Lead Me Not (50 page)

“Of course I want you to come over. But only if you bring the new Nicholas Sparks movie,” I teased, trying for some normalcy in our otherwise abnormal situation. As I looked up at Brooks, his dark hair falling into his eyes, I wondered if things between us would ever be easy again. This odd discomfort made me edgy.

Brooks held on to my hand, his skin lingering on mine for a moment. My stomach twisted, my heart recoiled, and I immediately took a step back. Something that looked a lot like disappointment flickered in Brooks’s eyes.

And I knew then that things would never be as they were. Not until I was able to eradicate the giant, Maxx-shaped elephant that sat heavily on the center of my chest. Even though I had made my choice where Maxx was concerned, he still invaded and conquered me completely.

Brooks gave me a lopsided grin that was more than a little forced. “You got it,” he said, hoisting his book bag up over his shoulder.

He looked at my silent roommate. “See ya, Renee,” Brooks said offhandedly as he turned to walk away.

I let out a sigh and pulled my scarf tighter around my neck to ward off the late-afternoon chill. I was tired of the achy cold. I felt it from the inside out and longed to be warm again.

But I wasn’t sure that was possible.

Renee walked beside me, her chin tucked into the collar of her jacket. “It’ll get better, Aubrey. I promise. This is your second chance. Your time for something
more
.
”

Her reassurances fed a hungry place inside of me. I hoped she was right. I was desperate for that something better.

I can be so much more for you. I want to be everything you could ever want.

It had been only a matter of weeks since Maxx had said those words and given me his heart. Only weeks since he had made promises he hadn’t been able to keep. It was such a short amount of time for my entire life to change.

But it
had
changed. And now all I could do was accept it and move on.

If only it were that simple.

My eyes were drawn to the brick wall that ran along the edge of the quad. Once-vibrant colors had faded, but I could still see the painting of a woman walking off a cliff, the word
Compulsion
woven into her familiar blond hair.

It was a small piece of the complicated man who continued to own me.

The tiny, intricate X’s dotted throughout the picture seemed to scream at me, taunting me with their presence.

Even when he was gone, Maxx was everywhere.

His art. His love. His chaos.

I couldn’t escape him.

And I was terrified that in the darkest recesses of my heart I didn’t want to.

about the author

A. Meredith Walters is the
New York Times
and
USA TODAY
bestselling author of New Adult novels including
Bad Rep
,
Perfect Regret
,
Lead Me Not
, and the Find You in the Dark series. Before becoming a full-time writer, she worked as a counselor for troubled and abused children and teens. She currently lives in England with her husband and daughter.

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authors.simonandschuster.com/A-Meredith-Walters

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