Lead (33 page)

“You feel so hard, Jimmy.”

“Do I now?” he asked, tugging on my hair just a little. Enough to light up all of the nerve ending on my scalp.

I gasped.

“I love the noises you make,” he said. “I wonder how you’ll sound when I bite your sweet peach of an ass. It really is fucking magnificent, Lena. Of course, I’ll finger your gorgeous pussy when I do it. Wouldn’t want it to feel neglected.”

“That’s sweet of you.” I slipped my hand between us, grasping his huge cock. “Would you like me to lick this, Jimmy? Of course I’m happy to suck it as well.”

“Are you now?”

“We haven’t done that yet.”

He pressed his forehead against mine. “No, we haven’t. And you do have a beautiful mouth.”

I set my hands against his stomach and pushed, taking a step back. His arms fell from around me.

“Right now?” he asked.

“What could be more romantic?” I smiled.

He out and out grinned. “I don’t know a shitload about romance. But I’d have to be a god damn idiot to turn down a blow job from you. But are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Thick, fluffy white towels hung on the railing. I pulled one down, folded it and threw it at his feet.

His gaze moved between me and the towel. “You sure, you’re sure?”

“Very.” I pulled down another towel and tossed it on top of the first.

I got down on my knees.

His pupils seemed to have doubled in size almost. “Lena.”

“Yeah?” My hand traveled up his legs, over his firm thighs. I undid his belt buckle, tore into the button and zipper of his jeans.

“Forgot what I was going to say …”

“Never mind. I like that you go commando.” I took him in hand. Christ, he felt hot, so wonderfully warm. The skin was velvety soft, the broad head darkening to red. He filled my grip in a great way.

His hands fisted at his sides.

“And I really like your dick, Jimmy.”

“Christ.”

“I mean, seriously like it.” My thumb smoothed over the eye of his penis, teasing just so. His thigh muscles twitched. “But I like you as a whole even more.”

He tensed. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” I smiled. “You want my glasses on or off for this?”

“On,” he answered instantly.

“Okay, but no cum on the lenses, that’s not cool. Understood?”

A muscle jumped in his jaw.

“All right, then.”

I dragged the flat of my tongue across the head of his cock, collecting a bead of salty cum for my trouble. Yummy. Give me more. Normally, sperm didn’t set my world on fire, but anything this man’s body made for me was to be savored.

Such was the absolute lunacy of my love for him.

I wanted to make him feel as adored and wanted as he did me. To chase the doubt from his eyes and give him nothing but pleasure.

I took him into my mouth, sucking before laving the underside with my tongue. All due care was given to the sweet spot. I massaged it with the tip of my tongue until he swore quite profusely, his hips kicking forward. My spare hand cupped his balls, rolling them gently, the skin so soft and delicate. His hard flesh stretched my jaw, filled my mouth, and the musky scent of him was all I could smell. I took him in as deep as I could, working him with tongue, teeth, and lips. My hand stroked the rest of him, keeping all of him occupied. Careful of my teeth, I drew back, then forged forward again.

“Fuck, Lena.” His heavy balls drew up closer to his body. “Feels so fucking nice.”

And he’d used a word I just had to question. His dick came free of mouth with a faint popping sound.

“Nice?” I asked, curling my swollen lips into a smile.

He watched me through hooded lids. “Very nice.”

I fit my lips around the head once more, sucking hard. His hips bucked in response. It was time to finish him off. The muscles in his stomach tensed, his legs went rigid. I sucked with all my might, hollowing my cheeks and taking him deep.

“God damn it, Lena.” Various growling and snarling noises came above me. He was such an animal.

Hot bitter salty cum filled my mouth and throat. I swallowed fast, taking it all. It never even crossed my mind to spit … this was Jimmy. He came and he came as I worked him down gently, stroking his cock and rubbing his balls, cherishing him. His whole body slumped and he panted for air. My work here was done. The man was decimated.

“Help me up,” I said, tugging on his jeans. His eyes slowly blinked open and he held out a hand to me. I took it, letting him doing the heaving lifting involved in pulling me back up onto my feet. “Thanks.”

An arm shot out, wrapping around my neck, pulling me in against him. His whole body trembled.

“You okay?” I asked.

A nod.

“Feeling a little emotional, huh?” I petted his hair. “That’s okay. It was an emotional blow job.”

He snorted.

I gave him a squeeze. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“I’m clean, Lena,” he said, face pressed into my neck. “Got tested, everything came up negative, okay?”

“Oh, yeah, I swallowed. Didn’t even think about that.”

The arms of steel around me didn’t falter. “I liked that you swallowed.”

Warm damp lips rubbed against my neck. Such affection from him, I’d never known the likes of it. My head swam with joy and the most disturbing words rose up and up inside of me until they stuck in my throat. And still they pushed and shoved their way out of me with such thoughtless dumb-ass intent. I tried to stop them because I knew better, I really did. But they spewed forth from my tortured lovelorn soul while my brain watched on in complete and utter horror.

“I love you, Jimmy.”

Silence.

Absolute, dead silence.

The man in my arms snap froze, even his breathing faltered.

“I mean, not that it’s a big deal or anything.” My mouth, I wanted to kill it slowly and painfully in many and varied ways. We’d been in a good place, in the moment, and I had to go and wreck it, pressing for more. “You don’t have to say anything. In fact you shouldn’t, it would be better if you didn’t, and we’ll just carry on exactly as we were and pretend this never even happened, okay? Because we’re doing great, just fine, and I really don’t want anything to change.”

Hands gripped my arms and forcibly removed me from him. Every instinct in me said duck and cover, run. Whatever happens, I should not look at his face. Because it was pale and drawn, and his eyes were vaguely terrified. “You love me?”

“Jimmy …”

He looked at me like I was foreign to him, unknown and unwanted in every way that mattered.

“Lena, I can’t … I don’t …”

“No, I know.” Right then, I was dead in all the ways that mattered. My lungs just hadn’t figured it out yet.

From down below came yipping and barking. Little nails scrabbled at my black stockings, shredding them beyond repair. He must have been snoozing under the counter and gotten woken up with Jimmy’s yelling.

“Hey, Killer.” I picked up the small bundle of black-and-white terror. He was the perfect distraction to my strung-out heart. “I didn’t see you in here. Where were you hiding?"

“We better go back out.” Jimmy studied the far wall with great ardor. I guess anything was better than looking at me and my messy, out-there emotions. Such an embarrassment.

“Yeah. I guess so.” I led the way back out, same as I’d led him into my emotional blow job trap in the first place. Women were the worst. Killer’s wet little nose rubbed at my chin.

“Son,” Mal called to dog in greeting. He was still chatting with Anne and Lizzy on the sofa. “I was wondering where you’d gotten to.”

“Found him snoozing in the bathroom.” I handed the fur baby over to his daddy.

Mal’s green eyes narrowed. “Your lips are unnaturally puffy and your lipstick is all worn away. What the hell were you two doing in the bathroom within sight of my firstborn child?”

“Nothing,” I said, backing up a step. This was the last damn thing I needed.

He held the pup in front of his face. “Killer, tell daddy where the bad people touched you.”

“We didn’t do anything.” I turned to Jimmy but he was still too busy being shell-shocked, the useless jerk.

“He’s traumatized! Just look at him.” Mal held up the puppy for all to see. Delighting in the attention, Killer waggled his tail and barked loudly twice.

“Here, give him to me.” Anne wrestled the dog carefully from Mal’s hands. “He’s not traumatized. A little more experienced than he probably needed to be. But it’s not like he hasn’t been asleep in our bedroom while we’ve been otherwise occupied.”

“Is it not bad enough that he has to grow up with the stigma of his parent’s being unwed?” Sadly, Mal shook his head. “My poor boy, he never stood a chance at a normal life.”

“Hmm,” said Anne, handing the dog over to her sister. At this rate, Killer’s paws wouldn’t touch the ground for years to come. He had to be the single most cosseted dog ever, talk about lifestyles of the rich and the famous. And yes, worrying over the pampered pooch was much safer than turning to see if Jimmy had yet come out of his coma.

Anne climbed to her feet, and then knelt down on one knee before the blond drummer. “Will you marry me?”

All of the chatter around us fell silent.

“I’m the one that does funny shit,” said Mal, brows drawn down. “Not you.”

“I’m not being funny.” Her hands found his and held on tight. “I love you and I want to marry you, Malcolm Ericson. What do you say?”

Mal’s mouth opened and we all waited with bated breath. But he said nothing.

Eventually, Anne spoke again, “I’m not scared anymore. I know this is right and if you still want to do this, then I do too, with all my heart.”

“Can we fly to Vegas and get married by a Santa Elvis for Christmas?” asked Mal, eyes suspiciously bright.

A single tear worked its way down Anne’s cheek. “I’d really like that.”

Pandemonium ensued as Mal jumped on Anne and the happy couple started rolling around on the floor. Everyone burst out into applause and screaming and god knows what else. Killer barked his head off at all the commotion. Only Jimmy and I stood apart, both still too stunned over my confession. I wanted to be happy for them. I really did, but I stood there with Jimmy’s taste in my mouth and my broken heart floating around inside of me, razor sharp pieces cutting up my insides.

A hand touched my arm before falling away. “Let’s go.”

I looked up into his beautiful beloved face and gave him my grimmest of smiles. “Yeah.”

Amidst all of the celebration and confusion, we slipped out to the elevator, taking the heady trip back down to ground level. Neither of us said a word. Outside a bitterly cold drizzly sort of rain was falling. I huddled deeper into my coat as Jimmy opened the passenger door of the Mercedes for me. A happy couple ran hand in hand across the road. The city lights blurred as spots of water smeared the lenses of my glasses.

You know those times on the edge of winter when the chill seeps so deep into you that it feels like you couldn’t possibly ever be warm again? This was one of them.

“Lena,” he said, still holding the car door open.

“Sorry.” I climbed in to the leather scented luxury of the Merc and Jimmy carefully closed the door behind me.

A moment later he was sliding into the driver’s seat, wiping the rain from his face. Neither of us spoke. There wasn’t really anything left to say. The trip back to his house passed uneventfully, the lights and buildings passing me by far too fast. Soon enough, the gloomy gray walls of his palace reared up before us. A few brave photographers daring the bad weather hovered out front, held back by the two stout security guards.

We drove around back, down into the bottom level. The big garage door closed behind us, shutting us in. I’d sat, stupidly stunned for so long, Jimmy opened my car door, offering me a hand.

“Thanks.” I climbed out on my own. “I’m fine.

I wasn’t the least bit fine. Unrequited love was a bitch.

Up the stairs we went, past the ground level, on to the second. My bedroom door was the second on the left. He paused by the entry and I switched on the light, turning it to low. It was a mood lighting sort of night.

“Lena.” He swallowed, his eyes darkening. “Let me come in.”

“I can’t.”

“But—”

“I can’t,” I repeated. “We need to stop.”

“No, we don’t.”

“We do,” I said. “This isn’t working for me. I can’t block it out. I can’t pretend I don’t feel things for you. I’m just not made that way.”

“No, we’re fine. I swear we’re fine.” His hands ran over my arms, my back, drawing me in. I wanted him, all of him, so desperately. His touch made it impossible to resist. “Everything’s good.”

“Jimmy …”

“Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay, it’s just me.” He pressed his lips to mine and the taste of him. God. Nothing tasted better, nothing ever could. And I couldn’t hold back if I tried. I angled my face, opening my mouth to trace his lips with my tongue. He made a noise of pure hunger in his throat and hands gripped my hips, fingers fierce.

There’d be marks in the morning.

My hands wrapped around his neck, holding on tight. Right up until he tried to push my coat off my shoulders, then I had to let go. If he was the great love of my life, then it was only right then we went out with a bang. Nothing could fix things now the words had been said. I knew that. I felt it in every fiber of my being. This was goodbye.

We fumbled out of our clothes, stumbling in the general direction of the bed. The thing was, we got about halfway and Jimmy’s hands smoothed up my thighs, pushing my skirt up to my waist. Thank god for thigh-high stockings. Our mouths were all over each other, tongues rubbing and teasing. He tore my panties down, pressing me against the nearest wall, and down he went.

The first feel of his mouth against me was ecstasy, the lashing of his tongue and sucking of his lips. All of the blood in me rushed straight to his command. I ground my pussy against his face and he groaned in approval. He was so hungry for me. If only that was enough.

“Oh god, Jimmy.” My hands found his hair and his tongue found my clit and fuck … so good. My eyes rolled straight back into my head. Carefully, he lifted my leg onto his shoulder, opening me further to his ministrations. He worked me hard and fast up to climax, my whole body quaking. I was half primed from the oral earlier, despite the emotional turmoil. And thank goodness vaginas don’t care for such heartbreak and pain. I didn’t want to miss a moment of this, our last time together.