Lead Me On (26 page)

"Will you tell her what happened to you?"

She dropped her gaze. "I don't know."

"Allison." He tucked a stray curl into place. "I realize it's hard for you to talk about it but if you tell them about the miscarriage, they'll be more sensitive around you."

"I'll think about it. Right now, though, I need to get through breakfast and then lunch." She blew out a breath. "It is Saturday, you know."

"Ah yes. As someone once told me, it does come once a week." He shook his head, wondering where the week had gone. "If you want, Chloe and I can help."

"Thanks. I appreciate it. And if Chloe wants to help,

I'll gladly accept. You, however, have a book to write, and I've taken up enough of your time."

He opened his mouth to protest.

"Scott," she said, "I'll be fine. Now, if you'll excuse me"— she lifted the tray—"I need to get this on the warming stand."

He watched her paste on a smile and head into the dining room. His heart grew heavy in his chest at her last words. After everything they'd been through, she still thought of him as a guest she happened to be sleeping with. Temporarily.

~ ~ ~

"Sadie, wait for me," Allison called as the sheltie raced ahead of her on the trail to Rory and Chance's house. The dog turned and charged back, a blur of sable and white fur moving through patches of shadow and light. Allison laughed at such exuberance and envied the pure joy of the moment.

Sadie fell in step, prancing beside her, as they continued down the shaded path. Up ahead, she could see the wood frame house tucked beneath the trees and the tightness returned to her chest. Scott was right. She needed to tell her sister everything.

Telling Scott had been painful, but it had also been cathartic to let all the ugly emotions she'd held down so long rush out of her. It had left her drained, but strangely lighter, as if a physical weight had been lifted from her. Falling apart that way in front of him should have embarrassed her, but they'd grown too close over the past week for that. She felt comfortable with him in a way she'd never been with anyone before.

The realization had a whole new worry gnawing at the edge of her mind but she pushed it away as she stepped onto the porch that wrapped around two sides of the house. While the low-pitched green metal roof made the house nearly invisible from the inn, the porch that faced the cove offered a panoramic view. Rocking chairs, a porch swing, and pots of colorful flowers created a peaceful spot to enjoy the gulf breeze. A wind chime danced merrily as songbirds squabbled at the birdfeeder.

Gathering her courage, Allison rapped on the screen door. Chance appeared a moment later, his smile and dazed look still firmly in place.

"Hi, Alli, come in. Aurora's been waiting for you to come by." He held the door so she and Sadie could step into the light and airy living room. The two-bedroom house offered only a small kitchen and breakfast nook, since Rory and Chance ate most of their meals in the kitchen at the inn.

"Sadie, no barking, okay? You be good," she told the dog as they headed down the short hall to the master suite. Sensing her nervousness, Sadie stuck close to her side. When they reached the room, they found Rory standing by the bassinet in front of the windows. The light through the sheer curtains bathed her in a soft glow, giving her the look of a guardian angel with her long golden-red hair and the full-length peach satin robe.

"Is she awake?" Chance asked, sounding hopeful as he joined Rory. They stood arm in arm, staring down into the white-wicker bassinet.

"No, she's still sound asleep. I guess the ride home wore her out." Rory smiled at Allison, but concern shone in her eyes. "Are you feeling better? Adrian said you weren't well last night."

"I'm fine."

"You're not contagious, are you?" Rory asked.

"No." Allison laughed at that. "I'm not contagious."

"Well then, come see your beautiful niece."

Allison forced herself to move forward, to stand by the bassinet and look inside. Baby Lauren lay on her back, as perfect as a china doll with smooth white skin and rosy cheeks. Her pink lips moved in a sucking motion that was so endearing, tears filled Allison's eyes.

"Alli?" Rory laid a hand on her arm. "What's wrong?"

She wiped her wet lashes, wishing she could run back to the inn and hide in her room. "I—I need to talk to you."

An awkward moment passed as Rory and Chance exchanged a look.

"I'll go check on the casserole Adrian stuck in the oven," Chance said and kissed Rory's forehead.

"Sadie, you go too," Alli said, deciding the sensitive dog didn't need to witness another emotional scene. "Chance will give you a treat."

Sadie barked once, then trotted after Chance.

"Let's sit down," Rory said when they were alone. Moving gingerly, she climbed into bed where a stack of pillows had been propped up against the headboard. "I've been worried about you ever since Adrian said Scott had to take you home last night. And then when Adrian came to the birthing center today and you didn't, I was afraid something was really wrong."

"I'm sorry, Rory. I didn't mean to upset you." She sat on the bed, facing her sister, but couldn't quite look at her. "There's something I need to tell you. Something I should have told you a long time ago." She smoothed the fabric of her sundress. "Do you remember when I was sixteen and had to go to the hospital?"

"Yes. Aunt Viv said it was some sort of female problem, but never really explained. Then there was so much else going on when Adrian got into trouble, I was afraid to ask." Rory took hold of her hand. "So what did happen?"

Allison kept her gaze fixed on their joined hands,

holding on tight. "I had a miscarriage." Her sister said nothing, and she looked up to see the shock on Rory's face.

"You had a miscarriage?" Rory's shoulders sagged as if she'd taken a blow. "And you never told me?"

"Rory, you were only fourteen."

"But that was nearly eleven years ago." The words held an edge of accusation. "I can't believe you never told me."

"It was too painful for me to talk about."

"What about Adrian?" Rory glanced about, as if trying to get her bearings. "Does he know?"

She nodded as tears clogged her throat. "That was why he attacked Peter in the locker room. When I found out I was pregnant, I told Adrian first. I was so scared. Peter wanted me to have an abortion, but I wanted to keep the baby. Adrian talked me into telling Aunt Viv, but we wanted to wait awhile to tell you. You were so young. Then I lost the baby, so there wasn't any need. Adrian was upset but tried to let it go. Then he overheard Peter bragging to some of the boys on the football team. He never told me what Peter said, but I can imagine. Something in Adrian just snapped. It scares me to think what would have happened if the coaches hadn't come to break up the fight."

"Well, at least now it makes more sense. I was so shocked when it happened, because it's not like Adrian at all. He's just not the violent type."

"Normally, no, he's not. But when he's pushed, we both know he has a temper."

"True." Rory shook her head, as if trying to take it all in. "I can't believe none of you ever told me."

"I'm sorry," Allison whispered.

"Well, you should be. To think all these years, y'all have kept this from me, as if I weren't really part of the family. How could you not tell me? If not back then, then when I got pregnant. Jeez—" She rubbed her forehead. "That's why you've been so distant about the baby all this time. Here I've been talking about it in front of you, going on about how excited I was, and all the while ... Oh, Alli." Rory hugged her with all the fervor and lack of grace she'd had as a child. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." Allison sniffed, hugging her back. "I'm the one who's sorry for not sharing your excitement more. I am happy for you and Chance. It's just difficult. I think about all the things that could happen to you or the baby, and I just feel this ... this horrible fear."

"Fear?"

"Yes." Just mentioning the frightening possibilities had them rushing up inside her, threatening to choke her. "I love you so much." She tightened her arms about her sister. "I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you or Adrian. I worry all the time that y'all will leave me, like Mom and Dad did. I couldn't handle it, Rory. I couldn't handle losing you. Now suddenly, there's Lauren, and I don't want to love her and have to worry about her, too. I just wish I could go through life not caring about anyone, so that no one I love will ever leave me again."

"Oh, Alli ..." Rory pulled back, her face stricken. "I didn't know you felt that way. How can you not want love? Do you wish you'd never loved Mom and Dad?"

"No. I just ..."—her throat constricted—"sometimes, I think, if I'd loved them less, it wouldn't have hurt so much to lose them. And if I'd wanted my baby less, that wouldn't have hurt so much, either. It hurts to love, that's what I'm saying."

"Alli ..." Rory sat back, staring at her.

"I'm sorry." She sniffed back tears. "I didn't mean to dump that on you. I've never even said all that aloud before."

"But you've thought it. How awful to feel that way."

"Forget I said anything." She wiped angrily at her cheeks. "I'm sorry. Here's your happy day, and I come along and upset you with things that happened a long time ago. I needed to tell you, though."

"I'm glad you did. You need to talk about this." Rory took her hand. "This is why you said you never want to marry, isn't it? You think if you don't let yourself love anyone, you'll never be hurt again."

She nodded as more tears clogged her throat.

"It's not that easy, though." Rory smiled with a wisdom far beyond her years. "You can't live that isolated and be happy. I know you, Alli. You have too much love inside you to be that stingy with it. I don't remember Mom very well, but I remember you, always taking care of me, reading me stories, teaching me to roller-skate ... or trying to. You filled my life with love. Now you're saying love causes you nothing but pain?"

"I didn't say that. I said I worry constantly about losing you." She tightened her hands around Rory's. "And that causes me pain."

"I wish I could promise not to die before you do, but that would be ridiculous. None of us knows what the future holds. All we have is here and now. Right here, right now, you have me and Adrian. You have Chance, too, who loves you like a sister. And now you have Lauren. Would you turn your back on all that, push us away, because the future doesn't come with any guarantees?"

"You make it sound silly."

"Not silly, but very sad. Alli, can't you just enjoy now?"

"I don't know."

"Can you try?"

She struggled past the terror of opening her heart, and even that was a big step. She instantly wanted to pull back and hide. Then she thought of how many times Rory, with her fear of crowds and making mistakes, moved full steam

ahead. Could she do any less? She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Okay, I'll try."

A mewing sound came from the cradle.

"She's awake." Rory's whole face lit with joy. She got up and lifted the little blanket-wrapped bundle from the bassinet, cooing softly. When she turned, she smiled at Alli. "Do you want to hold her?"

Alli thought about it, then nodded. "Yes, I do."

Rory juggled the squirming baby until she could place her in Alli's arms. "Lauren, this is your Aunt Allison, who's going to be the best aunt in all the world."

"Hello, Lauren," Allison whispered.

Lauren went still at the sound of her voice, blinking up at her with huge blue eyes. And Alli tumbled head first into a whole wide ocean of love.