Lancelot and the Wolf (9 page)

“
Let me touch you and I can ease your pain,” she rose and came to my side. Her hand outstretched to my face.

I reacted violently. I threw myself backward and pushed her hard in the chest, sending her sprawling. “Don’t you fucking touch me. Don’t ever touch me again, you scheming bitch,” I growled at her. She went white with shock. “I would rather suffer a thousand whips on my back than ever have you touch me again. I will save Arthur,” as though it had been in any doubt. “But you do not come to me again, ever.” My rage and sense of betrayal; my self pity and misery were the only things which made any sense to my beleaguered mind.

We didn’t speak other than to see to the camp. When she left me alone to see to her toilet, I wept silently. Eventually I felt able to sleep, but I had vivid evil dreams of slaughtered white doe’s and bloody wolf pelts. Of the antlers of a great white stag hung on the wall of a dark castle. I woke fitfully, my body racked in pain. Else watched, her misery clear, but she maintained her distance.

When dawn came, I forbid her from touching Ash. I moved slowly, painfully, every muscle ached but I vowed I would break myself of my cravings for her body. My only goal to smash the spell placed on me. I would not love this fairy witch. She stayed quiet and small. My anger made Ash nervous and tetchy, he nipped and stamped every time I came close. It took a long time to saddle him and even longer to climb into my gambeson and hauberk. I mounted and a small whimper escaped my control as I settled in the saddle.

“
Please, Lancelot, I beg you, let me ease your pain,” Else cried.

“
Leave me alone,” I growled. “I will kill you if you touch me. Now, just get me out of this fucking wood and back to England. If Arthur doesn’t kill me on sight we might find a way through this shit.”

“
Yes, my Lord,” she said humbly.

We rode. I sweated, first burning with fire through my blood and guts, then so cold I thought I’d rather die than move another step. Everything hurt more than I had ever considered possible. I knew every sinew and bone which laced my body in an eternity of pain. We left the wood around midday and that night we paid for lodgings in a farmer’s hay barn. I curled around my pain and nursed my rage.

It took almost a week but we made it to the coast. It rained constantly adding to my misery. We were too impoverished to pay for transport across the channel but Else vanished at one point and reappeared with a purse of small coins. I didn’t ask. I didn’t care. England beckoned regardless of my state of mind. I suppose I became accustomed to the pain and the terrible convulsions almost stopped. I merely ached, a hidden wound in my chest, which refused to heal, bleeding constantly.

“
I have enough to take the horses,” Else said. She watched me drink strong liquor of indeterminate heritage. I’d taken to drinking heavily as we travelled, it helped ground me and made the withdrawal slightly less agonising.

“
Well, I’m not leaving Ash here,” I snapped. “He’ll kill anyone other than Dillon.” I hid my relief from her, I needed Ash, he steadied my nerves and acted as an anchor. He gave me something real to hold onto, something that needed my concentration and dedication.

We were in a town I didn’t use to reach England, Mont St Michel. Else knew it, she’d used it to hide her identity for some months. She now wore a simple dress of deepest green, a warm woollen cloak around her shoulders. The curls from her brown hair kissed her high cheekbones. She looked beautiful. I spent a great deal of time not watching her.

I stared at a woman, obviously touting for business in the tavern, her dark blonde hair neatly tied back. I wondered idly what she’d feel like in bed. Then I realised I didn’t care. I didn’t ever want another woman in my bed. I never wanted another woman in any capacity in my life. Arthur might well be in danger and I would go to him, but once he knew of the threat, I planned on leaving Else. I also knew Stephen de Clare would cause chaos when he realised I brought his sister home, but I’d bedded her. Else and I needed a conversation about how she wanted to handle the situation but I really didn’t feel able to cope.

She sat with me while I tried to drink myself into a stupor and didn’t say a word. When the tide came in, we left the tavern, collected the horses and I spent a long time coaxing Ash onto the ship. He eventually consented when Else took his bridle. We were a long way from England. It would take almost three days to reach the south coast and another two weeks, maybe more to reach Camelot. Once there, I’d either live or die at Arthur’s behest. I’d given up caring to be honest. I had nothing left to live for; I’d given my heart and honour to one woman only to have her marry my best friend, then turn him into a cuckold. When I’d escaped her I’d run into Else. She had lain in wait for me, taken me and used me. She had dishonoured herself using my body and I would have to pay.

I spent the whole journey drinking alone. The Capitan watched me warily. The sailors gave me wide berth. Misery became my only companion.

CHAPTER TEN

As a high functioning alcoholic, I managed to pack and organise Ash just as land came into view. The rough trip meant I’d spent the whole time on deck, battling sea sickness, constant drunkenness and Else’s presence on board. She felt like a huge fleabite under my skin, which needed scratching. I hated her being near me. She’d lost all colour in her warm skin and seemed to be losing weight. Else spent as much time as possible below decks with the horses.

When we docked, I couldn’t see her with Mercury, which surprised me because he stood patiently waiting for her. She’d brushed and tacked him up, even tied her bedroll on the back of his saddle, but I didn’t see her anywhere nearby. The itch she represented grew to be a pain. An ache under my heart. Where the hell was she? That ache began to spread into my chest. I hated it. That ache meant I’d need to at least see her to ease its pain. When she vanished from my sight for too long it hurt and the pain just grew worse until I couldn’t breathe around it or think.

“
Damn it, fucking woman,” I cursed. I didn’t want to admit I felt scared for her, Else had never been anywhere she shouldn’t in all the months I’d known her.

I tied Ash and stomped up the ramp they used to help the horses in and out of the ship. We’d paid extra to have them housed under the deck, helping to keep them safe and warm.

I reached the deck and looked for her tousled head and green dress. Nothing. She must have decided to change. I walked into the galley and down into the cabin area of the ship. I heard a muffled cry.

“
Else,” I whispered, already moving as though I’d never drunk a drop in my life. I crept forward quickly. I drew my knife from my belt and wished I had room to use my sword. The Captain’s cabin came into view and seemed to be the sight of all things interesting. I reached it, four men were present. Four men and one woman. Three holding down my squire and one about to make use of her. Her dress lay torn over parts of her body and bruises already coloured her pale skin. The world became a very simple place suddenly.

“
Just hold the whore still,” said the Captain. “Only bloody good for one thing and he clearly don’t want nuffing to do with her. Maybe his Lordship has a limp dick but she aint his wife, I knows that,” he grabbed his stiff cock and moved to push it into Else. She tried to fight. I stepped into the small room.

“
Is this a game for all comers?” I asked calmly, echoing the challenge I made to the last rapist I discovered.

The Captain jumped back from his prize, I cut his throat. Blood leaked down his grubby waistcoat and a small gurgle escaped. He died before he hit his chin on the table. Two more went down in one big movement. The third tried to stab me with his own knife, but by this time Else found herself free. She flipped onto her feet. She reached for her torn gown and wrapped the sleeve around his neck, pulling tight. She heaved him backward, onto the small table. He reached for the garrotte, with a knife in his right hand. She grabbed it and cut his throat. Not one word passed our lips until it ended. We just stood, both of us breathing heavily and stared at each other.

“
This is becoming a habit,” I said.

“
Men are only ever after one thing,” she managed through swollen lips.

“
Not all men,” I said gently as I watched her eyes fill with tears.

She whimpered, a small sound of anguish. With no room to think I found my arms around her small body even before I realised I’d moved. I held her closer than I’d ever done before and she trembled.

The ship came into harbour, the movements gentle under our feet. We’d be at the dock in moments. I had to get her moving. We’d become fugitives once more, only this time I was in England. My territory.

“
We have to leave, do you have another dress?” I asked as I gently disentangled her from my body. The room began to stink of dead men. Blood leaked everywhere. I sighed, I did kill too easily. I felt nothing for these men. They had threatened my… The thought died. My what? Lover? Wife? Burden? Torturer? Squire?

She looked up at me, her right eye puffy again, “You didn’t notice?”

“
Else, now is not the time to criticise me for not noticing a new dress.” I brushed hair out of her eyes.

“
I have a blue dress,” she said as she mournfully picked at the green one. “This was my best dress though.”

“
We’ll buy you a new one,” I said. “Just get dressed into something decent.” I lifted her over the dead men.

“
Everything is on the horses,” she told me.

I growled something foul and considered my options. “Fine, put this on and wait.” I shrugged out of my cloak and pulled the dead men into the cabin, firmly closing the door. Else looked frail in the vastness of my winter cloak.

The ship bumped against the dock. “Do you trust me?” I asked.

“
With my life,” she said instantly.

“
Then make like a sack,” I said as I bent, folded her over my shoulder and lifted. Else grunted but lay passive over my back. No one could see her head or her feet. I might just pull this off by making it appear I carried my cloak rather than wearing it. I walked onto the deck. The pain in my heart eased with each step and my strength returned. I walked through all the sailors who were busy with the docking and down toward the horses. I slung Else as gently as possible over Mercury’s surprised back and tied her in place.

“
Stay quiet, no matter what, stay still and quiet,” I ordered.

She looked up briefly as I pulled back the hood, “Thank you. You didn’t have to save me,” she said.

“
Yes, I did.” I covered her head, unable to say more.

I tied Mercury to Ash and led the stallion out of the bowels of the ship. We walked up the ramp and the horse’s hooves beat a slow tattoo on the wooden deck before reaching the thick planks down to the shore.

“
Where’s your woman?” came a surly question from the first mate.

I paused, “I have no fucking idea and I care even less. She’s meeting me in Jack’s Tavern,” I said knowing this town well enough to name a favoured drinking spot.

He grunted, not really caring and we walked slowly back to dry land. I heard the deck hands as we past them, English voices, from an English town, we were in Key Haven. The town from which I’d fled England so many months before. I mounted Ash, after pulling him off the dock and walked him to the nearest small, dark alleyway. The day conspired to help us with dark brooding clouds of the kind that keep even the curious indoors. I didn’t want to dismount to help Else just in case, so I almost lay over her to untie her from Mercury. As she came free, she turned on his back and the flash of naked thigh under my cloak almost unmanned me for good. She straddled the horse effortlessly.

“
You aren’t hurt?” I asked.

“
Only my damned pride,” she muttered.

“
Four men of that size in such a small place would be almost impossible for anyone, there’s no shame in that.” I tried to reassure her.

“
Bastards hit me on the back of the head,” she rubbed her scalp.

I leaned toward her without thinking and touched her head. Throughout the whole terrible scene we hadn’t made skin on skin contact. I’d worn riding gloves, only now removing them to help her. Our skin touched, a spark flashed into me, arcing out of her body. She yelped. I felt as though I’d been stung.

“
What the fuck?” I snapped as I yanked my hand back.

Her eyes filled with tears, “It’s the spell. It’s trying to draw you in again,” she almost wailed.

I felt my anger stir but I also felt pity for her, she didn’t want this, I finally understood, she didn’t want to hurt me. I tempered the anger, “It’s alright. Just so long as you are safe and we don’t have to worry about you having concussion.”

She sniffed loudly and shook her head, “I’m fine.”

“
That’s clearly not true but we don’t have time to debate it. I suggest we leave town. The gates will be closing in an hour.”

“
Can I change?” she asked. She still wore her boots.

“
Can you do it quickly?” I asked. She nodded. Else sat on Mercury and began rummaging in her packs. She pulled out a leather doublet and hose. Every now and again, a flash of pale flesh would fill my mind as she exposed an arm, breast or leg. I forced myself to move away. In a few moments and without getting off the horse she told me she was ready to move.

I did not want my actions on the ship to help draw attention to us, so we walked calmly from the alley and wove our way through narrow back streets to reach the main road half way through the town. The port made the place busy at all times of the day and night and allowed all kinds of people to blend. When we reached the town gates, I heard Nones being called in a small monastery to our right. We had maybe four hours of daylight left with the glowering sky hiding the sun. The men on the gates were half asleep and paid no more attention to us than they would to flies on a pile of horse shit. We left without a fuss and visibly relaxed, pushing into the English countryside.