences his actions had inflicted.

Elliot was surprised as he held Clinton down, staring into his revolting face. Instead of being consumed with an overwhelming urge to kill the despicable man lying beneath him, he was filled with emptiness and sorrow. The unexpected loss of his parents was hitting him all over again, knowing that if it hadn’t been for this vile man he wouldn’t be an orphan, he’d still have his family. But the predominate emotion that was consuming him now that the hatred was being to ebb was guilt—he saw clearly how his selfish decision to take something that didn’t rightfully belong to him that night with Felicity in the cottage had destroyed not only their lives, but many others as well, including the lives of his own parents. The fight and determination he had felt earlier left him, leaving him feeling leaden and remorse.

He felt like a man who had been completely defeated and barely registered Pierce asking after him. He turned his head towards Pierce without emotion, feeling as if he was in a dream, a bad dream that he couldn’t wake up from.

Hope, Felicity, Edith, and Aunt Agatha all sat around the dinner table in silence. Edith was the only person who ate; the others just sat quietly pushing their food around their plates. Their concern for Pierce and Elliot heightened with every passing hour. They hadn’t expected them to be gone so long and were sure the lateness of the day couldn’t bode well for them but no one dared voice the sentiment.

All eyes looked up as they heard a noise and turned to watch Pierce walk into the room, exhaustion marring his face. Felicity held her breath in anticipation, waiting for Elliot to follow behind him. When it became evident that Pierce was alone her heart sank. She searched his face, trying to decipher what it could mean. Everyone waited in anticipation for Pierce to speak, Felicity could feel her heart pounding in her chest and she thought she might swoon.

Hope rose from her chair and flung herself into her husband’s arms, overcome with relief at the sight of him alive and well. Pierce kissed the top of her head then looked across the room at Felicity, their gazes locking. “I’m sorry Felicity, Elliot isn’t—“

“
No!” Felicity screamed, one hand going up to cover her mouth. Her breathing was coming in short spurts, her vision blurring.

Pierce pulled away from Hope and walked over to Felicity, placing one hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. “He’s not dead Felicity, there wasn’t a duel.”

Her eyes widened as she looked up at him, “There wasn’t? Then where is he?”

“
He went home, he needed some time alone.”

Felicity felt hurt by his admission. Why hadn’t Elliot come to her? She’d been waiting eagerly all day to see him and to know that he was okay. Knowing he hadn’t even bothered coming to see her himself left her disappointed and upset.

Pierce walked Hope back to her chair and waited for her to take her seat before sitting in the empty chair next to her. He folded one leg over the other and casually leaned back in the chair, “He didn’t get hurt, physically at least, but he learned some things today that have hurt him in other ways.”

Felicity’s voice was shaking as she asked, “What happened?”

Before he answered her question, Pierce turned to Aunt Agatha, “Would you mind taking the little one to the nursery for a bit so I can talk to Felicity?”

“
Of course not.” Aunt Agatha scooted back from the table and helped Edith down from her chair. She walked the child over to give her mother a kiss before taking her quietly out of the room.

Once they were gone, Pierce resumed his story. “Before the duel even started Clinton confessed to having killed Elliot’s parents.”

“
No! I thought they were killed in a carriage accident.”

“
They were, but apparently Clinton was the one who spooked the horses to purposely cause the accident.”

“
Poor Elliot,” Hope interjected.

Pierce continued, “The worst part was that it was supposed to have been Elliot in that carriage. Clinton had been plotting to kill him for some time and when he saw Elliot’s carriage leaving Almack’s one night he just assumed he was in it. He startled the horses to ensure the accident but never knew that it was really Elliot’s parents inside, not him. At least he didn’t know until Elliot showed up to rescue you from his clutches.”

Felicity rose abruptly, “So he’s blaming himself for their death? I need to go see him, I had no idea. I knew Clinton was evil but I never imagined he’d do something so horrendous. What happened to Clinton, where is he?”

“
The Bow Street Runners came and arrested him. With any luck he’ll be spending a long and lonely life in Newgate Prison. As for Elliot, I’m not sure he’s up for company right now, he was in a bad way when I left him.” Pierce informed her.

Felicity was grateful to hear that Clinton would no longer be attempting to ruin her life, but she still felt an ache in her heart caused by Elliot refusing to come to her that overrode any relief she might feel. “I don’t care if he feels up to seeing me or not. I’ve spent too many years of my life being apart from him and I’m not going to waste another moment of my life without him. Can I borrow your carriage?”

“Of course,” Hope answered for her, knowing herself how desperately Felicity needed to see Elliot to make sure he was okay. Felicity thanked them then quickly left to kiss Edith goodnight and explain to Aunt Agatha where she would be going.

The carriage ride to Elliot’s was not nearly long enough to calm her churning emotions. She was still unprepared for what she would say to help ease his heartache when the carriage finally rolled to a stop before his townhouse. She had to admit to a curiosity about his home, having never before had occasion to visit. It wasn’t proper for a young lady to show up at a gentleman’s house alone, but she felt like her and Elliot were well past proprieties; she no longer had a reputation to uphold.

It didn’t take long for Elliot’s butler Percival to answer the door. “How can I help you miss?”

“
I need to speak to Elliot at once, tell him Felicity is here to see him.”

The butler nodded solemnly before escorting her into the entryway. “Wait here for just a moment please.”

Felicity did as she was told, taking the opportunity to gaze at her surroundings. The house was predominantly decorated in dark jewel tones with rich mahogany paneling. It had a distinctive masculine feel that encompassed Elliot’s personality fully.

Felicity’s thoughts jerked back to the hallway when she heard a pair of footsteps coming towards her. She looked up and her eyes met Elliot’s, his face one of sorrow. He looked haggard and weary—his clothes were wrinkled and his hair mused. She ran to him and flung herself into his arms, noticing the smell of alcohol on him. “Oh Elliot, I’m so sorry.”

He surprised her by pushing her away and saying, “For what?”

“
I heard about your parents, about what Clinton had planned to do to you. Pierce told us what happened today and I had to come see how you were doing.”

He waived his hand in front of his face casually, trying to affect an air of nonchalance, “There’s nothing to concern yourself with.”

“Of course there is, I care about you Elliot and if you’re hurting I want to be here to comfort you.”

“
Your sympathy is pointless,” he said coolly.

Felicity flinched in surprise, one hand going shakily to her mouth “Why would you say that?”

“Because there’s nothing for you to feel sorry about, I did this to myself, all of this—my parents death, your torture at the hands of Clinton, Edith being raised without her parents, my own blasted heartache at loosing you. All of it was my own fault, all of it!”

Felicity shook her head, “No, how can you say that?”

He laughed sardonically, “Don’t try to pacify me. Tell me something, if I had never ruined you would any of this have happened? If I hadn’t interceded the day Clinton had tried to assault my servant would any of this have happened? I’m the person to blame for everything. If I could’ve learned to just leave well enough alone and stay out of things that were none of my business none of this would have happened.”

Felicity paused to think about each event he was asking her to consider. Her face fell when she realized what he was saying, what he was feeling and she reached up to put her hand on his arm, “It’s not like that Elliot, you had no idea that all of that would ensue as a result of what you did. Would you go back in time and change your decisions on either of those days? You would hate yourself more than you do now if you had refused to intervene between Clinton and your maid, think of the cost she would have paid at his hands if it hadn’t been for you.”

“Think of the cost that you have paid because I was selfish that night in the cottage, because I didn’t respect you enough to be a real gentleman.”

“
You weren’t the only selfish one that night, I need to apologize to you for my foolish actions as well.”

Elliot scoffed, “The only thing you should feel bad about is trusting me, I’m the only one to blame.”

“Elliot don’t say that. I wouldn’t have trusted you if I didn’t love you. Please, you can’t let yourself take all of the blame. The past is in the past and all we can do is try to learn from it and move on.”

He took both of her shoulders into his hands and growled, “Blast it all, I have learned from my mistakes Felicity—I’ve learned that I deserve to be miserable for what I put everyone through, especially you. I’ve learned that I deserve to be miserable for the rest of my life for everything I have caused. I caused my own parent’s deaths for crying out loud! If it wasn’t for me my parent’s would still be here, Edith would have grandparents who would love her and dote on her. Instead she has no one, not even a legal father.”

“You forget,” she nearly screamed back at him, not caring if any of the servants were privy to their argument, “If it wasn’t for that night there would be no Edith.”

He stepped back and shook his head sadly, “No, she would’ve been born in wedlock instead. I’ve ruined her life as well.”

Felicity’s voice was sad as she said, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Elliot momentarily softened at the pain in her voice. He stepped forward and took her by the shoulders, “I’m so sorry for all the pain I’ve caused everyone Felicity, especially you, but sorry isn’t enough, it doesn’t change anything. You and Edith deserve better than me.”

Felicity’s eyes filled with horror as she pulled sharply away from his grasp, “Don’t say that Elliot, please, please don’t say that.”

“
I refuse to be the cause of any further heartache,” he said stubbornly.

“
What about Edith? Her heart will break when she learns that her father has abandoned her,” she exclaimed.

Elliot was thoughtful for a moment, “I’ll still visit her and be in her life, but on a limited basis. It’ll be better that way.”

Felicity hadn’t realized she had begun crying until she felt warm tears trickle down her cheeks. “What about my heart Elliot? If you leave me it’ll break into a million pieces. If you leave me I’ll—”

He cut her off, “Hate me forever. Good, that’s what I want.”

She shook her head sadly, “No, I could never hate you.” She felt desperate as she realized his expression was stone cold, that he wasn’t being moved by her display of emotion in the slightest. She was in a panic at the thought of losing him but felt completely helpless. Her chest was tight with bottled up emotion and she briefly closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them the real Elliot would be standing before her and not this stranger who had taken his place.

The air was thick with tension and when she opened her eyes Elliot’s expression was the same—cold, hard, and unfeeling. Choking on a sob she did the only thing she could, she resorted to begging. “Please Elliot, don’t push me away, don’t leave me. Losing you the first time nearly killed me and I’m not sure I can live through it again.”

“I think you’d be surprised at how resilient you are. You’ve been through a lot more than most people and you’re still here, still strong.”

“
No I’m not strong,” she cried, “I’m so, so weak. Please, you can’t do this to me.”

Elliot thought he had completely hardened his heart and dulled his senses with brandy but staring at Felicity as she cried and begged him to not leave her was killing him. He wanted to pull her into his arms and vow that he would never leave her but all he had to do was think of all the damage he had caused in the last four years and his weakening resolve would strengthen. He knew he was causing her a great deal of pain now, but he figured it was better to cause her a small amount of pain now than a lifetime filled with heartache. He wasn’t sure if she could ever truly forgive him and it wasn’t fair for him to expect her to.

When Elliot didn’t answer she said frantically, “Say something Elliot. Tell me that this is all a terrible mistake, tell me that you still want me.”

“
I think you should go,” Elliot said curtly, trying to hide the emotions that were attempting to peak through his bitter façade. “You’ll feel better in time and will find someone that deserves your love.”

“
I’ll never love anyone else, ever.”

Elliot scoffed, “Don’t be dramatic, you just need time.”

“There’s not enough time in the world to erase you from my heart. Is that what you plan on doing, moving on and finding somebody else to love?” She asked painfully, not sure that she could handle it if he told her that was his plan.

He shook his head sadly, “No, there will never be anyone else. Please go.”

Felicity placed one hand on the doorknob but before she turned it she looked at him one last time, trying to decipher any sort of tenderness that belied what he was telling her. There was none and she felt like her heart stopped beating. “Maybe I was wrong,” she said vehemently as she stared one last time into his ice cold eyes. “I hate you Elliot Martineau,” she said firmly before turning and leaving his house for good.