Last Day on Earth (15 page)

Then she wants to know why, of course, and he tells her, and she thinks the military is a stupid waste of his education and intelligence. But he knows he’s not really that smart. He’s not going to make it in academia or law school or public administration. He could work in prisons, or be some other kind of social worker, but right now, that just sounds like hell.

On January 31, 2008, two weeks before his shooting, Steve sends Kelly a link to the V-Tech Rampage game, asking, “Have you seen this? It’s old, but was amazingly controversial for some reason.” Her response is odd: “No, I hadn’t seen that and I can’t imagine why that would be so controversial. I lost the first round.” By first round, I think she means she’s played the trial version of the game. “I forgot to shoot that girl,” she continues, “and I was just going after all the black people. Sort of practice for what I would actually do in such a situation. =) Just kidding . . . ! Sorry to hear that school is so insane for you. I’m sure you’re learning lots of useful and awesome stuff. When things calm down, maybe you can come for a visit and some ‘stress relief’ . . . and we can shoot at black people together!”

Steve replies by sending Kelly a link to
snopes.com
of “Misspelled Martin Luther King Day Signs,” reading “I HAVE A DRAEM” and “I HAVE A DERAM.”

Steve sends the link to V-Tech Rampage to Mark, also: “Some history: I originally played this game when it was released, but it has since been edited due to an apparent RIAA legal threat, (music copyright violation). The original songs were significant and have been transferred
into 8 bit NES-style [Nintendo] music. In case you’re curious, the original songs were “Shine” by Collective Soul and “Mr. Brownstone” by Guns N’ Roses; the former was Cho’s favorite song while the latter was (as you know) a short play written by Cho in one of his undergraduate classes. The last song should still be there, which is actually pretty funny if you listen to the whole thing, (it’s a home-made song called Ke-Ke-Ke). The phrase Ke-Ke-Ke means LOL and is popular amongst Asian users of Starcraft. The significance of Ke-Ke-Ke here is lost on me, but the lyrics are hilarious and the hook isn’t half bad . . . I used to play Starcraft online and get my ass kicked by Asians.”

Steve and Kelly have a conversation about mass murder for the next three days, mixed up with sex and race. Steve sends her a link on February 1 to a story about a woman who microwaved her baby, asking “Defrost or Timed Cook?” and Kelly responds, “You should know that nothing much offends me, that’s just kinda sad. makes we want to hunt down people and off them. then again, a lot of things have that effect on me . . . im off mon thru thu this week, so maybe we will both have a free day. sometime anyway! i have something i want to try, haha (note evil laugh . . . )”

“hmmm, you have me intrigued,” Steve replies. “What do you want to try? You know I’m open to everything and anything, (especially creative ideas), as long as you don’t leave me visible marks with the whips and chains. Monday may work, if the weather doesn’t totally suck and if it’s around the afternoon . . . ;-).”

“Well now, if I told you, that would ruin the fun . . . monday i have class until 2ish, so maybe after that will work. i promise no visible marks. i don’t even have chains! a whip, yes. if you have anything you want to try, im game as well. unless it involves me being peed and/or pooped on. i have one that can only be done at night, and maybe when theres no snow and its less cold, and it involves a cemetery. im a creep :-)”

“The whole peeing/pooping thing is a bit out there,” Steve replies. “and I only do that on weekends anyway. Seriously though, I am up for anything, even if it involves pain and/or water-boarding CIA style. After 2ish may work, so let me know what your preference is. Do you
mean you have a ‘whip’ like the leather thing you used to beat people with, or a ‘whip’ as in a blinged out car like in Pimp My Ride? I’m not sure I understand you youngsters and your ebonics, so I wanted some clarification. A strange thing happened like a month ago. I did the whole 420 thing before going to a concert and it was fantastic . . . I forgot how fun it was. This isn’t to say that I’m going to be a pothead or whatever, (I haven’t done it since then), but I forgot how fun it was, lol. Drugs are bad Pacman. I’ve never 420’d and had ‘stress relief’ though, which may be fun ;-). Not sure if you’re into that though. Besides, I don’t have any hookups in Champaign, as it’s been years since I’ve been into that whole scene. Just thinking . . . Sure, I like surprises, as long as they don’t end up with me lying face down in a ditch, bound and gagged in a drug induced haze. That happens wayyyyy too often for my liking.”

“I have never incorporated cia style water boarding into something erotic,” Kelly writes, “but that would be festive. im more of a masochist. and I mean whip as in leather thing to beat people into submission witg. the go go beetle isn’t quite a pimp ride . . . as for the smoking, it’s a fun time, but that will have 2 wait until i find out about the job situation, because im betting they test, it being a rehab and all . . . lame. i actually would enjoy waking up face down in a ditch, bound and gagged, in a drug induced haze. that never happens to me. :-( my life is so boring.”

“Well, I’ve never really been with a ‘dominant’ woman, although I’ve always fantasized about it!” Steve admits. “That would be something that I would love to do, (I mean, have done to me). I’m totally up for being ordered around, slapped, beat etc. and would definitely be interested in that, if you were serious, of course! I have a very high tolerance for pain, which is probably one of the reasons I’m addicted to tattoos, lol. Being dominated really turns me on for some reason. Typically during sex in the past, I’ve almost always had to be the dominant one, and always wanted to be told what to do and where to do it ;-). Hmmm, sorry, but I’m really turned on right now . . . too bad it’s 12:31am, and you’re probably at work, lol. . . . Rehab sounds fascinating. Will you be dealing
with hardcore crack-heads and/or nappy headed hoes?” A reference to Don Imus. Steve is also a huge fan of Sean Hannity.

Steve emails Mark the same link about the microwaved baby. “Ding,” he writes. Mark writes back, “I wonder if she used reheat or regular settings.”

“Ordinarily I’d say reheat,” Steve replies. “But then again, you’d have to factor in weight and size, so regular settings might have been preferred.” He includes a link to a drink called “Dead Baby Recipe.” “Do you think she had a drink of this the night before?”

“And I put lol tasteless,” Mark says. “But it’s just an example of our humor. It was nothing harmful, as far as that goes.”

On February 1, Steve writes to Mark about conspiracy theories. “I didn’t tell the detectives about this,” Mark says. “I didn’t know how relevant it would be, but he sent me—one of his conspiracy theories he asked about was Timothy McVeigh and all that whole thing with Oklahoma, and he attached the PDF for the Turner diaries.”

“I recommend it,” Steve writes, “if only to gain a better understanding of McVeigh and what drives the CIM (the Christian Identity Movement)” and then he adds, “haha, Ruby Ridge does refer to the Randy Weaver controversy, which also inspired McVeigh’s actions. I’m just happy because I have it straight about Ruby Ridge.” And then he sends Mark a link about Terry Nichols: “I know Wikipedia sucks, but I wanted to point out the waste of money that the Feds and states spent while pursuing the death penalty.”

“What the Turner diaries are,” Mark explains to me, “it’s about the government taking the guns from people, basically.” Mark reads a description of the book: “The Turner Diaries, by Andrew McDonald: what will you do when they come to take your guns? It’s about Earl Turner and his fellow patriots, who face this question and are forced underground when the US government bans the private possession of firearms and stages the mass gun raids to round up the suspected gun owners.”

As idiotic as it sounds, this is the real basis for the pro-gun lobby in America: right-wing libertarian paranoia that the federal government
wants to enslave all its citizens and needs to take their guns away first before enacting the evil plan. I would just laugh and shrug it off, but this is a major force in mainstream American politics. How can that be? Who are we?

“It was one of those things where he sent it to me and said it would be interesting,” Mark says, “and this is our humor, here: I put ‘this is our motivation for our plan on 4/19.’ Back to, I believe 4/19 was Columbine, or 4/20. Something was on 4/19. And then I quoted from Wikipedia, ‘his neighbors reported he was spraying fertilizer on his lawn of his Kansas home on the morning of the explosion.’ I put down: ‘How would someone take notice of such a mundane activity such as lawn care on a seemingly normal day? Lol, media manipulation.’ Because why would neighbors notice that someone was fertilizing a lawn?”

Mark and Steve call each other NIGGA in their emails, and race keeps coming up as an issue: “Steve wrote ‘Nichols has been married twice, first to Lana Padilla,’ and then I put, ‘oh, I smell a dirty bomb conspiracy.’ That ties back to Jose Padilla. Steve goes: ‘lol at Padilla’s dirty bomb reference. See, right-wing extremists and dirty ragheads’—please keep in mind, too, that he wasn’t racist or anything like that—‘are one in the same.’”

“We were equal opportunity offenders,” Mark says. “We offended everyone by just [being] ourselves. Whether it be Americans or Middle Easterns, or blacks or whatever. We just talked about the stereotypical, whether it be whites, the red-necked trailer park people, just how dumb they act, you know what I mean? Not to be offensive, right? Or, even with the blacks. There’s the respectable black professionals, like Obama, the people that are respectable, then there’s people that live in the hood that just want to live off government welfare checks and all that. So those are the people that we took ahold of and just said, these are different issues in society. Like the terrorists in the middle east. He had, not a fascination, but he was interested in Hamas. He was interested in Hamas because they were a group that gives back and helps out.”

Steve was especially angry at affirmative action. “Another thing he didn’t like,” Mark explains, “is that a lot of the minorities that come there [NIU] took it as a joke, right? And not necessarily minorities, but there were a lot of minorities that got on there because of—I forgot what the chance program was called, I don’t know if they have something similar down in Florida, but in Illinois they have it where, it, uh, underprivileged inner city students, there’s a certain percentage that has to be accepted to the university, okay? Steve looked at it that he was in the same place at one point as these inner city students and he accomplished it and he greatly valued his education and he achieved what he wanted, versus the other students who come and they make a joke out of it. They don’t go to classes, they just hang out all day, and he didn’t like that. And I didn’t like that either. You know what I mean? But then if you look at that, then why didn’t he go to a black center and shoot people, right?”

IN HIS EMAILS WITH KELLY
on February 1, Steve begins to worry about privacy. According to Mark, this was always a concern for Steve: “Steve was kind of paranoid about things, I don’t know why, but he would delete all the emails, always. But I never erased any.”

“Well, I’ve always wondered if you show these emails to anyone,” Steve writes to Kelly, “because that would be weird, but I don’t really care, lol. Oh, I meant to mention . . . when I said I’m up for anything, I mean anything, even a 3 way (male or female) on the back of a train with hobos watching and fighting with home-made shanks over canned soup. It can be an erotic version of Bum-Fights or something. It’s great that you want to be a CADC (not sure of the acronym at the moment), because it’s not a bad profession. Druggies are fun and will provide you with many, many crazy stories to tell. Like that time where I snorted coke off a hooker’s belly while tripping on LSD. j/k, but I’m sure you’d be a great counselor; particularly since you need a totally fucked up sense of humor for a job like that. I’m amazed at times how many of my fellow students, (whom want to be social workers), are so offended by everything and anything that’s not pure, (whatever that means). Some of the people in my program were/are very sheltered. I’m a nick-name type person, so I just usually refer to odd people as nick-names. There’s this one lady who I call Rated-G who is a bible thumper and is offended by curse words, violence, sexual references, etc. She verbally opposed watching a movie for social work, because the characters use words like ‘Damn.’ Seriously. She always talks about how she only lets her kids (and herself) watch G-rated movies and such, and is annoyed by some of my very vocal separation of church and state comments. Jesus freaks piss me off, as do most fundamentalists. But people like rated-G put the FUN in fundamentalist, I guess. All the worlds a stage meant for the entertainment of people with a bizarre sense of morality and humor, I suppose. Oh, To catch a
predator is on right now, hence the name Hanson. I really want that show to be done in Illinois somewhere!”

Steve’s feelings about religion come from his hatred of his mother, but it’s interesting to note that you can be ultra–right wing and antireligious. The religious right isn’t the only right. In fact, the ultra right is about the primacy of the individual, and so in its purest forms, it can’t embrace religion, which is essentially against the individual. If religion weren’t corrupt, it would be a force to the left in politics.

“That would be weird if I showed your emails to people,” Kelly writes back. “You don’t show them to anyone, do you? I only have a couple of friends who even know of the situation, and that was really only a precaution. I wanted them to know where to send the cops if I came up missing, hacked into pieces and put into an acid bath, etc. An erotic version of Bum Fights sounds amazing. I enjoy that show a lot. Especially that one loud crackhead with the fucked up teeth. I forget his name, but one of my best friends used to be able to imitate him pretty accurately. It was awesome. Was it Bling-Bling? Or did he just use that phrase a lot? Monday will likely work, but maybe 3 or 4? (That will give me time to shove my heap of laundry under my dresser, kick out all the homeless people that sleep in the corners, and hopefully plunge that dead fetus that has been clogging the toilet all week, etc. Should have just microwaved it, eh?) It’s weird to meet in the afternoon, but since that’s what works for you, I can probably skip my after-class nap for a day . . . Jesus freaks piss me off as well. Mostly because they refuse to respect the opinions of others most of the time. If ‘g-rated’ spent half an hour with me when I’m not playing nice, she’d likely have to be chemically sedated and committed. I have a way with people, you know . . . We should just do our own version of ‘To Catch A Predator’! I’ll do the dirty chat to lure them in, I have a friend who looks 13 to be our decoy, and you can be Chris Hanson. Instead of arresting them, we can taser them and then beat the shit out of them, leaving them in a ditch somewhere. Or whatever. It would be fun!”