Learning Me (Lightworker Trilogy #1) (10 page)

Courtney kept searching until she came up with a graduation program from a college in the Northeast. Her heart pounded at the discovery, and she quickly began scanning names to find anyone named Shawn or Ann. Unfortunately, she found several of each listed so she pulled the small notepad she had brought with her from her pocket and jotted them down. She’d look up the names later.

Most of the other stuff was old notes that didn’t mean much at all to her. At least, they didn’t reveal anything important. They were mixed with some old campus newspapers and other mementos that Courtney didn’t feel the need to go through. Instinct told her that there was little else these things could tell her.

Ten minutes later, she put the last item back and placed the picture over the secret opening. Courtney left the room, shutting the door carefully before joining her boyfriend and friend in the living room.

“How’d it go?” Matthew asked as soon as she stepped through the doorway.

“I found some stuff, but we should probably talk about it tomorrow. It’s late and I don’t want you guys to get in any trouble. Besides, I want to think over what I found for a little bit before we talk about it. Okay?” She felt bad for rushing them out, but she felt the need to keep her discovery to herself for the night.

“I guess so, as long as you’re all right. You look a little upset,” Sam said, watching her closely.

“I’m fine… I just don’t want to hold you guys up any more than I have. Plus, it’s best not to push our luck. You’ve already been here for a while and I don’t want the neighbor to notice.”

“Okay,” Sam agreed, “but I want you to call me first thing tomorrow.”

“Will do,” she promised. “Thanks for coming tonight. I really appreciate it.”

“What else were we going to do?” teased Matthew with his trademark good-natured grin. That grin had been known to get him out of a lot of trouble in school over the years, not to mention with the girls that fawned over him. “We’ll see ya.”

“Night.”

Matthew headed for the kitchen, while Sam drew Courtney closer to him. “Night.” He kissed her and then hurried through the kitchen door to catch up with Matthew.

Courtney watched them walk across the backyard through the kitchen window until they passed the trees on the edge of the property and disappeared from view. Once they were gone, she found herself getting restless and began doing random tasks around the house to try and settle down. She felt like she could jump out of her own skin, but she couldn’t understand why.

Seeing the chores weren’t helping, she tossed aside the dishrag she’d been using to dry a dish and put the last plate back in the cabinet. The term her parents had used before stuck in her head, and she decided what she really wanted was to look into it more.

Once Courtney got back to her room, she settled in front of her computer and began searching for the term ‘Lightworkers’ online. She thought she’d heard it before, but mostly in New Age circles, so she had no idea what it really was. What her parents had told her so far seemed to fit with what she’d heard, but that didn’t mean much. Courtney wanted to find what she could from unbiased sources.

The more she searched, the more she saw that there were, in fact, people who referred to themselves that way, although none of the ones she found online claimed any odd abilities other than good intuition and maybe talking to dead people. Courtney wasn’t sure whether she considered the latter ability to be a good thing or not. It unnerved her.

A couple of hours later, she was no closer to finding people who fit exactly what she’d been told than when she’d started, so Courtney decided to give up for the evening. There was no point when the words were beginning to swim in front of her eyes, anyway.

Chapter Thirteen

The wind gently rustled the tree leaves as Courtney walked down the road toward her house. She breathed heavy as she rushed home, anxious to get to her computer. Her mouth was set in a hard line as she thought about all the possibilities stretching before her that day. The plan was to begin using the names she found to see if anything fitting her parents’ story came up, and already the wheels were spinning in her mind as to what she’d do if the search revealed something different than what she’d been told.

Partway home, her cell phone rang. Courtney reached into her pocket, pulling the small phone out. She cringed at the name on the screen. What could she want right now?

Courtney pressed the talk button and adopted a casual tone as she answered, “Hi. What’s going on?”

“Not much,” Lauren answered. “I was hoping we could get together and talk. You’ve been avoiding me ever since we all met at the drive-in.”

“I know. I’ve just been really busy and there’s a lot on my mind right now. Plus, you didn’t seem too supportive about what I told you all, so I figured you didn’t want to hear about it.”

“Courtney, come on. You know that’s not true. You’re my best friend. I just needed to sleep on it. You did throw a major curve ball at me, after all.”

“Think how I feel. At least you know who your parents really are.” Courtney couldn’t stop the venom from seeping into her words and a part of her felt bad about it. She had to admit, her cousin sounded upset, and she was obviously trying to make things right.

“True, but that doesn’t mean you should act like I’m the enemy here. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Courtney’s tone softened as she answered, “Actually, I guess you could. I was planning to do this at home by myself, but maybe I can come by and we can do some searching together. Is your roommate going to be there today?”

“She shouldn’t be. She’s got a ton of classes scheduled today, and then she’s going to spend the night at her boyfriend’s place so they can go out somewhere in the morning. Why don’t you see if you can stay for the night? It’ll give us plenty of time to talk and figure things out.”

“Okay,” Courtney agreed. “Thanks.”

“But of course,” said Lauren. “What else are cousins for?”

“That’s a good question,” Courtney teased. “See you in a little bit.”

Courtney ended the call with a smile on her face. All the tension in Courtney’s body dissipated, knowing that Lauren was open enough to help in the search. She just hoped where it led wouldn’t prove to be more than they could handle.

****

As Courtney once again pulled into the crowded lot of her cousin’s apartment complex, a mix of excitement and terror built within that made her have to sit quietly to get her emotions under control. Courtney reached into the backseat to collect her overnight bag. She climbed out of the car, slinging the bag over one shoulder.

Once she entered the building, Courtney marched down the hallway to her cousin’s apartment. She barely looked at the numbers as she moved, stopping at the door. She knocked, then began playing with the end of her backpack’s strap absentmindedly while she waited.

“Come on in! I was starting to wonder what happened to you,” said Lauren as she stepped aside to let Courtney in.

“Sorry, it took me a bit to get out of the house. They’re even fighting me on coming over here now.”

“Oops. Sorry,” Lauren apologized. “That’s probably my fault. Remember how I said they were acting weird before? Well, I didn’t tell you that I asked them about it. They didn’t look too happy about that, so I guess they might not be big fans of me right now.”

Courtney sighed, setting her bag on the ground against the wall. “Figures. I swear, I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people that can’t stand being questioned on something more. It was like pulling teeth to get them to tell me what they already did.”

Lauren laughed. “That’s parents for you. You know how they are. You can be fifty and they’ll still look at you like you’re in diapers.  My parents are still like that.”

“Glad to see it gets better,” Courtney said with a laugh. “So, when can we start?”

“Chill a minute and I’ll get you something to drink, then you can tell me what you already know. Sound good?”

“Okay,” Courtney agreed. She pulled her laptop out of the bag while she waited for her cousin to return with their drinks. She set it on the coffee table before settling onto the couch.

“Here you go,” Lauren said, handing Courtney a can of soda.

“Thanks.” Courtney flipped the tab and took a sip, allowing the bubbly liquid to sit in her mouth a moment before swallowing.

“Okay,” Lauren said as she opened her own and took a seat beside Courtney. “What’s the story so far?”

Courtney filled her cousin in on the details she’d learned since the last time they talked while Lauren watched with an intent expression. Courtney couldn’t help feeling a little self-conscious under the scrutiny, as she knew most of what she said sounded odd.

“So, that’s about it,” she concluded. “I still don’t know for sure what to believe, but the names will hopefully help.”

“Did you tell them anything about that?”

“Are you crazy? Of course not. There could be other stuff hidden in there, and I’ll never get at it if they know I was digging around in the office.” Courtney reached over to open her laptop. She booted the machine, adding, “So, what exactly did you say when you saw them, and how’d they act?”

Lauren shrugged. “Not a whole lot. I just asked why they seemed a little off and they didn’t tell me much. I just gave up. They did want to know if you’d been acting weird at all. When I said no, they dropped it and said they had to leave.”

Courtney opened one of the websites she’d been searching on and made a face. “Of course they did. They’re always busy.”

“Courtney, are you sure part of this whole thing isn’t you trying to get revenge on them or something? I mean, you do complain a lot…. not that I blame you,” Lauren added hastily.

“Revenge for what?” She asked in annoyance.

“The plays they rush you out of, the stuff they won’t let you do, how you’ve always told me they treat you like a baby.”

Courtney looked up from her screen, studying her cousin’s face a minute before answering, “That has nothing to do with this.”

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll go get my computer and check some sites I use. Sound good?”

Courtney nodded. “Sure.”

Lauren left Courtney alone in the living room when she retrieved her own device. Courtney typed the name she’d found into the site’s search box and hit the enter button. Within seconds, a list popped up that almost made Courtney’s eyes cross. The Internet was great, but sometimes she felt overloaded after completing a search for anything.

She opened the first link and scanned the text, a frown marring her face as she saw it was a dead end. She closed it off and managed to get another one opened before Lauren returned.

“Okay,” Lauren said as she fired up her machine. “What’s the names we’re looking for again?”

Courtney repeated the names and went back to scanning the page she’d opened. A few minutes later, Lauren reached over and tapped Courtney’s leg.

“What was that town again?”

“Woodside.” Courtney looked over at her cousin. “Why? Did you find anything?”

“I thought so, but if that was the town name, I guess not. This is for someplace called Riverside.”

Disappointment rolled over Courtney like a fog at the admission. She shrugged, trying to act casual. “Oh, well. Keep looking. There’s gotta be something out there, and we’ll find it.”

The two fell into silence again as they did their searching. Courtney found a site that mentioned someone with her supposed real name listed on it that looked like it might be something. According to the date, it looked like it was an article from around the time she was a toddler. She clicked on the link, excitement coursing through her veins as she watched the little circle spin on her screen.

When the page loaded, Courtney tried to keep her excitement in check as she reminded herself it could easily be a dead-end. After all, while her original name was a little more exotic than this one, it still wasn’t the most out-there selection, so there was every chance it wouldn’t be her.

Satisfied she had herself under control, she scanned the text. As she read the story, her stomach tightened and she felt the urge to vomit. Her vision went hazy as the words began to swim in front of her.

“I’ll be back,” Courtney said quickly as she stood, closing off the page so her cousin wouldn’t see. “Gotta make a rest stop.”

Lauren narrowed her eyes at her, her brow wrinkled in concern. “Are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I think I shouldn’t have skipped dinner tonight, though.”

“Ya know, I’m kind of hungry too. Why don’t I order us something?” Lauren stood up and walked over to the kitchen counter where a pile of takeout menus lay strewn about the surface. She flipped through them a minute before asking, “Is pizza okay with you?”

“Sure,” Courtney agreed, praying she’d be able to keep it down as she turned and left the room.

Courtney hurried into the bathroom and shut the door, leaning against the wood to steady her shaking body as the words she’d read played through her mind.

Toddler missing, presumed dead after accident.

Chapter Fourteen

The words swam through Courtney’s head like a nightmare she couldn’t rid herself of. Her gut ached in a way she couldn’t describe as she remembered the details of the accident and how they’d been found on the side of the road near a wrecked vehicle with an empty car seat not far away.

She choked back quiet sobs as she allowed the grief to run its course. The idea she’d never really get the answers she’d craved brought a harder flow of tears. Once Courtney pulled herself together enough, she walked over to the sink to splash some water on her face.

Before she could finish drying herself, a knock sounded alongside her cousin’s concerned voice. “Are you okay in there?”

“Yeah, Lauren. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Courtney put the towel away, then took another look at her image in the mirror. She examined herself critically, pleased to see there were no traces left of the fit she’d just had. If there was one thing that made her cringe, it was showing weakness in front of others, especially her family. It was part of the role she’d played most of her life, and she didn’t care to give it up now.

When Courtney opened the door, the narrow hallway was empty. Courtney stepped into the hall and pulled the bathroom door closed behind her, taking a breath before returning to the living room and the search. Although, she had no idea what she was really looking for at this point. If they were gone, what more could she gain from looking? There would be no one at the other end of the search to answer her questions.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay? You were in there forever.” Lauren sat on the couch, a remote in her hands that she set aside as she looked up at Courtney.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I just wasn’t feeling so good. I think I need that food big time. When’s it going to be here?”

“In about twenty minutes or so. Want to call it a night for now? Start fresh tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Courtney agreed. “Tomorrow will be fine.” She forced a smile as she took a seat again. “So what are you watching?”

“Nothing, really. I was still looking for something, but the selection sucks. So what did you find?”

“What are you talking about?” Courtney fought to keep her voice casual.

“You know what I’m talking about. You looked like you saw a ghost, then you shut down the page you were looking at and ran out of here.” Lauren fixed her with a penetrating gaze that had gotten Courtney to confess to all sorts of things over the years.

Courtney looked down at her lap, fiddling with a loose string on her shirt. “They’re gone.”

“Who?”

“My real parents,” Courtney blurted out. “There was a story about them… they died in an accident, and people think I did too.”

Lauren’s eyes widened. “Oh my God… I’m sorry. Are you sure it’s them? Maybe they just have the same name or something.”

“I’m sure. All the details about them fit and it was in the right area. Plus, they had a kid who would be my age.” A fresh round of tears flowed at having said it out loud. “It’s over. There’s no point in keeping up the search if they’re not here. Don’t tell my parents, but I wanted to find them and talk to them myself.” Courtney had added the last part without thinking and nearly wanted to smack herself for admitting it out loud like that. Still, she figured her secret would be safe with Lauren.

Lauren moved closer and hugged Courtney tight. “I promise, my lips are sealed. Still, maybe it’s not really over. I mean, they came from somewhere, right? They’d have parents and grandparents, maybe siblings or other kids. There’s a chance you can still find them, right?”

“There weren’t any other relatives mentioned in the article I found, but I guess it’s possible. I just don’t know if I want to now. I mean, am I really supposed to show up on someone’s doorstep and say, ‘Hi! I’m the kid you thought was dead’? It’d be way too weird.” She shuddered to think of the reaction that greeting would get her. For all she knew, they might still be nursing deep wounds that she would rip right open.

Lauren let go of Courtney, looking her in the eye. “I guess you’re right; that could be a really bad idea, not to mention completely awkward. Still, I might at least see if you can find names so you at least can learn something about them — just as long as you don’t start nosing around too much with the other stuff. I meant what I said before about thinking it’s too dangerous. You really have no idea what you could be getting yourself into, but if that article’s any indication, it can’t be good.”

“I’ll think about it,” Courtney said. Her heart wasn’t in the promise, though. She couldn’t explain how she knew, but she was almost positive that whatever she could find on their other relatives wouldn’t give her what she needed. She needed her parents. There were so many things only they’d be able to tell her, so many things about herself and what she could or couldn’t do.

****

“Amelia, Sweetie, don’t touch that.”

Amelia looked up with wide, innocent eyes at her mother’s voice. The words were sweet and her expression gentle, but there was an edge to it that was hard to ignore. She meant what she said. Amelia pulled her hand back from the small object that had drawn her attention. It was shiny and round, like the ball she loved to play with. There was something different about it, though, and Amelia wanted to find out what. She’d watched her parents play with it a lot and they always seemed to see pictures on it.

“Come on, you. Let’s find you something else to play with, shall we?”

Amelia’s mother picked her up and carried her into the other room. Amelia began to cry as her mother set her in the square thing that kept her from exploring.

“Shush,” her mother soothed. She picked up something Amelia couldn’t see. When her mother leaned down and set her favorite doll in front of her, the tears immediately dried up. Amelia giggled and clapped as she reached for the doll, hugging it close to her.

The dream left Courtney with a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach. She wasn’t sure how she was dreaming of the parents she, by all rights, shouldn’t remember at all, but she was, and it only made the pain of her discovery last night worse. Courtney lay under the covers her cousin had given her for several minutes before she managed to pull herself out of bed.

Folding the blanket helped to center her and take her mind off the dream. She paid special attention to every detail of the blanket to take her mind off it all; the soft material, the sensation of shaking it out before she folded it, the number of folds she made.
One, two, three.

When she finished and had put it away, she focused every ounce of her attention on dressing and packing herself for school. Her cousin had yet to stir, and Courtney couldn’t help the pang of jealousy deep inside. She couldn’t wait to get out of high school so she could set her classes for a little later in the day.

She scribbled a quick note thanking Lauren before slipping out the front door.

The whole way to school, she kept the radio blaring to help her stay focused on the road. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d woken feeling so spent and depressed. She hoped no one else would notice. She’d taken extra care in the bathroom to look as normal as possible.

Before she knew it, she’d pulled into the lot. Students bustled around her, some heading into the building while others made their way to other parts of the campus where they gathered to chat with friends before the bell rang. A few people waved as she got out of her car and made her way inside so Courtney smiled and waved in return.

She collected her books from her locker, then slammed the door shut and made a mad dash to class. She would be early, but at least she’d have some time to sit quietly without being bothered by anyone.

Courtney plopped into the chair, then opened her textbook and started reading the assignment she’d never completed the night before. The words barely registered in her mind, but she figured she retained enough to get through any discussion that morning. Oddly enough, the text talked about the Middle Ages, when people were more superstitious and believed in magic and other such things.

Instead of distracting her from her worries, the text brought her real parents more firmly to mind. The gifts she’d been told about would definitely fit into the sort of things people of that era looked at with caution. It made her wonder if that accident she’d read about was really just an accident. What if they’d been killed?

The shrill bell echoing through the room startled Courtney out of her thoughts, something she couldn’t help but be a little grateful for. She didn’t know if her mind could handle going down the train of thought she’d started, at least not yet.

“Good morning, everyone,” Mr. Neil said. “I’d like you all to turn to page eighty, please.”

For the next hour, Courtney only half-listened to the lecture while sneaking discreet looks at the clock on the wall, willing it to go faster so she could put that chapter of the text behind her. Sam, who shared the class with her, tried a couple of times to get her attention, but she pretended not to notice.

As soon as she bell rang, he approached her. “How’d it go last night?”

“Okay, I guess. Can we talk about this later?” She gave him a pleading look, hoping he understood why she didn’t want to say anything more in front of others.

His answer came without a bit of hesitation. “Sure, same place? I’ll meet you outside?”

“Yeah, that’ll work.” If she worked it just right, she could avoid spending any more time than necessary at home. Just thinking about her parents brought a fresh wave of anger. Had they known her real parents were gone? If so, why couldn’t they have at least told her about them? What danger would there be if she couldn’t see them face-to-face anymore?

“Great,” Sam replied. “Listen, I’ll see you then. I gotta go now and meet Richardson. If I don’t get this paper to him a.s.a.p., I don’t get to play tomorrow.”

“Okay, see you at lunch.” Courtney waved and turned down one hallway while her boyfriend went down the other. As she navigated her way through the school, she made up her mind. They were going to tell her everything they knew about her real parents. The time for secrets was over.

****

Courtney walked into her house after school, although it didn’t feel like hers anymore. There were too many lies hiding within, too much lost that she’d never get back. For all she knew, her other relatives could have met similar fates. The thought was depressing, but she supposed it was possible. Why else would they have gone to such great lengths to hide her?

“Mom, Dad?” She called out to them, kicking the door shut behind her.

“Courtney, hi! We were wondering when you were going to get home. Where have you been?” Her mother stepped into the living room from the hallway, her arms folded, with an annoyed look in her eyes.

She dropped her backpack on the couch as she explained, “Sorry, I had things to do after school. Is Dad home? I wanted to ask you guys some more stuff.”

Her mother frowned. “Courtney, I really don’t think—”

“I need to,” Courtney interrupted. “Please?”

Her mother sighed and gestured to the couch. “Your father’s in the other room. Go have a seat and I’ll get him.”

"Thanks.” Courtney did as she was asked, mentally reviewing everything she wanted to know. She just hoped they’d have some answers.

A few minutes later her father came into the room and sat on the chair across from her. Her mother sat on the arm beside him.

“So, what did you want to know?” her mother asked, a hesitant tone in her voice.

“Do you know where my parents are now?” Courtney asked.

“No,” her father replied without hesitation. “As I said, we weren’t told a thing about their plans. Courtney, you have to understand that that’s probably the way they intended. Us knowing too much could’ve put you in danger.”

“So you really don’t know anything about what they did or where they went after?”

“Not a thing,” her mother confirmed. “We’re telling the truth.”

Courtney swallowed hard as she heard the sincerity in their voices. She looked down at the ground. “I have to make a confession.”

Her parents exchanged a look, but didn’t say anything. Instead, they waited quietly for her to continue.

“I know about the secret spot in the office. I went through everything in it the other day.”

“Courtney, what on earth possessed you to disobey us like that? You know you aren’t allowed in there.” Her father’s tone was harsh, his eyes flashing in annoyance.

“I’m sorry, but you have to understand my side of this. I have this whole other part of myself I don’t know a thing about. How would you feel if you knew you had another set of parents out there, but you knew nothing about them?” The pleading tone in her voice irritated her, but she couldn’t help it. She had to get them to see where she was coming from.

“I understand it’s hard,” her mother began, “but—”

“They’re dead.”

Courtney’s pronouncement hung in the air while her parents sat in shocked silence. Her mother gaped at her while her father’s face turned stoic.

“How do you know?” he asked.

“You had their names in the office, so I looked it up and found a story. They were in an accident.”