Learning to Heal (29 page)

I turn around, ready to yell her name, but she’s no longer standing. Her form is lying on the grass and I can’t tell if she’s dead or alive. My heart leaves my body as fear sets in. I start to run again, but the distance between us refuses to shrink no matter how long my legs move. People are all around the campus but no one seems to notice the love of my life lying in a heap on the ground, not even the people walking passed her prone form.

“Someone help her. Can’t you see her?” I yell as loud as my lungs allow but nobody listens. They continue on their way like we’re invisible. “Help! Please help her.”

I see David walking my way so I yell at him, but he just continues to talk to the girl he’s walking with. When he gets close I reach out, desperate to make contact so I can shake some sense into his dumbass, but my hand can’t hold him. It feels like a force is pushing it away from his body. He doesn’t flinch or break stride while I let out a scream full of frustration.

“Shit! Why won’t you help her? Why won’t anyone help her?” My desperation and fear causes tears to form. My chest burns and I just want to get to Jazz. My heart constricts knowing she’s hurt and I have no way of stopping the pain. So I run. I run so hard my legs feel like jelly. But I refuse to stop until I reach her. “Jazz!” I yell, but no matter how hard I run or how loud I yell, she stays down, not moving and far away. “Jazz!”

My body jerks and my eyes snap open. I see the white walls of the hospital that have become my home this week and exhale with relief while my heart slows. It was just a dream. Rubbing my hands up and down my face, I flinch when I brush the cut above my eye. Jax has a mean punch, but he still couldn’t stop me from getting to Jazz last week. He would have had to kill me. He still gives me “go to Hell” looks and I can’t blame him. I feel like kicking my own ass after the disgusting words I told Jazz that night. But luckily they listened to my reasons and having Symone with me helped, as well as Dad’s obituary in my wallet. Everyone else has accepted my apologies, but they don’t matter. Only one person does and I just pray she will see me.

“Mason?” Tru’s voice reaches my ears so I turn and see her leaving Jazz’s room. Jax walks over and grabs her hand. “You can go in now, but the doctors gave her something to relax.

“That doesn’t mean you can get her worked up either.” Jax waits for my nod before he leads her away.

Taking a deep breath, I open the large, brown door to her room. When I make it past the privacy curtain I see her. My heart warms and even though she just woke up from being sedated for a week, she is still beautiful. Her hair is in disarray and surrounds her pillow with its golden strands. Her eyes are red and I see some cloudiness in the blue, probably from the medication she was given. The wires and monitors that are watching her and the baby’s heartbeats and oxygen levels surround the bed and side table. She looks so small sitting there with plastic tubing on her face and nose, but not delicate and weak. She looks like the fighter she is. A fighter who’s determined and strong, ready to take on anything and anyone. Including me.

I remain where I’m at while she appraises me with her eyes. It’s her call if she wants me close, but after the nightmare I just had it’s very hard. I want to run and touch her to prove to myself she’s truly okay and awake.

“Hey.” I place my hands in the pockets of my jeans that seriously need a wash.

“Hey.” Her voice is soft and husky, and you can tell it hasn’t been used in a while.

It still has an effect on my body, though. Not just my male anatomy either, but also my heart that speeds up, my brain that pictures our most intimate moments together, my sweaty hands that are desperate to reach out and touch what’s supposed to be mine, and my feet that are needing to take me closer.

She must get the hint that I’m waiting on her approval because she points to the chair by the bed and tells me to sit.

Careful not to pull out any of the wires by accident, I sit and look at her. Now that she’s ready to talk, I’m ready to tell her what I’ve wanted to say ever since I found out the truth.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Jazz. The words I told you that night weren’t true and said in anger. So much shit happened that night and I lashed out ready to get away from all the lies.” I grab her small hand gently to avoid the IV. “After we left the doctor, I knew he was the father. And I was fine with it, but then I received a phone call that changed everything I had ever believed and known in my life.”

She intertwines our fingers and I feel as though I can breathe for the first time in over a month. “I know everything, Mason. You don’t need to explain.” She wipes a tear from under her eye with the other hand. “I won’t lie and say the words didn’t hurt. In fact, the memory of that night still rips me open, but I understand. After what your mom lied about and your dad having an affair, and not to mention the picture Chanda sent you, I probably would have done the same thing.” She looks at me and I see love shining in her eyes again. “I’ve missed you so much. Not just this...” she squeezes my hand she’s holding “...but I’ve really missed my best friend. The person who always knew a way to make me smile and feel better. I had no one to do your job. And I was miserable.”

Standing up, I lean down ready to kiss her lips but she turns her face away and I get her cheek. “Too soon?” I ask, trying to hide my disappointment.

“No, but I have the worst morning breath ever, so until I can brush my teeth these dry, chapped lips are off limits.”

“Oh really? I don’t think so, woman. I haven’t kissed you in over a month, so you need to get over it.” Before she can argue I grab her chin and turn her face toward mine. “I love you.”

Then I kiss her. When my lips first make contact, she remains stubborn and keeps them closed. I kiss one corner then the other before I lick the seam of her plump lips. On the second lick I take her bottom one in my mouth and suck. “Mmm! Still perfect.” She opens like I knew she would and I thrust my tongue in. Caressing her tongue softly, I hear a husky purr rumble from her throat. My hand leaves her chin and goes to her pulse loving the fast beat, but then the reason she’s in here hits me. I pull away swiftly. “Shit, I’m so sorry, baby. Are you okay?”

She looks fine, only flushed. “Um … yeah! Why wouldn’t I be?”

I scratch my head, too agitated and desperate to calm down. I don’t want to over react. “Your pulse and heartbeat was fast. I didn’t know if that was bad for you.”

“Come here.” She crooks her finger at me and I see her feisty side start to come alive again. I stand close to the bed again. “Closer.” Bending over she reaches up and runs her fingers through my hair, causing chills to surface before they settle on the base of my neck. “The only thing bad for me is you not loving me or you trying to leave me. So don’t you ever pull that shit again? Because we’re yours and I would never hurt you.” She pulls me down close and I feel her breath on my lips. Her eyes stare into mine and the sky I love and missed is back. “Got it?” I nod, speechless, before she kisses me with a month’s worth of kisses all rolled into one.

Waiting is something I’ve learned to hate this past week. The second thing I’ve learned is that I can’t live without Jazz in my life every day. She’s my everything and not knowing what’s going on in the OR is killing me. My mind won’t stop thinking of what could go wrong while she’s in there. Not just to her but to Finlee. That little girl who’s being born today is a piece of the woman I love, and over the past several months I’ve also fallen in love with her. I don’t think of her as not being my daughter anymore, not since Jazz and I talked yesterday and we laid it all out on the table. Our past mistakes don’t matter any longer. We learned from them and are hopefully moving on—together.

I talked to Grandma Ginger yesterday when she called to check on Jazz and her great granddaughter. She also wanted me to know about the reading of my dad’s will. When she told me of a savings account of my dad’s he left for me over the past twenty years I almost fainted. I have never had that much money before in my life and it doesn’t feel real. She plans on flying down after Jazz is settled in and recovered to give me the paperwork. Before I could tell Jazz the news, it was time for her to be wheeled back and so I pushed it aside, but I plan on helping out any way I can and hopefully she won’t argue.

Feeling a hand land on my shoulder as I make another pass in front of the Coleman family, I look and see Jeremiah. Scanning his facial features I see the tiredness but not fear. I should take that as a good sign and calm the hell down, but I can’t. Not until she’s in my arms again.

“Son, she’s going to be fine. I have complete confidence in the team working on her and the baby.” I nod my head because no words will form. I still don’t feel better. “I also want you to know that a father isn’t someone who helps produce a child. It’s the person who loves that child and raises them as his own. Believe me, I know firsthand.” The door suddenly opens and Dr. Parnell walks out. “Doctor Coleman?” Everyone stands waiting for news. “Everything on my end went beautifully. You have a four pound three ounce little girl who has some of the loudest lungs I’ve ever heard on someone so tiny.”

The women speak with excitement over the news, and I even have a smile on my face, but I need to know how my other girl is. “And what about Jazz?”

She looks at me with a serious expression. “As far as I know everything was going as planned, but that’s all I can say. My specialty is delivering babies. But everyone working on her are some of the best and have done this several times.”

We shake hands even though my nerves are still on edge. “Thank you.”

“Do you want to see your daughter?” Of course the doctor has no clue about the truth and still thinks of me as the father. I glance at the Colemans who are all staring at me with expectancy. Even Jax’s attitude has calmed, and I think Tru is the main reason for that.

Turning back to the doctor, I nod my head. “Yes, sir. How many can come?”

“Only two at a time. They have her in the NICU at the moment doing tests, but I believe she’ll be fine and will soon be in the nursery.”

I turn toward the woman who raised Jazz. The person who taught her how to love openly, but to never let people run over her. “Mrs. Coleman? Would you like to come with me?” Looking at Jazz’s mom, I see the excitement build and she smiles brightly. Her hair is coming out of her ponytail and she’s not wearing makeup, but she doesn’t care.

“I’d love to.” She grabs my elbow and we make our way back to my little girl.

I’m so excited to be going home today and away from this friggin’ hospital. Staring at its boring walls and smelling its disinfectant aroma gets old after the first day, and I’ve been here for two weeks. Thank goodness I don’t remember the first week because I know I would have had cabin fever. What I’m really excited about is getting to hold my princess whenever I want to and not having to worry about the doctor telling me to rest all the time. And when I say that, I mean it. And it wasn’t just the doctor doing it. It was my mom, Trudy, and even Miss Brenda. So today is the day I can go home with my baby. Finlee Breanne Reed.