Last Song (Chasing Cross Book Five) (A Brothers of Rock Novel) (rockstar contemporary romance) (12 page)

(13)

Rick made his way through
the crowd carrying his bottle of water in one hand while his other hand shook
hands, slapped fives, hugged people who wanted a hug or a quick picture, and
also signed autographs.

Johnnie patiently waited.
When Rick finally got near him, Johnnie offered his hand. He could be pissed at
the guy, but at the end of the day Rick was still like a brother to Johnnie.

Rick shook Johnnie’s
hand.

“Are you here for an
autograph?” Rick asked.

“Just the show,” Johnnie
said. He pointed to the water bottle. “Is that what you’re drinking these
days?”

“Works for me,” Rick
said.

Johnnie sat down, and
then Rick sat down also.

Johnnie ordered another
soda and Rick ordered another water.

Where was this
conversation supposed to start?

“Everyone else here?”
Rick asked.

“No. Just me. I saw a
video of you playing online and I thought I’d stop in and say hello. I mean,
you haven’t returned any of our calls...”

“Yeah, I haven’t,” Rick
said. “I’m, uh, sorry about that.”

“You know, it would be
nice to talk,” Johnnie said. “I mean, all of us. Just to try and figure this
out.”

“All of us?” Rick asked.
“Does that include your new drummer?”

Johnnie shook his head.
“Really, Rick? What did you think we’d do? Just shut it down? Our fans bought
all those tickets...”

“The money?” Rick asked.

“No,” Johnnie said. “You
know it’s not about money. Not now. It’s the same thing you just did up there.
It’s about playing. Christ, Rick, it was never about money. Peter handles that.
We play the shows.”

“I really don’t know what
you want me to say,” Rick said.

“I just want to know
you’re okay,” Johnnie said. “That you’re alive, healthy, and happy.  And
seriously, we need to talk about everything. I don’t want lawyers doing this,
Rick. I really don’t. I mean, Peter has been holding off for weeks now. Peter.”

“So he has a heart now?”

Johnnie laughed. “I
didn’t say that. I’m just saying we’re all thinking about you, man. Day in and
day out. We can’t do a radio show without everyone asking about you. You know
that Luke is the singer for Fallen Tuesday. There’s no way he’s the Chasing
Cross drummer. He helps out.”

“Does well,” Rick said.

“Luke is amazing... but
he’s not you.”

“Butter me up to come
back then?”

“I’m not buttering
anything, Rick. I’m just worried about you. I half expected to find you drunk or
dead.”

Rick shook his bottle of
water. “Too bad you weren’t here a couple weeks ago then.”

“I see,” Johnnie said.
“So the water thing is new?”

“Yeah, something like
that. Just figured it would help me make some decisions and clear my head.”

“That’s good,” Johnnie
said. “That’s good. You know we’d be there for you, Rick. No drinking on tour.
No alcohol on the bus, backstage, anywhere. That’s fine by me.”

“That’s not what I want
for you guys,” Rick said.

“Then what do you want?”

“I can’t answer that,
Johnnie. Don’t get me wrong, I love the band. I love the music. But I feel like
a puppet. Go here. Go there. Play this. Record that.”

“And at what point have
you talked to us about it?”

“When could I? Before or
after you guys are planning another tour or album? I mean, come on, Johnnie,
when have things been normal?”

“That’s our life,”
Johnnie said. “The fans want it. We deliver. We have always had creative
control. We’ve never recorded something processed, right? We’ve never been
pushed into a tour we didn’t want.”

“You keep saying
we
,” Rick said. “What
about
me
?”

“Okay, Rick, talk to me
then.”

“I’m not sure what I have
to say,” Rick said.

“Well, it’s not going to
last forever like this,” Johnnie said.

He’d officially reached
his breaking point. Staring at Rick wasn’t the same as before. He had a wall
up. He was afraid to talk about something.

“Is that a threat?” Rick
asked.

“It’s reality,” Johnnie
said. “We’re going to Texas on Monday to finish up the tour. At some point in
the next month we’ll need to talk, Rick. The five of us need to talk.”

“If not?”

“Really? You’re going to
go there? You know the lawyers will dive into this. Peter won’t allow it
forever and the record company is pissed that we aren’t recording yet.”

“Go record then,” Rick
said.

“We don’t have our
drummer,” Johnnie said.

Rick stood up. “Find one
then.”

“So are you quitting?”

“I think I already did.”

“Yeah? Sign the papers
then. Give it all up, Rick. Go ahead.”

“What’s wrong?” Rick
asked. “Did you think you’d sweep in as the hero and get me to travel back with
you?”

“No,” Johnnie said. “I
thought I’d come see one of my best friends and check on him.”

“I’m fine,” Rick said.
“Right here, right now.”

Rick stared at Johnnie
and Johnnie thought about standing up and punching him. He honestly did. Maybe
a quick hit would smarten Rick up. Then Rick’s eyes flickered and it reminded Johnnie
of the young drummer he had met all those years ago. The young kid with no
purpose and no place in the world. The kid who liked to drink because it helped
to steal his pain. Rick was forever in pain and if he was suddenly not
interested in  drinking, it meant something...

“Johnnie, it was good to
see you,” Rick said. “I hope...”

Johnnie grabbed Rick’s
wrist. “Who’s the woman?”

“What?”

“The woman. Who is she?”

“What woman? Where?”

“A woman has you here,”
Johnnie said. “Has you not drinking. I can tell. I can see it in your eyes.”

Rick looked like he
wanted to come up with a lie, but it was no use. Johnnie would see through it.
The years spent together made it hard to lie, especially to Johnnie.

Johnnie stood up and he
was a few inches taller than Rick.

“You know, you almost
killed yourself once,” Johnnie said. “You were out of the band then in a cast
for weeks. Now you just walk out, walk away. That’s fine, Rick, if that’s what
your heart wants. All I’m asking, man, is to just talk with us. If this all
goes down and blows up in our faces, it’s going to kill me. I love you, Rick.
Whether you like it or not, I love you, and so does Chris, Davey, and Danny.”

Rick looked down. When he
looked back up, he looked beat up. “I appreciate that. I just can’t answer anything
right now. I came here and I bottled up in an apartment for a little while and
tried to kill myself more than once. Then I decided to get a house and start a
band. All I wanted was to jam, like I told you guys before. Don’t get me wrong,
I love the fans, but I need to figure myself out.”

“And the woman?” Johnnie
asked.

“She’s my neighbor and
she’s driving me mad.”

“Yeah, they’ll do that to
you,” Johnnie said.

The two men didn’t speak
for another minute. Something was still there, but so much felt lost. So much
forgotten and dragged along the road throughout the years of touring and becoming
what Chasing Cross was.

Johnnie wasn’t sure how
it would all end, but for a Friday night, it ended the way it started - with a
handshake from Rick and a long, lonely drive back to talk to the rest of
Chasing Cross.

(14)

Rick heard the scratching
sound at his front door and it brought him out of a deep, sound sleep on the
couch. For the past week he’d been crashing on the couch and he really didn’t
know why. He just lost the urge to walk the steps and sleep in his own bed.
Maybe because the bed was big and comfortable yet half empty. Seeing the bed
made him think of Sarah even though those implications were so far out of left
field, it was more of a fantasy than anything else.

It was only eight in the
morning, a little too early for Rick to function on a Saturday morning, but the
only feeling running through his head was tiredness. He wasn’t battling a
hangover and he didn’t have the taste of death and regret in his mouth. In his mind
though, well, that was a different story. Talking to Johnnie was unexpected. He
secretly had wanted the band to come find him and put him on the spot. But
seeing Johnnie... that was...

The scratching sound came
at the front door again.

It sounded like an
animal.

Rick opened the front
door carefully, not sure what the hell could be at his door. When he saw the
golden retriever sitting at his door, tongue wagging, her big eyes looking
pretty and innocent, he sighed.

“Molly?” he asked.

The dog stood and wagged
its tail.

“Are you...”

Panic set in for a
second.

Was something wrong with
Sarah?

Rick opened the door and
walked out on the porch. He looked around and didn’t see any signs of Sarah. He
looked down at the dog. She sat again, calm yet with purpose.

“Is Sarah okay?” he
asked.

Molly yipped but didn’t
give a full bark. She also didn’t move. Rick figured if something was wrong
with Sarah the dog would have been panic stricken. So that meant Molly had
somehow snuck out of Sarah’s house and came to Rick’s.

Perfect.

“You know your way home,”
Rick said. “You’re a smart dog.”

Molly stood and nudged
the side of Rick’s leg. He patted the dog and gazed down the street again. He
hoped to see Sarah walking or running, looking for the dog. Then he considered
how he probably looked right then.

A complete mess.

He wasn’t a hangover
mess, but he was still a mess. The sleep had been deep, but that didn’t mean it
was restful. In fact, it was the opposite. Thinking about Johnnie, Chasing
Cross, the major decision he had to made, and the idea of playing the same bar
with the same band and the same songs already started to wear on Rick.

It was all a freaking
mess.

“You want to come in?”
Rick asked Molly.

The dog turned and darted
into Rick’s house. Rick laughed and followed the animal. He had nothing to
offer Molly except a bowl of water, which she drank.

“Well, I need a quick
shower,” Rick said. “Then I’m taking you home. Sarah is going to be going crazy
looking for you. You know that, right?”

Molly whimpered and sat.

“Don’t get mad at me.
She’s going to be mad at you.”

Molly moved to her
stomach, her face between her paws, her innocent eyes looking up at Rick.

“What a dog,” he
whispered.

Rick had a quick cup of
coffee, a glass of orange juice, and a bowl of cereal. He didn’t need to shower
to take Molly back to Sarah’s house. But he wanted to. He wanted to be clean
and fresh, and part of him wanted to slip just a little more into that fantasy.
Whether it came true or not - kissing Sarah, holding her, loving her - it was
something to hold onto.

Rick showered and found
Molly sitting at the bottom of his steps. The dog was so calm, so loyal, and so
damn smart. He patted the dog’s head and went for his shoes. He opened the
front door and whistled for Molly.

“Come on, girl, we have
to get you home.”

Molly took a few steps
towards the door and then stopped. She looked at Rick, wanting something else.

“What?” he asked.

Molly barked.

“I don’t know what you
want,” Rick said. “I’m going to take you home. Is Sarah home?”

Molly wagged her tail.

Was that a yes? A no?

“I’ll go to the front
door,” Rick said. “I’ll make sure you get inside. Is that what you want? You
want me to talk to Sarah?”

Molly started to walk.
She went through the front door and down the porch steps. She stopped on the
sidewalk and looked behind at Rick.

Rick closed the front door
to his house and walked after Molly.

Was this dog really that
smart?

Molly led the way, Rick
knowing the dog had the streets mastered by now. Sarah was a good woman, taking
care of everything around her, including Molly. He wondered about what she did
for herself though. She was the one who said going out to see Rick was the
first night out in a long time.

Down the street and down
the block they went, the golden retriever leading the rockstar drummer.

At Sarah’s house, he
froze. Molly walked to the porch and then rushed back to Rick. Rick wasn’t sure
what to do. He couldn’t believe how nervous he was. To ring a doorbell? To see
Sarah? His mind wondered what she would look like. Would he wake her up? Would
she answer in some kind of nighttime apparel... something with lace, something
flirty...

Rick looked down at Molly.

“Come on, you know what
to do. Go up to the door. Scratch it.”

Molly didn’t listen. Rick
couldn’t believe he was actually looking at a dog as though it were human. As
though it could understand and sympathize with everything Rick felt and wanted
to do.

“You’re going to call me
out,” Rick said.

Molly barked.

A deep bark.

Rick looked at the house.
He expected the front door to swing open and see Sarah there. “Stop that,” Rick
said. “I know I said I’d go in...” Molly barked again. Then again, and again.

Rick crouched down and
started to pet the dog. He was desperate for her to stop. He rubbed her face,
under her chin, yet the dog kept barking. Molly knew exactly what she was
doing.

Then it finally happened.
Rick turned his head towards Sarah’s house and he saw the door open. There
Sarah stood, in tight black pants that came to the middle of her calves and the
tightest black and pink top. Her body was perfect. Her hair was pulled back and
when she saw Rick and Molly, she looked relieved and confused.

“Molly!” she cried out.

Molly closed her mouth
and hurried to sit. She sat right next to Rick, putting Rick smack dab in the
middle of whatever this was.

“Sorry,” Rick said.
“She...”

“Where was she?” Sarah
asked, leaving her house.

“My house,” Rick said.

“You took her?”

“No,” Rick said. “She
woke me up. She was scratching at my door...”

“Molly, get over here,”
Sarah said.

Molly started to pant,
blatantly ignoring Sarah’s command.

“Did she get out?” Rick
asked. “Or I guess I should ask... how?”

“I don’t know,” Sarah
said. “She got out somehow. Scared me half to death. I went upstairs to get
changed for a run and then she was gone.”

Sarah looked visibly
shaken and Rick wanted to comfort her. He wanted to hold her. Whatever her
heart ached from or her heart wanted, Rick wanted to be that man to care for
her.

“She’s fine,” Rick said.
“I gave her some water and then made her come back here.”

“Molly, come here,” Sarah
said.

Molly refused again. She
looked at Rick and Rick knew what he had to do. It was also what he wanted to
do. He began to walk up Sarah’s walkway and Molly stayed right with him.

“I see how it is,” Sarah
said. “Listen to Rick, not me.”

Rick smiled. “Sorry to
impose here.”

Rick was finally close
enough to Sarah to smell her. To the deep, rich color of her eyes.

“Thank you,” Sarah said.
“She only ever ran off once before. When she was a puppy. It took me two hours
to find her.”

Rick petted Molly and
said, “Well, she’s home now.”

Molly scampered up the
steps and into the house, leaving Sarah and Rick alone.

Rick had a million things
to say but he couldn’t find any of the words to make sense of it. Could he
really just tell Sarah that he wasn’t drinking anymore? That it was her... her
beauty, her words, her presence that helped him? That her dog purposely brought
them together?

“How was your show?”
Sarah asked.

“Last night? Good.
Eventful at the end.”

“Yeah?”

“Johnnie showed up. Lead
singer of Chasing Cross.”

Sarah’s eyes widened.
“Bad night then?”

“In my heart, yes,” Rick
said.

“So this is what Rick
normally looks like in the morning? Without covering up a hangover?”

Rick laughed. “Well, if I
have to be honest...”

Sarah’s face dropped.

“I’m not hungover,
Sarah,” Rick said. “I haven’t touched anything in over a week. What you said to
me... that was honest. I appreciate that. I wish someone would have said
something a long time ago. But I did shower before I came over.”

Rick was nervous. He felt
the heat everywhere in his body. Even on his face. He hoped to hell and back he
wasn’t blushing. He’d never blushed a day in his life. Now in front of Sarah,
he turns into this?

“You took my dog into
your house and showered before coming over?” Sarah asked.

“Are you impressed?”

“I’m not sure.”

“I guess you can go for
your run now,” Rick said.

“Yeah. I can.” Sarah
didn’t look away from Rick; it was driving him crazy. “Not that it’s my
business, but what happened with the band?”

Rick couldn’t believe how
open he wanted to be with Sarah. He wanted to spill it all and hoped she would give
him some kind of advice.

“You know, I could use a
run myself,” Rick said.

Sarah laughed. “You run?”

“Are you shocked?”

“I don’t know. When was
the last time you ran?”

Rick thought about it. It
had been... oh, at least a few years, if not more, but he did take care of
himself though. He liked to workout. Drumming required it. He needed to be fit
and now, if it got him time with Sarah, he’d become a runner.

“Can I join you?” Rick
asked.

“You said you already
showered though,” Sarah said.

“That’s the best part of
showers. You can have more than one in a morning.”

Sarah blushed and Rick
hoped it was at the slightest implication of her thinking about him naked. Rick
then told Sarah he’d be back in five minutes and she agreed to wait. He started
to jog away from Sarah’s house, smiling ear to ear. Molly deserved an entire
box of dog treats.

**

Of course Molly would
find a way to get out of the house. Sarah had lied when she said she didn’t
know how and that Molly never did that. Technically she never ran away before,
other than when she was a puppy, but Molly was smart and had a little trick to
get the backdoor open only if it was unlocked. Normally, she would just walk
around the yard, watch the neighbors and traffic, and then finally retreat to
the front porch and wait for Sarah to find her.

But to run to Rick’s
house?

Sarah went back inside to
wait for Rick and found Molly with her chin resting on the arm of the couch,
staring.

“What did you do, girl?”
Sarah asked.

Molly took a deep breath.

No answer was necessary.

Sarah told Molly to stay
put and that her work for the day was done. She then left the house, pulled the
door shut, checked it, and jogged off the porch to the sidewalk. She didn’t
believe that Rick could run, but he was a drummer, so he had to have some kind
of cardio capacity. Not that Sarah wanted to think about Rick’s body, but there
had been no signs of neglect physically. Maybe mentally, sure, but certainly
not physically.

When Rick came around the
corner, Sarah had to look away to gather herself.

Shorts. Sleeveless muscle
shirt. He gently ran with a mischievous look in his eyes that played with too
many of Sarah’s emotions at once.

Rick caught up to Sarah.

“Are we set?” he asked.

“You really want to go
for a run?” Sarah asked.

“Sure. Why? Are you like
a sprinter or something? Or do you run marathons?”

“No, not quite that,”
Sarah said. “I’ve done a handful of 5ks, mostly for animal related charities. I
did get third place in my age group in one of them.”

“An award winning runner.
I’ll see if I can keep up. Then again, the sight wouldn’t be so bad if I lagged
behind.” Rick winked.

Sarah’s jaw almost hit
the sidewalk. Rick laughed and Sarah started to run, needed the air against her
body, to cool it all off, but when Rick started running next to her, there was
no chance of that.

It seemed every few
minutes Rick would somehow find a way to casually bump elbows with Sarah or
look at her, all subtle techniques that threatened to make Sarah trip over her
own two feet and fall flat on her face.

They did settle into a
nice pace, slower than Sarah would normally run, but she had company. Really
good looking company.

“I can’t be sure if I’m
right or wrong,” Rick said, catching Sarah off guard.

“Right or wrong, with
what?”

“You asked me about
Johnnie. He came to talk to me and I can’t be sure if I’m right or wrong.”

Sarah stayed silent for a
few seconds. Her mind had to process the fact that the man next to her wasn’t
just handsome. He was also a major rockstar, and now he was about to seek
advice from a lonely veterinarian.

“I’m sorry to hear that,”
Sarah said, knowing it wasn’t the right answer. At all. “I, I really... well,
why did you walk away then?”

That had been bothering
Sarah for a while now. It had been a couple months since Sarah saw the giant
moving truck backing down the alley. There had to be a good reason for someone
to walk away from that lifestyle, right?