Last First Kiss (13 page)

“
Don’t, son. You’ll only make it worse. You can’t reason with her now.”

Jackson turned his tormented eyes to Bill. “Did you hear what she said...and what Mac said?”

His uncle nodded.

“
Lexie tried to come to me, but Giselle wouldn’t let her. She was crying, they both were, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. I feel so...helpless.”

Bill nodded. “I know you do, and so do I, but we can’t fix this tonight. Let’s go home, Son. I’ll drive.”

Bill drove home at a steady pace while Jackson stared blankly out the window. Neither spoke the entire way home.

Bill left immediately in his truck, and Jackson went inside to call Carrie. After explaining what had taken place, he waited through her silence, hoping she’d have a solution to his problem.

“
I’m sorry Jack. Those girls needed a break from her and I didn’t want to leave her alone. I had to do something. She said she wanted me to let her die. I had to piss her off to finally get her to eat, and I used you to do it.”

Jackson got a queasy feeling in his stomach. “What did you tell her?”

“
I told her maybe I should just let her die then you could adopt the girls because you were so crazy about them. I’m not proud of it, but I couldn’t help myself. It worked too, because she ate two whole slices of pizza.”

“
Oh God, you didn’t really say that, did you?”

“
You saw her, didn’t you? The woman was starving herself to death, Jackson.”

Jackson groaned and grabbed the top of his head with one hand. “She was already pissed at me!”

“
Maybe you should tell me why.”

He told her how he had chastised her for not wanting to eat lunch with her daughters.

Carrie exhaled loudly. “I wondered why the thought of you taking the girls to the movie upset her so much.”

“
There must be something we can do,” he groaned.

“
She hung up on me earlier and won’t answer her phone or the door. I’m sure she’ll cool off by tomorrow.”

He gave a hysterical laugh. “Well hell, Carrie. I wish I was as sure of that as you are. I’ve got to go.”

“
Jackson, what are you gon—”

“
I’m gonna drink until I pass out, that’s what.”

Jackson hit the end call button and dropped the phone on the chair. He went to his bar and grabbed a bottle of Crown, thought about mixing it with coke, but instead filled the highball glass with the amber liquid and downed it. He refilled the glass, brought the bottle with him as he dropped onto his new couch. He reached for something under his head, and picked up the stuffed pony that Lexie left for him in his truck on opening day at the ball park. He held it up in front of him then crushed it to his chest, remembering the conversation he had with her after finding the pony. He’d arrived at the park and found her sitting in the bleachers with Sam. He walked up behind her and asked,
“Has anyone here seen a pretty little girl named Lexie Granger?”
He could still see her expression of pure joy as she’d thrown herself in his arms and covered his face with kisses.

“
How are you, Lex?”

“
Fine, now that you’re here, Jackson.”

“
You know, somebody left a pony in my truck last Saturday. Was it you, by any chance?”

“
I left it so you would have somethin’ to ‘member me when I’m not with you. Did it work?”

“
Uh huh. I was thinking it must be magic, because every time I pick it up, I think of you.”

Lexie’s adorable pixie face had lit up as she nodded. She hadn’t left his side throughout the entire game.

Now Giselle wouldn’t let him or Bill see the two little girls they’d fallen so hard for. Jackson had never felt so frustrated or helpless in his entire life, including the years with Chloe. He heard Mac saying the awful things to Giselle, and didn’t know who he hurt more for...the child or the mother. The memory of Lexie’s chin quivering before she ran to her room haunted him. He covered his ears and groaned...a low, mournful sound...to block out the memory of her heartbroken sobs. Miserable and alone, Jackson put his head in his hands and sat, feeling as miserable and alone as he hadn’t since the night he lost both his parents.

<><><>

Bill stormed into his house and threw his keys onto the counter top. He picked up the phone, dialed a number, and waited.

“
Carrie,” he said, when she finally answered. “It’s time.”

<><><>

At eight a.m. the next morning, Giselle peeked through the window of her kitchen door to see Carrie’s blue Explorer pulled into her drive. She opened the door, ready to tell her she didn’t want any lectures. She stared, open mouthed at the sight of Bill Broussard standing tall with his hat in hand.

“
Hello Giselle.”

She shot him a suspicious glare. “Bill.”

Bill slapped his cowboy hat nervously against his thigh. “Honey, I’ve got something to tell you that may help you to gain a little perspe—.”

She raised her hand. “
Don’t
say you know how I feel, because you couldn’t possibly.”

Bill gave her a sad smile. “Aw, hon...if only that were true. What I’m about to tell you, I’ve not told to another living soul in thirty-eight years. How about you let Carrie take the girls to her house for awhile?”

The sadness in his tone, more than anything, had her curious about what he wanted to say. She turned to her daughters, who stood waiting like somber little porcelain dolls, and nodded to them. Mackenzie approached Bill for a hug, glaring at her mother, a true act of rebellion for the good natured child.

Lexie stopped before him and stole a glance in her mother’s direction. She waited for Bill to lean closer for a hug, and then whispered something in his ear.

He gave her a big smile and brushed his hand lightly over her cheek. “He already knows, but I’ll tell him anyway.”

Her lip trembled as she nodded, setting her golden curls into motion.

Carrie stopped in front of Giselle to give her a hug. “I don’t know what he’s got to say, but listen to him. I know he’s got your best interest at heart, or he wouldn’t be here.” As she passed Bill, she squeezed his hand.

Once she and Bill were alone in the kitchen, Giselle handed him a cup of coffee and offered him a seat. She settled herself across from him at the kitchen table and waited. He began to speak in a deep, mesmerizing tone that she found mysteriously comforting.

<>

“
When I was eighteen, I decided to travel the United States, working along the way to pay for my travels. I’d registered for the draft, and I figured if they were going to ship my butt to Viet Nam, I was gonna see my own country first. The draft board never called my number, and it turned out I wasn’t the volunteer type. By the time I turned twenty years old, I had lived and worked in thirty of these states. I was in Washington state, working as a lumberjack, when I fell in love with a pretty girl named Lorraine Stubbins. She felt the same way, and two short months later, we were married.”

Bill put his cup down and smiled. “It was heaven. We lived in a two-room shack, and loved every minute of it. Lorraine came from a wealthy family, but she never complained a day about our little shack. Neither did her folks, because they started out the same way, and knew we would do better for ourselves, eventually.”

“
It only took a couple of weeks to get her pregnant, and man, was I ecstatic. I couldn’t wait to have a little girl who looked just like her mama.” He gave his head a slow shake before he continued. “I got a steady job with better hours and we started putting a little money aside for when the baby came. Lorraine was healthy, and I treated her like a queen. We couldn’t wait for the baby to come so we could give him or her as much love as we had for each other.” Bill paused, smiling at the memory, and looked for a moment as though he was completely lost in the past. He lowered his head and continued in a voice tight with strain.

“
In her sixth month, I dropped her off on my way to work so she could visit her folks all day.” Bill pulled his chair out so he could lean forward, head down as he rested his forearms on his thighs. “When she started hemorrhaging, they rushed her to the hospital in Seattle. Both she and the baby died and I never even got to say goodbye.” He put his head down for a moment to wipe his eyes. “I lost them two days before Christmas.”

Giselle choked on a sob and put her hand up to her mouth.

Bill continued in a monotone voice, lost in the past. “Those were my days of hell on earth. I
wanted
to die...I couldn’t see a reason in the world to live. My in-laws were as distraught over my condition as they were about losing their daughter and grandchild. Over the next six weeks or so, they watched me deteriorate. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t work, and they knew that something had to be done. My father in law called my brother, Jamison, and he came to pick me up.”

“
When we got back home, I met my sister in law, Elise. It seems that while I was gone, Jamison had also fallen in love and married. They had a baby boy, just two weeks old, named Jackson Jamison Broussard, and they were every bit as happy as Lorraine and I would have been, had she and our child lived.”

“
As soon as I got to their little home in Pasadena, Texas, Elise sat me down and put that child into my arms. I guess it looked like I didn’t know what to do with the baby, because it damn near scared Jamison to death. He tried to take him from me, but Elise stopped him. I’ll never forget her words. She took my face in her hands and looked me in the eyes when she spoke. ‘There is no kind of pain in this world that an innocent child can’t heal, Billy’ she said. ‘Now you hold your nephew. He’s going to need the only family he’s got besides his momma and daddy.’ She was alone in this world also, and knew how important it was to have family.”

Bill stood up and walked to the window overlooking the back yard. “That sister-in-law of mine was some kinda smart, because that child did heal me. I fed him, I changed his diaper, and I even gave him his bath some days. It didn’t take me long to realize the needs of that baby had to come before my grief. My nephew and I had a strong bond. Five years later, when Jamison and Elise died in a car accident, there was no question that I would raise him.” He exhaled and wiped his eyes with his handkerchief.

“
I’m so sorry, Bill,” she sobbed in a hoarse whisper.

“
My boy would have been the same age as Jackson, shy of two months. We were going to name him William Clayton Broussard, Jr., because Lorraine insisted that any boy with that name would be destined to grow up as fine as his daddy.” His voice broke slightly and he wiped his eyes again. “It’s always a part of me, but I had to move on. I had to leave it behind me so I could live the life I knew she wanted for me. I guess that’s why I never bothered telling Jackson.”

She wiped her eyes and sniffed. “Jackson doesn’t know?”

“
As he got older, I didn’t see the need. And after his folks died...well, it was him and me, and that’s all that mattered. He was my boy after that. I’ve never let him forget either of his parents...they were wonderful people. He doesn’t remember much, but he remembers some.” He placed a hand over his heart. “He knows enough to keep a part of them here, where they belong.”

“
Did he grieve for them?”

“
We both did, but there’s nothing as bad as a child losing his, or
her
, parent. You see, that’s why Jackson relates to your girls so easily. He understands that they need to be able to talk about their dad, so that when they think of him, they can remember the joy he brought to their lives. Now, I never met the man, but from what Jackson says, he was a wonderful father and husband. You owe his daughters the chance to remember him with love. I know your grief...I know you’ve lost the love of your life, but you’re not done living. You’ll find love again.”

Giselle shook her head. “You didn’t.”

“
I never found anyone willing to put up with me
and
Jackson in those early years, and he had to come first. Once I went in with a pal of mine and started a new oil company, I got too busy to settle down. That’s not to say that I haven’t had my share of female companionship, but no one serious enough to settle down with.”

He flipped his hat to examine it. “I been thinkin’ lately, maybe it’s time I find someone. One of these days, you will too. Hopefully, it will happen sooner for you. Until then, you take care of those girls. In time you’ll think about Toby and it’ll hurt less. Eventually, you’ll only remember the good times and none of the pain. In my personal opinion, the Lord does that so we don’t die of sadness.” He paused to sip his coffee.