Last Train Home (29 page)

C
hapter Twenty-Nine

I laid in bed the next morning, discovering designs in the ceiling plaster and deciding when and if I would ever get up.  I reached over and looked at my phone.  It was filled with text messages and missed calls from my friends back in
Carver, especially Mandy, who seemed particularly worried about me.  There were a few from Jesse too asking me how I was doing, but I ignored them.  I wasn’t ready to talk to them yet. They were part of everything I needed to forget.

Natasha and Courtney had texted too, but theirs were just the usual messages seeing how everything was going.  I hadn’t told them I was coming back to Boston. I hadn’t told them anything that had happened.  For all they knew, I was still with Alex, living happily in Kansas
, when nothing could be farther than the truth.

Another text from Natasha came through as I was holding the phone.  She was asking me what I had planned today.

I was thinking about grabbing a slice from Mario’s
I texted back, referring to one of my favorite pizza places in Boston. 

What?
She replied back a second later, obviously confused.

I’ve missed it.
  I told her.

She didn’t text back, but a second later, the phone was ringing.

“Hey,” I said nonchalantly.

“Riley!” Her voice so
unded excited. “Where are you?”

“I’m in Boston.”

“Boston!  Why didn’t you tell me?” she demanded.

“I wanted to surprise you.”

“What are you doing here?” she exclaimed.

“I decided to come back.”

“Why?”

“Uh…I
dunno.  Things just weren’t working out,” I said, not wanting to tell her what had really happened.

“I don’t get it.  I thought you
were actually liking it there.  I don’t know
how
you were liking it, but you seemed happy.”

“Things change.”

“What about Alex? Was he okay with you leaving?”

I was quiet for a moment as I pondered how I
would respond to her question.

“We’re not to
gether anymore,” I said simply.

“What?  When did this happen?  You just went to Homecoming last weekend.”  Again, the confusion was evident in her voice.  I wanted to tell her.  She’d been one of my closest friends since sixth grade, but I was too embarrassed to admit to anyone what had really happened.

“It was a couple of days ago.  We just grew apart,” I lied, not bothering to add there was never anything to grow apart from.  He’d just been using me.

“That sucks.  I’m sorry,” Natasha said somberly before her voice returned to her usual
chipperness, vaguely reminding me of Mandy. “So…you’re back for good then or just visiting?”

“I’m back for g
ood.  I’m staying at my dad’s.”

“This is fabulous!” she said excitedly. 
“Will you be at school tomorrow then?”

“I’m not sure yet.  Probably
Wednesday or Thursday, but don’t worry, I’ll be back soon enough.”

“This is great.  Wait till Courtney finds out.  You
wanna hang out today?  I’m dying to see you.  I’m sure Courtney will wanna come too.”

“Actually, I’m
kinda tired from the trip yesterday.”

“C’mon
, Riley!  Don’t be like this.  We haven’t seen you in forever!  We’re coming over later.  I’ll text you when we’re on our way.”

“Fine,” I relented. “But give me at least a few hour
s to wake up and stuff though.”

“Al
right, but we’ll see you soon!”

The phone went silent and I stared at it, wondering why I wasn’t more excited to see my best friends. I should be itching to get my life back to normal, but something was holding me back.  No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about
Carver and Alex and Jesse and all my friends back there. 

With a sigh, I threw the covers off and walked to the window, which looked out onto the stree
t.  It was just as I remembered, complete with a typical New England morning.  The sky was hazy and gray and it seemed much earlier than nine-thirty, like the world was just waking up.  I opened the window and was greeted with cool, crisp air and it smelled like fall.  Most of the trees that lined the street were bare, but a few were still clinging to the vivid fiery leaves I’d been hoping to see.  I was glad a few of them had waited for me. 

I closed the window and decided I should go downstairs.  Robin was probably waiting to make me some big breakfast.  She was always trying to do things to get on my good side.  I was never rude to her, just indifferent, which is why she kept trying.  And sure enough, the moment I stepped into the kitchen, she practically jumped up.

“Good morning, Riley,” she said. “I was going to make some French toast.  Do you want some?”

“Yes
, thanks,” I replied, pulling out a chair and sitting down at the table.

My dad, who was also sitting down, looked over at me and smiled.  He reached over and put his hand on mine.

“How’re you feeling this morning, Ry?” he asked in his deep voice, which was laced with a thick Boston accent.

“I’m good.”

“Did you sleep okay?” Robin called as she mixed the ingredients for the French toast.

“Y
eah, I slept fine,” I told her.

“The bed wasn’t too hard?”

“No, it was fine,” I replied, hoping she’d accept that I genuinely had slept okay and just make breakfast.

“Well, that’s good.  I keep telling your father we need to get a new mattress in there, but you know how he is,” she continued. “I was going to head to the mall this afternoon.  I was thinking you might want to come.  It’s been getting colder and I thought you might like some new sweaters or a jacket.  What do you say?”

“Thanks, Robin, but I think I’m going to just stay home today.  Natasha and Courtney are coming over later.”

“Oh, okay,” she stumbled and I knew she was disappointed and probably felt like a failure once again.  I felt badly for her.  She was trying to be
nice; I just wasn’t in the mood to pretend.

“How about another day?”
I asked, surprising even myself at the gesture.  Normally, I would’ve blown her off completely, but I felt differently today for some reason.

“Really?”
Robin asked, obviously also unable to believe what I’d said.

“De
finitely,” I said and she smiled and returned to the French toast.

“Your mom’s going to call
Carver High and have your records transferred up here again.  We’ll go down to the school on Wednesday or Thursday and register you,” my dad said.

“Sounds good,” I said,
nodding and it did sound good.  In just a few days, I’d be back with my friends, back in the school I knew and back to civilization.

****

At three o’clock, I got a text from Natasha saying that she and Courtney were on their way over.  Now that I’d had a chance to settle in and shower, I was anxious to see them.  It would solidify the fact that I was really back.  It still felt somewhat like a dream.  I’d never thought of my dad’s place as home and I’d always felt a bit like a stranger there.  It still felt that way because I wasn’t back home, the home I’d always known, the home with my dusty purple room.  But, this was my home now.  These boring beige walls were my room and I had to accept it because I couldn’t go back to the townhouse we’d shared as a family or to Carver.

I was watching TV when the doorbell rang.  I opened the door and Natasha and Courtney nearly tackled me. 

“It’s so good to see you!” Natasha exclaimed as she hugged me.

“I can’t believe you’re really back!” Courtney said
, squeezing me a little too tightly.

“Hey,” was all I could say until they let me go a few seconds later and I shut the door.  I took a moment to stop and look at my friends.  Natasha was as beautiful as ever.  Tall and lean with rich, mocha colored skin and long black braids and Courtney was her usual adorable self.  Short and thin with rosy, cherub cheeks.  The only difference was she’d cut her long brown hair to her shoulders.

“You look great!” Courtney exclaimed looking me over.  “I was afraid you’d come back looking like a hillbilly or something.”

“Nope.
  I’m still me,” I said.

“Hey…let me check if you’ve still got all your teeth,” Natasha laughed
, reaching for my mouth and I jumped back.

“Geez
, Tash.  People in Kansas aren’t that bad,” I said defensively.

“That’s not how you made it sound,” she returned. “You made it sound like they were a bunch of illiterates who sit around chewing straw and playing banjos all day.”

“Well, maybe that’s what I thought at the beginning, but not everyone was bad,” I said, thinking about my friends and family I’d grown to know and love during my time there.

“Whatever,” she said. “I’m just glad you’r
e back here where you belong.”

“C’mon, let’s go upstairs and talk,” Courtney said
, grabbing my arm and dragging me away from the living room.

“Hey
, Mr. Regas!” they both called out as we disappeared up the stairs before he had a chance to reply.

“So, are you going to decorate this place or something?” Courtney asked
, looking around the drab room a few moments later when they were sprawled out on the bed and I was sitting in a chair.

“Yeah, I’ll get
around to it.  It is pretty boring in here.  You should’ve seen what Jesse and I did to my room at my grandma’s house.  It was this really bright blue-purple color.  Very bold,” I said, thinking back fondly.

“Who’s Jes
se?” they both asked in unison.

“Oh, he was
a good friend back in Kansas.”

“You never menti
oned him,” Natasha pointed out.

“Yeah
, I did.”

“No
, you didn’t,” she replied insistently.

“I had to have mentioned Jesse,” I said, but
then realized I probably hadn’t with how caught up I’d been with Alex.

“No, you didn’t.  You only ever talked about that Alex guy.  You made it sound like he was the only person you knew there,” she laughed. “I don’t blame you though.  If I had someone who looked like him, I wouldn’t waste my time with anyone else either.”

I felt my stomach turn as I thought of Alex and how I had acted like the sun and moon revolved around him.  I’d been so blinded by everything and I hated it.

“Well, he turned out not to be so great after all,” I said
, trying to sound tough, like breaking up was really no big deal, like I had been the one to make the decision.

“So what was
it like there?” Courtney asked.

“It was quiet, very quiet,” I said
, thinking back to how different it was than Boston. “People are really nice there too, almost like one big family or something.”

“You got pictures?  You didn’t post many on Facebook,” Courtney said.

“Yeah, I’ve got some,” I said, opening my laptop and clicking on my pictures.  I opened up a folder of one of the random times we’d hung out at Jesse’s place and rode four-wheelers and played pool and listened to bad 80s rock way too loudly.

“This is Holly, Laura
and Mandy,” I said, referring to a picture of the three of them sprawled out on the pool table.

“Ah…the Midwestern
versions of us,” Natasha said.

“They could never rep
lace you guys,” I assured them.

“They look pretty
normal,” Courtney pointed out.

“Well, yeah.  That’s because they are normal,” I said
, clicking to the next picture. “This is Jesse,” I said, pointing to a shot of him on a quad.  He was smiling in his faded jeans and red t-shirt.  His smile made me smile too and I wished for a split second I could go back to the sanctuary of Jesse’s property.  Then I shook my head and dismissed it.

“How could you never have mentioned
him
?” Natasha asked as she stared at Jesse.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s
cute
,” she said.

“Jesse?” I asked
, looking again at his tousled brown hair and warm gray eyes. 

“Yeah.
  I may have to convince my parents to move there from the guys you’ve shown me,” Natasha laughed.

“Yeah, I guess Jesse is cute,” I agreed. “And he…he was a really, really good friend,” I said quietly.

“You okay, Ry?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said
, quickly clicking to the next picture.

****

Natasha and Courtney stayed till nine o’clock.  We’d spent the night talking and catching up and we even went to Mario’s to get that pizza I’d been craving.  I’d forgotten how terrible the pizza had been back in Kansas until I’d tasted the garlic and mozzarella of Mario’s special.