Laura Matthews (16 page)

When her tears did not cease, and she seemed unable to speak or move, he lifted her and carried her into the bedroom where he placed her gently on the bed. He dipped a cloth in the basin of water and brought it to wipe her face tenderly. When her eyes opened, still moist with tears, he asked, “Can I get you something? A vinaigrette or a glass of water?”

Silently she shook her head. Noah kissed her brow and stroked her black ringlets. “If you need anything, just call for me. I’m a light sleeper.” He rose wearily and pulled the covers over her, tucking them under her chin. “Forget all this nonsense and sleep well, Olivia.”

Before he could leave she clutched at his hand and whispered, “I’m being childish, aren’t I, Noah? A grown woman would not be afraid, would she?”

“I doubt it has anything to do with age, Olivia, though it has a great deal to do with experience,” he replied, his face serious as he crouched beside the bed. “I imagine a woman of most any age who has had as little contact with men—in the right context—as you have had would be afraid. It’s difficult for me to understand your fear,” he admitted, drawing a hand through his hair. “Men expect such experiences to be pleasurable. They have little modesty, perhaps rather the reverse.” He gave a mirthless laugh and pressed her hand. “I had thought perhaps just being married would overcome a woman’s natural shyness somewhat, but there’s really no reason why it should.”

“But someone older would go through with it all the same,” she persisted.                              

Noah considered her statement for a moment. “Possibly. That wouldn’t necessarily make it the right thing to do. If you take such a step out of duty, hampered by fear, I imagine it’s far more likely that those two burdens will remain with you. And I don’t want that, Olivia. I
know
women can find it a pleasurable experience as well as men.”

“Perhaps only certain women do.”

“Don’t fool yourself that ‘bad’ women enjoy it and ‘good’ ones don’t, Olivia,” he said shortly. “You’re all given similar bodies, so the potential is there for each of you. If I deliberately swallowed food without tasting it, I would be denying myself a God-given sense to no purpose. To deny yourself the pleasure you can have during intimacy is no less absurd and unfair. That’s enough talk, my dear. You should go to sleep.”

Olivia’s eyes indeed felt heavy with fatigue but she mumbled, “Do not sleep in the other room, Noah. Stay here with me, please.”

“Very well, my dear.” Noah discarded his dressing gown, climbed into the bed on the opposite side and drew the covers over him. Within minutes he could tell by her regular breathing that she was asleep and he disposed himself to do likewise, though he expected that it would be some time before he would accomplish that goal. The next thing he knew it was early morning with pale sunlight sifting through the chintz curtains. He turned to see Olivia huddled on the far side of the bed, not stirring.

Aware that she would be embarrassed to awaken in the sheer negligee with him to see her, he climbed out of bed and searched for her dressing gown, which he found carefully folded on a chair near the wardrobe. He quietly placed it on the nightstand where she would see it first thing.

“Noah.” He turned to see that her eyes were watching him, so he smiled and bid her good morning. “I hope you slept well, Olivia. It’s early, though, and there’s no need for you to rise yet. I’ll be in the other room, and perhaps you’ll join me there later when you’ve dressed.” With a vague gesture toward the dressing gown, he bent down to place a fleeting kiss on her lips.

“Would you ... stay here ... with me for a while?” she asked hesitantly. “Unless you have something pressing to do, that is.”

“Not a thing.” He grinned as he sat down on the edge of the bed where she made room for him. “I’d not even dare ring for Robert this early.”

Olivia struggled to sit up in the bed and Noah hastily reached for her dressing gown, but she shook her head shyly. “It’s chilly, though. Perhaps you could get a fire started.”

It took him a moment to react to her suggestion, but then he jumped up abruptly and set about his task. Several minutes later there was a steady blaze and he glanced up to find that she was standing behind him warming herself. He drew two chairs in front of the fireplace, unable to think of anything to say. The gauze gown was completely transparent.

“Are you warm enough?” he asked after a while.

“Yes, the fire’s toasty.” Olivia sat curled up in the chair, but she made a valiant effort not to cover her breasts with her arms, as she longed to do. “There’s no point in my going to this trouble for you, Noah, if you’re going to stare at the fire.”

He laughed and turned to her. “I didn’t wish to embarrass you, Olivia. Are you feeling so brave as to sit on my lap?”

“Almost,” she retorted, her color heightened. After a moment she rose and gingerly joined him. He hugged her against him and started to kiss her. Olivia felt warm and comfortable in his embrace until his hands touched her breasts.

When she stiffened he asked casually, “Do you know why I touch your breasts, my dear?”

Surprised, she stammered, “I... suppose because you enjoy it.”

A low chuckle rumbled through him. “Yes, I do, but mostly I touch you so that
you
can enjoy yourself. I cannot want you to be ashamed and embarrassed by your body. You should be proud of it, and familiar with it. I wonder why women are taught to ignore their bodies, except to attract men,” he mused as he continued to fondle her. “There is something innately deceitful in that, don’t you think? It’s like luring a dog with a bone, and then not giving it to him, or giving him a stick instead. “You see,” he confided, “men don’t necessarily view a beautiful woman as a work of art, just as the dog doesn’t view a bone in that light. Men tend to envision attractive women as partners in bed.”

Olivia regarded him with fascination during this recital, never unaware of his hands, but distracted by the confidential manner in which he was delivering his lecture. “Are men then not interested in a woman’s other qualities—her abilities as mistress of a home, or as a mother to their children, or as a companion with whom to have intelligent conversations?”

“Ah, there you have touched on an interesting point, Olivia. Certainly men are interested in those qualities, but if you wish for me to be frank with you I would have to say that the other thought comes first. It’s usually discarded with old women and young girls, to be sure, and then one concentrates on other points of merit. But in the main the first thought will be of bed. You must not think too hardly on men for this aberration, Olivia. After all, there is the propagation of the species to be attended to,” he philosophized.

“You’re joking,” she scolded him.

“No, certainly not,” he protested. “Think about it a moment. Men are not lost to all sense of what is fitting, however. They’re perfectly willing to bed women they would never contemplate taking to wife. That can be risky, as you may remember. No, what a man wants in a wife is another matter entirely, but it seldom stops short of wishing that she be desirable in bed. Now, let us consider the question of... No, that can wait for another time. I have promised to be more frank with you in our dealings, and I should like to point out to you that I have been talking to you in such a vein to calm your agitation, and to allow your body the freedom to respond, as it has.”

“Yes,” she whispered, “but how do you know?”

He explained to her, and continued, “I don’t mean to embarrass you by speaking so, but only so you’ll understand. The natural conclusion to such a state of arousal is mating; it is the object toward which the body aims. But,” he went on in answer to her look of fright, “we shall not progress so far.”

Although Olivia was relieved by his assurance, she found, paradoxically, that she was also just the least bit disappointed. When he kissed her she found herself responding in a wholly unprecedented manner, which appeared entirely satisfactory to him. His hands had continued to caress her, and her fear and longing were equal. Abruptly he stopped and murmured apologetically, “I cannot justify exciting you any further, Olivia, and frankly I cannot bear it. Put on your dressing gown and I’ll have breakfast sent up.”

She gazed at him bewildered for a moment and then protested, “But what... will happen with my body?”

“In a few minutes it will relax, the excitement will fade. Don’t be alarmed, little lady, it can be excited again,” he teased as he lifted her from his lap.

Olivia flushed becomingly and murmured, “I certainly hope so,” before drifting off to the stand where her dressing gown lay. Noah watched her wrap it about herself with a sigh; and when he could, he rose to ring for breakfast.

As they drove through the streets of Cambridge, Noah pointed out Trinity College and related a few amusing anecdotes, causing Olivia to comment, “You must have been happy here.”

Startled, he glanced out the window. “I never thought about it much, but, yes, I suppose I was. My studies were not difficult, my friends were enjoyable and it was my first taste of real independence.”

Once in the open countryside again, she was conscious of the two of them alone in the carriage and of his eyes on her. Nervously she folded her hands in her lap. “I like knowing where you spent your days at University.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to know more about you. Really, you say very little about yourself.”

“I’m a private sort of person, Olivia.” There was a subtle undertone to the statement, almost a stricture not to pry into his private life, and he saw her face cloud. Wishing to clear the air of any unnecessary restraint, he smiled and drew her to him. “On the other hand, I am an affectionate fellow, as I believe I have mentioned, and it has been at least an hour since I kissed you.” He held her gently, kissing her lips and eyelids. “And I
think
you are very affectionate yourself.”

Wonderingly she withdrew from his embrace. “I would not be at all surprised, Noah.”

Chapter Fifteen

After dinner in their room at the Swan and Castle, Noah asked Olivia if she would like him to read to her a while and when she agreed he had her sit beside him so that he could put his arm around her shoulders. At first she listened to the story, but after a while she found herself studying his profile and wishing that he would stop.

He turned to regard her, a slight smile on his lips. “Would you like to change into your night clothes now?” When she nodded, he rose and set the book aside. “I’ll have Marie come to you.”

Olivia allowed Marie to undress her and assist her into her nightdress and dressing gown, but when the maid had left she hurriedly changed into the silver and black negligee, covering it with the dressing gown once more, and seated herself by the fire to await Noah. He was not long in coming and extinguished the candles in the room before joining her near the fire.

“It’s been another long day for you, Olivia. You must tell me if you wish to go to bed now.”

“No, I... I would like to sit up with you for a while, Noah.”

“Good.”

“I’ve been thinking about some of the things
you told me this morning.”

“And?”

“Well, I wondered if what you said about men, and how they think of women, I wondered if maybe you thought that because it was true of you, and you merely assumed that other men felt the same way.”

“I see. It’s conceivable, but I would venture from the discussions I’ve had with men on the topic of women to believe that it is true of a vast number, and probably the majority of men.”

“It doesn’t bother you to feel that way?”

“No, how should it? It’s not an obsessive thing, Olivia, but merely one of the first things to strike a man. We continue to play by the rules society has set down for us, so it can do no harm to think what we wish.”

“Did you ... think of me that way when we first met?”

He grinned. “Well, when we first met you fell into the class of young girls, my dear, and it took me a while to rid myself of that idea. Later, yes, I did. Perhaps I should explain that these are daydreams, fantasies, for the most part never acted on. But women dress attractively to gain a man’s attention, and, like it or not, they get just that. I believe that is how our discussion of the matter started. Come and sit on my lap, Olivia. I was merely pointing out this morning that it is unjust for women to attract that attention, hold it through a period of time leading to marriage, and then expect that a man will not wish to act on it.” She was seated on his lap and he proceeded to unfasten her dressing gown. When he saw that she was wearing the negligee he hugged her and said, “Thank you, my dear.”

After he removed her dressing gown he set his aside as well, clad only in his nightshirt. “Do you think it unfair that I should see your body and you cannot see mine?” he asked blandly.

“Oh, no,” she murmured, horrified.

“I thought not,” he said dryly. “Have you ever seen a man’s naked body?”

“Never,” she declared fervently. “I... I do not wish to, Noah.”

He sighed. “I realize that, Olivia. Let it be for now.” His stroking of her body had progressed slowly to her breasts. “When we return to Welling Towers I want you to consider redecorating your suite. Mother has retained it until now on my insistence, but she’ll have moved to a suite of rooms to the back of the house by the time we return. She showed you your rooms, did she not?”

“Yes, several weeks ago, but they are quite attractive now, Noah. There’s really no need to refurbish them.” The sensations she had felt that morning were again beginning to claim her and her words were slightly breathless.

“They’re tasteful,” he admitted, while he slipped the negligee over her arms and down to her waist, and she gave a shudder of apprehension, “but they’re not in your style, I think.” He touched her bare breasts for the first time unhampered by the gauzy fabric. “You don’t mind, do you, Olivia?”

“N... no. I was only startled at first,” she said softly. She watched numbly as he leaned to kiss each breast in turn, an urgent longing growing in her. “You don’t think it would be wise to stop now?”