Learning to Blush (41 page)

“Fie said the baby was okay, thank God,” Graham said, breaking the silence. It was apparent that her latest medical test-results were the first thing the men checked on.

Ellie nodded.

Graham sighed. “Eleanor… What am I going to do with you? I should be out there celebrating. Except now I feel I have to punish my wife, who seems like she uses luck to keep herself alive. Do you know what sort of maneuvers you were pulling? How you didn't get shot down was nothing but a miracle.”

“Penny's a really good driver—eh—I mean, pilot,” Ellie replied, swallowing hard. “I wasn't worried.”

“I spent half the day seeing you pull one thing after another, absolutely sure that your ship wasn't going to make it through the next hour. Luckily for me, I didn't realize until right before you left that it was
you
. You and my child.” He shook his head, and then pinched the bridge of his nose. “I would have done anything to stop you if I knew it was you in there; or merely had a heart attack. Dad said he'd even keep your family out of most of it…”

“They wanted action. They wanted my help. I would have gladly helped
you
—but—” Ellie tried to argue, but then she shut up at Graham's fiery glare. “Okay, so you're not in the mood for my feminism rant, but…” Ellie swallowed and saw the look on Graham's face. She shook her head. “I don't know why I do things, Graham…” Suddenly her voice cracked and tears flooded her eyes. “I just wanted to see it through… And… And I don't know…!”

Graham grumbled and walked towards her and pulled Ellie into his embrace. He kissed her forehead. “It's okay. It's over. The war's over, and I'm here. We're going to make sure you don't do anything like that again, because you're going to give me an ulcer. Do you remember what I said I'd do if you didn't learn to obey me?”

Penny's face turned red on Ellie's behalf, even before
Ellie
remembered what Graham was referring to. She recalled Graham threatening his wife with not just spanking, but forced
babying
. Penny didn't look to witness Ellie's blanched expression.

“Graham… I… Look, that—that sort of thing—I don't need that! It's ridiculous—it's
embarrassing
!”

“No—you need this from me, Eleanor. We both know you do,” Graham said, but not harshly. There was nothing but affection in his eyes. “With everything that's been going on, you haven't gotten the attention you need. We're going to start this new era off on the right foot, that's all.” He kissed the tip of her nose. He put out his hand, “Come on.”

Ellie gulped dryly and slowly put her hand in his. Graham slapped Thorton's shoulder on the way out. “Take it easy on her, Admiral. God knows she's probably tired from flying all day.”

When Penny was left alone in the room with Thorton, she put her hands up on her forearms like she was cold. She stayed that way until Thorton slowly walked up to her and put his hand under her chin. He looked like he was going to say something, but then he just kissed her.

“I'm so proud of you,” Thorton admitted grumpily, still holding her face in his hands. “When I first saw you, I knew you were amazing… And you keep growing more and more so every day.”

Penny cocked her head, surprised. “Really? You're… you're not angry with me?”

“Well for blatantly disobeying me, yeah. For lying to me, you bet. For playing me like the fool? I'm not even angry about that--just sort of embarrassed…” His eyes bore into hers, and she was surprised to find they weren't full of anger at all. There was absolute adoration! “But that doesn't take away from the fact that you were amazing out there.” He allowed himself to smirk, then moved his hands down to her shoulders and gave them a firm shake. “Sweetie—it was so dangerous! I've worked so
hard
to keep you alive so far!” he added with dramatized weariness. “What were you thinking?”

“I wanted to do something great for myself…” she explained honestly, but then her shoulders slumped and she added, “…Before you got sick of me.”

Thorton froze for a moment, long before he raised his eyebrow, incredulous. “Why do you think I don't want you, Penny?” he asked her patiently, putting his hands on her arms. “What more do I have to prove it? Why would you ever think that I'll bore of you or cast you aside?”

Penny shrugged, like it was no big deal, but after a second, she found words stuck to the back of her throat. “I spent my life being cast aside. My parents never loved me. Neither had any adult I've ever known, neither had my friends… my teachers… my boyfriends. My brothers, Mike and Ellie were all I've ever had—but even they all left at one point. My brothers were the town's social butterflies, Mike went to college for six years, Ellie got abducted… So many nights I just spent alone, in front of my computer. I took guys so I wouldn't be so lonely… But I was then just left by them, too. One by one. Even my parents left me before I even finished high school when they retired… I can't depend on anyone else, I just can't. It's been hard enough just letting myself love you at all. That's why it took me so long to say I love you… It took me a long time to let myself feel that way. It's easier to be angry with you. I knew that if I was just angry enough, I wouldn't care when you eventually left me.”

Thorton was quiet for a long time, petting the side of her arm and contemplating her words. After a long moment, he seemed decided about something and began to pluck away on her shirt's buttons.

“Thorton… What are you doing?” Penny asked, unsure.

“I'm going to punish you,” Thorton admitted. He said this so casually that Penny wasn't sure she heard him right… but she had.

Tears streamed down her face. She had, for once, been totally open and honest with him—and herself! How could he turn around and punish her for it? “Why?”

Thorton dropped her shirt to the ground before he saw her wet face. He wiped some of her tears away from her cheek with a very tender motion of his hand. “Because you need me to. This is what you wanted of me when you decided to go out there. Penny, I'm never going to leave you. You're never going to be alone again. You don't have to disobey me or argue with me constantly in an attempt to push me away before
I
can be the one that leaves
you
. You don't have to flirt with other men to make sure I either cling to you or I abandon you for it. I'm not your parents; I'm not going to ever turn a blind eye or ignore you.

“You want this from me. You want my consistency and you want my attention, good or bad. And although I am amazed by how well you did out there… You disobeyed me, you know you did, and you want to make sure I punish you for it, and you want to make sure I'll always forgive you. And I always will.”

She leaned into his chest and sobbed. “You never even wanted
me
for a wife,” she sobbed. “You never wanted me at all. You would have been happier with anyone else.”

“Of course I wanted you, don't talk nonsense!” he cooed to her. “I didn't want to mate with you when I did. You were young, you were confused, and you had been so alone all your life that you thought you could do anything and not give anyone any grief… and until me, you might have been right.

“Your brothers should have protected you, but they didn't know how to protect
anyone
. They're still growing up, they're still learning, and they're not in a position to be what you need.

“When I met you, I didn't even think I was up to the job—I doubted myself. I doubted that
I
could give you what you needed.

“But that was then. You're mine now, Penny. You have to learn to trust me. Everything I do—even if it embarrasses you, even when I spank you, even when I force you to go to the doctor—it's for your benefit. You need to realize that I'm in charge, that you
can't
push me away, even when you think you want to. When you sometimes feel I'm in charge, like when I've saved your life or even dominated you a little, you've been happier. We fight less—and I know why that is now. You think that when I'm in control, I'm going to take care of you. You believe it. You feel safer, don't you?”

She felt she could barely breathe around her sobs, but she nodded her head.

He wrapped his arms around her. “I'm not going to leave, and I'm not going to hurt you. Say that out loud.” She felt his hands pet through her hair soothingly.

Her voice rattled. “You're not going to leave. You're not going to hurt me.” Already, a feeling of calm was spreading through her.

“I want you to say that you want my punishment because you need to know that I will always give it to you when you need it. I will never leave you. I will never hurt you.”

She let him pet her head; he didn't rush her, but he was waiting. She didn't know how to ask for a punishment, and she knew she didn't really want it.

But maybe she did
need
it. That one part of her—the one that just wanted his pretty babies and to obey him—wanted it so badly. “I… I need your punishment,” she rasped.

“Why?” he asked her.

She swallowed. “Because I need to know that you will always give it to me. That you will never leave me, that you would never hurt me.”

“Good girl,” he said, still running his fingers through her hair. He held her until her breathing normalized, and then he patted her bottom and pointed her towards the bedroom. “There's a box underneath the bed. I want you to remove the rest of your clothing, then I want you to bring me that box.”

Penny squeezed another tear out of her eye. “I'm scared,” she admitted. She didn't like the idea of boxes hidden under the bed. Something about a hidden box (that surely wasn't a gift) was unnerving.

“Don't be scared. I'm in control. Go get me the box, Penelope.” His voice wasn't hard, just firm, demanding. It made the butterflies in her stomach come out of their hibernation. She walked into the room and slowly took off her clothing. She was already sweating with nervousness.

When she was completely naked, she slowly got down onto her knees and looked under the bed. There was a hard-plastic suitcase under the bed. She assumed that it was what he was talking about. She dragged it out and fingered the case, really wanting to see what was inside but not finding the courage. She just slowly came back out to the living room.

Thorton wasn't there. She gasped, fear filling her, and then she heard, “In here, Pen,” and she looked and saw him in their bathroom's door. His coat was off, his undershirt's sleeves were rolled up, and he looked sexy as always. She let out a sigh of relief and walked towards him.

“Thank you.” He took the case from her hands and put it up on the bathroom countertop before snapping it open. She was sure all color left her body when she looked inside. There were several phallus-shaped plugs, a strap, a paddle, gels, even wrist cuffs.

“Th…Thorton… I-I-I…” she stammered.

“Give me your hands,” he told her softly, pointing behind him. “You'll be okay.”

She wouldn't be okay! It was bad enough—nearly torture, when he stuck a finger up her bottom to help her with her medication once a week! And when she had gotten her last pill last week, she thought a celebration was in order! These plugs were bigger than his finger. “B-b-b…”

“Penny,” he said firmly, stopping her stuttering that instant. He petted her cheek again. “I'm not going to leave you. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm in charge. Give me your hands. Trust me.”

Trembling, she put out her wrists. He slowly tightened leather cuffs on them.

“Please don't do this.”

“I'm not going to be giving you any more than you can take. If you only knew what your partner-in-crime was about to go through, you'd think I was about to play patty-cake with you. She just signed herself up for a very unfortunate weekend. You only have a very unfortunate
hour
coming because we haven't been together as long, and you're new to this.”

Somehow that was some pretty cold comfort.

“Bend over the tub,” he said, directing her to a cushion he put over the tub rail—was the cushion his attempt to make her more comfortable during her punishment? What was the point?

She settled herself slowly over it, nonetheless. Her ass was all the way up in the air, completely exposed.”Th-Thorton… What are you going to do?” she braved to ask.

“I'm going to give you an enema, first off. Then plug you, then spank you,” he replied in a medical sort of way, as if he was filling out a prescription.

Suddenly, she was mortified and horrified at the same time. “Thorton! No, please. Don't. This is gross. It's ridiculous—it's—”

“It's a necessary step towards your happiness.” She felt him rub something that felt like jelly over her very-exposed anus. She wished she had something to hide her head into. “You've been afraid of me touching your bottom since day one. This is where we're going to start building your trust. This is where you're going to start being obedient. There is no disgusting part about you. There is nothing I won't do for you.” She felt a tip of something slowly moving into her bottom, causing her to gasp.

Despite his words, she still wanted to die. There was nothing worse than this—nothing. She felt her whole body heat with embarrassment.

“Although I've never seen someone's entire body blush before. That's new…” He soothingly rubbed his hand over her naked, lower back. “You have to breathe, Penny. I think you're turning purple,” he said, even as liquid with a soapy burn began to flood slowly into her.

She let out a held-back sob and took a deep breath.

“When we were boys, Jack used to take us on these hunting trips where he'd give us tidbits on our future wives. One of his annoying qualities is the fact that he's actually
wise
. Once he said that no woman is happy being spoiled, despite what they say. Well, I didn't listen. I've been spoiling you by letting us squabble, by letting you crash at Ellie's place sometimes, by letting you have time to yourself when we hit a rough patch. I didn't realize that me giving you space only made every fight worse. I wasn't giving you what you needed. You needed me to treat you differently than you've been treated in the past. Sorry about that. I was stupid.”