Leaving Eva (The Eva Series Book 1) (22 page)

Lucia’s Papi knew that he couldn’t see the baby because he didn’t agree with the adoption, but Lucia didn’t give him a choice. She was giving her baby away out of love, and she needed him to support her. Her Papi could never say no to his Lucia so he waited outside and promised to be there for her. They felt bad leaving him, but he insisted that they go. He saw how tired Brynn was, and he was thankful that Lucia had such a good friend.

The drive home was silent. The air felt heavy with so many unspoken words between them.

There was one moment in the birthing room that Brynn couldn’t get out of her mind. While Lucia held her, the baby locked eyes with Brynn, and Brynn found herself lost in her. And for one brief moment, all of her fear and sadness disappeared. Brynn ached with longing to hold her, but she knew that she wasn’t hers to hold. Brynn had never felt that way before and it scared her, but she knew that it was a natural longing. She had always denied that feeling before out of simple fear.

Adam knew that Brynn was deep in her own mind. He didn’t know what happened in the room, but based on the look on Brynn’s face, he knew that she wasn’t ready to talk about it just yet. He waited for her to come to him and tell him about it.

When they got home, she settled in on the couch and Adam made her tea.

He sat down close, next to her and waited to see if she would talk. For a while, they sat in silence until she finally spoke. She told him about what happened in the room and how beautiful and heartbreaking it was all at the same time. Brynn spoke in jumbled sentences and he had to pick through her words to understand what happened. She didn’t make complete sense, but Adam didn’t want to stop her from talking. He loved listening to the sound of her voice when she talked to him from her heart. It felt like forever since they talked like this.

When she finally stopped speaking and he was formulating her words, she paused and looked at him, her big brown eyes seemingly bigger, almost pleading.

“I’m ready now, Adam. I’m ready. I want to have a baby.”

BRYNN DREADED
GOING THROUGH
Rose’s apartment after she died.

But she knew that she had to, and she put it off until the last minute. It seemed wasteful to continue paying rent on an apartment that they no longer needed. Lea, the housekeeper that Jane hired, did a nice job cleaning the place up. She volunteered to help Brynn clean it out and much to her surprise, Brynn agreed. It was a Herculean task that Brynn wasn’t looking forward to, and she was willing to accept all of the help that she could get.

The apartment was spacious, and Lea warned her that there was one bedroom that Rose refused to let her touch. Brynn decided that they would tackle that room last. She was impressed with how efficiently Lea worked and decided that if she were available that Brynn would ask her if she wanted to work for her. She figured that with the restaurant and her newfound focus on her marriage, that it would be one less thing that she would need to worry about.

She didn’t want anything to stand in the way of rediscovering Adam. They were getting along very well, and Brynn was finally making time for him. She found that giving herself permission to enjoy her life with him was easier than Brynn thought it would be. Adam seemed happier too, although, they both had dark days when they still couldn’t seem to connect the way that they wanted to. On those days, they would talk, and they decided that they would just need to continue working through them.

He still needed her to open up more, and she still needed to learn to trust. They knew that it was a work in progress, and while they both had many feelings of frustration and resentment to work through, they also had great love.

Brynn took a few days off from the restaurant to tackle the job at hand. She and Lea sorted through the apartment, avoiding the one bedroom that she knew was going to be the worst room to tackle. They tagged everything for trash, donation, or sale throwing the little things out as they went and putting everything in the appropriate piles.

Brynn stopped on the second day and stood in front of the bedroom where they kept the door closed. She didn’t want to go in.

Adam told her to call him when she got to that room. He said that he would help because he knew how much she was dreading it. Adam had two more meetings, and then he said that he would be there as fast as he could.

She went on in and she and Lea got to work. Rose shoved as much as she could in that room, piling boxes upon boxes upon boxes. The boxes were full to the top, with no rhyme or reason as to what she had in them. Rose collected various items over the years that made no sense. There were bookmarks, fans, teacups, candleholders, shot glasses, and all sorts of knick-knacks. There were about a hundred pairs of reading glasses, coasters from various restaurants and bars, and lots and lots of matchbooks. Brynn couldn’t believe how much Rose kept, and she wondered why she never realized that she kept so much. She was with her all the time. She couldn’t believe she never saw her collecting everything. There were random boxes of tools, old DVDs, magazines, books, pictures, and many miscellaneous items that made no sense.

Adam got there when they were halfway through. He couldn’t believe how much was left. They laughed when they got to the box with the mismatched socks, until they realized that they weren’t washed.

There wasn’t much of significance in Rose’s apartment. They decided that they would donate the clothes to Goodwill, as well as the dishes, glassware, and kitchen items. In fact, they planned to donate most of her things, and throw out the rest. The furniture smelled like cigarette smoke and they didn’t plan to sell any of it, the items that smelled really bad were going on the tree lawn. It was a shame because most of the furniture was still in good shape, but just reeked of cigarette smoke.

The last box on the very bottom of the pile was marked “Brynn.” Brynn was exhausted but curious. The box was very light and when she opened it up, there was nothing in it but an envelope. She opened the envelope intrigued, and inside she found only the name of the local bank and a safety deposit box number.

Brynn was frustrated. Leave it up to Rose to make it difficult.
Why couldn’t she just leave whatever it was in the box?

She grabbed her purse, and she and Adam drove to the bank, tired, cranky, and hungry. It was getting to be dinnertime and they were ready to be done. Brynn wanted a cheeseburger and a glass of wine. Adam introduced her to wine, and she realized that it wasn’t the alcohol that was bad. Instead, it was Thomas that was bad. She was still reluctant to admit it, but the wine was pretty good, and she enjoyed the newfound freedom to enjoy a glass of wine occasionally. Now she found that she
really
wanted one. It had been a long couple of days, and she wanted to just relax a little and unwind.

They decided that after the bank, they were going to a local watering hole to have a big greasy burger and a couple of drinks. Adam was enjoying this new side of Brynn, and liked that she was learning to relax a little bit. They were both feeling a little tense about the contents of the safety deposit box. Brynn thought that she knew everything about Rose, but then again, she didn’t know about the Alzheimer’s. Adam was just as curious about the safety deposit box.
What could possibly be so important that Rose needed to lock it up?

They barely got to the bank before closing time. The bank manager led her and Adam to the safety deposit boxes and pulled hers out after scrutinizing her ID. She and Rose were the only ones authorized to open the box.

He pulled it out, gave it to her, and then left the room.

Brynn’s hands were trembling. She wasn’t sure if it was from fear or anticipation, but she was anxious to see what was in it. When she opened it, she found a simple white envelope with her name scrawled on it in Rose’s rounded, almost childlike cursive writing.

It was dated two years earlier.

My Dearest Brynn,

If you are reading this, then you’ve gone through my things and I am probably dead.

I hope you know how much I have loved you and how much I needed you in my life. I hope that as you are reading this that you don’t hate me. I hope that I wasn’t too much of a burden on you. You were my only reason for living my entire life. And even though I didn’t have any children of my own, I couldn’t possibly have loved you more than I did.

I hope that I get to tell you in person how I protected you. But in case I didn’t, then I hope this won’t come as too much of a surprise to you.

I know that you were always mad at me because you thought I didn’t protect you. But I did! I did protect you, and I even had you protect yourself from time to time.

Think about what Thomas drank.

“Whiskey,” Brynn whispered, frowning at the memory.

He drank Whiskey. Wild Turkey. Think about how he drank it.

“With ice,” Brynn said aloud. Adam was looking at her, bursting with curiosity but he stayed silent and waited.

Think about how you made his ice cubes sometimes.

Brynn thought,
how silly Mother
. Brynn made them with water. She took out the ice cube tray and she poured water from the tap in them. The ice cube tray she used was
blue
, and it was always the
blue one
. Why? Why the blue one? Why not the white ones? She was never allowed to use the blue ones for her own drinks, only the blue ones for Thomas’ drinks. Why?

What did you put in them besides water?

Brynn thought hard. Oh, yes. Momma always had a special dropper of sweetener that she had her put in the ice cubes.
“Just one itty-bitty little drop, sweetheart,” Momma said to her, showing her how careful she needed to be. “Like this?” Brynn asked, dropping a tiny bit of the dropper into the ice cube tray, showing her how careful she could be. “Just like that,” Momma smiled at her, kissing her on the forehead. “Just like that.”

What was in the dropper?
Brynn froze.
What was in the dropper?

I told you that it was his sweetener. And we used it for a long time. And then I started to send you away when we started to have meatloaf nights. Usually you spent the evening at Stacy’s house. Do you remember?

Brynn was horrified.
What in the hell was in the dropper? What did you do, Rose? What did we do?
Brynn was starting to remember. Right about the time that they started adding the sweetener to his ice cubes, he started getting sick. He was hitting her less and less. He was still awful and mean, but he didn’t hit as much. He started going to bed earlier, and on the nights he drank less, he was still able to get to her. But on the nights he drank more, he didn’t seem to have the strength to hurt her. Why didn’t she remember that before? How did that escape her?

You see, I did protect you. I don’t know how long it took, or how much it took, but I do know that I protected you.

I got the idea from Whiskers.

Mrs. Snyder was her neighbor growing up and she had a grey and white tabby cat. She loved that cat, but one day Whiskers knocked over a bottle of antifreeze in their garage and she lapped it up and died. Mrs. Snyder was devastated.

Antifreeze? She poisoned Thomas with Antifreeze? How was she not caught?
Brynn felt sick to her stomach.

I thought that it would take time, but I just didn’t know how long. I still don’t know how long. But I knew that it would work. I read a little bit about it and figured that he would never know. I thought he would just think he was getting sick from the drinking. That’s what his doctor thought, too. They thought he was just getting sick from drinking too much, and they told him to stop. But he never did.

I just wanted you to know that I did protect you. I always looked out for you. I’m sorry that I let him hurt you, but I protected you the best way I knew how.

Brynn was stunned.

Rose poisoned him. She remembered those nights that Rose sent her away for meatloaf night. She never minded because she didn’t like meatloaf, but Thomas looked forward to them. It was the only time she ever really saw him happy for anything. And then the next day, he would get sick. Brynn remembered him getting sicker and sicker slowly over time. She never minded because he had gotten too weak to hit her until finally he stopped altogether. He stopped around the time she got into high school. He tried, but he just couldn’t do it anymore.

She knew that Adam was staring at her, burning to know. She handed him the letter, and then realized that she didn’t read the rest of it and grabbed it back to finish reading the rest.

I let you do it too so that you would know that you protected yourself, too. I know that it was wrong which is why I told you like this. I hope I get to tell you in person, but if I don’t I just wanted you to know.

You weren’t a victim. You defended yourself even though you didn’t know that you were at the time.

Brynn stopped reading.
She had me poison him! I poisoned my own father!
Brynn was horrified and suddenly felt nauseous. She knew that she should feel ashamed, but she didn’t. She knew that she should feel regret, but she didn’t. She felt nothing. Then she paused and felt, elated.

She hated Thomas.

Brynn thought back to all of the bruises on her face, her arms, and her ribs where he had kicked her and how she had to cover them up so that no one would see. She thought about the black eyes, the swollen cheeks, and the sprained wrist that Rose just splinted herself. She remembered how afraid she was that someone would find out and take her from Rose. She remembered the snap of his belt and how it stung on her bare skin. She thought about how he pulled her hair yanking it until she yelped in pain and about how he growled profanities in her ear, and told her how ugly and worthless and stupid she was. She remembered how she learned to lean her chair against the doorknob every night because she was petrified that he would come into her room while she was sleeping and kill her in her sleep.

And Brynn remembered with horror, watching him beat Rose almost daily, often slapping her and shaking her until she cried out.

And she thought about how many times she wished she could kill him, how she prayed for him to disappear, and to die a painful horrible death. She thought about taking her razor blade and slitting his throat with it, but she knew that she wasn’t capable. She was too weak.

I hope that you won’t hate me for what I did, and what I made you do. I want you to know that I was a good mother to you and that I took care of you in every way. You were the love of my life, and I am so thankful that you were my daughter.

Always yours,

Momma

Brynn handed the letter back to Adam. She felt numb.

Adam read the letter, and then reread the letter. He swore, and then he swore some more. And then he hugged Brynn and waited for her to react.

She didn’t know what to say.

The bank manager came quietly into the room. It was forty-five minutes past closing time and he desperately wanted to leave. He paused when he saw the expression on their faces and started to back out of the room.

“I’m sorry,” Brynn said, emotionless. “We’ll leave.”

She took the letter from Adam and put it carefully into her purse and zipped it up.

They walked out of the bank hand in hand, separating only to get into the car, and driving in silence to the local restaurant that they planned to go. Adam kept looking at Brynn on the drive there, searching for a change in her. She sat staring straight ahead with a strange look on her face. Adam had never seen that expression before and couldn’t read it. She exuded a strange emotion that he couldn’t identify.

They got to the restaurant, and sat in a booth as far away from everyone else as they could.

When the server arrived, Brynn ordered two shots of Wild Turkey, and didn’t seem to notice the look of shock on Adam’s face as he stared at her mystified.