Landon's Obsession: An Endless Series: Book 3 (Series 3) (49 page)

     God, I’d had about eighteen hours of believing that
Landon and I had an actual chance of reviving our past relationship, and now I
was back to feelings of doubt and inadequacy…and dejection.

     Arriving back at the house I jumped out of the car and
moved hastily to unfasten Nola.

     “Do you want me to get her?” Landon offered walking around.

     Keeping my head down I shook my head while gently
pulling Nola from her car seat. Landon unlocked the front door for me and I
walked past him staring straight ahead. Toeing off my shoes I continued up the stairs
and tucked Nola into her bed. After smoothing her slightly damp hair off her
forehead I straightened and moved toward the door.

     Landon stood there with a torn expression on his face.   

     What the hell was going through his head?

     I squeezed past him nearly quivering at the brief near
contact, but halted in the hallway to glance back. Landon stood there watching
Nola for several more moments and I watched him with a painfully, heavy heart.
Why did he have to have such a hold on my emotions? Being with him years ago,
he’d been a rainbow of light to me, and each nuance and change had effected me.
I’d felt so connected to him, had been certain he was my other half.

     The absurdity of youth.

     And then it had all been torn away brutally and all
childishness had been bulldozed from my mentality.  

     Landon turned and I did too, walking quickly down the
stairs toward the kitchen. His footsteps followed closely behind me. A chill
was working its way through me and it wasn’t because my hair was still a wet
mop on top of my head. Stepping into the kitchen I grabbed the tea pot and
began filling it with water. It wasn’t until I set it back on the stove and
turned on the burner that he spoke.  

     “Between Kris and me, I know I’m the better choice for
a father, but shit, I wish you had someone different.”

     My chest constricted excruciatingly and I had to grip
the counter tightly so I wouldn’t crumple to the floor.

     He didn’t want to be Nola’s father. It was too much for
him. He didn’t want, or couldn’t handle the responsibility. Or maybe the worry
about not being her father was getting to him.

     Anger…pain…both surged through me. This was going to
confuse and hurt Nola so badly. She’d gotten so attached in such a short time.
My own feelings I discounted completely because they were nothing compared to
my daughters.   

     I turned on him and hissed. “I told you to be certain that
this was what you wanted, Landon. I told you…” My breath shuddered in my chest
and I concentrated hard on controlling it, as well as the burning behind my
eyes. “If you weren’t sure you shouldn’t have pushed so hard to be named her…”
My throat tightened again closing off further speech and I spun back to grip
the counter.

     “I’m such a fuck-up, Maya.”

     I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. “We should have
waited. We should have verified if she was yours before we did anything. You
should have just left it alone.” I whispered agonizingly. My sole focus of fury
and pain should have been for Nola, but it wasn’t, and that made everything
even worse.

     “I told you, Maya. She’s mine.” Landon’s growled directly
behind me and I jerked at his nearness. “I’m just sorry I’m not what you both
need. I wish I was better father material.”

     I frowned because he was confusing me. “You just said
you wish she was someone else’s.”

     “No, Maya, that’s not what I meant.” His arms tried
going around me but I couldn’t…I couldn’t let him touch me right now, not until
he explained himself further.

     I twisted to the side and faced him. His expression
showed extreme distress and while that tugged at my heart I needed answers.
“What did you mean then, Landon? After Nola’s sudden jump in the pool you’ve
become aloof. You hovered over her protectively, but it was in an almost
detached way. And you haven’t been able to look me in the eyes since. If you’re
having second thoughts then you need to tell me…now rather then later, because
if Nola bonds with you more than she already has it will permanently scar her.”

     The look on his face turned fierce. “I’m having no
second thoughts in regards to Nola at all. She’s mine and I love her. She’s
precious and I just wish I could be a better father for her sake…a better man
for yours.”

     His declaration stunned me. “What are you talking
about? You’ve been wonderful. You’ve seen her everyday since taking
responsibility for her, and even forced this house and money on me so she’s
taken care of.”

     He rubbed at his head tousling his already messy hair
even further. God, that disheveled look on him made me want to fix it. “Maya…when
Nola jumped in that pool…and I stared into her terror filled eyes…my heart
stopped. She nearly died today because I was trying to get into your pants, and
to make matters worse I pulled your attention from her as well. I’m a complete
fucking failure of a father.”

     Things were starting to make some sense to me. I knew
he’d been shaken by what had happened, but it was even worse than I thought.

     “Landon, what happened was an accident that could have
happened to anyone, so don’t blame yourself, and don’t you dare take
responsibility for distracting me. With three other people in the room I felt
Nola was safe, and she basically was. Nadia warned us right before Nola went
in, and Nola’s also been taught to hold her breath. If she would have jumped in
that pool anywhere else you or I would have gotten to her in record time. I’m
certain of this. Yes, she scared several years off my life, but don’t turn this
around making us into bad parents just because we were distracted for a brief moment.
I thought she would be eating for another several minutes that’s why I let
myself be diverted…”
that was way better than distract
, “…by you, but it’s
not like we left her alone.”

     My chest was heaving at the end of my speech and my
facial muscles were strained from scowling so deeply.

     Landon mimicked my scowl. “I was not saying
you’re
a bad parent, I am the one that fucked up. I’m the one...”

     I cut him off angrily. “No, you aren’t
one
. We
are
two
. Two parents who took their eyes from their daughter for a
couple seconds. That doesn’t make us bad parents. We are good parents.” My tone
might have come off somewhat mulish there, but shit…the man was going
overboard. I’d been scared as well but we’d been there together; he couldn’t
take the blame all on his shoulders.  

     Statue like he stared at me…and then the longevity of it
began to unnerve me that I had to fill the silence.

     “You know, it can be easy as parent’s to take the blame
for every little injury our children incur, and let me tell you I’d be a wreck
if I did that because Nola’s a little hellion. Yes, we need to watch her carefully,
but I don’t expect your eyes to be glued to her or that you should trail after
her constantly. Even she needs to have a small bit of independence. I watch
those parent’s who hover over their children and feel so sorry for the child
wondering how they can actually learn and thrive with such a shadow imprisoning
their creativity and freedom. Hell, I’ve been the parent longer than you so if
we’re laying blame…”

     My second speech was cut off by Landon’s mouth on mine.
I gasped at the abruptness of the kiss and his tongue took immediate advantage,
driving forward to capture mine. My emotions were already running high and I
was defenseless against the heat and sensations that detonated at his touch. My
hands latched onto his shoulders at the same time his arms wrapped around me,
one hand seizing my head, tangling in my hair, the other clutching my butt.

     His lips were crushing mine, almost brutally, but I
could tell he was restraining himself so as not to really hurt me, but surprisingly,
I needed more. Angling my head so that our mouths were perfectly aligned I
pushed back with some aggression of my own.

     The ass had scared me and I wanted…needed some release
of that aggression.

     Landon groaned and I whimpered as the kiss turned out
of control. My hands gripped his hair pulling him in closer. His hand in my
hair was controlling my movements, trying to move me in a specific direction, a
direction I rebuffed perversely.

     Growling, he surged forward pushing me against the
counter. His arm on my lower back stopped the counter edge from biting into me,
so the only pain I felt was the one between my thighs when his hard cock thrust
and ground into me. I cried out at the excruciating pleasure. “Auhhhh.”

     My cry ended but the shrieking of the tea pot took
over, its shrill whistle piercing my ears. We pulled apart and I stared at him
breathlessly, dazed for second…but then I punched him in the shoulder and
turned to shut off the burner.

     “Oww, what was that for?”  

     I stared at the tea pot, no longer in need of a hot
drink. My chill had been replaced by a burning furnace in my belly; from both
his kiss and my overload of emotions.

     “You’re an ass.” I muttered.

     He sighed behind me. “No argument there, but I have to
say you are confusing me at how you try to make me feel better one minute, but
then call me names the next…and hit me, can’t forget the hitting.”

     Emotions waned and my head bowed as I crashed slightly.
“Landon, you scared the crap out of me. I truly thought you were regretting claiming
Nola.” Regretted Nola…regretted me.

     His hands came down on my shoulders gently. Pulling me
backwards he hugged me to his front and brushed his lips over my ear, making me
shiver faintly.

     “Never, and I’m damn sorry that I made you think that.
What happened today scared me shitless and made me feel inadequate as a father.
I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time, Maya. This father business was
shoved at me suddenly, and while I would never regret Nola, I feel like I’m
continually walking around clueless.”

     The naked vulnerability in his voice had me turning in
his arms. “Landon, you’ve been a wonderful father to Nola. You come over to
spend time with her everyday. You set this swimming thing up for her because you
felt that you promised it to her. And the most important thing is the affection
you shower her with. She has no doubt that you love her and that you would do
anything for her and that’s all any child truly wants. And just to let you
know, I felt the same as you when Nola came along.”

     Hazel eyes stared intently down into mine and his
fingers grazed softly over my cheek. “I’m sorry again for making you think that
I had regrets about Nola, and just to let
you
know, I will never ever
have them, so get any thoughts out of your head that I would ever contemplate
such a thing. My only regret is not being good enough for either of you.”

     I scowled. “I wish you would stop saying that because I
definitely don’t think that.”

     Dark shadows swirled in his eyes but his touch was
gentle as he cupped my face. “I failed both of you four years ago and that’s
something that is going to haunt me for years to come. I don’t want to add to
it.”

     Tears pricked at my eyes and I reached up to cup his
face. “You didn’t fail us, your brother…” God, I hated talking about that
bastard. “Something bad happened that tore into each of us, it wasn’t either of
our faults, and I wasn’t the only one effected by it. You have to stop blaming
yourself. Don’t let what he did touch us any further. Please…I don’t want him
to have any foothold into this; you, me, and Nola. Remember, we are starting
new. That means the past is forgotten.”

     I might have been begging him at the end there, but I
really didn’t want Kris or any memory of Kris to impinge on what we could
possibly have together. Whatever that may be.

     Landon smothered me into his hard chest. His hold was
tight, but I didn’t mind. In fact, I melted into him, absorbing and breathing
him in. “You, me, and Nola.” He breathed into my hair.

     The way he said that had my heart lifting with buoyant
promise. I was beginning to believe…trust…that this thing between us could
actually work out. 

Chapter Eleven

LANDON

     “Who lives here, daddy?” Nola asked from the backseat
of my car.

     I parked and shut off the engine. “I live here, baby
girl.”

     Stepping out of the car I folded down my seat so I
could unfasten Nola’s seat belt. Getting her car seat in my back seat had been
difficult as hell. It was probably time to look into a less sporty vehicle, one
that also wasn’t dented up from me going psycho on it.  

     “Why do you live here, daddy? Why don’t you live wif
mommy and me like Andree’s daddy lives wif her?”

      I froze and stared at her dumbfounded. I should have
been expecting this question, but all logical answers evaded me. And hell, if I
had my choice I
would
be living with them.

     “Uhm…well…remember I told you I go to school.” Nola
nodded. “This house is closer to the school.” I pulled her out, making sure she
had her doll.

     She wrapped her tiny arms around me. “Oh, okay. When
you’re done wif school will you live wif us then?”

     I looked over at Maya who was watching us with
wide-eyes. “Maybe, baby girl, maybe.” I answered with a smirk. Her brows shot
up at that and my grin spread. Her eyes narrowed.