Legacy (8 page)

Chapter Seventeen

Gabrielle must have really trusted Max as she had given him the task of securing their first home. Despite this anxiety surfaced every now and then as she wondered what kind of home she would be met with. She began to fear that perhaps Max was a typical man after all and he might truly surprise her, surprise her in the wrong way.

She reassured herself that she shouldn't be too apprehensive though, after all she had prepared Max as best she could. Long before Max had begun searching for a flat; Gabrielle had given him a list of the areas where he was permitted to flat hunt. She had spent countless days quizzing him on the said list, making him recite
her
choices over and over. To Gabrielle's shame she had even insisted that he memorised it. By the time he went house hunting he knew the list so well that it would be impossible for him to choose the wrong area. If nothing else Gabrielle knew the location would be okay, yet that was all she could be sure off.

This house or flat would be a rental and chosen by men, Max had enlisted the aid of his accountancy friends who had a good knowledge of the city. Gabrielle fretted that those he had enlisted, wouldn't have the gumption be concerned with whether or not their new home would be aesthetically pleasing. She knew they would simply be concerned with areas. Another niggle of trepidation struck her as she imagined outside toilets, electric fires and damp walls.

They planned to rent for six months whilst they arranged their first step onto the property ladder. The engagement and wedding had occurred so quickly that they didn't have time to look for something permanent. But they were young and had no ties and a rental meant that they would have six months to find something they really loved.

Frustratingly as their return train approached Belfast Max had still given nothing away. He didn't offer a solitary clue as to where they would be living; he just kept smirking and saying “nearly there”. Never one for surprises Gabrielle was getting increasingly infuriated.

In the taxi from central station she paid close attention to the road they took, scrutinising the drivers every turn. As they went through the city centre, relief flooded through her, the route the driver was taking confirmed that they were going in the direction of south Belfast. Evidently Max had been a good student, he had memorised her list well. By choosing south Belfast he had proved that he knew the theory behind her location test. Where they would stop would prove that he knew how to put this theory into practice. Slowly but surely they reached Bradbury place, the junction at the top would dictate the location of the world's best keep secret more accurately. If the taxi veered right, then they would be living somewhere in and around the Lisburn road, if it turned left they would be living in the Stranmillis or Malone area. She hoped it would go left, her mind screamed at the driver,
left, left, left.

As if the driver had heard her, he indicated and went left. Now the location was easier to deduce. She knew that they would either be living in Stranmillis or Malone. Gabrielle would have been happy with either location, but her preference was undoubtedly Malone. She began a further chant in her head,
Malone, Malone, Malone.

The Malone road was one of south Belfast's jewels, glittering bright against the granite drabness of the cities grey terraced streets. In Malone, the avenues were wide and lined with row upon row of leafy trees, the houses were sprawling and grand. If Max had even secured an outhouse on the Malone Road Gabrielle would be ecstatic.

She sat up a bit straighter, her alertness at epic levels, as the taxi came to University Road, straight ahead was the Malone road and she was now sure that was where they were going. She quivered with excitement. She was already planning boasting to her friends about their new house and its grand location. Internally she was rehearsing saying “I live in the Malone area”, “that would be just off Malone, dear” in an affected voice.

“Thanks so much Max!” Gabrielle exclaimed rather prematurely yet her new knowledge was making it too difficult to remain silent.

He looked at her questioningly, Gabrielle assumed that look meant he was peeved that she had guessed his great surprise; well the best part of the surprise at any rate.

After a while he responded, “I worried that you wouldn't like it,” he was visibly relieved

“Not like it? Well it was on the list” she reassured him. “Malone was actually the place I wanted most, there was a reason why I put it at number one,” she smiled, positively glowing with delight.

Before she could say anymore the taxi stopped, confused she looked to Max then out the window. They hadn't quite reached the Malone road. Certainly they had travelled in the right direction but for reasons unbeknownst to her, they had stopped on the University road. The driver turned to them to ask further directions she assumed he was lost (there could be no other reason for him to stop here). Yet it wasn't a question he asked it was more of a statement,

“That'll be £1, mate,” he said to Max.

Max reached into his jacket, fished out his wallet and paid the driver. As the driver went on to help offload their bags Gabrielle struggled to pick her jaw up from the ground. She failed and her mouth hung open gormlessly.

She looked at the scene that confronted her; a grim row of dark terraces, all three stories high and dark, so very dark. Paint peeled off the windows and the doors. Each door held rows of letter boxes, suggesting multiple occupants. The only description her mind conjured up for this grimy row of houses was dingy.

The houses on the University Road, whilst in a perfectly good area, had been subdivided many years ago to provide flats and bedsits to the students of the university opposite. These houses weren't reputed to have been in even adequate conditions, tolerable would be the best one could hope for here. The flats that this road offered were aimed at students, students who wanted cheap and functional accommodation close to their studies. She was not a student nor did she want cheap and functional. Someday she wouldn't have a choice.

The taxi pulled off and Max grinned at her.
He won't be grinning much longer
she thought, wait until I get him indoors. On gauging her reaction, the daggers her eyes were shooting at him, his stupid grin withered, he even had the audacity to look surprised.

“You said five minutes ago that this was where you wanted,” he attempted, “five minutes ago.”

“Malone Max, I said Malone,” she sulked,

“Just wait until we get inside,” he said noticing that they were attracting attention.

Not to be perturbed she continued,

“I am a married woman Max, I am NOT a student and I am NOT setting foot in any of these, these hesitating she searched for a word to portray her disgust, on finding it she shouted “slums.”

Before she could protest any further Max grabbed her and slung her over his shoulder, she thumped and thumped at his back yelling,

“Put me down, put me down.”

He disregarded all her screams and assaults on his poor back and continued towards one of the houses. He fumbled in his pocket with his free hand and extracted a key. All the while Gabrielle was still kicking and thumping, now with even more might.

He ignored her protests and carried her up a flight of stairs, opened a flat door, deposited her in and left.

“I'm just going to get our bags,” he said from outside the door and his footsteps retreated. She could visualise his broad shoulders slumped and his head hung in defeat. She was glad.

Now that she was on solid ground and alone, she took the opportunity to appraise her surroundings.

The small hallway she had been deposited in had three doors, she tried the one directly opposite her and found that it led to a large living room styled in browns and creams and furnished impeccably. A door leading off the living room led to a small compact kitchen, it was gleaming, so much so, that her mother would have been proud. Again it was styled in a contemporary pattern; the brown and cream theme continued, only here it was interjected with a splash of vibrant orange. She was ashamed to say it was beautiful. Had she been looking for a flat she would have chosen this too.

She could hear Max making his way up the stairs, so she didn't get to continue her inspection instead she sat on the sofa and pretended to still be annoyed. Yes the place was beautiful and yes she was impressed by his choice, but ultimately he had not complied with her list. He may have selected a rental in south Belfast, but he had strayed from her choices. For that reason she would let him stew. She obviously didn't let him stew for too long though, as two weeks later she discovered she was pregnant.

Chapter Eighteen

Max was overjoyed with the news that Gabrielle was expecting. Fatherhood was something he had always dreamed off, he loved children and wanted a large family. He clearly imagined a Walton style home filled with children, noise and oozing with family values. Within just one day of discovering that Gabrielle was pregnant, he was already planning how this child would be raised, even going so far as researching schools. Gabrielle considered his jubilation as ridiculous, it was wasted on her.

She just could not comprehend how she had been foolish enough to fall pregnant. She hadn't got a single maternal bone in her body. She had hoped that one day this would change, but for now aged 24, the thought of having a child was repugnant.

Every time she thought of her predicament, she was assailed with flashbacks of the traumatic day during training, when she witnessed the horror of childbirth first hand. That scene was just as grotesque to her now as it was at the time. She hated the very thought of being transformed into an uncouth, sweaty and bloated mess, displaying her bits to an army of staff.

She had never left Max under any illusions. He knew she had grown up surrounded by children, he knew all about her “ordeal” during training. He had found the tales of her experiences hilarious, telling her that as she got older her feelings would change. Max only had to look at a child to be reduced to gloop. However as far as Gabrielle was concerned, unless he was completely stupid, he should have known that children were unlikely to be part of the deal.

With a nervous disquiet, she watched his growing excitement at his impending fatherhood. She genuinely feared he would explode. She became increasingly suspicious that this was what he had hoped for all along. Evidently, he had thought that someday she would awaken and her fictional biological clock would begin to tick, and she would suddenly declare that she wanted a family.

When Gabrielle's doctor confirmed that she was indeed pregnant, to say she was not amused would be an understatement.

Many of the girls she knew when faced with similar quandaries, had taken it upon themselves to rectify their mistake. They had travelled across to England and aborted their unborn children. Gabrielle may have been a modern girl, but abortion was not an avenue she would ever contemplate exploring. They had just had their marriage blessed by the Catholic Church, and the combination of the morals she had been brought up with, and a sprinkling of Catholic guilt prevented her from even considering abortion. Life was precious and if she was forced to give it, then she would. She would just have to adjust to her pregnancy and prepare for it. On the plus side, at least she was married, they were financially secure and going by Max's reaction she would have a supportive husband.

Gabrielle began reading up on pregnancy and wishing she had paid more attention to the countless lectures on gestation during training. She researched every aspect of pregnancy she could and along the way something very peculiar occurred. She began to look forward to having her baby. She would watch other mothers wheeling their prams, loiter at the baby sections in shops and mull names over in her mind. A mere two months into the pregnancy she had already selected her favourite names for baby boys and girls.

Work posed a dilemma as the pregnancy progressed. In the seventies not many women worked when they had children and she hoped by raising the issue of her pregnancy that they would allow her to continue. She had worked hard to qualify and loved her job, she had planned a career and times were changing. She could see no reason why having a child should interrupt anyone's career.

Max wanted Gabrielle to give up work, yet she stalwartly refused. She had a profession and would not see it end because of a child. She would certainly reduce her hours but she would not stop nursing. Anyway she would only ever have the one child; Max's dream would stay just that, as in future Gabrielle would be even more meticulous with contraception.

The pregnancy flew in and before she knew it her slim figure was obscured by her bulging stomach. None of her usual clothes fitted and for anyone she hadn't yet told it wouldn't be hard for them to guess her predicament.

When she was seven months gone, she was finishing up a shift after a long day on the ward, preparing her report for the handover. Pregnancy was taking its toll and weariness was sweeping through her bones. She rubbed her face and concentrated on staying awake. The cleaner who came daily at this time, emptied the bin and as usual ignored her. This cleaner had once been an affable, chatty woman but over the course of time she became more and more distant. She would slam Gabrielle's bin on the ground after emptying it and bang the door on her way out of the office. Gabrielle only saw her at the end of her shifts so she wasn't overly concerned with the woman's obvious dislike. This particular day rather than make her customary hasty retreat, the cleaner seemed to hover in the office. Gabrielle looked up, curious as to what the woman was doing. She was staring at her. Smiling at her unsurely, Gabrielle put her head back down and continued with her report,

“How dare you,” the cleaner hissed,

“Pardon?” Gabrielle asked, utterly bemused.

“How dare you bring another black bastard into the world,” she sneered.

Obviously feeling she had made her point, she lifted her bin bag and made to leave. This time she achieved the impossible and slammed the door with even more aplomb than ever before.

Gabrielle was shaken to the core. Revolted, she ran from the office and made it just in time to the bathroom, where she wretched and wretched. The cause of the cleaners growing dislike was now clear.

A colleague found her and between tears Gabrielle recounted the incident to her. She repeated over and over,

“It's just a baby, how can people hate it?”

In the hours immediately after, Gabrielle was shaken by a growing sense of unease, what kind of a world was she bringing her child into. Fear for her unborn child permeated her terrified mind; she would have to be more than a mother. She would have to become a protector too, shielding this child from the hatred that this world was obviously infested with.

When Max returned home from work, she had composed herself. She didn't mention the incident, deciding that he did not need be hurt too. There was nothing to be gained by letting that woman's spiteful remarks upset him as well. In a sense Gabrielle became not only the protector of her child, but also her husband. If this was to be her new role then she would step up to the mark, for it was a small price to pay for the privilege of having her beloved family.

When Gabrielle returned to work the following day, the cleaner was not there. It didn't matter though, the damage was done. Yet the woman had instigated the realisation, acceptance even of her new role for that at least she was grateful.