Least Said (64 page)

Jon
was
silent,
and
I
could
tell
he
was
trying
to
take
in
my
words.

‘You
wouldn’t
have
done
that
for
me?’
he
asked
in
the
end,
though
he
must
have
known
what
the
answer
would
be.

‘I
couldn’t
have
done
that
even
for
you,
Jon,
no
matter
how
much
I
loved
you.
However
the
baby
was
conceived,
it
wasn’t
the
child’s
fault
but
I
didn’t
want
to
lose
you,
either,
didn’t
want
to
lose
what
we
had,
and
so
I’ve
lived
with
the
guilt
all
these
years.
At
times,
I
have
to
confess
that
it
was
buried
so
deep
I’ve
almost
forgotten
there
was
any
question
mark
over
Will’s
paternity.’

‘So
why
now?’

‘Why
now
-
what?’
I
stared
at
him,
not
understanding
at
all
what
he
was
getting
at.

‘After
seven
years,
why
are
you
suddenly
convinced
that
William
is
not
my
son?’

Oh,
God,
I
should
have
been
prepared
for
this
but,
again,
I
wasn’t.
I
couldn’t
–
wouldn’t
-
bring
the
Adonis
into
the
equation
or
all
hell
was
going
to
break
loose
and
another
family
was
going
to
be
torn
apart.

Trying
to
stick
as
closely
to
the
facts
as
I
was
able,
I
explained,
‘It’s
been
the
disappointment
over
our
attempts
to
conceive
again
that
have
brought
it
all
back.
I
was
pinning
my
hopes
on
getting
pregnant
because,
as
far
as
I
was
concerned,
that
would
prove
to
me
that
–
low
sperm
count
or
not
–
it
was
highly
likely
you
were
Will’s
father.
In
any
case,
Jon,
aren’t
you
Will’s
father?
Aren’t
you
his
father
in
every
single
way
that
counts?’

‘Yes,’
he
said,
without
hesitation.
‘Yes,
I
am.’

I
blinked
up
at
him
and
then
his
shoulders
slumped
and
he
sat
down
across
the
table
from
me,
and
he
looked
at
me
–
really
looked
at
me.

‘You
don’t
understand,
do
you?’
he
looked
defeated.
‘Of
course
I
love
William,
I
love
him
with
all
my
heart,
but
I
have
to
confess
that
I’ve
always
suspected
he
may
not
be
mine.’

‘
What
?’

He
shrugged.
‘You’ve
said
it
all,
Wendy.
We’d
been
trying
for
a
baby
for
months,
years
even,
with
no
success.
We’d
been
told
I
had
a
low
sperm
count
for
which
I
felt
extremely
guilty
–
to
the
point
I
tried
to
blame
you
–
and
then
suddenly,
completely
out
of
the
blue
you
become
pregnant.
It
didn’t
take
a
lot
to
make
me
doubt
I
had
a
hand
in
the
conception
of
that
child,
but
like
you
did,
I
accepted
this
was
going
to
be
my
one
chance
to
become
a
parent
and
I
really
didn’t
want
to
lose
that
–
or
you.’

‘Oh,
Jon,’
I
reached
out
and
took
his
hand,
and
for
the
first
time
I
really
believed
that
everything
was
going
to
be
all
right
–
but
it
soon
became
apparent
that
my
relief
was
premature.

Jon
shook
off
my
hand
as
if
touching
me
might
contaminate
him.
‘You
don’t
understand,
do
you?
You
really
don’t
understand.
The
fact
that
I
suspected
that
Will
wasn’t
my
son
–
well,
it
was
only
a
suspicion
and
I
could
actually
live
with
that
and
even
come
close
to
ignoring
it
–
but
now
that
it’s
out
in
the
open,
that
changes
everything
for
me.’

‘But
you
love
Will.
He’s
your
son,’
I
cried.

‘Yes,
he
is
and
he
always
will
be.
That
will
never
change,
but
what
has
changed
is
us
.
How
are
we
going
to
be
able
to
face
each
other
every
day
for
the
rest
of
our
lives
with
this
truth
always
there
between
us?’

‘Please,’
I
whispered,
‘please
don’t
do
this.
We
can
work
it
out.’

‘I
wish
that
were
true,’
Jon
grimaced,
‘but
if
the
last
few
hours
are
anything
to
go
by,
it’s
going
to
be
purgatory
for
both
of
us.
In
the
end
that
will
affect
Will
–
better
by
far
that
we
call
it
a
day
now,
while
he’s
still
young
enough
to
come
to
terms
with
it.
He’ll
come
to
understand
that
it’s
for
the
best.’