Left to Love (The Next Door Boys) (18 page)

- - -

“How are you?” I asked as I picked up the phone.

“You’re not allowed to ask that, Leigh.” Andy’s voice half sang back to me.

“Right. Sorry.”

“Evan insisted on giving me
another
blessing. I think it’s more for him than me. How’s Brian holding up?” I loved her sense of humor. It felt even better
over the phone when I was forced to picture what
kind of face she made.

“Okay, I guess.” I wasn’t sure and we were barely in it yet. I was afraid to ask.

“So, we’re both in a few days before Thanksgiving. That’ll make the holidays fun.” 

“Yeah well, I don’t have the best memories associated with that holiday, so this year I’d like it to simply disappear.” Two years ago I’d been young and ter
rified of death. Last year was…
overwhelming. I didn’t want to re-live either of those days.

“Well, this’ll be your third time in for treatment, right?”

“Yep.”

“You’re going to feel like crap. Just take a few sleeping pills and it’ll be over before you know it.”

I had to laugh at that. No one else I knew would offer that kind of advice. “I may do just that.” I paused for a sec. “So, what are you up to today?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“You know, you and your husband should drop by sometime,” I suggested.

“Yeah.” She sounded happy about the idea. “We might do that.”

FIFTEEN

Third of Twelve

Brian came in with me for treatment number three.

“Let’s play cards. Are you up for it?”

“I am for now.” I paused. “Like
real
cards?”

He pulled out a deck from his laptop case. “What do you mean
real
cards?”

“My mother adhered to the strict church guidelines of no face cards.”

“You’re kidding.” Brian looked baffled. “No face cards?”

“None,” I answered.

“It has to do with gambling.” Andy smiled from the doorway. “Can I join you?” I so envied her ability to be so mobile. Both because of and despite the chair.

“Of course.” Brian smiled.

“Oh, Brian, this is Andy.” They shook hands.

“So,” she started. “Contraband McDonald’s last week and face cards this week. You run with a rough crowd, Leigh.”

I laughed.

Brian took a few minutes to describe the game. There were seven rounds, each getting gradually more difficult. He explained sets and runs and I felt excited to get going, to be using my brain.

We finished our first round. Brian won, but just
barely. With only three of us, we ran through a few
rounds fairly quickly. I laid back on the bed. Even cards felt tiring.

“I’ll take off for a few and give you two some time.” Brian stood up.

“No, no.” I didn’t want Brian to go. “Didn’t you get a job from those Seattle guys? I’m sure you’re dying to dig into it and we’ll finish our card game in a little while if I’m still up to it.”

“Don’t you want some privacy?” he asked.

“You get so wrapped up when you’re working on something it’ll be like we’re alone.” My lips pressed together, holding in a smile.

“True.” He pulled out his laptop and sat in the opposite corner. “Would you mind if I wrote Joseph and gave him the update?” Brian asked.

“No, no that’s fine.” I figured the more people Joseph talked to, the more incentive he’d have to come visit sometime. Besides, I really didn’t like talking about being sick. Brian was absorbed almost immediately upon going to work.

Andy wheeled herself closer to my bed.

“What does he do?” Andy titled her head to Brian.

“He’s an artist.” I smiled. “Well, that’s what he is to me. He does web design and posters, all sorts of graphic design, but my favorites are his sketches.”

“Cool.” She nodded.

Brian’s t-shirt exposed the bottom of some of the tattoos on his arms.

“He’s kind of a new church member?” she
asked.

“My brother met him on his mission and then later on they were roommates for a little over a year.” The memory of how Brian used to intimidate me made me smile.

“Must’ve been weird dating your brother’s roommate.”

I smiled, but laughter made me queasy. “We didn’t date long.”

“How long is not long?”

“Six weeks?” I blushed
.
“When you know, you know.”

“Wow.” Then she cocked her head to the side. “Who’s Joseph?”

“Oh. That would be my oldest brother who left home right after high school because he and my father had an argument over the Peace Corps and an affair.” Really, best to just say it all, right?

“Wow, Leigh, who needs TV with you around?” She laughed.

“Where’s Devin?” He was never away from her for this long.

“He’s getting me a proper nutritional meal, not from here.” She rolled her eyes.

“What about the rest of your family?”

“Oh, we don’t see them too much. I was one of a lot of kids, and I’m honestly not that close with my folks.”

“How many is a lot?”

“Eleven.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“I most certainly am not.” She laughed again.

We talked like that for a couple of hours. We ate popsicles and Devin came in to visit. Brian kept him distracted, and our conversation continued. I felt better than I had on treatment day one. Amazing.

“Well, I’m outta here and I bet your time is almost up.” Andy looked at the clock.

“Yep. I’m just about done.” I was more exhausted than normal, but less sick than normal. The day had passed quickly.

“So, Brian.” She wheeled next to him. “Can I see what you’ve been working on?”

“Uh… sure.” He turned the computer so she could see. I could see it too. It was a poster for a band from somewhere near Portland that was starting to do really well. They were after promotional stuff. Brian had started an amazing mix of trees and guitars, simple black silhouettes over a scattered blue background.

“I’m impressed.”

“Thanks.”

“See ya!” And she wheeled herself out the door.

It was exhausting having an extra person in my room all day, but the distraction was so nice that I’d take whatever payback I was going to get from it.

- - -

Payback was harsh. I felt terrible for days starting the next morning. Mom was up to visit as usual, and Nathan was home from school for the
holiday that we weren’t celebrating. I felt like I did
nothing but throw up for two days. We were only on number three. The thought exhausted me and weighed me down.

Brian also had the week off but was playing catch-up in every area of his life that didn’t involve school. Since we’d moved Thanksgiving to the following week, Brian took the shifts at the bar that no one else wanted. I hated going to sleep without him at night. And no matter how careful he tried to be when he got home, it woke me. And he smelled like bar. I’d be so glad when he didn’t need to work that job anymore. 

I’d closed down my online shop. I kept it open for downloads, but it became apparent that there was no way I could keep the store stocked. I felt like I’d worked so hard to keep the momentum this fall
,
and it was crashing quickly. Just another reminder of the growing list of things I wouldn’t be able to do for a long time. 

- - -

Thanksgiving was scheduled for whenever Leigh was up to it. The reality was that I wasn’t up to it at all. I didn’t want it to come. Mom was persistent, and I finally agreed to celebrate exactly a week late. I didn’t feel horrible. I didn’t feel great. I didn’t have a huge appetite. I was just there. I woke up Thursday morning and put on my best game face.

“How are you doing with all this craziness?” Dad gestured around my small house.

“Okay.”

“I tried to talk your mom out of it. I guessed it wouldn’t be your favorite holiday to re-
live.” I forgot
how perceptive my father was because he was so quiet.

“It’s okay. She’s very happy.” We both looked at her washing dishes in my kitchen with a smile.

He nodded.

“You’re looking better than I expected.” Dad said quietly as he sat.

“Really?” I nearly laughed. My bald head was enough to throw me for a loop every time I looked in the mirror.

“How are things?”

“Aside from the obvious?” I asked.

“Yes. Aside from the obvious.”

I partially felt like the cancer had taken over our lives, but in ways, all the basics were there. Nathan and I did homework. Brian and I slept next to each other every night. He loved me and took care of me. “Brian is great dad. I’m really, really happy and also really wishing that he didn’t have to do this with me.”

“Its part of being married, Leigh. The ones you love have to see you at your worst and do it with you. But you have to remember how good it feels to serve someone like Brian is serving you right now. You’ll have years and years to return the favor.”

“I hope so.” I hadn’t meant to let that slip out.

He reached out and one of hands in both of his. “You will.” He meant it. “How was your week in Seattle? I never did get to ask you about that.”

I bit my lower lip, trying to decide whether to say anything or not.

“That bad, huh?” He smiled.

“No, it’s not that. We didn’t go to Seattle.”

His brows rose in surprise. I figured mom would have mentioned it. Maybe she didn’t want to tell my dad that Brian and I couldn’t make it that far.

“We went to Portland to see Joseph.”

His face turned to stone for a moment and then softened. My dad was impossible to read. “How did it go?”

“Well, I met his wife and their two kids. Joseph and I talked for a short while together and then we came home. It’s what I wanted.”