Learning to Drown (5 page)

“No. Not insane. But  you have an
abduction fantasy. An urge to submit. To be taken, yeah?”

I nodded, too mortified by the
confession to speak. I could feel twin hot spots on my cheeks. My fingers
plucked at the woolen blanket.

“But you would say you wanted it.
You’d tell him, or did he ever instigate? I mean, clearly you don‘t have to
tell me.”

“No-no, it’s fine. I can say it. I
would tell him.”

His voice dropped even further to
match mine. “That’s why it still wasn’t working. Do you trust me?”

“What? I…” Did I? Shit, I should. The
man had hauled me out of danger and given me a small corner of safety. “I think
so. I suppose.”

“Not good enough.”

Lucas grabbed my arm and pulled me to
another door. “Shower’s in there. There are towels under the sink and shower
gel on the shelf. I’ll dig up some sweats for you. Then we’ll see about some
food. Okay?”

Warm brown eyes, sharp nose, calm low
voice. He had the effect of a big glass of wine, taking my jangling nerves to a
calmer more serene place. “Yeah, sure. Okay. And Lucas?”

He turned, half way out of the door.
“Yeah?
“Thank you. You have no idea how grateful I am. For everything. Especially for
not laughing at me.” I said the last to my feet. Unable or unwilling to look
him in the eye.

“Nothing to laugh at, September,” he
said and shut the door.

Chapter 4

I lathered my hair for the second
time. I wasn’t dirty. I had showered and primped before letting Damien haul me
kicking and screaming down the steps in a sloppy fireman’s carry. There he’d
dropped me (unceremoniously) into the back of the truck. I’d done my makeup for
the night before Damien slammed the lid on my little prison, shutting off the
world. I’d put on careful black swipes of mascara, painted my lips cherry red.
Spritzed myself with Juicy Couture perfume. I’d been ready for play. Now I
huddled in the warm water, exhausted and shaky. The hot water that sluiced over
my head, across my scalp and between my breasts was heaven. A million hot wet
tongues on my skin.

A knock sounded, then that voice.
Immediately I felt it in me. My pussy growing slicker than the shower could
make me. My heart beat hard in my chest. “Ember?”

“Yes?” It was like rolling a boulder
uphill to push that word over my lips. Just him saying my name had somehow
caused all of my nerves to misfire. I clenched up my internal muscles and let a
small pulse of pleasure roll through my pelvis. I had to stop. But I did it
again. He was
right
there. So I did it a third time. My own muscles
inching me closer to a very needed orgasm.

“Clean clothes on the bed. I’ll be
downstairs. Omelet? Are you hungry?”

He was just on the other side of the
opaque white curtain. Plain white. No muss, no fuss. Barren of decorations or
flair, his bathroom was black and white with a few red towels. Spare but clean
cut, like him. A no bullshit, no foo-foo kind of person. “Sure. I could eat, I
guess.” I really didn’t want to eat. I flexed my insides again as heat flooded
my cunt. I tried to breathe quietly, hoping the steady hiss and drip of the
shower would cover the small gasps I made.

The curtain wagged and I clamped a
hand over my mouth when his head appeared. He stared at me for a beat. His big
brown eyes studying my neediness, how I shook in the spray. I covered only my
mouth which was insane.

“You’ll eat. You were damn near
frozen.” He didn’t smile, just raked his dark gaze up and down my body. Eyes
stopping a beat too long at breasts, navel and then the shaved mound between my
thighs. A moment before the water had been perfect, now it was too hot, like I might
burst into a flurry small red flames. “Hurry up,” he said and the growl in his
voice made me close my eyes.

“Coming.” I had the nerve to look into
his eyes for three heartbeats. And then my eyes dropped and the curtain
whooshed and he was gone. “Coming,” I said again and set about doing just that.

* * * *

My fingers tickled over my clit,
moving in slow, soft circles. My shoulder blades hit the cool tile wall and I
spread my legs a bit. Closing my eyes, I let the heavy exhaustion settle on me
like a lead blanket. My fingers moved over my wet skin, rubbing the tender spot
that made my heart beat even faster. I felt light headed from the goodness of
it. I let my mind go. It was him. On his knees like he’d been when he had
unlocked my cuffs. It was his face pushing between my soft upper thighs, his
tongue parting me and pressing my clit with a wet weight that staggered me.

I slipped one finger, then another,
into my cunt. Pushed my feet further apart and thrust my fingers higher,
stroking my G-spot. My fingers rolled faster over my clit as I fucked myself.
He would be rough with me. In bed, he would be rough. In life, gruff. The
sounds of my fingers sliding in and out of my pussy was an even wetter sound
than even the falling water could make. My body coiled tight for release. My
fingers flew, drawing warm wet circles over my clit as my over stimulated brain
showed me beautiful scary Lucas kneeling, his full gorgeous mouth on me. The
flash of his hot pink tongue on my pussy. Licking me slow, staring up with his
dark, dark eyes to watch my face as he lapped at the pink flesh between my
legs. Making noises just so I could hear him drinking me in. Eating me and make
me come.

God, he was so imposing. Harsh. But
somehow he made me feel the world was spinning at just the right speed. Not too
fast, which was how I felt a lot of the time. “And you’ve known him a whole
hour, genius,” I whispered. The orgasm rushed over me. It took me down in a
knee weakening rush and then started to die off a bit too fast. I could have
drawn the release out but fatigue was winning. I was grateful for it, too,
because it let me not examine what I was feeling for my rescuer. Or was he my
warden now?

I opened my eyes and screamed. My
voice big and booming and then gone from my throat. I yelped again but nothing
came from me but a wheeze. He stood there watching me, just a small grin on his
face. I hadn’t heard a sound. Not the door or the curtain. No steps on the
tile. He was like smoke. A voyeuristic ghost who had just watched me get off.
And had heard me talking to myself. About him!

“I’m pretty captivating,” he said.

I wanted to liquefy right there. Swirl
down the drain like a ribbon of water. “I…” Cracking from the stress of it, I
started to cry all over again. I cried from my huge frustration, because part
of me was completely turned on that he had just watched me. That he knew. Part
of me was jubilant. What the fuck did that mean? I was so confused.
“You’ll figure it out,” he said. “It’s very difficult sometimes to figure out
just how you’re bent.” That was all he said. He ripped the curtain open all the
way and held a huge red bath sheet open wide. I waited a moment. Stark naked,
dripping on the cool tile, getting cold fast.

Lucas stared. No embarrassment, no
tell of any kind. I thought briefly that he must be a hell of a Poker player.
But his face was kind. Handsome without being pretty. His huge hands holding
warmth open for me. Comfort within my reach.

I took a deep breath and stepped into
the warm embrace of the red towel and Lucas Crow.

* * * *

The omelet was kick ass. Better than
any I’d ever had in a restaurant. Some mild white cheese, mushroom, sautéed
onions, a hint of garlic. And toast. Toast had never tasted so good to me. A
few strips of crisp bacon and another steaming cup of coffee. I couldn’t
remember being so happy to have breakfast for dinner, or more grateful to be
safe and clean and warm. I was so peaceful I managed to not be mortified. I
wasn’t angry at Lucas for spying on me or invading my privacy. Or any of the
things I would normally be fuming about. Instead, I felt glowy and pretty and
secure. “So you steal cars?”

He stopped, mid-bite and grinned. That
grin lit me up on the inside. Like taking a shot of liquor and feeling it warm
as it traveled lower and lower. I shifted in my seat, determined not to feel
the arousal I felt every time I looked at him. He laughed. “No. I repossess
vehicles from people who have reneged on their commitment to pay.”

“Ah. Got it. You’re like what’s his
name in that 80s movie.”

“I am in no way like anything from the
eighties,” he said. He swigged some more coffee and then stood, opened a
cabinet, poured a shot of whiskey into his mug. Without asking, he slopped a
dollop into my coffee.

“I don’t like whiskey,” I said. My
head buzzed with how close and warm the kitchen felt.

“Drink it. It’ll get your system all
ironed out. You were cold to the bone. Then all that hot, hot water on top of
it.” His gaze slid over me again and I felt naked as opposed to wrapped in his
oversized sweat clothes. “It will reboot your system. Get you settled.”

I sipped it and felt the burn of
coffee and liquor on my tongue. Searing down the back of my throat. The whiskey
warmed an auburn trail through me, I hummed. “Not
as bad
as I thought it
would be.” Lucas put his hand forward, slow and steady like I might spook. He
smoothed the hair from my forehead and shook his head, a frown bowing his
mouth. “What?” I asked.

“I should go kick his ass, is all.”
His brown eyes had turned darker. Nearly black in the pale buttery light of the
ceiling fixture. He swigged down the rest of his coffee and dialed on his cell.
“Marcus? Hey man, it’s Lucas Crow, let me ask you a favor. Sure, I can hold.”

I finished the toast and omelet.
Sipped the coffee and managed a smile. It really wasn’t so very terrible once
you took a few sips. Like the first time sampling red wine, at first it is
intense and overpowering if not off-putting. But the more you sip, the more
your palate adjusts, the more you want. I watched him on the phone.  Resting my
chin on my hand to hold my own head up I was so tired. I really studied him
while he was distracted. Lucas paced the small kitchen. I was fixated on his
faded jeans and how they fit him. His body was lean and muscular but not
pumped. This was no gym-rat body, this was a man who worked hard and probably
earned that body with heavy lifting, movement and time outdoors. “Yeah, let me
ask, anything come through for a missing woman in the last few hours? Local.
About a ten mile radius of the station house.”

While he waited, I watched his broad
back, his hard shoulders, his strong neck. Crow’s dark blonde hair swirled here
and there with unruly cowlicks. His intense eyes made me think bad things. “You
okay?” He frowned.

I laughed. It sounded high and nervous
and so fucking stupid. I downed the rest of the tepid spiked coffee. To him, I
probably looked stoned or stunned. I wasn‘t any of those. Just muzzy headed,
trying to figure out how I got from playing a sex game to where I was. Part of
the confusion was my bizarre comfort being around him. “Fine. Just tired and
very, very sore.” I moved my shoulders and winced. “Beat to shit from rolling
around in the truck bed.”

He moved behind me, kneading the hard
muscles in my shoulders. His fingers, insanely strong, dug into my tight
muscles. I moaned before I could stop myself. Lucas laughed but then Marcus,
wherever he was, must have returned. “No, that’s too old. That one’s too young.
How about mid to late twenties? Tall, blonde, blue green eyes, thin but not
bony. Built.” This last word he said right into my ear. His voice had dropped a
bit and it sent a zing through me. Singing in my blood, making my nipples go
hard. My head had never felt more full of cotton, but in a pleasant way I
didn’t want to end. I liked the way his voice alone could send my whole self
into throbbing confusion.

I tried really hard to breathe then.
Tried to suck in some air as he hovered right there at my ear. His lips so
close to me. My earlobe, my throat, the tingling nape of my neck. Just then his
mouth could have found my shoulder, his teeth my collar bone. Right then it
felt as if he could see straight through the gray billows of his sweat clothes
and into my heart. Into the part of me that both feared and knew the truth. “He
didn’t,” I said.

As usual, he moved so fast it was hard
to track him. Lucas trapped the phone between his ear and shoulder, hooked his
foot in the chair leg and turned me a quarter turn. He dropped to one knee
¾
God,
there he was, so close all over again
¾
and fixed stern dark eyes on me.
What?
he mouthed.

I shook my head.

He mouthed it again. Tapping my thigh
with his hard fingertip. Like he was punching in a code to make me talk.

I shook my head, eyes welling with
tears that doubled my vision. What the fuck was with me tonight? All of my
wires were crossed. I felt like a crazy woman from all the emotions swirling
through me. One moment I felt sad, the next thrilled, the next scared.. It was
all too much and I felt my lips tremble like I was freezing. Lucas frowned
harder, then his attention went back to the phone.

“Yeah. Okay, man. Thanks for checking.
Listen, if anything does come in for that area that matches her description,
will you ring my cell? Nah. Nothing to worry about. A friend. And she’s fine,
but I don’t know if the guy will report her missing. Right.” Quiet laughter
here, he stood. “Yeah. No sweat, Marcus. See you next Friday. Bring lots of
money because I plan on whipping your ass. I’ve been brushing up on my mad
Poker skills.” Lucas disconnected. “He’s a good friend. We grew up together.“
He squatted back down in front of me. “What were you saying? He didn’t what?”