Lasting Damage (14 page)

She wanted to see Robin, and she really wanted to talk to her
about her mindfuck of a breakfast she’d had with Sarah the day before.

Jane grabbed a tee-shirt and pair of cut-offs, the ones that were
too short but she figured she might as well let Robin see what she could never
have again.  She dressed as fast as she could, tied her hair into a lose knot
behind her head and grabbed her purse before coming up with a reasonable lie
for Harper.

With her head buzzing and her heart beating a heavy tune in her
chest she cracked open the door to her bathroom, took a breath, and lied to the
one person who she didn’t want to lie to.

 “Hey, my boss just messaged me.” she stammered. “I need to go
down there and pick up my paycheck before he cashes it to pay the light bill.”

“Hold on, give me a minute and I’ll go with you.” Harper pulled
back the shower curtain, her hair a spiky mess of shampoo suds and her creamy
skin glistening and slick with soap.

“No, it’s okay, I won’t be very long,” she replied with lightening
speed. She needed to be fast because looking at Harper made her want to strip
down and hop in the shower with her and, she did not have that option at the
moment. “You hang out here and wait for Riley. If we skip breakfast we can have
stuffed French toast at Two Cats in Brunswick.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Harper leaned back, rinsing some of the
shampoo out of her hair.

“You can raid my closet if you’re a stickler for clean clothes.”
Jane offered. “Top drawer. I’ll pack us a bag when I get back.”

“Are you letting me wear your clothes?” Harper gasped
dramatically. “That’s a big commitment. Do know what this means?”

“Stop.” Jane laughed.

Harper shook her head, she was grinning as she continued teasing
Jane. “In some parts of the world it might mean that I’m your girlfriend.”

“Don’t push it,” she warned jokingly. “Just get yourself pulled
together before I get back.”

Harper laughed as she pushed the shower curtain back into place
and Jane felt like the sneaky asshole she truly was.

*****

Jane wasn’t even to the front door when Chloe caught her making
her escape. She had a cup of coffee in one hand and a bottle of creamer in the
other and a fuzzy, dazed expression on her face.

“Where are you going this early?” She asked as she topped off her
cup.

“I have to run out for a few minutes,” she said. Chloe narrowed
her eyes and stared at her until Jane panicked and blurted out the truth. “Robin
texted me. She wants me to meet her for a quick cup of coffee”

“Christ.” Chloe swore under her breath. “You’re kidding, right?”

Jane looked down the hallway to her bedroom. She could hear Harper
moving around and knew time wasn’t her friend. “It’s just a cup of coffee.”

“Does Harper know?”

“No,” Jane whispered. “She doesn’t need to because it’s not a big
deal.”

“If it’s not a big deal why aren’t you telling her?” Chloe cocked
an eyebrow and watched Jane squirm under her questioning.

“I just need to clear up a few things.” Jane replied.

 “It’s
dishonest.” Chloe took a slow sip of her coffee before continuing.
“You shouldn’t be so willing to put your relationship with Harper
at risk. The two of you just patched things up and you trying very hard to
screw it up.”

“That’s
not what’s happening here.” Jane

 “Does
Harper know you’re going on dates with-”

“They’re
not dates.” Jane interrupted. “Look, there are a few things I have to
straighten out with Robin, stuff Sarah said that deserves clarification.”

Chloe
crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. “I hope you know what
you’re doing,” she remarked, her eyes filling with disappointment.

“So
do I,” Jane said as she turned away and made a beeline for the door.

14.

Harper was at the kitchen table, her
first cup of coffee and a new stack of papers when Alice rushed in
with a panicked expression on her face.

“Hi,” she gave her a wave before returning to her work.

“Where’s Riley?” Alice steepled her fingers and pressed them to
her lips. “Is he still here?”

“Bathroom.” Harper informed her.

Alice nodded and lowered her gaze to the floor. Harper assumed she
was going to hold the pose until her brother returned and was surprised when
she cleared her throat and whispered, “I told you she was going to do it.”

“Excuse me?”

“Jane,” Alice said her sister’s name with such righteous
indignation it sounded like a curse. “I told you she was only using you to get
back at Robin.”

“So you did.” Harper agreed with as little emotion as she could. Chloe
and Lily had already warned her that Alice was on a tear this morning and there
was no use in trying to reason with her.

“People never believe me,” she grumbled as she began to walk
around the table. “They don’t listen to a word I say and then the wonder why
things unravel the way they do.”

Harper looked back down at the papers in front of her. She was
doing her best to stay focused until Riley came back, but with Alice circling like
a hungry bird, it was nearly impossible.

“You have no idea what’s going on, do you?” Alice stopped walking,
put both hands on the table and grinned at her. “You’re just sitting here
waiting for someone to put you out of your misery.”

Harper stopped what she was doing and watched as Alice started
circling again. “Why don’t you sit down so we can talk about it?”

“I can’t sit,” Alice said with a shake of her head. “If I sit all
the thoughts will fall out and I won’t remember what I need to tell you.”

Harper stood up. She had a nagging feeling Alice was getting ready
to pounce and she wanted to be prepare to either run for the door or defend
herself. “What do you need to tell me?”

Alice ran her hands over the top of her head, she pulled her hair back
and let it fall in wild waves around her shoulders. “She out with Robin right
now.”

“Robin?”

“Yes. They’re on a date.” She nodded furiously. “I overheard Chloe
trying to talk her out of it, but Jane said that she needed to see Robin. She
said she needed an answer to something.”

“Okay.” Harper backed up when Alice stopped to stare at her. As
much as she’d like to think she had the ability to defend herself in a fight
she didn’t. The people who raised her were practiced non-violence. They were
pacifists and hemp-wearing vegans.

“You don’t understand what I’m saying.” Alice’s voice blossomed
with the same urgency reflected in her eyes. “She was in love with her. Desperately
in love.”

“She was seventeen.” Harper swallowed the kernel of fear that sat
at the edge of her throat.

“The first thing you have to understand is that I love my sister
but she’s not a good person.” Alice pinched the bridge of her nose with one
hand and held the other out as if to stop an oncoming train. “She’s got this
amazing act, convincing people that she’s something she’s not, but it’s all a
lie.”

“Alice,” Harper began. “Why don’t you sit down? You look stressed.”

“She works so hard to get people to see me as irrational and out
of control, but you have to trust what I’m saying,” she pleaded. “I’m not
trying to hurt you but I’m the only one who’s going to be honest. Everyone else
in Jane’s life is either too scared of her or depended on her for money and
drugs. Lily and Chloe will never do anything against her because she keeps them
supplied with cash and pills, and Riley’s afraid that she’ll start something
with Mom.”

“Why don’t we wait for Riley? It would be better if you told the
both of us?”

“Like I said, I love my sister.” Alice pressed both hands to her
chest and leaned forward as if she were trying to plead a hopeless case. “I
don’t have the stomach to sit back and watch her do this to one more person.”

“Alice, I know you’re trying to help but I think we should wait
for your brother,” she stammered. “Or maybe Lily or Chloe? You can stay here
and I’ll go get them.”

 “I don’t need you to get anyone else. I don’t have anything to
say to them because this is all about the lie she told you.”

“Alice, Please.” Harper felt like her face was on fire. She was in
so far over her head she doubted there was a way out that didn’t involve Alice
taking her to the floor. “Just sit down.”

“She met Sarah,” she hissed.

“Jane and I aren’t tethered at the wrist.” Harper tried to explain
but her words only seemed to make Alice’s face darken with anger. “She can meet
with whoever she wants. Jane and Sarah were friends-”

“Sarah was never her friend!” Alice screamed. “Jane hated Sarah!
She probably still hates her which is why she’s trying to get back together with
Robin!”

 “Alice?” Riley asked as he came up behind her. “What are you
doing?”

“I’m keeping Harper safe from Jane.” Alice spun on her heels. “She
lied to her. She’s with Robin right now.”

Harper took a step back, the color in Alice’s face drained to a
painful shade of white that even her purple lipstick couldn’t hide and her eyes
fluttered for a second before she grabbed for the chair in front of her.

“Shit,” Riley swore as he caught Alice in his arms. “Call 911 and
help me empty her pockets.”

15.

Jane regretted her choice
of casual
clothing the second she saw Robin standing outside the coffee shop. She was
holding two extra large cups of coffee and dressed head to toe in Prada.

As
she walked closer she reminded herself that it didn’t matter and she should’ve
expected as much. Robin always made it a point to be better dressed than anyone
else so feeling like a miserable slob came with the pleasure of being in her
company.

Jane
took a deep breath and told herself to keep moving forward. Robin looked good.
Short red nails, Coffee colored hair styled into a sleek, angled bob that
highlighted her graceful neck and spectacular cheekbones. Robin, true to form,
was all angles and lines and the very best money could buy.

A true power lesbian if she’d ever seen one.

 “For
you,” Robin said as Jane got close enough to hand over one of the cups. “Real
sugar. Real cream. Three shots of espresso.”

“I
see you remembered.” Jane replied.

“You’re
the only person I know who drinks it that way,” Robin eyed her carefully before
taking a sip. “Everyone else wants almond milk, half-decaf and a teaspoon of
stevia.”

“Good
thing I’m not
everyone
.” Jane sighed as she popped off the plastic lid
and let some of the steam escape. “I guess we’re skipping over the customary
greetings?”

“Seemed
unnecessary,” Robin shrugged. “It’s not like we don’t know one another.”

“And
it’s not like we’re here to catch up or talk about the good old days.” Jane put
the lid back on her drink and remembered how much she didn’t like other people
ordering her coffee. “Should we go inside and sit or maybe walk around or
something?”

Robin
stared at her as if she’d just said something particularly stupid before she
nodded and moved away from the wall. “Walking sounds good.”

Jane
tightened her grip on the cup. She figured the easiest course of action was to
let her coffee companion decide which direction she wanted them to go. Robin,
never one to hesitate, turned right and started walking away from the direction
that Jane had come from.

 “You
and Sarah?” she asked as she fell into step beside Robin. “What’s going on with
the two of you?”

“Besides
the fact that we delight in mistreating one another?” Robin’s laughter sounded
heavy, as it filled the air in front of them. For a second Jane imagined that
it was a physical thing, like rain or snow and they were walking through it to
get to their chosen destination. She could see how it would cling to them,
slowing their steps until movement became impossible.

Jan
decided to try another tactic before she gave up on the conversation before it
had a chance to begin. “Maybe we should start with why you and I are having
coffee?”

“I
felt the need to warn you.” Robin brought the cup to her lips and took a sip.
“She has a tendency to become fixated on people.”

“I’m
going to assume it’s not the good kind of fixated.” Jane responded.

Robin
didn’t say anything else until they’d cleared the next cross walk. “Can I ask
you a question?”

“Sure?”
Jane answered.

Robin
took another sip of her coffee before asking, “Did she try to fuck you?”

“No.”
Jane was grateful that she had an honest answer to the question even though her
brain was foggy with guilt. “I’m not really sure what she was trying to do. She
kept talking about how pathetic I was and that you needed to have someone you
could rescue and the two of you could rescue me together and it would save your
relationship.”

“Please
tell me you didn’t encourage her.” Robin groaned.

“Me?”
Jane shook her head. “Not my circus. Not my monkeys.”

“That’s
a good description of the situation.” Robin laughed again, this time it sounded
sad and a little broken. “Circuses and monkeys. Sarah and I have become angry
primates.”

Jane
had a joke sitting on the tip of her tongue, something about flinging shit, but
the depth of hurt in Robin’s eyes kept her from unleashing it. “She also told
me that she has a tendency to stray.”

“Her
word,” Robin said. “Not mine.”

“Of
course not, you’re a lawyer.”

“What
gave me away?”

“The
suit.” Jane told her. “It was either lawyer, banker or funeral director.”

“Please
tell me I don’t look like a bank teller.” Robin scowled.

“You’d
rather look like a funeral director?”

“God,
yes.”

“Fine,
Loan officer.” Jane shot back before Robin could start grumbling again. “You
don’t have the necessary giant wall of hair to be a bank teller.”

“Or
the love of cheap perfume.” She added.

Jane
followed Robin as she crossed the street and headed deeper into the Old Port
before asking the question that was currently bothering her, “I’m still not
sure I know what’s really going on.”

“That
makes two of us.” Robin answer was bitter, like unsweetened coffee left to
steep too long. “She makes messes. People get hurt because she’s gotten sloppy
and she expects me to clean things up for her.”

“You
must be tired.” It was the most comfort Jane could offer to old friend she
detested. She simply acknowledged of her suffering and kept going. Jane didn’t
think she owed Robin emotional support or connection and she doubted it was
what Robin was looking for at the moment.

 “I
miss having a sense of personal dignity.” Robin slowed her step enough to give
Jane the lead. Her voice was curt, perfunctory, as if she were sitting in her
office talking to a room of lawyers about the kinds of things lawyers talk
about. “I blamed myself when I first found out what she was doing but now I’m
not sure who to blame.”

“For?”
Jane asked.

Robin
stopped walking and made herself busy with the lid on her cup.  “She likes to
break people up. Disassembling happy couples is her specialty.”

“I
see,” Jane said.

“You’re
allowed to smirk,” said Robin. “Or talk about the irony of the situation.”

“I’m
making an attempt to be a better person.”

“That’s
very noble of you considering her goal was to get us back together so she could
break us up again.” Robin announced.

“She
wants a redo on the break up?” Jane let out an exasperated groan. “That’s
classic. Seven years later and she’s still trying to prove how much better she
is than me at keeping a girlfriend. Is it why you guys moved back to Portland?
So she can relive her high school triumphs?”

“No,
running into you was just an unexpected surprise for her.” Robin unbuttoned her
sleek blazer and straightened out her crisp blue shirt underneath. “Sarah wore
out her welcome in Burlington. It was a small city and there were only so many
people she could piss off before she became a social liability.”

“Portland’s
not that big either.” Jane reminded her. “You start messing with people’s lives
and everyone notices.”

Robin
tossed her empty cup into a trash can before picking up the pace. “It’s new and
it’ll take her a while to really burn her bridges.”

“Why
do I get the impression you’re not sticking around to watch her go up in flames?”

“Because
I’m not.” Robin tucked her hair behind her years and kept her eyes on the
sidewalk ahead of them.” “I have a job at a good firm in Boston and I’ve found
her a therapist willing to work with her. The rent on the house is paid up for
the next year and I won’t leave until she has a job. I know you probably think
I’m being cruel but she’s out of control and isn’t willing to do anything about
it.”

“I
never said you were being cruel.” Jane stated. “It does feel a little bit like
when people trap raccoons and dump them somewhere else.”

“That’s
not what I’m doing.”

Jane
took a sip of her coffee and tried to think of what she was supposed to say. Most
of the words floating around in her head felt hollow and insincere. When it
came right down to it, she didn’t know why it mattered. Being thought of as an
asshole was never much of a problem and seeing as how Robin’s escape plan was
already in place she wasn’t obliged to extend any promise of kindness or
friendship.

As
a matter of fact, Jane was more confused now than when she’d left her
apartment. None of the questions she’d had had been addressed and all that’s
she’d really accomplished was getting a free cup of coffee and an aerobic
workout that she didn’t want.

Jane
opened her mouth to tell Robin she was done talking when her phone beeped.

“Hold
on,” Jane said before they could turn down one more street.

Robin
turned and watched Jane scramble to find her phone in her mess of a bag. It
took an embarrassingly long time but she refused to apologize or look ashamed
at carrying around so much crap. Instead she pulled it out as quickly as she
could hit the message button. To her surprise, Lily’s number popped up and a
message blinked to life on the screen.

‘Alice passed out

Going to MM.

Hurry’

“Fuck,”
She swore and tossed the phone back into her purse. She could feel her stomach
turn, the sweet coffee sloshing around making her nauseas. At least she wanted
to blame it on Robin’s coffee because putting the blame on Alice for one more
thing didn’t feel right at the moment. “Fucking fuck.”

Robin
narrowed her eyes with every new curse word that came out of Jane’s mouth. “Everything
okay?”

“No,”
she answered with as much calm as she could muster. “I need to get across town.”

“What’s
going on?” Robin reached out and placed a hand on Jane’s arm. It was strangely
comforting and upsetting at the same time but Jane gave her credit for trying.

“My
sister’s been taken to Maine Med,” she stammered, the panic attack that always
seemed to be threatening to rear its ugly head moved to the forefront of her
brain. “Something happened. I’m not sure but I need to get over there.”

“Come
on.” she motioned as she turned around and started walking in the opposite
direction. “I’ll drive you.”

*****

Harper sat on the bench outside the emergency room entrance at
Maine Medical Center with Lily and Chloe waiting for Jane to show up. They’d
tried staying in the waiting room but empty chairs were at a premium on Sunday afternoon,
so they scoured the first floor until they found cheap candy bars and the worst
coffee in town from a machine left over from the age of the dinosaur.

With the exception of all the weirdness from Alice, Harper didn’t
think it was the worst way to spend a few hours until a black Lexus pulled up
across the street and two women got out and Lily’s head snapped around.

Harper stuffed the last bite of her candy bar into her mouth and
took notice at how different the women were dressed. The driver, was decked out
in a sleek grey designer suit and looked like she chewed uncooked testicles for
lunch while the passenger, dressed in cutoffs and a tee-shirt, looked
surprisingly like Jane.

“You’re shitting me,” Lily said under her breath.

“What?” Chloe stood up, her breath catching in a gasp before she
muttered something unintelligible.

Harper swallowed the bite of chocolate and tossed the rest of her
stale cup into the trashcan.  She tried to stand up but couldn’t get any
traction since Lily had a hand on her belt, forcing her back down on the bench.

“What is it with all the manhandling you people do?” Harper
laughed as she pried Lily’s fingers loose.

“We should go back in,” Chloe stuttered nervously. “We should
check on Alice.”

“Who’s that with Jane?” Harper stood up moving and watched as Jane
took a step away from the car. “That’s not her boss. Her boss is a guy and
that’s not a guy.”

Lily shook her head but didn’t answer. Neither did Chloe.

“Is it Sarah?” Harper asked, the memory of Alice’s warning fresh
in her brain.

“I didn’t know she…” Lily’s voice faded away as her face flushed
with anger.  “I texted Jane to tell her about Alice. No one told me about this.”

“Who is that?” Harper asked, her voice going higher with dread. “One
of you needs to tell me.”

“It’s Robin,” Chloe said, her voice carrying a deep sense of
resignation. “I’ve never seen her but Jane said she was going to meet her this
morning.”

“You should’ve told me.” Lily muttered.

“Come on, Lily.” Chloe motioned for her friend to follow. “Let’s
go check on Alice.”

Harper felt sick to her stomach. She didn’t know if she should run
for the hills like the coward she wanted to be, or stay where she was and ask
the questions she felt she deserved to ask.

She didn’t have the chance to make the decision on her own. The
car pulled away and Jane turned around. It took her a moment to cross the
street and another moment to make eye contact. Harper could tell by the look of
surprise on Jane’s face that she hadn’t witness Lily and Chloe’s awkward
departure.